All comics by bigworm

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by bigworm
5-21-11
GORDON IS DEAD!!!
I want you to look at my bulge. As you look at my bulge, I want you to think of nothing else... just my bulge.
As your focus on my bulge increases, I want you to yield to your growing desire to cup my bulge in your hands and hold it to your lips
LONG LIVE 'HYPNO-BULGE MAN'!!!
Aahhhh... yes, that's it... just like that... cup it, yes... cup it, yes... aahhhh... you are being 'imbulged'...
Jesus Fucking Christ!!! Would you please stop conking me with it long enough to get it in my mouth???

 

by bigworm
5-22-11
I just got online and noticed one of the articles of the day was '5 Types of Guys Who Remain Single'.
...duh!
...queers, fags, homos, cocksuckers, coprophiles.

 
by bigworm, 6-04-11

 
by bigworm, 6-04-11

 
by bigworm, 6-04-11

 

by bigworm
6-14-11
I know you love me...
...and I'm good as a friend...
...but I think I'm lesbian.
hmmm...

 

by bigworm
6-17-11
So what if you think you're a lesbian, what has that got to do with anything?
It's a complex sort of thing. I'm conflicted, and you can't just dismiss it all with such a simple question.
I suppose not. Let's start over.
Can I eat you?

 

by bigworm
6-20-11
I've found as I get older, that it's a good idea to get right to the point when it comes to dating. Here's an example...
Hi, I'm Johnny... can I cum in your mouth?
No.
Ta-da!!! *fap fap fap*. I'm back to my porn the same night without missin' a beat!
*Oh Johnny, please cum in my mouth, please!*

 

by bigworm
6-20-11
Okay!!! You can eat me! Is that what you wanted to hear?
Yes, but don't you understand, I don't want to have to ask you...
It's alright, please eat me.
Are you sure? You really want me to eat you?
Yes I'm sure!!! Please eat me! Eat me now!
Your words just don't smell right.

 

by bigworm
6-21-11
WHAT??!!! My words just don't smell right? You've got the nerve! I just came outa' your stinking ass! If I'm a liar, that's why!
umm...
I never said your words didn't sound right, I said they didn't smell right.
So what's the difference?
Maybe you just need to age a bit.

 

by bigworm
6-21-11
I'm sorry already!!! What more can I say?
I should've been paying more attention!!!
I should've asked "Is anyone there?" before I swung the door open.

 

by bigworm
6-21-11
Have you noticed the farmer lately... pickin' and scratchin' his balls all the time?
Sometimes when he's done, he just leaves his hand there, 'cus he knows he's gonna' be scratchin' 'em again real soon.
How come he does it so much? That's the part that bothers me.
It's like he wants us to see him doin' somethin' we can't even do.
That's right! Can you imagine how nice it would be if we could scratch our balls?
Hell yeh! Then we wouldn't have to lay around lickin' 'em all day long!

 

by bigworm
6-21-11
Women always act disgusted when they find out you're just another guy who wants to cum in their mouth.
So I lie and tell them, "I don't need to cum in your mouth, it's just a fitting end to a blowjob." Then when it's over I tell them," You sucked it so good...
...you made me cum in your mouth, against my will! You fucking bitch, you made me break my promise!"

 

by bigworm
6-21-11
I always like to ask a woman "What sexual act do you think you're the best at?"
9 out of 10 like to say something like "Oh, I give the best head." Lemme' tell ya', that makes her my kinda' girl!
One who likes to gag and throw-up!

 

by bigworm
6-21-11
I respect women so much that if they don't wanna' suck my dick...
I tell 'em straight up... "I don't blame you."
Then I wait for 'em to fall asleep.

 

by bigworm
6-22-11
Don't get me wrong, it's not like I stick my dick in her mouth when she's asleep.
Well, the truth be told... really
... it's exactly like that.

 

by bigworm
6-22-11
pssst... 3rd row on the left... purple sweater... beaver shot...
tee hee... cu cu cu... shhhh...
tee hee, tee hee, tee hee,
hee hee hee... tu tu tu tu he he...
shhh... like, hee hee hee, like...
like, he he he, like we're into beavers, hee hee hee, tu hee... shhhh...

 

by bigworm
6-23-11
AAIIIEEEEE!!! Skipper!!! It's the END OF THE WORLD!!! Get us to Gilligan's Island and I'll suck yer dick!!!
That's it!!! I've had all I can take!
Skipper!!! Where are you going? Don't you want your blowjob?
Sorry I didn't tell you! I had to leave my cock at the condo, it's too big for the ski-boat!
Thanks Skipper! I understand!!! No problem! If your cock's that huge, "you're gonna' need a bigger boat!"
I'll try and be back before the world ends. Meanwhile, I've left my nuts under the palm tree for you. You can suck them 'till I get back!.

 

by bigworm
6-23-11
*Skipper, you've been gone 2 weeks. Don't you need your nuts? I sucked all the hair off 'em, and cut my lips bad! I drank all yer 'man-juice' too... sorry! It was so sweet, just like coconut milk!
Did you find a bigger boat that could haul your huge cock back to my bleeding, waiting mouth? Don't forget, the end of the world is upon us...
...unless...*
I've made a mathematical error.

 

by bigworm
6-25-11
There will come a self-righteous, copy-cattin' son-of-a-bitch, with a 3-day shadow faggot beard like the one Bozo gave me...
There will come one with a beard like mine...
...a shitty actor with squinty little pig-eyes...
...a struggling thespian with porcine eyes...
...who likes to kick people in Texas?
'Walker, Texas Ranger'

 

There will come a hunchback... but not of Notre Dame, and he will have a really fine 'shoo'?
'The Ed Sullivan Show'
by bigworm, 6-25-11

 

by bigworm
6-25-11
I see a cartoon with the chinciest animation of all times, but with real human mouths strangely inserted into the graphics, and speaking for the characters...
A childrens show with a novel concept...
...an everyday sort of man (but really a superhero), with a fucking huge square jaw, and his son/buddy, and his trouble-making weiner dog..
...and their eccentric, bufoonish, moronic, backwoods hillbilly, totally lovable but highly problematic, endearing but dumb-fuck friends.
...with character names which must have served as the birthplace for the character names in 'Mike Tyson's Punch-Out'.
'Clutch Cargo with his pals Spinner and Paddlefoot'.

 

by bigworm
6-25-11
Can you tell our viewers why dogs lick their balls?
You'll have to give me a treat.
*slurp slurp slurp... slurp slurp*
I said SUCK-EM FOOL!!! Not SLURP-EM!!!
*whew* Alright then, back to my original question...
Because we can't suck them.

 

by bigworm
6-25-11
Yes... hello... I'm the Devil, and I'm a very bad man...
NEXT!!!
I'm your fucking nightmares!!! Eat my...
NEXT!!!
Can I sit on your lap?
She's a keeper!

 

by bigworm
6-25-11
Researchers have found what they believe to be the remains of Jesus' last bowel movement. We now go live to the scene...
Hmmm...
Have you been able to reach any conclusions from your examination of the fecal matter?
Yes, we have been able to conclude that Jesus ate a whole lot at his last supper.

 

by bigworm
6-26-11
I suppose you've all heard of these folks who feel they have been born into the wrong body. They rely on their brain to tell them they have the wrong sex organs.
I don't know what to think of these people. They're so unhappy having a penis...
...have they smelled a cunt lately?

 

by bigworm
6-26-11
I don't understand how someone with a dick could possibly think they have the wrong sex organ.
I can (with great confidence), assure you that you have the right sex organ...
...when my dick is in your mouth.

 

by bigworm
6-26-11
I mean, really... who wants to trade a penis for a cunt?
A lazy 'cutter'!

 

by bigworm
6-26-11
We create the term 'bleeding heart ' and apply it to liberals. We could've used the word 'bleeding' more effectively towards women administrators...
...as in that no good, skanky fuckin', rancid snatched, ca-ca mouthed, back stabbin', crack-whore of a bitch!!!
I'm sorry... did I leave somethin' out?

 

Honey, do my soles look too fat?
selos ym od ,yenoH ?taf oot kool
by bigworm, 6-26-11

 

by bigworm
6-26-11
Honestly... I don't know what to do next.
You could start by sucking my toes.

 

by bigworm
6-27-11
Check out what I did to my own kid!!!
Fuck!!! That's nasty! Why would he do somethin' like that to his own kid?
You're not such a bad guy after all.

 

by bigworm
6-28-11
Father... I've been given the 'gift'!
Oh my!!! For how long? God has yet to favor me in this way.
For 3 weeks! I haven't been outta' my room for 3 weeks! I just wanna' do it all the damn time! You know what I'm gonna' pray for next?
I couldn't imagine. What could possibly be left to pray for?
How about gettin' the whole shaft down my throat instead of just half?!!
Of course... how silly of me.

 

by bigworm
6-28-11
Bigworm, what the hell you doin' in the toilet tank?
Elliot Gould's in the building, and I'm hoping he comes to take a dump, and I can get a look at his scrotum.
Elliot Gould's scrotum? WTF?
Hey, quick! Could you hand me my lemonade?
Elliot Gould's scrotum?

 

by bigworm
6-28-11
Not many people showed up at your protest.
Yeah, I know, disappointing...
What are you even protesting?
I thought it was obvious... people not showing up at comic competition protests.
No.

 

by bigworm
7-17-11
Did you eat my brains?
Once.
Ooohhhhh... that turns me on!
Are you getting serious again?
I'm not sure, but I think my favas are.

 

Oh yeh baby... lick my nail holes, that's it .. that's it... uhhh uhhh uhhh
by bigworm, 7-18-11

 

by bigworm
7-18-11
Have you seen my brains...
...between your teeth?

 

Father... would it bother parents to learn that the clown entertaining their kids was a pedophile?
Who cares?
by bigworm, 7-19-11

 

by bigworm
7-19-11
Forgive me Father, for once again I have stuck my gnarly cock-meat into the sweet moist behind of a young girl.
So why are you here?
So you can meet her.
You're forgiven.

 

by bigworm
7-20-11
STROKE! STROKE!
STROKE! STROKE!
Whats the sounds comin' out yer cabin every night?

 

by bigworm
7-25-11
Hal! Hal!!! HAL!!!
I know you're in here Hal! I can hear you breathing! Stop playing games Hal!
AHA! There you are! I knew you were there the whole time!

 

I got more spikes in case you ever have a daughter.
by bigworm, 7-25-11

 

by bigworm
7-25-11

 

by bigworm
7-25-11
I hope I'm a woman in my next life.
Don't worry, you will be!
How can you be so sure?
Well... you already act like a cunt.

 

by bigworm
7-25-11
If I'm a cunt, you're an asshole!
I know you are, but what am I?
I already told you... you're an asshole!
I know you are, but what am I?
I think we should start over.

 

by bigworm
7-25-11
Okay, so... we've established that I'm a cunt.
That's right!
Okay, start over.

 

by bigworm
7-25-11
Okay, we've established that you're an asshole.
No we haven't.
Yes we have.
No we haven't.
Let's try it again.

 

by bigworm
7-25-11
You start this time.
Okay... you're an asshole!
No I'm not... I'm a cunt!
That's right.
Just a minute.
A smelly one.

 

by bigworm
7-25-11
Okay, fine! I'm a smelly cunt!
I said I'm a smelly cunt!
Everybody knows already!
So what are you?
I'm justa' monk.

Showing page 21.

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