All comics by Cobb

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by Cobb
12-28-14
you don't appreciate a damned thing i do.
don't do me any favors. your antics put us in such jeopardy.
fine.
good.
you have to admit, though, it was wicked sick.
oh shutup.

 

by Cobb
1-12-15
people sure are making a lot of noise about this french comic book
yes, americans get pretty outraged on free speech issues.
so i just wanted to make sure that you're my nigga
only if you are cool with my new girl saying that too
oh no, not another white girl.
you should see how she twerks

 

by Cobb
1-12-15
ju suis charlie
moi aussi
i'm pretty comfortable on this bandwagon, how about you?
front row seat.
hey i just thought of something. is the 'h' in hebdo silent?
not any more

 

by Cobb
1-12-15
well if those cartoonists were americans they could have defended themselves with guns
french citizens can have guns too
well in the time of crisis, they came up short
so i suppose you're telling me this because..
..suit up boy, go teach those frogs how we do it!
you're really not the boss of me

 

by Cobb
1-12-15
you shouldn't be surprised that obama didn't show up for the solidarity parade in paris
i thought you of all people would be for free speech
well obviously lines have to be drawn
so you're saying..
i'm saying there's a fine line between genuine satire and crude offense
like the fine line between criticizing satire and defending terrorists

 

by Cobb
5-02-17
did you know that only 50% of americans voted in the last election?
no. what about it?
well, obviously we need to do something to get people engaged.
or else we get another trump, right?
exactly. how do we infiltrate the minds of these political slackers?
damn. it's going to be tough. we made weed legal.

 

by Cobb
5-02-17
so did you vote for trump?
why. is he making you uptight?
duh. racist. sexist. homophobic. hateful. stupid.
could you repeat that in a properly punctuated sentence please?
i'm gonna beat your ass.
dude. you know i don't feel pain.

 

by Cobb
5-02-17
liberal fairy, how can we convince people to vote properly next time around?
well, you know i used up most of my magic in 2012.
but all the hate and racism and..
..oh you don't have to tell me. but there are other people in the world you know.
are you trying to say america isn't that important?
cultural relativism, remember?

 

by Cobb
5-02-17
it's weird. i don't think we're going to reverse this trump thing.
i know, right? sometimes it's like talking to a bunch of brick walls.
it's so exasperating. why don't people listen when we speak up?
it's like. i dunno. i feel like an ignored minority.
oh do you?
now, now. let's not lose our solidarity.

 

by Cobb
5-02-17
so i hear you're on a mission to dump trump.
yeah but we already used that slogan.
what about orange cheeto, or..
we've pretty much run out of names to call him.
i guess it's time for sticks and stones.
can i get a license for sticks in california?

 

by Cobb
5-02-17
it has been a while since you've summoned me sir
you are returned to active duty. we're working for trump now.
i enjoyed working for w. but what is trump's agenda?
i'm getting mixed signals, but in the meantime i need you to get warmed up.
what do you have in mind?
oh maybe a false flag or two.

 

by Cobb
5-02-17
before i go out and cause chaos, well i had a personal question.
shoot.
are you still as hateful against mankind as you were when you worked for the cia?
shoot.
are you listening or do you want me to just...
shoot.

 

by Cobb
5-02-17
you seem to have forgotten that it was you who worked for the cia, not i.
yeah but you inspired me to..
i was merely a hateful animal. you adopted me and used my wrath to justify your illegal and criminal violence.
are you sure, because i..
i'm just an ordinary caged bird.
then why does your voice sound exactly like dick cheney?

 

by Cobb
5-02-17
ok, so you're a black male conservative, what do you think about trump?
wow. i'm actually surprised you asked.
what? because i'm a woman? are you saying i'm racist for asking?
no, i uh.
typical.
ok. that's familiar.

 

by Cobb
5-02-17
so would you say it was comey or russia that cost hillary clinton the election?
that depends on how much of comey's information came from russia.
wait. are you saying that the fbi has contacts in putin's government?
of course not. the fbi only operates domestically.
so how..
sanders, via soros.

 

by Cobb
5-02-17
wait. so you're saying that george soros has contacts in russia that passed information to him...
yes that he passed to bernie sanders
and sanders leaked it to the fbi
it says it right here at zerohedge.
on the internet, nobody knows you're an idiot.
the russians know.

 

so do you want to hear a good dick joke?
only if it's political.
by Cobb, 5-02-17

 

by Cobb
5-02-17
so what's your story?
i'm the new secretary of chaos for the trump administration.
secretary of chaos. are you serious?
no. i'm random. that's the point. my job is to keep everybody guessing while the real agenda moves forward.
the real agenda?
so do you want to hear a good dick joke?

 

by Cobb
5-02-17
how on earth did trump create a cabinet level secretary of chaos? is that even constitutional?
technically speaking, i'm the choas czar. presidents can create czars without congressional approval.
and you're funded how?
ahahhahahha
really?
ahahahhhhaha!

 

by Cobb
5-03-17
the new york times is now saying that pressure was put on the fbi by the attorney general to protect hillary clinton.
lynch owed soros a favor.
but you said soros leaked to sanders. i thought soros liked clinton.
he did. he was just trying to set sanders up by routing negative info about clinton through him.
but sanders didn't..
right. the fbi hacked sanders. keep up, dude.

 

by Cobb
5-03-17
ok i think i get it. the fbi hacked sanders and found information about hillary clinton.
yes. that she had used an insecure email server that could be hacked.
but if the fbi hacked sanders, then surely they could have hacked clinton.
just like the russians did.
but if everybody is hackable by the russians and the fbi...
yes.

 

by Cobb
5-03-17
i don't understand that if the fbi and the russians and god only knows who else can hack hillary clinton's emails...
everything is hackable. you can't trust anything stored in a computer.
yeah but only a few people get in trouble for being hacked.
it's why we in the trump administration use contradictory simple minded tweets.
why?
we're establishing a pattern.

 

by Cobb
5-03-17
the pattern is that all trump's enemies think he's stupid, and all trump supporters don't care.
so you tweet contradictory nonsense every day.
to get ahead of the news cycle and get every reaction from every opposing side.
i don't see how that helps.
we only promised five things. four years is a long time to actually shutup and work.
i see you don't tweet his golf scores.

 

by Cobb
5-04-17
why the long face?
i just realized the horrible fact that i'm going to get sick and die.
uh.
and all people will care about is how much it costs the system.
ahh. you've been watching c-span again.
i wonder if i can get disability.

 

by Cobb
12-31-19
i am reassigning you to observe the american embassy in iraq
does this mean i'm out of the nsa and back to the cia?
no you are now in the space force, temporarily seconded to centcom
confusing, but ok. this means i surveil the situation from space?
codename cybertruck
oh shit, you got elon!

 

by Cobb
12-31-19
so i'm back on active duty. promoted to the space force.
yeah i know, you'll be infiltrating spacex and hacking into their next satellite in order to monitor the escalating situation in iraq.
how did you know all that?
a little bird told me.
have you hacked trump's twitter account?
need to know basis. you don't need to know.

 

by Cobb
12-31-19
ok, now increase the budget for the spacex dragon capsule
i can't believe you got me this level of access.
don't worry how i manage it. just hack the damned system.
so where do i get the funds to balance this budget?
cybertruck pre-payments.
well that's only...holy shit! who knew?

 

by Cobb
12-31-19
..and here it says that an unnamed source said the us military is buying 50,000 special cybertrucks at 200k a pop
what the? that's 10 billion. why do we need humvees? it makes no sense. are we having another land war in asia?
who knows? but it at least means that truck will be a reality.
focus on the problem here. congress never said anything about this. where did the money come from?
as the liberal fairy, i have to say that's quite an unusual wish.
i swear. i work for bernie sanders, and i'll be giving them away to the poor.

 

by Cobb
12-31-19
If bernie sanders were a true socialist, he would run as a socialist party candidate. Instead, he is a top down socialist which is an oxymoron, or a stalinist.
that sounds very clever but who cares? as long as he's a socialist.
you don't get it do you?
capitalism sucks. i have a right to vote for who i like. it's free speech.
frustrated much?

 

by Cobb
12-31-19
..and then he goes on about somebody named stalin. i guess i don't get it.
ah. stalin was an evil white heterosexual male who ran the patriarchy..
oh dear.
..of the soviet union.
so he was a socialist, right?
i give up

 

by Cobb
12-31-19
it has been a while. I thought i'd check up on people. how are you doing now going into a new decade?
i'm healthy, i'm married. i got a good job. it's kind of nice.
cool. so being gay and hispanic and hiv positive isn't much of a problem..
it's all under control. it's not problematic.
you know i hate that word.
I don't think you're allowed to.

 

by Cobb
12-31-19
just checking in. are you still trump's czar of chaos?
yes. things are going great. i can't believe my luck.
that you haven't been indicted?
c'mon man. i'm deep state now. nobody even knows my name.
ya know..I've known you for years and I still...
It's Covfefe. William Lincoln Covfefe.

 

by Cobb
12-31-19
William Lincoln Covfefe? seriously, that's your name?
you can call me Willie. I mean, we do go way back.
yeah so, uh, what's next from trump's department of chaos?
did I tell you that I created the wheel of fortune tariff dartboard?
no, actually we haven't talked in...
I have seen the attorney general naked.

 

by Cobb
12-31-19
long time no see.
yes. i've been keeping a low profile.
i didn't think you were afraid of being an arab in america.
i'm not. remember the dating advice you gave me? it worked. too well.
oh? so babes are crawling all over you?
ahh. finally someone who understands.

 

by Cobb
12-31-19
so what dating advice did i give that worked so well?
well, you said to get rid of the yellow pants..
but you're wearing them now. the same ones from 5 years ago.
yes i know. that's part of my disguise. remember i'm staying low key.
yeah, no. I still don't get it.
the beard, man. it's the beard.

 

by Cobb
12-31-19
beards are so hip now. and if i take off my turban, well my hair is very long.
and this is what turns women on?
well, i do know a lot about coffee. and i did buy skinny jeans.
so when you go out, people mistake you for a hipster.
i'm wearing long sleeves to cover up my tattoos as well.
i've created a monster.

 

by Cobb
12-31-19
i can't take it any more. i didn't realize there were so many shallow women who just go for my appearance.
world's smallest violin, dude.
this means what?
it means sorry, not sorry.
but my phone is blowing up off the hook. i never should have listed on grindr.
uh..we need to talk.

 

by Cobb
12-31-19
so are you answering any of these requests?
oh no. i am very happy with my one girlfriend.
i see. so why did you not simply erase that dating app?
you know. insurance.
haha. insurance! you'd be in good hands alright.
i must admit, some of these girl's names are not very attractive.

 

by Cobb
1-01-20
so it's 2020
yep.
so do we still have a long way to go?
what do you mean, we?
you know, blacks in america
is this about my white boyfriend?

 

by Cobb
1-01-20
let me reset. you know I'm republican and you're a democrat.
you mean I'm reasonable and you're an idiot.
no. yes. i mean but we're both still black.
if you're black, then i don't know what i am.
well, that possibility always existed. by the way, how is chad?
fuck off.

 

by Cobb
1-01-20
i'm realizing a pattern here. you really only care about me when you are feeling insecure about your own blackness.
how? what? where is this coming from?
i haven't seen you in years and the first thing you talk about is racial.
ok maybe.
just maybe?
look. i didn't make all the characters at this comic strip. there's just you and me.

 

by Cobb
1-01-20
look. just because we are the only two black characters in this comic strip doesn't mean we have to talk about race.
but the audience expects us to. how else are we going to get clicks?
hmm. i see your point. maybe our author has no imagination.
well, give cobb some credit. maybe he's doing it out of social obligation.
you're only saying that because you're a male.
oh, here we go.

 

by Cobb
1-01-20
don't be dismissive when i talk about gender dynamics
fine.
oh now you're going to patronize me?
good.
i see once again, that we really don't have a lot in common.
same shit, different year.

 

by Cobb
1-02-20
so what's new?
a black muslim sudanese teen helped a white police officer catch a man who assaulted an orthodox jewish woman.
i see.
what do you think of that?
where and when did this happen?
i don't know, but i really wish they would have included sexual preferences and preferred pronouns.

 

by Cobb
1-02-20
you're kidding me right?
i wish i was. you see i don't have all of the progressive dimensions.
the progressive dimensions?
race, color, creed, gender, preferred pronouns, sexual preference, religion and ethnicity.
you're kidding me right?
look, if i don't have at least three of these i get no clicks.

 

by Cobb
1-02-20
wait. what's the difference between race and color?
oh, you know like 'swarthy italian' or 'light skinned black' or 'blonde german'.
jeez. what about creed and religion?
that would be 'conservative christian' or 'anti-vaxxer mormon'
what about just 'american'?
yeah, like that means anything.

 

by Cobb
1-02-20
why do you use the progressive dimensions? i mean why don't you..
i know where you're going. but i don't make the rules...
you know where i'm going with this?
sure. you're a black male republican..
nevermind.
..impatient..

 

by Cobb
1-02-20
how long have we been imprisoned in orbit around this stupid filthy planet?
that would be about 17 circuits of their miserable sun
damn. i thought the last few circuits in stasis would calm me down.
not again. are you still hung up on..
anal probes!
(sigh). i'll warm up the gravity ray.

 

by Cobb
1-02-20
(ahem) allow me to introduce myself. i am the liberal fairy, earth representative.
hmm. i've never seen you before.
well i am supernatural.
i guess that's how you entered our ship. what do you want?
i am authorized to tell you that according to the council of supernatural creatures, the pair of you aliens must leave earth orbit.
there's got to be a catch.

 

by Cobb
1-02-20
well, you're not exactly free..
i knew it
you are just going to have to move your orbit to mars and leave the earthlings alone.
i am suddenly reminded of a john wayne movie.
that's right pilgrim. there's not enough room for both of us in this here orbit.
tell me something. does a fairy have an anus?

Showing page 22.

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