All comics by UnknownEric

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by UnknownEric
6-04-12
CARTHAGO DELENDA EST!!!
Sorry, I mean STRIKE THREE!
Et tu, Brute?

 

by UnknownEric
8-27-12
I'm not voting for Obama because he's a Muslim who wants to take our guns away and hand over control the UN!
Funny that, I'm not voting for Romney because he's an alien from the planet Fudor who once had an affair with a half-pound of sliced ham.
He also strangles monkeys by the roadside to get an erection, favors killing people whose last names begin with Q, and voted to abolish breathing.
And don't even get me started on his war against hamsters...

 

by UnknownEric
11-19-12
Antinous!
Hadrian!
The Nile!

 

by UnknownEric
5-30-13
Uhh, yeah, I was wondering if you serve snakes in this establishment?
Snakes? Well... I guess... if they're well behaved.
Great! And one more question, do you bake your own buns here?
Oh, we don't have any buns.
Well, my anaconda don't want none unless you got buns, hon.
Oh snap, you went there.

 

by UnknownEric
8-10-13
So, how is the new curriculum turning out?
Oh, it's fantastic. We figured out a way to make learning more exciting for the children.
We partnered with Nickelodeon to bring kids' favorite characters off the screen and into their classroom!
Okay, students... what does "this plus that" equal?
SAM AND CAT!

 

by UnknownEric
11-16-13
My dog has no tongue.
How does he taste?
You sick son-of-a-bitch.

 

by UnknownEric
5-02-14
Good morning, Jeff... I called you in here to talk about your job performance.
What's wrong with my job performance?
Jeff, the last film you pitched to us was Spermbob Stickypants.
SPERM. BOB. STICKY. PANTS.

 

by UnknownEric
5-16-14
PRO. CRE. ATE.
E. JAC. U. LATE.
IN. SEM. I. NATE.

 

by UnknownEric
7-30-14
God, I hate it when TOBORs DO that...
Excuse me, NOT ALL TOBORs.
Okay, yes all TOBORs.
RAAARRRRR!

 

by UnknownEric
8-04-14
And now a word from Richard Dawkins...
Hello. You may have noticed that my words about rape on Twitter caused a halestorm.
Because it can't possibly be ME that was wrong, I've decided it's because I didn't rank various rapes enough.
So welcome to Richard Dawkins' Top 40 Worst Forms of Rape!
Coming in at number 40 is Rape By Emu.
Moving up a few notches to 39 is Rape By A Dog Dressed as a Hot Dog.

 

by UnknownEric
8-08-14
Okay students, it's time to pick roles for our class play of "Great Composers"
Oooh, I'll be Beethoven!
I'll be Mozart.
Ah'll be Bach.

 

by UnknownEric
9-03-14
Hey! What're you Haydn there?
Bach off!
It looks like some sort of Liszt...
You can't Handel it!!!

 

by UnknownEric
4-13-15
Hey, I love that song *shamon*. What's it called? *oooh*
Why, it's just a simple dance in A minor.
In A minor?!? That's my favorite.
You like that key?
What's a key?

 

by UnknownEric
4-15-15
Oh god, the bombs are falling! We're going to die!
Don't worry, Batman'll be here soon.
Wait, what?
Bitch, I have an armful of Hostess Apple Pies. He can't resist that shit.
Oh god, I'm going to die.
Haters gon' hate.

 

by UnknownEric
8-06-16
Dorothy! Dorothy! Toto's been KIDNAPPED!
Oh no, I have to get help!
Casey Kasem, where is Toto?
Toto is up 6 notches to number 24 with their hit "Rosanna."
Ooh, and how's Journey doing?
First, a Long Distance Dedication...

 

by UnknownEric
11-09-16
In just a moment, we're going to pull the curtain back on the person manipulating 2016.
It's generally been a shitty year, and we've discovered why. It's...
...the Ghost of Caligula!
And then I grabbed my horse by the pussy!

 

by UnknownEric
11-15-16
Look at this wall! It's yuge! We did it and we did it bigly!
I mean, what do you think of that, Mike? Isn't it beautiful.
Nobody could build a wall like this the way I can.
Were you talking? I was masturbating while thinking about banning abortion.

 

by UnknownEric
2-03-17
And now, we go to Sally McMann with her views on the Bowling Green Massacre.
Thanks, Brent.
It may not be a popular view, but I believe we brought this on ourselves.
We never should have taken the skinheads bowling, taken them bowling.

 

And to sum up today's lesson, kids, never trust a big butt and a smile. Any questions?
by UnknownEric, 2-08-17

 

by UnknownEric
2-25-17
You know, all you did was make it hard for him to poop.
It was worth it.

 

...and there was no job
BUH-CAW?
by UnknownEric, 7-29-17

 

by UnknownEric
12-06-17
My dad is so smart.
I bet he's thinking about something really important right now.
Like the economy, or philosophy, or...
That leaf looks like a vagina.

 

by UnknownEric
12-12-17
I really should have used fast travel.

 

by UnknownEric
12-14-17
Giddy up, jingle whores, pick up your feet...

 

by UnknownEric
2-04-18
Touch you once
Touch you twice
Won't let go at any price
Dammit, man, get your hand out of your pants!

 

by UnknownEric
4-04-18
I AM FEAR!!!
I AM THE NIGHT!!!
GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAL!!!!

 

by UnknownEric
5-01-18
Wow, this year's booth fair was spectacular. You had every kind of booth! Photo booth...
Everyone loves a photo booth.
...kissing booth...
Who doesn't like a good kiss?
...John Wilkes Booth...
Admittedly, that one was a shot in the dark.

 

Speak for yourself, I'm getting fisted!
by UnknownEric, 5-16-18

 

by UnknownEric
5-29-18
All I wanna do when I wake up in the mornin' is feel your tight... vagina, vagina
I never thought that a girl like you would have such a tight... vagi-na-yuh
ALL I WANNA DO IN THE MIDDLE OF THE EVENIN' IS FUCK YOUR TIGHT... VAGINA, VAGINA...

 

by UnknownEric
6-07-18
Duh-duh-duh... duh-duh-duh...
Oh let the cum beat down upon my face
do-do-do-do-do-do-do-dooooooo
Clouds of spermy dreams

 

by UnknownEric
6-27-18
Homestar Runner... LOLcats... Zero Wing...
The near worldwide resurgence of fascism.
Yeah, okay, the Internet was a huge fucking mistake.
Huge.

 

by UnknownEric
7-09-18
So as I said, there are always multiple sides to every story.
So what's the best option?
Sue a side!

 

And this is my new single, "I Forgot To Remember To Nevar Forget."
by UnknownEric, 9-11-18

 

by UnknownEric
1-16-19
What's this?
I don't know. Some bullshit.
I'm not gonna try it. You try it.
Let's give it to Mikey, he won't eat it, he hates everything.
Here Mikey, eat this!
Eat my balls.

 

by UnknownEric
2-28-19
One time I was in the capital city of Turkey and got my wallet stolen.
Man, that was Istanbulshit.

 

I have a steady boyfriend but I need cock now!
Call Unknown Eric! 877-COCK-NOW!
by UnknownEric, 5-10-19

 

by UnknownEric
5-21-19
Gonna make some sweet brown / flush it down
I got the night shits.
(ohhhh, got the night shits)

 

by UnknownEric
5-21-19
BOP IT!
bop
TWIST IT!
twist
BREXIT!
shoots off own foot

 

by UnknownEric
7-30-19
Doc put my nuts in a box
I like to eat socks
I'll go 1-8-7 on a muthafuckin' fox

 

Nailed it!
by UnknownEric, 3-01-20

 

by UnknownEric
3-06-20
Knock knock
Who is it?
Little River Band Witnesses.
Littl... what???
HAVE you heard about the lonesome loser?

 

by UnknownEric
5-05-20
Sadie! I haven't seen you since high school! How's you been?
Things have been good, real good.
How about your twin brother?
Well, Jerry's become obsessed with writing erotic Liv and Maddie fan fiction...
Diggie had never done THAT to her before. As she reached climax, Maddie couldn't help but exclaim, "BAM! WHUT?"

 

by UnknownEric
6-06-20
Standing on a corner in Winslow, Arizona / such a funny sight to see
It's a boy, ma Lord / and he's a male whore
Slowin' down to call me Lady G.

 

by UnknownEric
2-24-22
Jim, I have to tell you something that's going to be hard for you to hear.
CAN YOU SPEAK UP?

 

by UnknownEric
8-11-23
The Default Asian Girls Became Liquor Salespeople...
Sake, sake, five dollars!
Men Everywhere Still Ogle Phreaky's Boobs
Nice pair!
Yes, I picked it mysel... oh WAIT A MINUTE...
TOBOR sadly became impotent
TOBOR shall never cornhole again...raar...

 

by UnknownEric
12-15-23
Oh shit, somebody stole my car.
Oh shit, somebody "stole" my wife.
Oh shit, somebody stole my joie de vivre.

Showing page 22.

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