All comics by niteowl

Profile

 

by niteowl
4-21-05
Hello Kajun.
Aye. *gurgle gurgle*
I'm here to kill you.
Aye?
I love killing drunk people. There's so much alcohol coarsing through their veins that instead of just bleeding, they catch fire when you shoot 'em.
AYE!

 

by niteowl
4-21-05
Hello chicka. I'm here to kill you.
Yeah right. Here's a quarter, call someone who cares.
Now I see why they call you attitudechicka.
Nice gun. I'm gonna go out on a limb and guess you got that at the Everything's $1 store.
Perhaps, but it's the perfect thing for adjusting attitudes. Eat lead.
That is so weak. You call yourself a killer? Wuss.

 

by niteowl
4-21-05
Well, well. If it isn't dcomposed...
Hey nigger homo.
I'm no nigger. I'm not gay either. I'm a murderer. And you can consider yourself dead.
I'm already dead, fool.
Dongs.

 

by niteowl
4-21-05
*BANG* *ricochet*
Hello Spankling. Goodbye Spankling.
Ha!
*BANG* *ricochet*
Shit.
Hahaha! What a poor shot you are!
*BANG* *BANG* *BANG* *BANG* *BANG*
Never aim for the chest...aim for the head...
At least the nipple clamps deflected the first two shots.

 

by niteowl
4-21-05
Good afternoon, choad.
So you're here to kill me, right?
That is correct.
Go ahead, I'm not scared. The idiots in this office have been killing me for years anyways.
Now I feel really bad. Psychopathic murderers shouldn't feel bad.
Hey, wanna take care of the chubby girl in the purple outfit on your way out?

 

by niteowl
4-21-05
Hello Brad.
I heard that you're killing off the members of Stripcreator and I don't like it. You're not going to kill me, are you?
Of course not. We need you to continue running Stripcreator. You'll just be working for us now, for SC will be the home base for our band of extremists bent on taking over the world.
Take over the world? Shit, I don't want to be involved in anything like that.
A bit of advice, Brad: Don't ask questions. Just do as you're told.
Contrary to the comics that have been made about me, I do not go down on guys. Just FYI.

 

by niteowl
4-21-05
Look who we got here...the infamous MikeyG.
Go fuck yourself with a lead pipe, you festering boil on a witch's twat.
It's too bad I have to kill you. With a mouth like that, you could really help our cause and our goals.
Speaking of mouths, why don't you warm yours up by gobbling on my knob for a while?
I really hate to do this.
Fucking pussy.

 

by niteowl
4-21-05
Hello niteowl. Prepare to die.
Ok, what did I do now?
You make too many political strips, too many strips degrading pop stars and God. There's too much sarcasm in your so-called work.
Fuck 'em if they can't take a joke, that's my motto. You do realize I'm making this series, right?
You can, and will be, replaced.

 

by niteowl
4-21-05
Mr. Kaufman, how are you?
I'm gonna die right?
Yes. Die.
When choosing the dye, though, make sure I'm a blonde.
Huh?
Blondes have more pun.

 

by niteowl
4-21-05
Meanwhile, back at the gangster's hideout...
How is Phase one of the plan going?
Good, sir. Pretty soon, there will no one left at SC but the weak-minded.
We finally learn the truth...
Excellent. Finally, the activism will stop. Those renegade strippers making cruel jokes and unfair assumptions about the Republican party will finally be eradicated.
Mr. DeLay, why did we have to kill all of them though? A lot of them strippers never did any political strips.
That doesn't matter. They didn't vocalize their beliefs and political opinions, so we have to assume they're just as much the enemy as those who wouldn't shut up about left wing bullshit.
Right.

 

by niteowl
4-21-05
Those left wing pinkos are finally gonna get what they deserve-
Hold on Tom, we've got a problem here.
Oh shit!
Get out of my laboratory!
Oh no, I left my gun in the car.
I am Doctor Pedantic. You killed almost everyone at Stripcreator. Prepare to die.

 

by niteowl
4-21-05
Hello? HELLO?
Your boy is unconscious, DeLay. The phone is also tapped, which means that soon your entire plan will be made public. Have fun rotting in jail, you fucking troll.
AHHHH! NOOOOOOOO!
Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go back in time, kill your hitman and save everyone at stripcreator!

 

by niteowl
4-21-05
Doctor Pedantic went back in time and wasted the hitman before he got a chance to start his killing spree and consequently, saved everyone!
Because Dr. Pedantic went back in time, Tom DeLay didn't get charged with any crime regarding SC. Everyone lived happily ever after anyways.
TOBOR LOVE TOM'S SWEET ASS.
Coming Soon! The Collector's Edition DVD with deleted scenes featuring the deaths of psycoma, BigFrank105, PhreakyChinchilla, boorite, and many, many more!

 

__________________________________________________________________________________________________________
I'll take what's behind stained glass window #3!
Congratulations, Timothy! You've just won...sodomy!
by niteowl, 4-22-05

 

by niteowl
4-22-05
*CLICK* *CLICK* *CLICK* *CLICK*
Good morning, Inflatable Man. I'm here to kill...God damnit, I'm out of bullets.
AHHA! Now what are you going to do?
This.
You're going stand there and stare at my dick through that thing?
*POP*
No. Think back to when you were a kid. The sun shining brightly. Ants. Magnifying glass. Finding the correct angle...
Ow! You popped me!

 

by niteowl
4-22-05
Hello psycoma. I'm here to kill you.
Ok, whatever. Remember, I worked at Blockbuster for a long time and I've seen it all. A piddly-assed gun doesn't scare me.
You better be scared! You're gonna die!
Listen, dicksmack...I've got things to do, so scram.
Uh, what the hell just happened?
I SAID GET THE FUCK OUTTA MY HOUSE!

 

by niteowl
4-23-05
Hey, you're that guy who's going around killing everyone at stripcreator.
That's right, pslock...and you're next.
I don't see a gun, so how are you going to kill me?
HEY IS XMEN 2 OUT YET? LOOK I RETURNED THIS VIDEO AND I OPENED IT UP! I KNOW THERE'S A DISPLAY BEHIND YOU BUT DO YOU HAVE GIGLI IN STOCK?
AHHH!
Acting like a retarded customer sure is a lot more efficient than using a gun.

 

by niteowl
4-23-05
Later...
Did you get umfumdisi yet?
Yeah. I ran him down with my Little Red Corvette.

 

by niteowl
4-23-05
Hello BigFrank.
What's up?
Not much, just killing and maiming some motherfuckers today.
Cool. GO PACK GO!
Damnit anyway. I was gonna let Frankie live, but unfortunately for him, I'm a Vikings fan.
Brett...Favre...rules... *gurgle gurgle*

 

by niteowl
4-23-05
I think I'm in heaven. *gulp gulp gulp*
Green bliss. *gulp gulp gulp*
Later...
I heard you had a hard time putting Jes Lawson out of his misery...
I tried drowning him in a vat of Absinth, but he drank it all. So I took him to a soccer game, where a riot broke out and...

 

by niteowl
4-23-05
Hi there, Phreaky.
I suppose you're here to kill me.
No, I'm a messenger. Chubby wrote some poems declaring his eternal love for you and I'm here to deliver them.
NOOOOOO!
Too easy.

 

by niteowl
4-23-05
Wangs.
Huh?
WANGS!
Dude, what the fuck.
I don't understand why so many people at stripcreator are infatuated with a word processor from the 70's.

 

by niteowl
4-23-05
Excuse me, sir. My name is Dark Pulse. Would it be too much trouble for you to kill me?
Hey, no problem.
Thank you very much.
You're welcome. Later.

 

by niteowl
4-23-05
Bad boob job.
REALLY bad boob job.
Holy shit, those are real!

 

by niteowl
4-24-05
Hello boorite. How are you?
Let's just get this over with, alright?
Um, ok.
I'm a busy man, and I don't have time for childish games and tomfoolery.
You were supposed to get on your knees and start sucking, bitch.

 

__________________________________________________________________________________________________________
I'm gonna end up dying of thirst before the bartender makes it over here from the other side of the bar.
by niteowl, 4-24-05

 

by niteowl
4-24-05
I saw another of those "What happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas" commercials the other day.
Based on the conversations these people have and the situations they get into in those commercials...
I have come to the conclusion that everyone there is either certifiably insane or whacked out of their minds on drugs.
So when are we going, motherfucker?

 

_______________________________________________________________________________
So how do you like it? I know it looks pretty bad, but there are a lot of healthy, well-fed men on that ship.
You're such a good provider, honey.
by niteowl, 4-24-05

 

by niteowl
4-25-05
"...Queen Amidala, naked on the bed, quivering in delight while rubbing her pink light saber on her..."
Oh my.

 

by niteowl
4-28-05
Alright, Possums-
YAY! I GET TO DIE! Make sure you shoot me in the head, massive amounts of blood spatter will look cool on the sidewalk.
I'm not going to shoot you.
Lame.
I'm kidnapping you and forcing you to watch Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind on DVD, including all the special features.
AHHHHHHH!

 

The Police - Don't Stand So Close To Me _______________________________________________________________________________________
by niteowl, 4-29-05

 

by niteowl
4-29-05
Are they done yet? I hate it when they make us smile all goofy like this when they take our picture.
We need to stop getting arrested. Mug shots suck.

 

by niteowl
4-29-05
Look at that, you've got a picture of the President shaking Superman's hand!
Yes sir. Sadly, Superman died soon after that picture was taken. It turns out the President was full of Kryptonite.
Funny, I always thought he was full of something else. Who the hell is in that last picture?
That's the Justice League and the Swedish Bikini Team during a drunken orgy last year.
Awesome.
Wanna buy the video for $39.95?

 

by niteowl
4-30-05
Ack.
Phfft.
Choking to death on a hunk of the fuselage is not what I envisioned would happen when I decided to blow up this plane.

 

by niteowl
5-03-05
"...Great Chefs of the World..."
"...sponsored by Pepto-Bismol."
The irony in that is truly scary.

 

by niteowl
5-03-05
Oy. Looks like there's a big football headin' me way and...aww shite, not THAT!
Death via Wirthlingball is the best.

 

by niteowl
5-05-05
Albuquerque, N.M.
Hey Enrique, c'mere! I found that white girl who got kidnapped!
Yeah, the one from Atlanta. Yeah, that bug-eyed motherfucker with her eyelids superglued to her brow.
Yes Enrique, I'm quite aware that the kidnappings of smarmy, thin, white debutantes are the only ones that get media coverage these days.
Gurgle Gurgle.

 

http://story.news.yahoo.com/news?tmpl=story&cid=1896&ncid=1896&e=10&u=/nm/20050505/us_nm/crime_viagra_dc
Why do you and your associates need all these male enhancement drugs, Mr. Gambino?
Our guns are shootin' blanks, motherfucker.
by niteowl, 5-05-05

 

by niteowl
5-09-05
A priest, a salesman, and a hooker try to walk into a bar.
Get the fuck outta here. Everytime I let you crazy assholes in, weird shit starts happening.

 

by niteowl
5-14-05
God, I feel bad for doing this, looking at Bobby's LiveJournal without him knowing. But he's my son, and I care.
Oh, I can't do this. It's wrong. I'm such a bad mother, I shouldn't be looking at...wait, what is this post...
"Results of your Personality Disorder test: Obsessive Compulsive - 54%, Schizophrenic - 51%, Psychotic - 48%, Anti-Social - 40%"
Crazy, over the rainbow, my son is crazy!

 

by niteowl
5-15-05
Boss, about this KungChiFu character...
He's a great guy. Let him live.
WHAT? Are you insane?
Have you seen his Republican Training Video comics? It's obvious to all of us that he is a true patriot and champion of the right-wing values that drive our party forward.
Pardon my cynicism, sir...but I think that series is a parody. Those Republican Training Video comics are poking fun at you neo-cons.
Listen, everything he wrote in those comics is true. "Democrats should be reported immediately to the United States Department of Homeland Security."? That IS our motto. Let him live.

 

by niteowl
5-20-05
*slurp slurp lick lick*
What are you looking at?
*slurp slurp lick lick* Ack! Phfft!

 

by niteowl
5-20-05
[Friendly greeting]
[Surly response]
[Obscene finger gesture]
[Joke about having sexual intercourse with puppetsock's mother]
[Laughing Out Loud]
[Laughing Out Loud, but much louder]

 

by niteowl
5-20-05
[Takes out penis, offers to place penis in puppet's mouth]
[Uncontrollable laughter]
[Challenges puppet to take his penis out]
[Offers sock some Viagra]
[Refuses Viagra, asks for provocative pictures of 3 stripe, knee high tube socks instead]
[Uncontrollable dry heaves]

 

by niteowl
5-21-05
Because only hot chicks own pets and go to 1800petmeds.com
1800petmeds.com is the greatest site! You can order all your pets' medicine online!
It's quick and easy too! If you're a single, hot chick like me, you don't want to waste a lot of time at a subpar website when you could be out looking for some man meat.
"Male, 18. Likes bubble baths, walks in the rain, anal violations. Also packing 11 inches of throbbing love gun. Inquire within."
Ooh, I just felt a tingle down below!

 

"NOOOO! TOBOR NOT LOOK GOOD IN FUCHSIA GRANNY PANTIES!"
by niteowl, 5-23-05

 

"Confucius Says: You might want to jump this shark."
by niteowl, 5-23-05

 

For some reason, the Jimmy Hoffa action figure wasn't a big hit with the kids.
by niteowl, 5-23-05

 

"Excellent work squirrel, you just saved my job with that 10 car pileup you caused."
by niteowl, 5-23-05

 

An actual quote from my wife on 5/27/05.
A woman shouldn't ever open her mouth except to ask her husband what he wants for dinner and to suck his cock.
She needs to get stoned more often.
by niteowl, 5-28-05

Showing page 22.

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