All comics by Ranger77

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by Ranger77
8-29-07
I am ready. The incredible journey of the Wandering Pussy begins here!
You're wondering how I can honestly say that with a straight face.
Yes....that and how this joke is already getting pretty old.

 

by Ranger77
8-29-07
I want my 1000 mile protest march to be a testament on the strength of feline spirit.
I just wish people would take me seriously.
The stats are working against you. 40% of all domestic animals that participate in protest marches develop periodic skin rashes and experience panic attacks.
Sorry. Ivy already tried that on me today but she mentioned genital dementia and gastric hysteria.
*sigh* She's showing off again...

 

by Ranger77
8-30-07
Good day, kind sir. I'm in the process of doing a protest march. I want to meet and talk to as many people as I can. This is my first day.
Typical. You activists types should be protesting how our government won't do anything to stop the Chinese.
Them little fellers put subsonic ESP devices in our cellphones. That's what made that God fearin' Republican Senator think he was gay. Commie bastards.
Back so soon?
Lost my nerve. I'll try again tomorrow.

 

by Ranger77
8-30-07
Meanwhile....
A foot-tapping ritual was a common thread in many of the 41 arrests reported during a four-month airport bathroom sting that snared Sen. Larry Craig. An undercover officer would take a seat...
Soon another man would sit in the stall next door and start tapping his foot, perhaps moving it closer to the officer's. The officer would move his foot up and down....
When did gay poltician bathroom sex get so complicated?
I'm told 1996. Or maybe '97. Depends on who you ask....

 

by Ranger77
8-31-07
Ok....here I go. Out on the open road. My 1000 mile protest march. I'm excited. What a glorious adventure it will be! Living each day outdoors....
....using bushes instead of litter boxes. Actually hunting for food. Sleeping in grass rather than comfy beds....
Half a mile, huh?
It was a practice run. Don't rush me.

 

by Ranger77
9-02-07
I'm thinking at this point you should give up this protest march idea of yours.
Look....I know I've been having problems, but that shouldn't mean I should cancel the whole thing.
Everytime you run into a 'problem' you quit. If you really want to do this I think you should consider how celebrities support causes they care about.
That being?
Hello and welcome to the "Sean Penn Instructional DVD for Caring." Grab a bitch and some doobage and I'll tell you how I fake sincerity and shit....
Sweet.

 

by Ranger77
9-02-07
How's the "instructional" DVD thing going.
Fine. Just fine. Very fascinating stuff. I'm just taking a break and letting it play through a particular section where Sean Penn gives his philopsophy on relationships.
I'm not quite sure how that fits into the whole charity/activist thing, to tell you the truth.
....and she was on my dick like a mouse on cheese. Now when I say cheese that's a metaphor and shit. Ain't no cheese on my dick. Anyway, then this bitch has the nerve to say to me.....

 

by Ranger77
9-02-07
Alot of people have asked me "Sean, why do you go visit dictators like Saddam Hussein and Hugo Chavez?"
Some people have looked at it as a neutral observer going on a fact finding mission to promote understanding in a segmented world.
The real answer is simple. Hoochies. Dictators get the best 'poon tang'. Write this down....there WILL be a test later.
Dammit, forgot my pencil....

 

by Ranger77
9-08-07
Well I'm done absorbing the wisdom of Sean Penn and his style of activism.
I was worried about you. You've been noticeably absent the last few days.
The "Penn Method" requires total dedication. I realized that in order to achieve his stature as an activist I needed to be alone to reflect on his teachings.
Sounds...interesting.
I'll also need to develop a coke habit and start using the term "cunt" more often.
There's always a catch, it seems....

 

by Ranger77
9-10-07
I really don't understand you sometimes. You HATE Sean Penn. Why on Earth would you encourage that cat to be like him?
He needed help. The way he was going was getting him nowhere. I simply gave him a model to base his activism on. If he chooses to follow the model....that's his choice.
Besides the more people that know about how much a fake phony idiot Sean Penn is, the better. It takes away from his power. That's the real reason.
My choice for a lame, but true, excuse would have been "I was bored and needed something to do."
Busted. Damn.

 

by Ranger77
9-11-07
I've decided to give up my planned protest march across America. The whole activism thing has gotten old.
That's too bad. What changed your mind?
I guess it's just the insincerity of it all. Popular people using causes ultimately to help their own careers.....it all seems so plastic.
Humans are funny that way.
I'll bet they would be more sincere if they could give their genitals a good tongue cleaning every once in awhile.
Are you kidding? They would never leave the house....

 

by Ranger77
9-15-07
I've gotta admit....Chuck has been in that corporate sales job for six months and seems to have adapted. It's impressive.
Who would have thought that he would be suited for that sort of thing?
I guess he's changed his ways. No sense of hoping he'll come back.
You may be right....
Meanwhile....
Fuck you. I quit you stupid little bitch.
Are you upset about something?

 

by Ranger77
9-16-07
You've screwed me out of commission, you won't let me have, like, the things I need to do my job....
I have to fill out these stupid daily status reports, and now you're announcing budget restrictions while having executive meetings in Aruba. I've had it!
Later, in Human Resources....
I have no idea why Chuck wants to quit. He has some sort of attitude problem I suppose....

 

by Ranger77
9-16-07
Is it possible that since I've become a manager I've lost my grasp of common sense and replaced it with a shallow value system based on favors and popularity?
I guess I need guidance. Real information I can use to support my team and ease the doubt in my mind. Can you help me?
Chuck you're not grasping the paradigm and seem to have forgotten all the core values of our mission statement....

 

by Ranger77
9-19-07
blahblahblah....synergy....blahblahblah....mission statement....blahblahblah....team dynamics....blahblahblah.
So let's work hard and have fun doing it. What do you say?

 

by Ranger77
9-21-07
Well. No charges, huh?
Yeah. He thought I was going to hit him and fainted.
So....you want to come back?
Sure, like, whatever.
Ok. Emotional reunion, over.
Good. It was running a little long.

 

by Ranger77
9-26-07
You know what honey? I was just thinking that it's good that we have our own hobbies and interests. Take my membership in the Catholic Gardening Council, for example.
Even though most of the members are senior citizens, I love being a part of it. And you know how good marriages are founded on sharing interests....
Hold on....Did you just hear something drop?
That was my stomach. It you listen closely that "woosh-ing" sound you hear is fear rising. You might actually be able to smell it too. Please....continue.

 

by Ranger77
9-26-07
Ok, to make a long story short, I volunteered you to help us with some events the Catholic Gardening Council is sponsoring.
The FIRST event a volunteered you for is to be a clown at one of our evening events....
Was that really necessary?
It was supposed to go*BAMF!* I screwed it up. But I guess you wouldn't know about that or the X-Men since they only have a vague and unexplored relationship to the principles of Catholic Gardening.

 

by Ranger77
9-26-07
It's a formal dinner so at least you'll get fed and....
Can I ask a silly question? Why would a clown being attending an evening formal dinner event?
For 35 years the council has always had one of the member's husband dress up as a clown to be the evening's entertainment. It's a well honored tradition.
Britney, this doesn't make sense. I still don't get why your group would....
We're Catholic.
Ah....I keep forgetting that.

 

by Ranger77
9-27-07
We have to share things. This is very important to me.
Honey, you just can't go around volunteering me for stuff without talking to me first. And you don't exactly share my interests, yourself.
Like when I suggested you read that Ben Elton novel that I really liked. I don't think you even heard me.
So it's settled then. I'll call the Formal Dinner Clown Instructor and schedule a training session.
No problem....I'll just stand here and beat my head against this wall.

 

by Ranger77
9-27-07
Ranger's World will now pause for some well needed commentary.
Some of you may be confused with the last few strips specifically regarding relevance of the Catholic Gardening Council.
The Council and the significance of "the Clown" at their annual chicken leg and string bean dinner cannot be understated.
To understand these things you must consider many things that are fundamental to our beliefs.
Once you have considered these things you must embrace them without question.
That's pretty much it.
If you still don't get it, you need to open up your heart a little more.

 

by Ranger77
9-27-07
Another view....
So....what do you think?
A bit strange...I don't know.
It might be a slam on Catholicism....or maybe religion in general. Hmmm...
Hard to tell...it's got that relationship angle going on. That indicates it could be just the normal cynicism. The X-Men reference was kinda cool.
Nope....I got nothing.
It is so much easier to understand these things when the words "fuck" or "titties" are worked into the punchline....

 

by Ranger77
9-27-07
In keeping with the hallowed tradition of being a clown you must pick a fun name. Your clown name reflects your feelings about being chosen and your inner clowness.
I WILL NOT LET YOU PICK THAT NAME!
Why not?? Phuckingoofus IS a FUN name. It sounds worst than it looks.
And there it is.
Cool. They had me worried for a second.

 

by Ranger77
9-28-07
Father, I'm supposed to actually dress up like a clown as part of some strange tradition at your annual formal dinner, and I don't understand....
And thank you, my son. Your wife speaks very highly of you. In this world there aren't many people who are secure in their own self image to do such a thing.
Especially considering that you are not doing it for selfish reasons, but to entertain others whose faith is the only thing that they can hold on to in this troubled world.
Ok, I feel like crap now.
Welcome to Catholicism!

 

by Ranger77
9-28-07
Father you do know that although my wife is Catholic and I'm not?
I know. And we all know that people who aren't Catholic draw into the mouth by producing a partial vacuum by action of the lips and tongue.
I'm sorry. Did you just say that all people who aren't Catholic "suck?"
Now, now. That's just your interpretation. You're a Baptist aren't you?

 

by Ranger77
9-29-07
Ok....let's try another tactic. I MIGHT not be the best person to be a clown at this somewhat religious function.
Well obviously you are a man of color and I can tell you that we all are the same in God's eyes. Take my work with inner city youth for example...
No, Father. I'm talking about other things about me....
You're not a homosexual are you?
Uh....no.
Well then we be cool, G.

 

by Ranger77
9-29-07
Father that guy that just left....did he look a bit strange to you?
How so, my son?
I mean....wasn't that a demon?
No....that was a fellow that was appeasing his wife by making himself look, yet again, like an idiot.
Jeepers. He's whipped.
Yes. He is. It is the destiny of most men. Except Priests, of course. We just provide the sideline commentary.

 

by Ranger77
9-29-07
I take it your talk with the priest did no good. I knew it wouldn't.
Now, now. Priests aren't exactly Nazis. I means Nazis dressed in black and told people what to do and Priests....
Ha.
Has it gotten that bad that you have to steal jokes from "Father Ted?"
This week. Yes.

 

by Ranger77
9-29-07
As you know, Biel our resident lawyer and whipped husband has been going through some drama the past few days.
His wife volunteered him to be a clown at a gathering of the Catholic Garedening Council much to his surprise.
For the sake of time we thought we'd fast forward the story. Meaning you missed the rest of clown training when he emotionally tramatized four children.
And the gathering itself where he was a big hit and was propositioned by the really attractive 24 year old grand daughter of one of the attendees. We now return you to our story....
And what size couch do you require, sir?
Big enough for me but small enough to fit in a doghouse.

 

by Ranger77
10-06-07
Well. Here we are. Over 1000 comics.
Yep. Wouldn't it be interesting if, and only if, some 'creator' was behind all this madness and created these crazy stories in the downtime between looking at Internet porn.
You know, if such a thing was possible it would be devastating. Imagine our reality controlled by some dubious, flawed mind. It would call into question everything we believe in.
So....that new 'Bionic Woman" series doesn't look half bad.
Yeah, it is kinda cool....

 

by Ranger77
10-06-07
You know there's a theory....that if you start questioning the reality you are existing in, there will be some kind of correction that will discourage it.
Cosmic metaphysical nonsense if you ask me. If that was true I would....
Wow. That was weird. What were we talking about?
Britney Spears' crotch. I think....

 

by Ranger77
10-26-07
September 19, 2007
It's official, I'm going to the March in Jena!
Wow...I wish I could go. Imagine the nerve of actually prosecuting a group of black students for jumping on a white kid. What nerve!
Yeah, finally I'll be a part of something like my grandparents. It'll be like Selma....only without a clear purpose, the attack dogs, firehoses and tear gas.
Cool! Do me a favor...bring me back a T-shirt will you? And if they have one of those commemorative programs....

 

by Ranger77
10-26-07
October 26, 2007
Excuse me....is that a "Free the Jena Six" bumper sticker on your car?
Yeah. I guess. I was at the march. Gotta get some WD-40 to get it off. You know....impulse buy....caught up in the moment and all that.
I take it you've realized that the Jena thing was a twisted perversion by the media and Al Sharpton that harmed REAL efforts to attack racism.
Uh, no.
Sorry, wishful thinking. You're angry that P. Diddy didn't show at the march to do a benefit concert.
Damn right. No entertainment whatsoever. I mean come on....what did they expect us to do there??

 

by Ranger77
10-27-07
Dear Ranger's World, as a member of the National Action Network, I must protest the last two strips on the march in Jena, Louisiana.
Here we go....
I find your implication that our protest was ill conceived and driven by misinformation, egos and the media, insulting. This was about equality and justice!
Ok, who modified the idiot filter on the mail server?
After all, with all these damn Mexicans running around, people are beginning to forget about us!!

 

by Ranger77
10-27-07
New revelations today about the protest march in Jena. On the way to the southern town it seems that several buses stopped at a truck stop for lunch.
The protesters (shipped in from other areas) overwhelmed the truck stop causing the State Police to close the area for safety reasons because of over crowding.
The protesters then decided to trash the the truck stop claiming racism even though the restaurant personnel was trying to serve everyone.
This story didn't get reported and won't be primarily because anything dealing with Jena is apparently the jusrisdiction of BizzaroWorld.
The fact that you're hearing about this in a comic strip pretty much proves it.
That's the punchline. It's all we got. Welcome to your world. Deal with it.

 

by Ranger77
10-27-07
I'm guessing you called me in here because of all these Jena strips.
Yep. We're being called racist.
You know remember when you and Bernie were questioning if there was some devine hand guiding this strip? Would it be funny if 'he' was in fact an African American.
And, if 'he' was offended by a bunch of publicity grabbing assholes perverting REAL civil rights efforts by trying to defend a bunch of cowardly thugs who beat on one guy?
Yeah....that's about it.
No one would ever believe it....

 

by Ranger77
10-29-07
You're looking pretty happy, Dad! What's up. Some sports thing, I assume?
The Lions. The DEE-troit Lions. We're winning!! We might have a chance for the playoffs! I guess someone made their saving throw this year.
Excuse me....what did you just say?
I'm talking about the Detroit Lions, son. This year we're playing like +4 MEN and not a bunch of -2 pussies.
OMG....it's HAPPENED!! 'Geekspeak' has become mainstream!!! Run for your lives! AAGH!
Sometimes, I swear that boy is as useless as IG-88.

 

by Ranger77
10-29-07
AAGH! My Dad just used a D&D reference AND a Star Wars reference in a conversation!
AAGH! I just found out that my Mom has secretly been playing WoW for a year and wants to name our new puppy 'Optimus.'
AAAAAGH!
AAAAAGH!
You know if we lock ourselves up in a bunker now, eventually it'll be our duty to repopulate the Earth through constant sexual activity.
Nice try. I'm not THAT hysterical yet.

 

by Ranger77
10-30-07
This is serious. This is VERY serious.
I think you're overreacting. Even now upperclass politicians and corporate types are using urban terms like "dis" and "back in the day." With popular culture, these things happen.
You don't understand. Geekspeak has been OURS. The outsiders. How can we be outsiders if now we're on the inside?
You're putting way to much thought into this. I think your Dad just freaked you out a bit.
I've starting watching ESPN in protest. I'll show them. You fuck with the bull, you get the horns, bitches!
You're being silly. Besides, IG-88 WAS pretty useless. It's painfully obvious.

 

by Ranger77
10-30-07
Dad, I was wondering about something....
What is it, son? Need some extra cash for that Transformers DVD?
Actually I was thinking about Quarterbacks. That Brady/Moss combination is unstoppable. The Pats will probably take it all this year. What do you think?
Uhh...did you just talk to me about....sports?! I swear you are crazier than a kobold sometimes.
I will break you.

 

by Ranger77
11-03-07
You've crossed the line.
It was a crisis. I did what I had to do.
History is filled with tyrants that committed atrocities for the "greater good."
It had to be done. I couldn't stand my dad using geek references. There was no choice. I had to provoke his old hatred for geek culture....
"....by making him watch the Aqua Teen Hunger Force Movie."
"See the guy takes the car after his job to pick up the uterus at her house. Because she doesn't work unless she's sweeping up something."
WHAT THE HELL IS THIS?!?

 

by Ranger77
11-03-07
"No...it is part XJ32 which is to fasten the Pectomizer to the Ab-Eraser...to the thing!"
"Without this one piece the Insanoflex would fall apart."
"*heh heh heh*, Watch this....she loves it...."
Ok son, you've driven me insane. Congratulations. Can you let me out now?!?

 

by Ranger77
11-12-07
Somewhere in Livonia, MI
So let me get this straight. You're a major character in the Ranger's World comic and now you want to betray them by working for us.
Yes, I have my reasons.
Interesting.... We need someone in there. We need to know if any of the characters have any weaknesses.
Ok....
We're hoping someone in that comic has fears to exploit. It would be nice if someone had a disgusting habit we could blackmail them with....
You don't exactly READ the comic do you?

 

by Ranger77
11-12-07
Hey B. What's up!
Nothing much. Just going over personnel files. Chuck's back, Ivy hasn't blown up anything lately. Things are going pretty smoothly.
You know. We've got a good crew here. Despite all the crap that's happened to them, no one has taken it personally or in such a way that demanded revenge and betrayal....
Dude. Panel three. Now you've done it.
Shit....

 

by Ranger77
11-13-07
Nothing yet. I'm running through all the psychological profiles to see who would most likely become a traitor. I should have a list soon.
Cool. I'll go get my copy of "The Grrl Scout's Guide to Torture." I haven't read it in ages....
A traitor. How fascinating. Panel three proclamation, huh?
Yep. You would think after three years he would know better...
So how goes your efforts? Do they suspect?
Nope.

 

by Ranger77
11-13-07
Got it. It's so obvious.
I've already called security.
Amazing....someone so diabolical and clever.....fooling us all. How....could he....
Temptation is a seductive thing. Especially for someone with his intelligence and background.
All y'all can just kiss my ASS!

 

by Ranger77
11-13-07
Y'all got the wrong guy. That's what happens young'un. Lack of pussy makes you stupid.
Actually it does make sense. You've been the subject of ridicule every time you show up. We've gone out of our way to humiliate you.
It's entirely possible this whole "pimp daddy" thing is just an act to let our guard down. Maybe somehow you became an evil genius bent on revenge.
And you believe all that shit?
Not really. I just like fucking with you.

 

by Ranger77
11-14-07
Well we've caught our traitor. It was pretty simple. It had to be "The Pimp."
Yes, I suppose given the way he's been treated around here it does make sense.
That was too easy wasn't it?
We might be ok. We're only in panel two....
Hey.

 

by Ranger77
11-14-07
What the hell do you want and why are you standing out of frame, freak?
You know how every so often comics will have some big event which is just a veiled excuse to kill off well established characters?
What the...?
Guess not. You should've read more. I hear they do the same thing in soap operas. Kinda lame actually....

 

by Ranger77
11-15-07
So "The Pimp" is dead. Looks like someone shot him with a continuous stream of what can only be described as high density, high velocity urine. He drowned.
Ah. I see.
Don't see many cases of people getting killed by streams of high density, high velocity urine. Any idea how something like that could happen?
Not off hand.
Any idea why you guys would maintain a high security prison in your basement where people can be possibly killed by streams of high density, high velocity urine?
Ummm....Corporate Tax break?

Showing page 23.

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