All comics by DragonXero

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by DragonXero
5-17-06
What's the difference between blacks and whites?
I don't kill blacks and wear their skin.
Don't get me wrong. It's not racism. I just don't look good in black.
It burns!

 

by DragonXero
5-17-06
You know, I don't get asians.
No, seriously. They all run too fast.

 

by DragonXero
5-17-06
I went to the grocery store for dinner yesterday, and everyone was screaming and freaking out.
I don't get it, I mean, I was just going there for some food.
I guess no one knew how much to charge me for that woman.

 

by DragonXero
5-17-06
Well, I went to the Costco today. Everyone was just staring at me.
*sigh*
You'd think they'd never seen a naked man with a machete before.

 

by DragonXero
5-17-06
I just don't get it Charlie, why can't I find a girl for me?
Maybe you're just not looking in the right places?
Well, I've looked everywhere. The graveyard, the hospital, even the elementary school.
Well hell, man. I guess you're just outta luck.
I don't know. I'm just looking for a girl like dear ol' mom.
You already dug her up, and that didn't work either.

 

by DragonXero
5-25-06
Hey buddy, what's wrong?
Life is just fucking me over. I'm going to go bang my head on that desk.
Hey hey hey, don't do that.
It kills the elves who make your brain work.
Ohright.

 

by DragonXero
5-25-06
Hey, I'm gonna go out and hit the bars. Wanna come?
I don't know, I never have much fun at the bars.
Oh come on, it'll be great. We'll get smashed!
I just don't really think I should be drinking right now.
Okay, fine.
Besides, I don't have anything slutty enough to wear.

 

by DragonXero
5-25-06
WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU LOOKING AT?!
Your pussy!

 

by DragonXero
5-31-06
Y'know, I hate fake tits. They're just a lie.
Really? Well that chick over there. Do you think her lips are that red naturally?
Well no, but-
And don't forget push-up bras, tanning beds, hair color, contacts, high heels and nail polish.
Okay okay. So women are all lies.
I like lies.

 

by DragonXero
6-10-06
Lt. Crappedmypants, it will be your job to fend off the mutant zombies.
And what's your job going to be?
Why, that's simple. I'm going to beam back up to the Extraprise.
You mean, you're not going to like, cover me?
Spock, sissy boy here wants cover. Mash 'go' on the phaser banks as soon as I beam up.

 

So, those are your options.
by DragonXero, 6-10-06

 

by DragonXero
6-10-06
So, what kind of candy do you have, Mr. Schnicks?
Oh, a very special kind.
*click*
This is where I start screaming, isn't it?
I'd appreciate it.

 

C'mon guy. You're not going to use ALL those heads!
by DragonXero, 6-10-06

 

by DragonXero
6-10-06
You ever wonder where it's all going? I mean, what we're supposed to do here?
Y'know, just kinda think about what it all really means?
Maybe God is just a little kid watching an ant farm.
YOU PROMISED ICE CREAM.

 

by DragonXero
6-10-06
This way, come on. We haven't got all day.
Oh thank the Lord! I knew that spending my life in chastity and faith to God would get me into heaven!
Actually, we're just making a stopover on the way to Hell.
What?! But, I was good and honest!
Yeah, funny, thing. Turns out wasting your life is the only real sin. Go figure.
Shitbunnies.

 

by DragonXero
6-10-06
Will the door hold?
If it doesn't, those blasted CIA agents will taste my hot lead.
Hahahaha, yeah, then they'll taste my hot jism while I masturbate on their dead bodies!
What?
You really need help.

 

by DragonXero
6-10-06
And this is the production floor, where we build rotor turbines which will eventually be used to generate gravitons.
Whoo-ee!
Well, them rotor turbines ain't gonna generate gravitons by themselevs!

 

You know, it really isn't that hot down here.
by DragonXero, 6-10-06

 

by DragonXero
6-10-06
Papa Smurf, I don't care HOW fucking long it is, I'm still not gay.

 

by DragonXero
6-10-06
*ngh*
Ahhhhh. Shit. MORPHEUS! Where's the door out of the bathroom?!

 

by DragonXero
6-10-06
A preview of the upcoming Epic Quest sequel:
Axion, the horrifying lands of evil have sapped away my powers!
As have they mine, Spectre! We will not be able to use any kind of superpowers!
In fact, I think the only thing I will be able to do is fake-hit someone!
Same here.
Due to budget cuts, the new Epic Quest series will have to cut a few corners...
I just hope we- LINE?
SOMEONE GET ME ANOTHER SCOTCH!

 

by DragonXero
6-10-06
9.6 Trillion BBY:
Hold the fuck on. I haven't even started building the universe yet.

 

by DragonXero
6-13-06
So, you believe in the Roman gods?
No, no, I'm a Nordic Pagan!
Oh, so you believe in Thor and Odin then?
Well, yes.
And yet believing in a Christian God is silly?
YOU JUST DON'T UNDERSTAND ME!

 

by DragonXero
6-14-06
You know, you can use the red nozzle to make Ramen without waiting.
That's... uh... interesting.
Do you ever, y'know, do ANYTHING outside of work?
What is this "outside" you speak of?
Question answered.

 

by DragonXero
6-14-06
It feels like I've been floating for weeks now.
No sign of land, no water, no food. I'm about to die.
But at least I have you, dog on a ball.
I'm just a figment of your imagination.

 

by DragonXero
6-14-06
I would like a copy of Halo 2 for the PC please!
That game isn't even out, and I doubt you'll be able to play it when it does.
Why's that?
Apparently, it will only work on Windows Vista.
Doom 3 then, please.
Here's a fork. Poke your eye out with it instead. It's cheaper and a better experience.

 

by DragonXero
6-14-06
Welcome to "reader mail". I'm Robert Shaman.
And I'm Chris Zmugle.
Our first letter reads "Dear Dragonxero, how do you type with claws on your hands? - Finny Fannigan."
Dear Finny: Shut the fuck up.
Lobster Comb asks: "Dear DragonXero, So, are you like, bald or something?"
Dear Lobster: DragonXero is bald. He's over it. You should be too.

 

by DragonXero
6-14-06
THIS NOT FAIR! TOBOR IS INNOCENT!!
TOBOR NOT KNOW THEY WERE UNDERAGED!
If he had, he would have killed them after the manraping.

 

by DragonXero
6-14-06
MUST DESTROY!

 

You see, you can't just tell them not to fear you. I'll let yuo off with a warning this time. Don't do it again.
DAMN YOU BLUE OYSTER CULT!
by DragonXero, 6-14-06

 

by DragonXero
6-14-06
So if I believe in a dead guy on a couple of sticks, I go to heaven?
Yep. It's that simple.
Wait... I sense you are being less than honest.
Well, actually.. you have to make pennance and follow a lot of rules too...
Remind me again why that's for me?
Easter eggs.

 

by DragonXero
6-14-06
So, basically, you're saying that Satan doesn't exist.
He is but an archetype. We simply follow our own rules. We are rebels!
Oh, sorta like Luke Skywalker.
Not quite. Come with me, we're holding a ceremony. PREPARE THE MAGIC WORDS!
Wait, what? Magic? I thought you guys were atheistic by definition...
Oh, shit. You'll need a starter deck.

 

Need I even bother?
PSYCHOLOGISTS ARE EVIL!! I LOVE YOU KATIE HOLMES!
by DragonXero, 6-14-06

 

by DragonXero
6-14-06
So, because you cannot prove that God exists, you believe he doesn't exist.
I wouldn't call it "believing"
You came to a conclusion without facts to back it up.
God is a figment of our imaginations!
Isn't it possible that we're just figments of his?
*fizzle* *pop*

 

by DragonXero
6-14-06
So, basically, you are a fence-sitter.
I really don't know if God exists or not. I don't think it really matters.
But you admit that you believe in some things.
Sure. I personally hold that anything is possible until disproven.
So, you believe that I could rape you right now.
Heh. Um. Let's move on.

 

by DragonXero
6-14-06
It has recently come to my attention that eating puppies in public might be illegal.
There goes my weekend.

 

PANCAKES, PANCAKES (waffles) PANCAKES PANCAKES!
by DragonXero, 6-14-06

 

Are you sure you're licensed to cut hair?
I have a driver's license. Isn't that enough?
by DragonXero, 6-14-06

 

by DragonXero
6-14-06
Don't look at me, I think it's pretty fucking sick too.

 

by DragonXero
6-14-06
Her flesh, cold and pale, it draws me in.
booo.
I inhale her scent, and leap to take her.
You suck! Fucking goth!
Let's see how true that is.

 

by DragonXero
6-14-06
Listen, Ted, it's just not fun anymore.
I mean, I loved it when you poked my eye out. And when you cut my arm off, I came incessantly.
But Jesus FUCK, Ted. I didn't want to eat that girl!
Who is Ted?

 

by DragonXero
6-14-06
Mr. Swinson, I heard you were Jewish, and that you don't celebrate Christmas, is this true?
Why, Tommy, I'm glad you asked. I am indeed Jewish.
So then, you don't celebrate Christmas at all?
No Tommy, I celebrate Chanukah.
Why do you hate our lord and savior, Jesus Christ?
I'll get back to you on that. In the meantime, I need some "decorations" for passover. You're it.

 

by DragonXero
6-15-06
Mr. Police Man, is it illegal to have sex in public?
Why, yes it is.
Oh. Well, is it illegal to give head in public?
That is illegal as well.
How about fucking me with your nightstick?
I'm pretty sure there's no law against that.

 

by DragonXero
6-15-06
C-captain?
Ohmigod, ohmigod the phaser just went off. Ohmigod, I'm fucked.
They're going to disintegrate me slowly and painfully. Ohmigod no...
Yeah, it worked. Yeah, he totally pissed his pants.

 

*I'm really not that hungry anymore.
We'll find him. Come on.
mrrrr...*
by DragonXero, 6-15-06

 

BECAUSE I WANTED THE ASSRAPE!
by DragonXero, 6-15-06

 

by DragonXero
6-15-06
This new workout is amazing. I've already lost 10 pounds in one month.

 

This is the best New Years party ever!
And your last.
by DragonXero, 6-15-06

 

by DragonXero
6-15-06
Gonna cut her skin off. Gonna wear it.
I'm really more of a winter.

 

by DragonXero
6-15-06
Yo.
This is my new friend, Gabriel!
LET'S SEE YOU FUCK WITH ME NOW, CHRIS!

Showing page 24.

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