All comics by arbi

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by arbi
1-22-08
I've had a longstanding rule to never buy anything on line, ever since that time I lost my life's savings in the dot com crash,
but today the three tshirts i bought arrived.
Human Test Subject #____________
You're not here to read, you're here to bleed. ... www.jalr.org
It's just like summer camp, only you get stabbed every 15 minutes. www.jalr.org
$50 well-spent at cafepress.com.

 

by arbi
1-22-08
Eek, a monster!
I'm no monster, little girl. I'm here to promote my bestselling book, Quiet Strength. My family first mantra and strong religious beliefs are a breath of fresh air in an otherwise sad world.
OK, Mr Monster. What do they call you?
Tony Dungeoness

 

by arbi
1-23-08
Tomorrow looks like more of the same.
Oh, and i finally beat the computer at hearts in the minimum possible 4 hands. It's not a very bright program.
* quicksilver by neal stephenson
By nothing, for example, I mean I wrote a couple emails, read part of a book*, added some lentils to the stone soup, drank a lot of decaf, surfed teh internet,
did a few dishes but no laundry, missed trash day, didn't pay the bills, didn't pick up the transmission they are holding for me at the junkyard. in a couple of hours i'll stop by the club.
cre8tive13 is the obvious winner so far
It was another long day of doing nothing.

 

The list of oscar noms is in, and Juno has 4 of them.
It's true! We just pulled that off the drudge report.
by arbi, 1-23-08

 

by arbi
1-24-08
Today was the most productive I've been all week.
Up by noon, out of the house by 3. Did some laundry, bought that transmission $150, paid my credit card and utlities, $1400, made a list.
It's zero degrees out tonight so I might stay in instead of running more errands,
except i'll go to the club since i got my chores done, except for not mailing that letter or those packages.
These strips are not "comics" in any traditional sense. Well maybe mary worth or judge parker.
They are the desperate cry of an organizationally challenged aardvark, trying to cope.

 

by arbi
1-24-08
I really try not to come off like the crank that I am.
the other day in an email to 600 lawyers, i mispelled "Huckabee".
It wasn't in my spellchecker.

 

by arbi
1-24-08
strip has potential but i need a punchline and a last panel
Day 37. Supplies running low. Still can't shake this eerie feeling that I'm being watched.
It looks like you are writing in a diary. Would you like help with that?

 

by arbi
1-24-08
It's going to get cold tonight.
How cold?

 

by arbi
1-26-08
How many arbitrary aardvarks does it take to change a lightbulb?
One, but it takes him three months to get around to it.
I spent about 6 hours today cleaning my room. I set up the file cabinets and organized my 2007 bills.
So I'm about almost halfway done with this room.
next day, 4 more hours. I'm calling it done.
There are places you can see the floor even. One corner to go tonight, and another corner for another day.
It's always an angsty process because I run into all these half-finished urgent projects.

 

by arbi
1-29-08
I woke up at 6, kinda woozy. It's 10 now and it doesn't look like the sun will come up today.
I'll probably be offline for the next ten days while in evansville.
I cancelled a trip to michigan today because i'm going to leave early for evansville and hope my truck makes it that far -
it stalled out on me twice yesterday just around town.
this space intentionally left blank, in case anything else happens today.

 

by arbi
2-11-08
* The confusion, neal stephenson
I'm back from a 10-day study where I didn't have a computer. I had a good book* and a guy to play chess with, so I didn't experience internet withdrawal. An easy $3K.
This morning I met with a realtor to look at a house a block from where I live, that I could pay cash for, and it looks allright.
No yard, so no garden, no garage, but it's cute, and in 4 years it would pay for itself in saved rent.
Now I have a month off, in which to get to work on the to-do list.
and try to think of weekly punchlines for daily comics.

 

by arbi
2-11-08
The aardvark asked us to fill in tonight.
while he's out drinking again, because it's monday.
um.. i got nothin'
ok, for 30 points, which republican president had a gettysburg address?
Eisenhower?
Correct for 30! Tune in tomorrow for "who is buried in Grant's tomb?"

 

by arbi
2-11-08
leave a comment with the best answer to this musical question:
Yo Yo Ma was so phat that he ____________.
(this was pretty cool. i wasn't at the club yet, because i was trying to dash off a quick comic, and the club called wondering where i was... i'm that much of a regular.)
*ring* *ring* hey this is the club.. it's monday night, where's the aardvark?
he overslept, he'll be down there in a few minutes.
Yo Yo Ma was so phat that when he fiddles around Carnegie Hall, he fiddles AROUND Carnegie Hall.

 

espressostories.com/story.php?story=45 en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Augusto_Monterroso
'The Dinosaur' by Augusto Monterroso. ..... When she woke up, the dinosaur was still there.
by arbi, 2-12-08

 

by arbi
2-13-08
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/ pages/live/articles/news/ worldnews.html?in_article_id= 513925&in_page_id=1811
Hamas TV: Bugs Bunny lookalike declares 'I will eat Jews'
Did you have lunch yet?
No. Jew?
Oy.

 

by arbi
2-14-08
Today was road trip day. Stayed up all night so we would get to Evansville by 8 am, then home by dark.
I carpooled with the guy I played chess with every day during the study. I stoped for coffee and bought System of the World, $15, and some Godiva for my dancer at the club tonight.*
* except i fell asleep and didn't go.
We talked about xkcd and math and ethics and the singularity.
We have a lot in common as well as some differences.
It was like a mandate. I'm sure he's straight, and he's not my type, but it was better than any date I've been on in months. I'm not actually sure if I've been on any dates in months. We ate Indian,
and met a mysterious stranger at a rest stop. After I dropped him off, 4 miles from home, the truck stalled in the middle of the ghetto. I bought it some oil and it started again and I got home.

 

by arbi
2-17-08
There just hasn't been anything to make a comic about lately.
Minutiae of my life: did laundry, took out trash took recycling downtown, drove by the house i want to buy, talked to my mom, gave her the number for the do not call list, discussed plans for colorado
colorado trip this summer, mucked about in my garden, paid the rent yesterday, was at joell's party to 4:30 am last night, the usual.
a few guys in my chat circle came and said nice things about the comic, so i figured maybe i should make one.
I could: a) go read in bed. b) go drink at club c) go read in bath. The envelope please:
C it is! (after i waste a bit more time on slashdot... and instapundit)

 

by arbi
2-19-08
this is a good story but the url is kinda long. www.daddydonthitme.com/archives/ the_legend_of_uncle_arnie.phtml it's one of those "drugs are bad, kids" stories. via tuckermax.com
today, after several days of doing nothing, i made a list and did most of the things on the list. Checked the mail,
gas, $55, oil $22, ups $18. Moved a truckload of stuff from house to apartment. Picked up a hat my buddy left downtown.
stuff still to do: find laptop password, move boxes inside, get air for tires, make better list, get money order for texas taxes.
that's the list of small stuff. i need to make a list of bigger items, taxes, lawsuits, projects.
i hope i can buy the house i've been looking at. i would finally be able to unpack my books.
i have the last 20 years of my life in boxes that i move from house to house, and someday should go through. this would be a good year forthat.

 

by arbi
2-20-08
monday 65 F
tuesday 30 F
wednesday 21 F

 

by arbi
2-23-08
Kurbanguly Berdymukhamedov, exalted leader of Turkmenistan, became upset recently when a cockroach was seen on a news broadcast.
Berdymukhamedov, a former dentist, apparently doesn't like cockaroaches. So he fired dozens of people at the state-owned news channel.
shoo
blog.foreignpolicy.com/node/8233
lewl

 

by arbi
2-23-08
As usual, I havent been getting much done. Today I changed a light bulb and rearranged some shelves in the kitchen.
I got the spice shelf all neat and organized looking. Then when I did the shelf above that, sundry bottles and jars, when I was done it looked the same as when I started.
I have some letters to write to senators about not confirming for a judgeship, the lawyer for the guys who tortured me at CCA.
I've written out a list of ten projects to work on in February, but it took me till the 23rd just to write the list.
The house I wanted to buy was already sold, they just didn't take the sign down. So I spent yesterday driving around looking at houses.
There's this 8 bedroom 4 bath mansion for $21K that's really tempting me, but it needs some work and the neighborhood's a bit iffy. But I want it so much.

 

by arbi
2-25-08
bless me father, it's been 7 days since my last comic
gesundheit
I've been out looking at houses. There's one in my price range that's 8 bedrooms, 4 bath. I just left a message with the realtor.
otherwise it's been the usual routine. evansville on thursdays, a few nights a week at the club, joell's party, still reading system of the world.
i started some flowers growing inside, in hopes spring will come soon. i make to do lists, but then don't do them.

 

by arbi
2-26-08
actually the snow isn't that bad. it's the kind of clumpy wet snow that will melt fast, means spring is coming.
i was kinda hoping the realtor would call, then i was lazy with a good book. basicly did nothing again today.
this sort of thing is why i never live north of I-70.
and this is why i never live south of I-70

 

by arbi
2-27-08
It toins out that if youse google for "left turn at albuquerque", you get some interesting results.
my chess-playing carpooling buddy is planning to hitchhike to albuquerque once we finish the study, but he didn't get the reference.
kids these days and their cultural illeteracy. better stay off my lawn.

 

by arbi
2-27-08
i'm on p. 837 of my book. probably finish it tonight. done, www.nealstephenson.com
9 am: last night's snow all mostly melted off
1 pm: snowing again
*ring* *ring* this is (lab in baltimore) Want to come do a study for $4K in March?
This is my job. I sit around wasting time online, and a few times a year somebody calls and offers me money.
beats working

 

by arbi
2-27-08
Generaly speaking, I read the comics by donors and don't read the comics by non-donors. It usually works pretty well.
but recently, there's a donor whose strips i'd rather not read, only sometimes I don't notice it's them and read them anyway.
Is there a feature where we can donate to have somebody removed from the donor list?
I don't know where this chicken came from. Seriously, it just showed up while I was trying to enter text.

 

by arbi
3-01-08
Yesterday: Evansville and back. Stayed up all night, left 5 am, took turns driving so we didn't fall asleep at the wheel.
It was another interesting man-date. We ate at our favorite Indian place in terre haute, and he had me read him poetry from a Norton's anthology I gave him. He's a math major but lives for poetry.
Today: used the internet to find an open bank branch, withdrew money, made a rent a car reservation, cancelled it, got crispy tofu from general tsao's.
It's nice to have disposable income again! Tonight the junkyard mechanic fixes my car, if all goes well, $150.
Tomorrow: drive all night, take mom out to dinner? be in BalTimOre monday morning.
I used to know a guy named Tim Ore. He was thrilled they had a whole city promoting his sex life.

 

by arbi
3-02-08
I could easily do a whole strip on last night, waiting for the junkyard mechanic to get my car done, and the seedy bar i hung out in while waiting. 1 am, I pick up my car. I had cancelled the rental.
He says "It's done, but there's a problem." Still no reverse. The new transmission has problems, but I decide to try to get to Baltimore anyway, after he assures me it's no problem.
It handles badly, but it runs, until I run into mountainous country around Wheeling. From there it just got worse, going 35 on the interstate.
The car blew up (not literally, but black smoke and idiot lights and dead dead dead) right where I-70 meets 695 in Baltimore.
I have the alarm set in time to still make the appointment tomorrow morning. I came back to the hostel instead of staying for the wet underwear contest.
So I left it in a ditch with a note and took the bus into town. I find the hostel. It turns out to be a mansion in the best part of town, great staff, nice residents, $31.
I get directions to a couple of lesbian bars in walking distance and have a great time. I met a really cute bartender, and the posse of linedancing lesbians was fun.

 

by arbi
3-04-08
http://www.slate.com/id/2185720/
rabbit season
duck season
article in slate explains election in terms of bugs bunny always wins over daffy duck
polls just closed in ohio, i'm waiting for results. the obama people were out in force when i was in ohio yesterday

 

by arbi
3-04-08
So after everything I went through to get to Baltimore, I go in and they tell me they cancelled the study and didn't bother to tell me.
They let me screen for this other study, that would have paid $10,000 for a month, but I didn't get in because I don't have high cholesterol.
Took a bus to the greyhound station, went to pittsburg, columbus then home.
Walked from the bus station home, realized I'd left my truck at the mechanic's, rode my bike to get the truck, back to the bus station to get my bag, home, try to sleep.
I was only gone 50 hours, felt like a week. A nice little adventure. I'll do it again some time. They wanted me in North Carolina today, but they didn't tell me in time so I'm not there.
Tomorrow night evansville, then I have a week free before Kalamazoo trip. Maybe I'll buy a car.

 

by arbi
3-04-08
I can see you there.
No you can't.
He puts the ale in sale.
So, how's the talking mannequin installation going, Mr. new york hot shot fashion designer?
Groovy!

 

by arbi
3-04-08
I can see you there.
No you can't.
jedi mind trick
These aren't the droids I'm looking for. I'll move along.

 

I'm a female who knows govermnent well. And I'm not George Bush.
I seek universal health care for all Americans!
by arbi, 3-04-08

 

by arbi
3-05-08
kane2742/424642/
Hey Mr, do you have Dark Knight of the Sole, issue #3? ... ... .......*cries*
Not till tuesday.
Why do I work at a comic store, you may be wondering? The pay's not so great but the bennies are nice
I get a %40 discount, and lunch, but mostly it's about the power.
I was unpacking some boxes today, and noticed that a mouse ate my copy of thrilling wonder stories, july 1943. *cries*
Hey Mr, do you have Dark Knight of the Sole, issue #3? ... ... .......*cries*
Not till tuesday.

 

[ ivy come back to us *cries* ]
I'm Batman!
by arbi, 3-06-08

 

by arbi
3-07-08
shank/424704/
comma comma comma comma chameleon
apostrophes, not so much.
you come and go, come and go
kind of like my date tonight. he just went.

 

by arbi
3-07-08
up all night. drove to e'ville and back. this study is finished finally. we continued our debate about diet and ethics.
we were running too late for the indian place, and the japanese place was closed, so we ate at triple dragon buffet, and arm wrestled to see who would leave the tip.
we made a vague date to play chess sometime, and will be staying in touch about which studies to do when.
he read me poetry from the anthology i gave him, and from his pocket wallace stevens collection.
(i woke up 12 hours later and started cleaning the kitchen. it snowed, then melted.)
i went to the club and spent more money than usual, but i got some bang for my buck.
now i'll go sleep for two days. it's spozed to snow tonight. i'm drunk.

 

by arbi
3-09-08
yesterday: didn't do anything.
dishes, laundry, collected rent, went to a gary gygax wake at Barfleet and got wasted.
today: didn't do anything.
made a phone call, looked up some bus schedules.
plan for tomorrow: maybe i'll make a comic.
oh, tomorrow have to rent a car and go to kalamazoo. i thought it wasn't til thursday.

 

by arbi
3-10-08
I was going to go vote, but when I got there at 4 it had closed at noon.
I was going to check my oil, but it got dark.
I was going to rent a car, but it cost too much at 3 places and the other 3 were out of cars.
I'm going to hang out at the club but not drink, and then drive to Michigan, and not fall asleep at the wheel.
I answered the phone, I took out the trash, that was about it for today.
The thing in Michigan is a $5000 study I might get into.

 

by arbi
3-12-08
oh, and there were bunnies in the woods
yesterday, drove to michigan and back. pointless meeting they could have done by email and phone, but i guess the more trouble they make it the less competition i have.
ran out of gas in ft wayne, walked for miles uphill thru ankledeep slush, got home too late to vote. the bad guy won.
cafe casa
i went to my favorite bookstore in kalamazoo $50 and fave coffeeshop, it's a homey place where his friends drop by and swap lies, and one guy gave a lilttle piano concert. $7.
a friend promised to call, and didn't, so i've been staying in waiting. i cleaned up the garden and transplanted some seedlings and moved some boxes to the basement.
so that's $185 gas, $7 lentil soup $50 books $8 oil $11 greek buffet = $261, a 50% chance of a $5k gig for april. i go back for lab tests next week.
i've been compulsively playing solitaire and avoiding looking at my to-do lists.

 

by arbi
3-13-08
frugal freegan files: turkishish coffee
Ingredients: 1) cheap jar decaf instant coffee from aldi - $1.69
2)Teaspoon of cardoman seeds from a package picked up cheap at some indian joint for $2.00
currently reading: www.thedevilspanties.com
put the cardomon seeds into the jar of coffee, shake,
1 teaspoon per cup. no more than 12 cups a day.
in other news, our town elected its first muslim congresscritter yesterday, an andre carson.
It's like an instant vacation to an exotic clime.

 

by arbi
3-13-08
Box rent $40 coffee 10 gas 40 rent 425 drink 4, income $280, net = 239 plus what i spend at the club tonight.
Woke up by 5 pm, checked my mail, bought gas and decaf. Stopped in a local bar off rt 40. It's the first time i've been there that i havent been hit on by hookers.
I was up past dawn reading a history of mile high comics, where i used to shop.
http://www.milehighcomics.com/ edgarchurch/page3.html
a young guy with a comic book shop i used to shop at gets an offer to haul away crazy grampa's house full of vintage comics, stuff like batman #1. It's an adventure, kind of like the time I
found that dumpster full of mad science gear from R B Anniss Electrical Apparatus co. except more lucrative.
8:30. I guess I have time to catch up on my usual blogs and then get ready to out. Maybe I'll wash some dishes.

 

by arbi
3-13-08
I know you. We've talked online. You're the cartoonist.
I was out at the club tonight, and some guy came up and said he knows me from my comics.
apparently we'd chatted on ratemyaardvark or some such place. he's a big land developer down in bloomington, I should have gotten a card.
tzif
we commiserated about how smoky it was, and i left. but it's nice to now and then run into somebody who recognizes me.
i spent most of my time feeling alone and isolated, either in a crowd or here at home. it's one reason i do the comics.

 

by arbi
3-14-08
www.menshealth.com, search on "dummies"
I'm quoted in an article in Men's Health called Drug Test Dummies.
"He met his modest goal of $10,000 annually within the first few months by traveling to different clinics in the Midwest. "
went to bank, paid off my credit card $1000, the line at the electric company was too long, started digging up my garden, took a look at a car i'm going to buy tomorrow $750, '91 Tbird.
Scheduled a screening appointment in Ohio in case the Michigan gig falls through.
So so far it's been a busy and productive day although I got up at 2 pm and have been mostly surfing /b/.
S'up, /b/? Ron Paul!

 

by arbi
3-15-08
http://www.explosm.net
Was up late online, as usual. Got up, went to the bank to get the money to buy the car.
Next to the bank is General Tso's. I'm addicted to their crispy tofu.
the first few thousand aren't funny, but then this one is. www.explosm.net/comics/506/
So I was eating my tofu and reading cycanide and happiness, and then I went to the car place.
And saw somebody else driving off in the car I was going to buy.
my vegas rules solitaire score is up to $1328, $1462. I can quit anytime I want.
I think I'll go back to bed now.

 

by arbi
3-15-08
On tuesday, the court hears argument in DC v Heller, a landmark gun case.
yro.slashdot.org/article.pl? sid=08/03/16/0347245 ooh i got an article on slashdot
duck season!
rabbit season!
http://www.scotuswiki.com/ index.php?title=DC_v._Heller

 

by arbi
3-15-08
http://www.explosm.net/comics/586/
Setup.
Bait.
Punchline.
Awkward final panel.

 

by arbi
3-16-08
http://www.explosm.net/comics/602/
clipclop clipclop
http://www.explosm.net/comics/691/ every once in a while there's actually a funny one
dude, what happened?
I just got stoned off my ass.

 

by arbi
3-17-08
http://www.explosm.net/comics/901/
seen the new kid? dude what's with him?
only wears black. has that funny haircut.
don't go read them. usually mean and bitter brings the funny, but not so much these.
only plays acoustic guitar. Oh hai zephraim.
hey guys
emo fag
lewl

 

by arbi
3-17-08
knoxvilletalks.com/2008/03/14/obamaor-obama/
buh-bye
http://www.leprecon.org/
orangemen
army of irish republicans

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