All comics by umfumdisi

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by umfumdisi
7-08-07
Bobby's shoes.
Bobby's ox.

 

by umfumdisi
7-14-07
Welcome to America's hottest new game show (imported from the UK). Let's get started... "Sleeping With The Enema?"
Porno.
Absolutely fabulous answer! Next ... "Thelma & Louise & Veronica?"
Porno.
Superb! Correctly guess this last one and win a year's supply of anal lube! "Driving Miss Daisy?"
Porno! Damn that Morgan Freeman has a sexy voice.

 

by umfumdisi
7-14-07
Then there was my winter spent shoveling coal for the Great Eastern Railroad ...
Charlie the Conductor was always admiring my caboose, but Engineer Reb had already introduced me to "the secret of the coal chute."
To this day, I can hardly stand walking or driving through a tunnel -- especially while eating fudge.

 
by umfumdisi, 7-14-07

 

Nice day ootside, eh?
by umfumdisi, 7-14-07

 

by umfumdisi
7-15-07
My parents went to www.stripcreator.com and hit the random button.
All I got was this lousy comic.

 

by umfumdisi
7-15-07
Hello?
I'm collecting for FFA, Future Furries of America. Did you know that some children can not even afford their own animal costumes ...
or musk glands?
I bet he's getting his check book.

 

by umfumdisi
7-15-07
Unbeknowst to most homeowners, vengeful Cabinet Bats lurk in many kitchens just waiting for the perfect opportunity to strike.
I'm tellin' ya, Harriet, it's freakin' weird. Every time I try cookin' my famous meatloaf, it disappears!
Die Meatloaf!

 

by umfumdisi
7-17-07

 

by umfumdisi
7-17-07
Nice to meet you. I'm Larsen, a meat-eating Satanist.
I'm Daffodil, a vegan Wiccan.
Damn it, I'll never find anyone good enough to take home and meet Mom's corpse.

 

by umfumdisi
7-17-07
WOW! Look at hot sexy Asian girl sexxx action?
Imagine such pleasures are bought monthly.
Just proscribe to our services of sex antics frolicking?
Our anus open daily!

 

by umfumdisi
7-17-07
DING DONG!
Who's there?
Should have looked through the sheephole...

 

by umfumdisi
7-23-07
Ah, Thor, how are your feet?
Excellent, Doctor, my toes are now free from pain.
Wonderful! But ... why are you here?
I wrenched my back.

 

by umfumdisi
7-23-07
I don't even know what I'm doing here. I had one little shot of Wild Turkey, you know? Okay, a double. Sorry to waste your time and all. I'll give you the money. Just don't tell my buddies, okay?
I mean, I thought a hookup outside my species was a good idea, but now we're here and the goose is in the oven so to speak. I just don't think I'm comfortable enough with myself to even do this...
Quack.
Fuck me now.

 

by umfumdisi
7-26-07
I must buy Sex Cookie!
Pardon?
You know ... Big Bang! Sex Cookie!
I think you're at the wrong place...
Me like Big Bang! Sex Cookie! MUNCH, MUNCH!

 

I hate to break it to you here, Brenda, but you know these office romances never work out.
by umfumdisi, 7-26-07

 

by umfumdisi
7-26-07

 

by umfumdisi
7-26-07
Thanks for holding that envelope so I could address it, Dave.
Fucking hell! That "5" looks like a "6". Let me change it real quick...
*SNAP* Fucking shit! My lead broke. Eberhard, my ass! Anna, get out here and sharpen me!

 

Hi, Titfuck Fairy!
by umfumdisi, 7-26-07

 

You mean we've been roomies for a year and you've never touched my long, luxurious hair? Go ahead, bro, feel it!
by umfumdisi, 7-28-07

 

by umfumdisi
7-28-07
Well, Elmer, we're the last two people on Earth...
Yup.
Guess there's only one thing left to do...
Yup.
Pitcher!
Damn.

 

by umfumdisi
7-28-07
STOP!
Crap, I didn't even notice you there!
Because of my camouflage?
No, because you're black.

 

by umfumdisi
7-28-07
Why do they call this the "Great" Wall?
Sure, it's big and long and hard ...
Oh!

 

by umfumdisi
8-07-07
MUNCH, MUNCH, MUNCH... GAK! COUGH!
COUGH, COUGH! GAAAAAAAAAK!
MURF!
The next morning...
Why the hell didn't you come to bed last night?

 

by umfumdisi
8-22-07
Ted McGinley?
Michael Vick?
Scarlett Johansson?

 

by umfumdisi
8-22-07

 

by umfumdisi
8-22-07
Coming up next, important information for men with blonde hair wearing blue shirts...
Wow, that information sounds like it will be right up my anus!
Right up my anus? Don't you mean "Right up my alley?"
Well, they are both dark, narrow and frequented by the homeless.
My bad.

 

Next on 20/20, John Stossel answers the intriguing question, "Does watching too much television make your eyes bigger?"
by umfumdisi, 8-22-07

 

by umfumdisi
8-22-07
They say technology is having a negative impact on our lives? What a crock!
Just a couple of years ago, my hobby was photography. I'd spend hours outside just watching the sunset waiting for the perfect shot.
Now, thanks to my digital camera, I can take hundreds of photos of the sunset, download them to my computer, and spend hours inside searching for the perfect shot.

 

by umfumdisi
8-27-07
I'm worried about Bugs.
Really?
Yeah, they say he won't eat pussy.
Why?
He doesn't like hare on his tongue!

 

by umfumdisi
8-27-07
METALLICA's "One" plays on the radio...
Crap, better change the station. Might be too rough for the lad.
A violin concerto plays on the classical station...
That's kind of scary, daddy. Go back to the other song.
Oh yeah!

 

Damn, wrong temple.
by umfumdisi, 8-27-07

 

by umfumdisi
8-27-07
Suck it, bitch!
Mmm, slorp, slurp ... that's delicious!
Why do you think they call it Honey Nut?

 

000 00 000!
010 010 11!
by umfumdisi, 8-27-07

 

by umfumdisi
8-27-07
Hello America. I've brought along my little friend here because he symbolizes our current Iraqi policy.
I do?
You see, our soldiers in Iraq are like squirrels in that they're burying the nuts of Democracy so that the trees of Justice may grow and spread their branches of Freedom!
Nuts of Democracy? Sounds about right.
So remember, Squirrels = Soldiers. Nuts = Freedom. Good day and God bless.
Got it. Operation Iraqi Freedom = Nuts!

 

by umfumdisi
8-27-07
What are you eating tonight?
Why do you even ask? You know what I'm going to order.
Don't get testy. You know I'm all for self-determination.
What a load of crap!
Don't be like that. Listen ... I had them pipe in Danzig on the Muzak.
Oh, Danzig? Yes, that makes having brimstone nipples soooooooooooo much better.

 

by umfumdisi
9-14-07
Why is there a canary in the storage room?
I know! It's one of those anti-terrorism indicators.
If it dies, we're supposed to get out of the building as quickly as possible!
Should I play dead now or later?

 

by umfumdisi
9-14-07
Um ... I'd like a bacon double cheese extra pickles no mustard and supersize that with a Coke to drink.
For the tenth time, I'm not a fucking drive-thru speaker!

 

by umfumdisi
9-14-07
I've not seen finer booty in all my time upon the seven seas.
I'll be the hook. You be the hooker.
Thar she blows!

 
by umfumdisi, 9-14-07

 
by umfumdisi, 9-28-07

 

by umfumdisi
9-28-07
That was an illegal u-turn you made back there...
You're crazy, there weren't any signs.
True...
But you did run over a Mexican.

 

by umfumdisi
9-28-07
I'll have the pasta.
Excellent.
Ma'am?
I'll have the antipasta.

 

by umfumdisi
9-28-07
So, can you describe your symptoms?
Lemme see ... flowing of blood from the wrists, constant searing pain in my side and terrible headaches.
And is this a worker's comp claim?
Well, I endured it in order to forgive the sins of all humanity. So, yes, worker's comp.
Sorry, on my list of qualifying job titles here I don't see "Martyr."

 

by umfumdisi
10-13-07
Too much dark meat

 

by umfumdisi
10-13-07
AAAAAAAUUUUUU GGGGGGHHHHHH!
What? What? What?
I dropped my engagement ring down the disposal!
Calm down ... calm down. I'll get it.
Oh, thank you dearest.
No problem. This will be the second-nastiest hole I've had my hand in today!

 

by umfumdisi
10-13-07
Daddy, I want to be a ghost for Halloween.
Okay, you're a ghost! *POOF!*
No, I want to be a scary ghost.
Fine, you're a scary ghost. *POOF!*
Looks in mirror...
WAAAAAAAHHHHH!

 

I, Robot.
iPhone
by umfumdisi, 10-13-07

 

by umfumdisi
10-13-07
Great pie. What kind is it?
Minced meat.
You mean mincemeat, right?
No.

 

by umfumdisi
10-14-07
I say, what a wonderful piece of statuary.
But what does it represent?
I represent freedom of expression in the corporate environment.
Ooh, it talks. Capital!

Showing page 25.

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