All comics by mandingo

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how much do you bench?
6 to 8 hours a day
by mandingo, 11-12-10

 

by mandingo
12-01-10
Johnson, glad to see you recovered from that stroke. you got that new cereal box design ready?
yes, here it is.
!!!!RAPECAN!!!!
take the rest of the week off, Johnson
????RAPECAN????

 

by mandingo
12-16-10
so, look. i had a nice time, but i just don't think the chemistry is righ... what are you doing?
L1 R1 L2 R2
the fuck??!!
L1 R1 x o x o
*GLORP GLORP GLORP*
and now for big head mode...

 

by mandingo
1-06-11
what you see...
click
what they see...
BLOOOOOOOOOOD!!!!!
dear christ! he massacred mom and dad and baby sis but that hasn't quelled his bloodthirst! take us, you demon! this world is too cruel for our innocent hearts!
LOOK AT THE SIZE OF HIS ERECTION!

 

by mandingo
1-08-11
fucking zombies, man! ROCK AND ROLL!
look, zippy. since we're the last two humans alive, let's make some laws so mankind won't ever be this fucked again. first up - no devil horns with the left hand. too gay
no problem!
but don't use your right because they'll
grab you

 

by mandingo
1-11-11
so you could totally raise my wife from the dead just like you raised yourself?
sure, sure. not going to though
why not?
right now i've got a huge marketbase because of that little resurrection of mine. if i resurrect your wife, i create competition and everyone will say, "who should i worship, jesus or that fat chick?"
you're a dick sometimes, Jesus
dick with a brand, motherfucker. dick with a brand

 

by mandingo
2-01-11
he came in a close second on American Idol and is just gay as the lay is dong...
cock!
and he's a homeless guy who lost everything during the current economic downfall and has to do whatever he can to survive...
cock!
but this fall on NBC, they ARE...
Aiken and Begs on the case, girlfriend!
is your husband home?

 

by mandingo
2-01-11
remember that time i cloned myself and we gang raped you?
remember that time i cloned myself and we gang raped you?
remember that time i cloned myself and we gang raped you?
uh...
remember that time i cloned myself and we gang raped you?
remember that time i cloned myself and we gang raped you?

 

by mandingo
2-11-11
i deed a nutter
interesting boy you've got there
oh, he's not my son. he's the neighbor's retarded gardener. gets in through the doggy door. spirals one out on our pillows
i deed a nutter

 

by mandingo
2-16-11
sire, sire! DON'T SIGN THAT!
my word, Pimbly! what ARE you on about??
they are HORRIBLE creatures, sire! "To Serve Man" - it's not what we thought it meant!!
DEAR LORD, A COOK BOOK??
worse, sire. so much worse
SO THE DANCE OFF WILL HAVE 3 MINUTE ROUNDS...

 

by mandingo
2-19-11
so being a witch isn't so bad. sure, i gotta throat satan's veiny horse neck occasionally, but look at this view! plus, i get to ditch that goddamned obnoxious neighbor of mine
SWITCH TEAMS, SWEET TITS!
who looks a lot like that guy but with glasses

 

by mandingo
3-01-11
man, my back is killing me. will you massage it for me?
i'll massage the inside of your vagina with the outside of my cock
there. NOW will you massage my back for me?
sorry. i would, but i don't wanna get whore all over my hands

 

by mandingo
3-04-11
dear christ, i just found out my sister died
you must be all torn up inside

 

by mandingo
3-04-11
are you serious? you're doing that rhyming thing? NOW??
i'm sorry, i'm sorry. i know it must hurt. ow.

 

by mandingo
3-04-11
YOU'RE STILL DOING IT!!!!
i wonder if she died and did a shit?

 

by mandingo
3-04-11
ashes to ashes, dust to dust
you like little boys, i trust
i'll grab the check

 

by mandingo
3-05-11
fine, you've kidnapped me and dragged me out to this deserted field. now what?
i'm thinking i'm either going to steal your overcoat or chop off your legs
oh, no, not the overcoat!
sarcasm, you dick.

 

!
by mandingo
3-09-11
WHAT THE HELL!
!
!
cheating on me?! with a woman?! i didn't even know you were bi!
i'm not, i'm not! i just like a little tang once in awhile!
breaks up the manotony!

 

by mandingo
3-10-11
Chop Chop, walk across that minefield and get to the communication center
you got it, Ace!
Chop Chop, hop through those 300 billion watt lasers and disable the power supply
Fine.
Chop Chop,
FUCK YOU, FUCKO!

 

by mandingo
3-10-11

 

by mandingo
3-17-11
hey boss, it's Stevey. i'm out here by the bridge. just whacked the guy and was about to bury him when... well, it hit me, boss. do you ever feel ashamed? like god's looking down judging us?
sometimes i do, Stevey. sometimes i do. but then i blow my load in this 16 year old's mouth, hold her chin closed till she swallows and then i remember, "Oh yeah! i AM god!"
HAHAHAHAHA
bury the fucking body, Stevey.

 

by mandingo
3-20-11
STABBING STABBING STABBING STABBING
STABBING STABBING STABBING STABBING
and this chicken here
we only accept legal tender

 

by mandingo
3-21-11
where we going, dad!
vacation time, boy! we's hitting the desert! and grab the dog
wait... is this just your way of ditching the dog in the desert?
no, no, the dog's grown on me
*SCREECH*

 

by mandingo
3-24-11
i got an idea. how about we vacation somewhere REALLY hideous. someplace we can't stand
why the hell would we want to do that?
well think about it. we always vacation somewhere great then come home missing it. but if we vacation somewhere shitty, we'll fucking LOVE being home. the entire year will be a vacation!
A WHOREHOUSE?? ROGER, YOU TRICKED ME!!!
actually he sold you

 

by mandingo
3-31-11
what are you doing, Ted?
too much. too much paperwork. ran a hose from the exhaust. gonna end it all. just too much.
how'd you get the car in here?
drove it through the hole. hole the dump truck made. when it dropped all this off.
and the guy with pleading eyes, hogtied in the backseat?
asked me to sign.

 

by mandingo
4-05-11
i can't survive outside of water so i brought you along with me. you're like my reserve tank
kinda like you're scuba diving the concrete jungle
totally.
what if i evaporate?
then i'll kill my father and fuck my mother
DUDE.

 

by mandingo
4-15-11
MY GRANDMA SAYS YOU RAPED HER!!!
is she pregnant?
SHE'S 93!!!!!
hey, there's stranger things than a 93 year old giving birth.
out her butthole.

 

by mandingo
4-15-11
we've secretly raped everyone Jason knows and loves. let's watch.
HELL'S YEAH!
oh.
let's watch as in let's watch his reaction.

 

by mandingo
4-17-11
Ms. Morgan, is Santa Claus real?
oh! well... of course he is, Susie.
she thinks he's real
should we tell her?

 

by mandingo
4-17-11
out the way, foo
easy, tigerella. you picked the wrong bull. ask your FRIENDS about me!
...so he's sobbing, right, and i'm like "Jay, come out of the bathroom." and he's like, "when Bambi gets his mom back!!" a crowd's gathering, theatre's closing, snot's running down his face...
not her.

 

by mandingo
4-27-11
alright, let's hear about this new religion of yours
right, so it's called Christianity PLUS+. instead of Missionaries, we send out Double Anals, instead of confessing sins, we admit we're balls backward. instead of...
do you know there's a candle growing out your head?

 

by mandingo
4-27-11
secret of my success? simple, young man. if i can help it, i don't make fools
god helps himself by not making fools
god helps children and fools

 

by mandingo
4-27-11
god watches Tenspeed and Brown Shoe
kill ze brown eyes and ze jews!
HEIL HITLER!
what. the. fuck.
haha, five bucks

 

by mandingo
4-29-11
Ever wanted to work in a strip club? Ten Seconds to Decide
Oh No!
Just wondering
father! <-------> am sorry :-(
Will you marry me...
The Perfect Match

 

by mandingo
5-14-11
and so, having killed the Lernaean Hydra, Hercules had completed 12 of the 43 Labors, and was well on his way to saving all of mankind
holy shit! Kevin Sorbo!
Hercules.
but next came the "hardest leg" of his journey, the 31 Bathhouses
you suck that cock, Kevin Sorbo!
Hwoculeez!
later, at the Council of Carthage...
what say we just make it 12 Labors?
dear fuck DONE.

 

by mandingo
5-20-11
i'm filled with so much hate right now
that's not hate, that's my cock
yes, but i've named your cock "hate"
you can't name another person's body part
WHEN IT'S IN ME IT'S MINE!

 

by mandingo
5-22-11
i watched Backdoor Virgins 9 last night. dear christ. nearly vomited in my mouth
i'm of the firm belief that you can chart the state of mankind using only the Backdoor Virgins series
Backdoor Virgins 4
surely sire must have meant "cucumber."
if thou wants. but after the pineapple
Backdoor Virgins 1
good news, Mary! you're going to be the cum receptacle of the divine seed! bad news - a broomstick, this sword, that tree behind me and any midgets within a 50 mile radius

 

by mandingo
5-22-11
i can't find my keys anywhere
maybe the rapture got em
i don't think it works that way
probably left them in the door

 
by mandingo, 5-31-11

 
by mandingo, 5-31-11

 
by mandingo, 5-31-11

 
by mandingo, 5-31-11

 
by mandingo, 6-05-11

 

by mandingo
6-06-11
oh no, here come the tractors! they're going to tear down Floppity Forest!
not if *I*, Brumble McOwl, MAYOR of Forest Town, have anything to say about it!
so, you think marijuana's cool? so did i before my gums rotted, my dog imploded, my girlfriend left me for a 32oz Sprite, and i got butt Aids. real cool, huh?
they're gone, Mayor.
...vis-à-vis the party of the first part, hereinafter referred to as the Forest... oh... so they are.

 

by mandingo
6-18-11
so it's the end of the world and here i am stuck in this office as usual. you wasted your life, Lenny. no wife, no family, just this job. this job that you hate
holy shit, Len, did you hear?
I'M GONNA RAPE YOU

 

by mandingo
7-09-11
DAD kicked me OUT for BEing GAY. THAT hypoCRITE smokes THREE COCKS a DAY
don't DO as i DO, just DO as i SAY. FIND a WOMAN or AWAY you STAY
LEND me your SISTER, pay you BACK with INTEREST
don't KNOW what that MEANS, take the JEWish PRINCESS
i NOW proNOUNCE you MAN and WIFE
MEET me beHIND the altar BOYS in FIVE

 

by mandingo
7-14-11
same stilettos.

 

by mandingo
7-24-11
when i say 2001, what do you think of?
9/11
totally. but before 2001, you ask that question and 99% of people say "2001: A Space Odyssey"
huh, true. same with 1999. before it, everyone thought about that Prince song. looking back, everyone thinks Y2K
kinda scary. makes you wonder how this year's going to be remembered. for all we know it could be associated with date rape and house fires
or worse yet, Prince again

 

by mandingo
8-08-11
whatever happened to all those Filipino women you used to hang out with?
i absorbed them.
hey, Liwayway.
hey, Chuck.
wasn't that one of them?
it's a waiting game.

 

by mandingo
8-11-11
geez, Steve. i heard your wife took her own life. i'm so so sorry
thanks, Jen. it was just so unexpec
*flerf*
woah! she'll smell THAT in hell!

Showing page 26.

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