All comics by umfumdisi

Profile

 

by umfumdisi
10-14-07
Hi everybody. Just wanted to show you my new friend, Mr. Stinkybutt.
Howzit goin', buttheads?
Don't worry ... I told him all about Jesus. He's read to convert.
Hallelujah! Just in time, too ...
Why does God hate everything I love?

 

by umfumdisi
10-14-07
Crap, it's a zombie.
Choad?
You guessed it! Wait a minute ... dcom?
Uh, BRAAAAAAAAAAINS?

 

by umfumdisi
10-14-07
Wow, they opened up a big hole there, but now it's filled.
So he guides it to the tight end ...
who sees the backside hole. BAM, He's in it!
Am I watching football or porn?

 

by umfumdisi
10-14-07
Wonder Lesbian powers ... ACTIVATE!
Wonder Lesbian powers ... ACTIVATE!
Form of ... a rocket powered dildo!
Form of ... an elephant!
Wouldn't it be better it they just stayed girls?

 

by umfumdisi
10-14-07
I love winter time in New York City!
Why? Hot chocolate outside the MOMA?
No.
Frozen bumsicles in the alleys? Martha Stewart flies south? Yellow snow?
No, partially, and no. I love it becuase hookers will blow you for one dollar if you let them warm up in your car.

 

by umfumdisi
10-18-07
http://www.stripcreator.com/comics/RedfeatheR/408035
Father, I have a religious question...
You can ask me any question that pertains to religion
If God and Jesus had sex...
Would it be incest or masturbation?
Cum union.

 

by umfumdisi
10-18-07
Welcome to our store. How may I help you?
I need a pillow ...
No problem.
For my ass.
You mean a cushion?
No. Ass pillow.

 

by umfumdisi
10-18-07
FETCH!

 

by umfumdisi
10-20-07
Robbing a bar with a crowbar. What could be more ironic?
!
Oh.

 

by umfumdisi
10-20-07
Excuse me, I'd like some hot alien lovin'.
Sorry, I ain't no alien.

 

by umfumdisi
10-20-07
Sheeba, what you doin' out here again?
I'm jest walkin'.
On the street?
Yup, streetwalkin'.
Get in the squad car.
Dang.

 

by umfumdisi
10-20-07
Too damn hot n dry out here.
I sure could use some water.
Howdy!
Thanks fer lettin' me wash my hair, little buddy.
?

 

by umfumdisi
10-20-07
Thanks fer comin' down, Sheeba. The boys is lookin' forward to seein' ya after a hard day's work.
No problem. I'm hungry as hell.
Hungry?
Yup.
I'ma eat all them barn raisins.

 

by umfumdisi
10-28-07
I serve my master in the Clan of the Black Fist!
I serve my master in the Clan of the White Hand!
I am a sworn enemy of The Clan of the White Hand!
I am a sworn enemy of The Clan of the Black Fist!
Bob?
Morty!

 

by umfumdisi
11-10-07
Remember that time we got hit by a car?
Remember that time we got hit by a car?

 

by umfumdisi
11-10-07
You civilians thought it was a pushover, but Desert Storm was rough.
Can you talk about it now?
Not yet...

 

by umfumdisi
11-10-07
I recall with great fondness the times you and I would sit on our island saying nothing and staring intently into each other's eyes.
Who the hell are you?

 

by umfumdisi
11-16-07
Hello, I'm calling to see if my plan covers a sleep study. Also, do I need a referral from my doctor.
Let's see ... a referral is not required and sleep studies are covered.
Great!
Wait a minute ... says here you do need either a predetermination or letter of medical necessity.
And where would I get either of those things?
From your doctor.

 

by umfumdisi
11-16-07
Is it okay if I try on some clothes in that room behind you?
You mean the room behind me with a door over which large capital letters spell out "FITTING ROOMS?"
Yes?
We don't normally allow that, but in your case I'll make an exception.
Thank You!!

 

by umfumdisi
11-16-07
Bernard, I hope life on the Moon is treating you well. We all miss you and admire your bravery. Love, Ann
PS - Even here at the Mauna Kea Observatory in Hawaii using a super-powerful telescope, I could not see your penis.

 

by umfumdisi
11-16-07
Hmmm ... knife or axe?
Hmmm ... Magnum or Glock?

 

by umfumdisi
11-16-07
Hello!
Little late for Halloween aren't you?
I'm Wanda ... from Wiccan Wanda's Cleaning Service.
Wiccan! That means you're a good witch, right?

 

by umfumdisi
11-19-07
So, did you dump the bodies where no one will ever find them?
Yeah, Rosie O'Donnell's vagina.

 

by umfumdisi
11-19-07

 

by umfumdisi
11-30-07
A traffic safety sign repeats this message outside West Town Mall...
TAKE YOUR PURSE
LOCK YOUR CAR
HIDE YOUR GIFTS
HO, HO, HO-LY SHIT!

 

by umfumdisi
11-30-07
Y'arrr, I'm the Captain ... of your heart.
Would ye care to be my first mate or just mate first?
It takes a crew of 10 to straighten me jib.

 

by umfumdisi
11-30-07
It's a long drive to Panama, so I brought us some doughnuts.
DOUGHNUTS? NO!!!
You prefer poundcake?
Sir, I need to smell, I mean, see your license and regisprinkles, uh, registration.
Might as well jump in and finish what ya started.

 

I know you want to make good time, but this is fucking ridiculous.
by umfumdisi, 11-30-07

 

by umfumdisi
11-30-07
In one hand I hold a zombie poison. In the other hand I hold a zombie potion.
You must choose one and drink it.
Then you must drink the other one and tell me which you like better.
Try something new, she said. What's the worst that could happen, she said.

 

by umfumdisi
12-02-07
Legendary Stuntbiker Evel Knievel died quietly today at his home in Clearwater, Florida. Here with a rebuttal is ... Evel Knievel?
Wrong, dambass. I'm just doing my stunts underground from now on.
My apologies, Evel. Viva la Knievel!

 

by umfumdisi
12-02-07
Aye lass, you'll be mine schooner than later...
I'll give ye a Jolly Roger, alright!
Don't worry, I be quite good at handling chests.

 

by umfumdisi
12-02-07
Guess I'll have a glass of port.
Alas, poor Yorick ... I knew him, Horatio; hell, I killed him.
Now then, where's my beater attachment?

 
by umfumdisi, 12-02-07

 

by umfumdisi
12-02-07
Watch yourself out here in the jungle, Simmons. You never know what you'll encounter.
Okay, got it. I'll be careful.
SIMMONS!!! NO!!! That's obviously a boobie trap!

 

by umfumdisi
12-04-07
Good news, honey. I installed a stripper pole in our bedroom.
FANTASTIC! ...What's the bad news?
It's just to look at.

 

by umfumdisi
12-04-07
I hit my head on this huge wall clock the other day.
OUCH! How did that happen?
I was decorating the christmas tree, and I had to use a stepladder to get the angel on top.
Anyway, I didn't realize I was so close to the wall, so I climbed up two steps and --
It clocked you!

 

by umfumdisi
12-04-07
I had this crazy dream the other night.
It all seemed like one big setup for a kaufmanesque joke.
Then I woke up before getting to the punchline.
Sounds like you suffered from premature imagination.

 
by umfumdisi, 12-04-07

 

by umfumdisi
1-01-08
Oh, dear. I forgot to buy Mrs. Cubbinson a present. Why do I do things like that?
Cause you're fucking old?
I'm looking for a mock turtleneck.
Why? You've got the real thing already.
Excuse me, do you have men's underwear?
My wife certainly hopes so.

 

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!
At least someone remembered.
by umfumdisi, 1-01-08

 

by umfumdisi
1-04-08
Say, Bruce. Did you know I can take my clothes off and put them back on in two seconds?
No way.
Ta-Da!
I'm a bit disappointed about the underwear.

 

by umfumdisi
1-04-08
So do you have any special talents?
Just one ... you'll need to step back a bit.
I can look at the bottom of my own feet while standing up.

 

by umfumdisi
1-04-08
Why did I rush down here again?
Need a favor.
Okay...
Pull my finger!
Anal Implosion.
This is so ridic --

 

by umfumdisi
1-04-08
Let me get this straight ... some dude breaks into your house every morning and steals your eggs. And this has been going on for several years?
Bwak.
But it happens so early every morning that you've never gotten a really good look at him?
Bwak, bwak.
Could it be that motherfucker over there cooking omelettes?
Bwak-ock!

 

by umfumdisi
1-04-08
The Arcade by Ted Milner...
Quarter-eating whore of youth! Your pixels held a simple truth. ----- Left and Right; Jump and Fire! Your minions never seemed to tire.
I explored your galaxy ... with 1ups to infinity. ------------ How the hours came and went, and ended with allowance spent.
And my reward? Always the same... The first three letters of my name.
Can I borrow a dollar?

 

by umfumdisi
1-04-08
In there is where we make all the pies.
ALL THE PIES?
All the pies.

 

All the pies?
by umfumdisi, 1-04-08

 

by umfumdisi
1-04-08
I'd like the Hammered Head with a side of Nails.
Comin' right up.
Honey, you gotta check out this crazy menu.

 

For me!?!
by umfumdisi, 1-04-08

 

by umfumdisi
1-04-08
We received a call about a fire!
Did it go ... "Feel my heat takin' you higher, burn with me, Heaven's on fire. Paint the sky with desire, angel fly, Heaven's on fire?"
Uh ... yes.
Sorry. False alarm.
I've had it up to here with your prank calls, Simmons.

Showing page 26.

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