All comics by Makin_d_bacon

 

by Makin_d_bacon
3-26-18
An alarm sounded at a local business...
* ah ooga...ah ooga...*
C'mon out Butch! It don't gotta go like last time you broke in here!
... that Butch was very familiar with...
You ain't just sayin that, are ya? You were rough as heck with me then.
I HAD to be. You're quite a handful ya know! Now get out here pronto or else...
...."Flowers R Us"!
Or else what? No more cuddling with me during C.O.P.S.? This time I grabbed your favorite Daffodils!
GOD it makes me so hard when you talk like that, Butchie!

 

by Makin_d_bacon
3-26-18
Ya sho kin tell who be doin all de woik round here!
Meaning?
Looky here, Cracker! Look at all dis woik I be totin round wit me!
So? Good bosses know how to make dim witted, useless employess like YOU at least APPEAR to be busy! Even YOU may earn a red tie one day! Now GO!
Oh...hello Boss. I didn't know you were behind me.
So, have you cleaned all the erasers and emptied all the trash cans & pencil sharpeners yet?

 

by Makin_d_bacon
3-27-18
"I'm a karma, karma,karma, karma, karma Chameleon..."
*queef-QUEEF*
He ate yer darn eggs so shit on his head! Hurry, he's leaving!
"I'm a karma, karma...."
Well...there you sat, broken hearted...
...I TRIED to shit, but I only farted! So sue me!

 

by Makin_d_bacon
3-27-18
So what IS a "Valkyrie" anyway?
In Norse mythology a Valkyrie decides who lives or dies in battle!
YOU'RE a Valkyrie! So...who's it gonna be?
You're asking for MY decision up-front?
"...and the 'red tie' guy dies!"
Quick...ragu4u! Call the Undertaker and cancel like, NOW!

 

by Makin_d_bacon
3-28-18
Maura: Inside the "Ladies Room"
Gosh, I sure hope that log doesn't clog things up when I flush.
Neil: Outside the "Ladies Room"
"Oh well, here goes...*F-L-U-S-H* Oh my God, ...NOOOOO!"
THAT don't sound good!
As Dodger Stadium fills with sewage...
What the hell is all this brown water & that funky smell?
I told Maura NOT to eat all those "Macho Chili Dogs"!

 

by Makin_d_bacon
3-28-18
Night #1
Will that be all, Mr. d_bacon?
It'll HAVE to be! This room cost me $1000!
Night #2
Really? $250 for THIS? It's a cellar, for Christ sake!
Take it or leave it, ya lousy mook!
Night #3 at Hunts Point
That's MY spot fella, BUT if you wanna sleep there...gimme ten bucks and a bottle of "Ripple"!
If I can share my "M-D 20/20" with ya, you got yourself a deal!

 

by Makin_d_bacon
3-29-18
With 2 L.A. Rams Cheerleaders...
I understand we're getting two NEW cheerleaders today!
Yeah. I heard they're kinda "different"!
Oh NO! Please don't tell me that they're robots!
Not robots...worse!
Inside Cheerleader's Locker Room
How do ya think you'll look in a sports bra?
THAT don't worry me. It's them cootchy cuttin, shorty shorts they gonna make us wear! MY nuts gots to "breathe"!

 

by Makin_d_bacon
3-29-18
What are you gonna do about the Pope?
What's he done NOW, Neo?
He's telling the world that "Hell" doesn't exist!
Obviously, big changes need to be made, pronto.
...and in an instant
There sure are a lot of you Catholics showing up down here in Hell since those new scripture texts were found.
Hell? I thought those scrolls say this is really "The Matrix"!

 

by Makin_d_bacon
3-29-18
Meeting her new babysitter.......
Didn't I see you on "To Catch a Pedophile"?
Uh.....
I'm SURE of it! But you were able to run away! I'm gunna...
Oh shubba...
...put new batteries in my dildo & get nakey for ya!
SCREEEEEEEEEEECH!

 

by Makin_d_bacon
3-30-18
Nikolas Cruz in a Fla. Jail......
Do I ever get any mail?
Look punk, you think ANYBODY wants to write to YOU? HA!
Well. I've heard rumors...
And THAT'S just what they are...rumors!
...but truth be told.....
I can'r believe all these are from people who think Nik Cruz is a little "Saint"!
Don't worry Warden, they're not! 99% of them are just from teen-aged girls that wanna fuck his brains out!

 

by Makin_d_bacon
3-30-18
Jenni is BIG into Match-Making....
So you're celibate, huh? I can fix that, ya know! Wait here while I find you someone!
...then moments later.......
Hey..quit! I'm not..!
Now don't stop till you both have had an orgasm!
Conclusion!
So you're GAY, eh? We kinda always figu...
STOP IT! Chen NO Gay! Besides...HE cum waaay before I do!

 

by Makin_d_bacon
3-30-18
Nice costume
This is NO costume! It's an extra coat.
Oh yeah ...like I believe THAT. Then take off the coat & lemme see!
There!
Aiyeeee! Put it back ON! PUT IT BACK ON NOW!

 

by Makin_d_bacon
3-30-18
The Deep South circa 1830.......
Let me hear a good old Negra spiritual, Jamalia!
Yowsa boss! Uh, here be's one! "Hump, dee dump, dee, Hump dee dump dee dump YO..."
Wait! Maybe try another.
"Fashizzle my dizzle, ya funky cracker Whizzle, YO! Word to yo mutha"!
Forget it Jamalia! Just return to my bedroom for your daily rape & lashing.
Yowsa massa. Ya'll sho be one fine raper n lasher I must say. Makes me all glad to be's almost a human.

 

by Makin_d_bacon
3-30-18
What are YOU prayin about?
That you'll GO AWAY!
Ha! Like that shit AIN"T gonna happen. I'm gonna stay here and bug you FOREVER!
There must be something I can give you to leave?
"Thank you Lord for making him SO stupid that he thinks I got him a job at "Hooters"!

 

by Makin_d_bacon
3-31-18
Wow! I didn't think I'd be welcome here!
I AM merciful you know!
But I've done some pretty darned kinky stuff!
That just PROVES how merciful I am...and generous TOO!
You ARE aware of what she specialized in, right?
No need to thank me! You won the Easter drawing so go claim your prize and when you're done with her...down the chute she goes!

 

by Makin_d_bacon
3-31-18
I have an odd sense of doom!
It's almost as if the sword of Damoclese is about to drop! I'm so scared I'm gonna...
*sniff*??
"You stanky assed bitch!"

 

by Makin_d_bacon
4-01-18
Gee, Sister Mary, where is everyone? It's Easter for crying out loud!
I know SOME are at the nudist camp.
Those people are sick! SICK I tell you!
Not sick, just impressionable. The camp is for boys under 10.
Really? Gotta GO!
And here I was gonna say.."April Fools!"

 

by Makin_d_bacon
4-02-18
*Ahem*...er EXCUSE me! Hello?
Winnie Mandela? I didn't see you arrive. Glad your here....
As am I!
...because the "head" needs more towels & toilet paper! C'mon, chop-chop!
*sigh*

 

by Makin_d_bacon
4-02-18
So you got FIRED?
Yup! They even made me leave at gun point!
You're kiddin!
Nope! They said I was bad for morale!
*Flashback* to the Post Office
You work way too fast & make us ALL look bad! Now.....BEAT IT!
*sigh*

 

by Makin_d_bacon
4-02-18
Daddy? Is that YOU?
Quiet punk, I'm reading a note from your mom!
But I need help! I'm stuck in here!
Says here that she's leaving us. She's tired of being the perfect wife and mother. There goes my pussy!
Did a "perfect mom" stuff me in this so-called "Space Capsule"! I'm numb from the waist down.
Quiet ya little brat. I wish it was yer mouth that was numbed. All that damned bitchin of yours done got me "Cock-Blocked" for good!

 

by Makin_d_bacon
4-02-18
I'm the new Court Jester!
So tell me a joke and it best be funny or else!
Sir Butch, the Jester was unfunny. I must decide how to dispatch him.
As you wish, my Liege!
...but Sir Butch was an impatient man!
Sir Butch, it's taken a week but I've tossed a coin to decide the method of dispatch!
*gulp* Oh wise King, for MY sake, I hope it came up "HEADS"!

 

by Makin_d_bacon
4-03-18
Bored? You have every piece of techno crap available!
Not EVERY piece! I want what YOU got too.
Name me one thing. ONE THING I have that you don't!
I like your $10,000, Red Hot Oriental Sex-Bot. Get ME one, or I'll tell mom on you!
So George folded like a cheap suit......
Your wish is my command!
Dad is such a tight-wad. I shoulda figured he'd stick me with a cheaper "used male" version!

 

by Makin_d_bacon
4-03-18
Hey there! Nice ass!
Rube, you disgust me!
Damnit woman, quit yer bitchin! I may be old; but not so old that I can't appreciate a fine piece o ass.
I'm taking a cab home, you horny old bastard!
So, does she hate me?
Who cares? Get in the truck, cutie!

 

by Makin_d_bacon
4-04-18
Any idea why all these "Republican Piss" comics are being made?
No...but we CAN'T get left out!
Look, we have no idea how to make a topic like THAT in the least bit funny!
You're nuthin but a worry wart, d_bacon!
I'm gonna go do some research so we can create a funny comic, rags!
Why start NOW?

 

by Makin_d_bacon
4-04-18
...Testing In Progress!
I'll give you a urine sample NOW!
Fine.
Hmmm. She's been in there quite a while!
So, was the President's urine sample normal?
Meh...a bit more salty than usual. I just hope it doesn't cause a rash again in my cleavage & ass crack!

 

by Makin_d_bacon
4-05-18
...should work the really COLD cases!
I hear you finally arrested the guy after all these years!
Yup. Thanks to D.N.A.! We're holding him next door.
Why the heck did you guys arrest ME? Didn't ya make yer "dwarf" quota this week?
You're under arrest for molesting Judy Garland 79 years ago. Don't deny it! We got yer D.N.A. all over her panties.
I'm innocent, I tell ya! That was my great grandfather. He was a member of "The Lollipop Guild"!
The WHAT? "Molesters" had a Union back then?

 

by Makin_d_bacon
4-05-18
******************************************************************************************************************
That damned "UBER" elf should have delivered the bomb by NOW!
Sorry Mister, I forgot the addr....
****************************************************************

 

by Makin_d_bacon
4-05-18
...with ragu4u & makin_d_bacon!
What the hell are "Human Fluff-Hybrids"?
Aha! Reading "Best Of" quotes by Mandingo, I see. Very intersting!
Talk about two morons needing to get a "Life"....

 

by Makin_d_bacon
4-05-18
Here at CNN, we pride ourselves at covering news....
...right down the middle!
WE here at FOX News pride ourselves ...
...at being so hot and sexy in our tight blouses & mini skirts...
...that when we sit "Just Right" the viewers can see right down the middle of our cleavage & right up the middle of our snatches!
"Camera 2...zoom in on Jen's Double D's. Camera 1...Upskirt on Kimmy!"

 

by Makin_d_bacon
4-06-18
Table for two?
No Earthling! This is my sign of greeting!
Table for two?
Just tellin ya to "Rock On" dude. I'm solo!
How many, sir?
You blind? How many digits am I holding up, STUPID?

 

by Makin_d_bacon
4-06-18
I hope you'll appreciate that properly later, lil Butchy!
Whatever, ya big shit-stain! I'll see ya round back in ten.
Did I just hear you talk to your Daddy that way?
Daddy? Fuck that loser! He's just my uncle.
So, how was school today my son? I see you have an ice cream...again!
Yeah! Yer cum-wad, pedophile of a brother got another "BJ" out of me! Now shut yer fuckin pie hole bitch, before I kick ya in the cunt! I gotta go sterilize my throat.

 

by Makin_d_bacon
4-07-18
It's time, Gary!
Why must you always go do Pediatrics first?
That's just the way we do it around here. Why? What's the big deal anyway?
Spoken like someone who has never...
Never what? Say "ahhhh"!
...tasted a shit covered thermometer.

 

by Makin_d_bacon
4-07-18
When I say "Bash the monkey" I mean "BASH the monkey"!
OK Mr. Kubrick..sheesh!
You were "spankin it" again, weren't you?
Screw that Limey bastard. Nobody is gonna see this stupid flick anyway!
"I'm sorry, Dave. I can't do THAT!"
Damn it, HAL, c'mon!

 

by Makin_d_bacon
4-07-18
Knock and the door shall be opened! Seek and ye shall find!
Really?
Ask and it shall be given!
Ok, I'll give it a shot & go in... but everytime it's been the same...
...and STILL IS! No dog gone toilet paper!

 

"Now hear this! Contest WW:118 is NOW open for business!"
Ya'll come!
by Makin_d_bacon, 4-08-18

 

by Makin_d_bacon
4-09-18
We put him in "Interrogation Cell" number one!
Now, I gotta get him to confess!
This punk is an awfully tough hombre, Skipper. You gonna use the old "good guy, bad guy" technique?
No way! I'm sending in "The Terminator"! This kid will be willing to say ANYTHING to get out!
Stop! STOP, I tell ya! I confess to everything. Just make it S-T-O-P!
Twenty rounds of "Amazing Grace" works every time!

 

by Makin_d_bacon
4-09-18
*knock-knock*
Who is it?
Honey, I'm home! Can you get the door?
Hello, Deer. Forget your key again?
"Beastiality" rocks!

 

by Makin_d_bacon
4-09-18
If you don't like it; too darn bad!
What? Where's the Complaint Dept.?
Down the hall to the left, but you may have to wait.
Who should I ask for?
So, are YOU Helen?
You can call me that! I'll be with you...in about 20 years!

 

by Makin_d_bacon
4-09-18
What are YOU here for?
I'm here to bug you.
And what do YOU want?
Don't mind me. I'll just be a fly on the wall.
What's yer pleasure, lover boy?
You really need to ask?

 

by Makin_d_bacon
4-10-18
I won CC: 689!
You do know what this means, right?
I do, and I will incorporate that idea in the next CC!
And I know the perfect "Go-To" guy for that idea!
*brrrrng*
I wonder who THAT can be?

 

by Makin_d_bacon
4-10-18
FYI to any interested parties...
...our comics are NOW going to take a NEW direction!
From now on they'll be.....
....sanitized for your protection!

 

by Makin_d_bacon
4-10-18
My take on John 2: 1-11
S'up?
Your mom sent me to tell ya that they're out of wine at the wedding feast.
So what am I supposed to do about it?
You're the Son of God! She was kinda hoping for a....uh... a miracle!
The next day...
She said to tell ya "Thanks!" The wine you created was the very BEST!
Hey, I know my mom and, trust me, "Manischewitz" wasn't THAT hard to top!

 

by Makin_d_bacon
4-11-18
My take on Matthew 2: 1-12
This is a cave! I thought you were born in a manger?
Ya got my gifts? Gold? Frankincense? Myrrh? So ya got NOTHING, huh?
I wouldn't say "nothing". I DO have a coupon for 50% off at the "Motel 6" near Bethlehem!
Just great! Go get it while I break the news to Joseph.
But Jesus...Mary & I got no idea where that dump is located!
No problem! I understand... "they'll keep a light on for us".

 

by Makin_d_bacon
4-12-18
My take on Exodus 3:1-15
So, I vunder vy vas I beckoned here?
*Ahem*
Oy vey! Who are you & vhat do you vant?
I am who I am! I have for you, two stone tablets with my "Ten Commandments" enscribed upon them!
Stone tablets? How bout ya just email em to me, eh Buballa?
And this lazy "Schmendrik" will wonder WHY I don't let him enter the "Promised Land"! HA!

 

by Makin_d_bacon
4-13-18
My take on Luke 10: 38-42
Come to check out the "help", have you Lord?
Do I detect a note of displeasure, Martha?
You show up at these feasts with a crowd in tow and "I'M" always the one who has to clean up after them all!
I'll see what I can do about it.
Moments later, in the main room......
More precious and extremely expensive perfume for your feet, Jesus?
OK, but this has to be the last time for a while. And when you're done go help Martha scape plates, n'k?

 

by Makin_d_bacon
4-13-18
My take on Matthew 19:14
That hair makes you look like a girl, Mister!
Nice dress, lady. But you could use a shave!
What's with these kids, Pops?
You know the drill, boy! "Suffer ye the little children". Emphasis on the word "Suffer"!

 

by Makin_d_bacon
4-14-18
Hey d_bacon! Why is everyone ignoring your WW:118 contest?
Not totally. I got one entry! Maybe it's just too hard!
"!"
I'll kill him if he even STARTS to say..."That's what sh...."
How odd! That's what SHE said!

 

by Makin_d_bacon
4-14-18
My take on Luke 10:25-37
Can you assist me? Chen been assaulted!
No way, you lousy chink. Die already!
Me? Help YOU? HA!!! You non-kosher punk, you!
*sigh*
I gotta say...you clean up pretty good!
So why you Samaritans only get "700 Club" on TV?

 

by Makin_d_bacon
4-14-18
Mr. President, we must prevent Asaad from acquiring more mustard gas!
Damn right, General. I want you to destroy the source.
Yes sir...but we have to locate it first.
Idiot! Sparks, Maryland! Just destroy "McCormack Co."
Why them,sir?
They own "French's" If anybody can turn mustard to gas, it's THEM!

 

by Makin_d_bacon
4-15-18
My take on Jonah Chapt. 2
Did you see that whale swallow that guy?
Yeah! It was horrible.
Days later....
Don't look now but the whale just sneezed that dude out!
He DID?
Ok, I'll go...I'll GO! Now...how do I get to Ninevah from here?
You swim Jonah....you SWIM! THEN call Triple A!

Showing page 27.

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