All comics by Makin_d_bacon

 

by Makin_d_bacon
4-15-18
"High Three" me Bud-onk! We Got him!
OK, but what's got YOU all wound up, Kee-Donk?
We FINALLY got Art Bell, dummy! He's dead!
You mean that DJ from 1997 who took the Area 51 "Frantic Call"?
One in the same! What a relief, huh? WHEW!
Ya lucked out pal, because we ALL know who the rookie was that got drunk & prank callied him during the "Intergalactic Ray Gun Convention" back then!

 

by Makin_d_bacon
4-16-18
Sunday 4/15/2018
Finally...WW: 118 has gotten two whole entries!
That's truly depressing. The only thing sadder would be the death of R. Lee Ermy...
...and THOSE odds gotta be 1000 to 1.

 

by Makin_d_bacon
4-16-18
My take on 1 Samuel 17
So yer Goliath, eh? You ain't so bad!
Why David come to kill Goliath?
What makes you think i wanna kill ya?
Goliath not stupid! You got sling-shot in dat pocket or, you just happy to see me?
Then, just moments later....
I dropped him like a bad habit, didn't I?
Easy for YOU to say! Now WE gotta bury his fat carcass!

 

No comic today folks!
We gotta visit his "Shrink"!
by Makin_d_bacon, 4-17-18

 

by Makin_d_bacon
4-17-18
My take on Mathew 3: 13-17
Yo! Johnny B....I need YOU to baptize ME now.
But Master, tis I who should be baptized by you.
Hang on. I don't want this to get ugly & you start FORCING things on people. Just do what I say, the way I say to do it... n'k?
OK, ok. So I made a FEW folks offers they couldn't refuse!
One of John the Baptist's prior efforts...
So THIS is "Baptism", huh???

 

by Makin_d_bacon
4-18-18
That hat is a bit "much", don't ya think?
Ya like that "dribble cup" I gave ya?
Why can't we just get along?
What's that roaring sound and that blazing ball falling from the sky?
Millions of years later....
That hat is a bit "much", don't ya think?
Ya like that "dribble cup" I gave ya.

 

by Makin_d_bacon
4-18-18
My take on Matthew 14: 1-12
Listen here Salome, that dance you did at my bithday party was "the bomb"! Ask what you will & it's yours!
ANYTHING?
Diamonds? Pearls? Rubies, maybe? I know...an American Express "BLACK" card?
I've already got THAT stuff. What I want is......
I wonder if Herod wants the "Baptist's" head gift-wrapped or not?
I could sure go for some locusts & honey about now!

 

by Makin_d_bacon
4-18-18
Was that who I thought it was leaving?
Yup! He needed some reassurance.
But Mr. President, it really is round. I saw it myself!
"Fake News", Pence! "Fake News"!

 

by Makin_d_bacon
4-19-18
My take on Luke 15:11-32
So son, you want to take your inheritance & just leave us?
Yup! This place, you, my big bro...all of ya suck, big time! I got partying to do!
And the boy squandered every penny!
You been comin here for years and now you're broke..so beat it loser!
You CAN'T cut ME off. I'll just go back home to my daddy!
Which is just what he did!
It looks like little bro is crawling back home, Pa! So I guess ya want I should kill the fatted calf, eh?
Kill him? NO WAY! I want to welcome him home with a nice meal & all due respect! And you stop calling him FAT!

 

by Makin_d_bacon
4-19-18
May I take your hat and jacket off, Sir?
You DO and I'll bust yer face, you kinky faggot!
Egad!
Perhaps if I rephrase that! Would you like me to place your cap & coat in the Cloak-Room, Sir?

 

by Makin_d_bacon
4-20-18
I wanna enter that new CC: 691 on Stripcreator.com!
So you wanna be a "Super Hero" now, do ya?
What? You got a problem with that?
The rules state you HAVE TO BE either "gay" or "lesbian" AND a real moron.
I want an extremely close shave, a more revealing dress and my hair in a French braid! Plus, enter me in the "Trump" Fan Club!
But you'll look like a gay idiot! Oh right...THAT'S the point! My bad!

 

by Makin_d_bacon
4-20-18
My take on Daniel 6:1-28
Look Danny boy, you pray only to me or I'll throw ya to the ferocious beast!
Go ahead. Hit me with yer best shot!
Hey, aren't you gonna try to eat me?
Nope! That would be stupid of me and everybody knows "I'm smarter than the Av-a-rage Bear"!
What? Still ALIVE? What about the beast?
I guess he wasn't hungry, sire. He claimed to have brought his own "Pic-a-nik" basket!

 

by Makin_d_bacon
4-20-18
Quick...there's a fire in the rest room!Quick...there's a fire in the rest room!
Which one is it?
You ARE kidding, right?
I'm dead serious!
It's the rest room "I" use, silly!
THAT tells me...zilch!

 

by Makin_d_bacon
4-20-18
Psst! May I hold that?
You talkin to me?
Right you are, sir! May I hold that? I've always had a desire to know what it's like.
What it's like to what?
...to be a "card" shark, naturally!

 

by Makin_d_bacon
4-21-18
Milk, Bread, Dog Food, Toilet Paper, Cookies......
How bout some "forearms"? I could sure use some "forearms, bro!
I'll see what I can do, pal!
Really? I'd hug ya if I could!
But "Ander's Get n Go" was fresh out!
...oh, and some forearms too!
Forearms? REALLY? LOOK at me MORON!

 

by Makin_d_bacon
4-21-18
My take on Exodus 14: 13-30
Oy vey, those darned Egyptians are getting closer!
Yikes! Moses, how will we ever cross this Red Sea?
How's about I ask God to open it up and we just walk across, Joshua?
MORE walking? Is THAT the best ya can do?
Once I drown those Egyptians I need to build up that Joshua's work ethic. Is he good at ANYTHING?
I hear he blows a mean trumpet!

 

by Makin_d_bacon
4-22-18
My take on Matthew 4: 1-11
I'm AM a tad hungry!
Tough turds! Turn some rocks into bread!
That would be tacky!
Then jump off this mountain! I wanna see yer angels snatch ya outta thin air!
Also tacky! I suppose next you're gonna offer to give me everything I can see from here, correct?
NUTS! Him knowing the questions before I even ask em, takes all the fun outta this job!

 

by Makin_d_bacon
4-22-18
Germany ... June, 1889
Klara ees dat lil Adolph I hear crying?
Ya...un lil Adolph screaming away!
Das is goot! He maybe become Great in Opera some day!
Maybe! Or famous motivational speaker, eh Alois?
But just 20 years later....
No I will NOT click my heels and say "Sieg Heil" every time I see you, Adolph!
I vunder eef mama's fat hintern un fit in dat ofen?

 

by Makin_d_bacon
4-23-18
*sniff sniff* I pulled the plug on WW:118 sooner than I wanted! I gave the win to "russman".
Don't take it so hard lil buddy! I'm sure everyone just absolutely LOVED the contest!
NOBODY lies like good old ragu4u!

 

by Makin_d_bacon
4-23-18
My take on...Mark 11:1 -11
I got a job for ya! I want ya to carry my boy into Jerusalem on the Sunday before he's killed!
I can handle that.
It'll be known in years to come as "Palm Sunday"! The crowds will bow down to him.
Cool! I better get down there.
You're supposed to be a king. THAT'S not kingly!
I don't ride in a crowd without head protection!

 

by Makin_d_bacon
4-23-18
You'll be late AGAIN?
Sorry dear but something's come up!
You're becoming quite the regular!
I told her that "something" came up!
Turn around and let me....OH WOW! It sure HAS!
I'll be there...just let me pee!

 

by Makin_d_bacon
4-24-18
My take on Luke 2: 41-52
...anything else yous Temple guys wanna know, Rabbi Ezrah?
How did a carpenter's son get so scripturally wise? Vas it "The Torah For Dummies", maybe?
Oh, oh!
Oy vey...yer in for it now, Jesus boy! Here comes Mary & Joseph!
He ran off saying he was here doing a job for his dad! So tell me, wha's up with THAT?
Look Mary, I'm just the step-dad, remember?

 

by Makin_d_bacon
4-24-18
Care to share?
Wha?
You want some of this wine, eh?
No way! I wondered if you fancied a lick of "air-dick"!
And people say MY mind is shot!

 

by Makin_d_bacon
4-24-18
...in Tucson, Arizona!
My name is Poncho. I live on a rancho & I make five pesos a day!
But when along came Miss Lucy, she give me some pussy...
...and she take my five pesos away!
Deal wit it, beaner! NO refunds!

 

by Makin_d_bacon
4-25-18
My take on Matthew 24: 36-37
Look! Up in the sky! It's a bird.
It's a plane!
NO! It's...."The Second Coming"!
So pops, IS it time?
What part of "It's a secret!" don't you GET?

 

by Makin_d_bacon
4-25-18
Hey Melania, where's the plunger?
Oh Donald, your massive turds tend to break them!
So how the heck am I gonna bust this up!
Well Donald, you've always been a "hands on" kind of guy!
Later that night!
Now don't embarrass me again when I try to hold your hand on the way out of here!
Forget it, Buster! I know where that hand has been!

 

by Makin_d_bacon
4-26-18
My take on Genesis 6: 9-22
You want me to build a "what"? An "Ark"? What's an "Ark"?
It's a huge boat to keep you from dying in the flood!
To keep me from dying in a "what"? A "Flood"? What's a "Flood"?
It's what will happen after I cause it to rain for a long, long time!
You're gonna cause it to "what"? To "Rain"? What's "Rain"?
Look Shem, just forget I even mentioned it and go get me your dad, Noah!

 

by Makin_d_bacon
4-26-18
Gary's day out at the Mall......
Is this a "Fantastic Sam's Salon"?
It sure is, darlin! You lookin for directions?
Now why would you ask THAT?
Uh....I'm sorry sir. I just figured you didn't require...
Well you figured wrong! Now, I'd like you to wash it, trim it, style it and try to hide the gray, if possible.
Pardon me for asking sir but what is..."IT" exactly?

 

by Makin_d_bacon
4-26-18
You do know that your job rides on keeping me.....
He thinks he's such a stud; when he's actually nothin but a...
...VERY happy!
...old goat!
Now go get me lunch, woman & make it snappy!
One sack of dirty old tin cans coming right up!

 

by Makin_d_bacon
4-27-18
My take on Luke 9: 12-17
Look Jesus, we got 5000 guys here, not to mention the women and kids!
But you have 2 or 3 fish and a loaf of bread or two, right? So go FEED em, already, and don't forget to bring back the leftovers!
Oy veys mir! Leftovers? Ha! That'll be the day!
Just do it...chop, chop! I got a big speech to give.
Later on, after the speech & meal....
Yo, Jesus! Nice speech! But I can't believe we got 12 baskets of food left!
Looky here...I don't wanna be an "I told ya so" BUT........

 

by Makin_d_bacon
4-27-18
...Chez ragu/d_bacon....
Pssssst! You guys wanna hear something funny about my buddy, ragu4u?
He was eating Ravioli last night and his front tooth FELL OUT! He had to get it crowned! Bwahahahahahaha!
Naturally that "gay wad" blamed ME! Said they were too...."aldante"! Who knew ya had to cook em first?
I'd respond to d_bacon's moronic comments but my mouth is still numb!

 

by Makin_d_bacon
4-28-18
Phreaky, huh? Well, Phreaky...got any hobbies?
I do like bird watching!
Ya mean you follow the birds like the ones that always go back to Capistrano, eh?
Absolutely!
Then, after I said..."I really love gals who are into "Swallowing"!...she started slapping me & then she called you guys!
Go figure....

 

by Makin_d_bacon
4-28-18
My take on John 21: 1-10
Ahoy! Catch anything, you guys?
Nah! We been out here all night & we got zilch!
Try throwin the net out one last time over the OTHER side of the boat!
What? That's NUTS! Well OK, if you say so! Throw it over, dudes!
A short time later......
S'up there, Jesus? Whatcha need?
Can ya do me a solid & give Peter & those sons of Zebedee a hand? Their boat is kinda sinking from the 153 huge fish they just caught!

 

by Makin_d_bacon
4-29-18
My take on Matthew 27: 11-26
Let's see now...Jesus or Barabas? Jesus or Barabas? Descisions, decisions!
C'mon Pontias Pilate, who gets the prize?
I don't know that I'd call it a PRIZE there, Barabas old boy!
Such a day we got planned for you, Jesus! So Pilate, give us this long haired trouble maker already you "Schmedlik" you!
Many hours later......
Guess I won, huh? Man does 2nd prize suck, or what?
Yeah...or WHAT?

 

by Makin_d_bacon
4-29-18
Ah, ragu4u...long time, no see!
There ya go, shaming me right off the bat!
Now, now...don't be so sensitive! In fact someone is here you may recall. She was the first young lady to...uh...well...show you "the ropes"!
NOW yer talkin! Where is Cinnamon, that hot little piece of.............huh?
Cinnamon?
It's SISTER Cinnamon, now!

 

by Makin_d_bacon
4-29-18
You mean you DON'T think I'm creepy?
No way, stud muffin! Now shed them clothes cuz I'm ready for love!
Really? YOU want ME?
Darn right! Now get "your sexy on" before I change my mind!
Ready or not, here I come!
Yikes! Now THAT shit is CREEPY!

 

by Makin_d_bacon
4-30-18
Sarah, they really reamed you a new one at that "White House Correspondents Dinner, eh?
No problem, sir.
That smutty woman talking about your "brown eye" was way over the line!
My WHAT?
Your "bung hole". Your poop chute, your "Hershey Highway"! Hey! Where ya going?
The handmaidens need their Aunt Lydia, Sir!

 

by Makin_d_bacon
4-30-18
My take on Exodus 14: 21 -29
Tell the people to run faster, Joshua! I can't hold the Red Sea apart forever!
OK Moses, but only if you let me watch you drown the Egyptian Army!

 

by Makin_d_bacon
4-30-18
Lucy in New York City.....
Who are YOU?
Why I'm the former President.
Lucy back home in Sedalia...
You really saw Obama in New York?
I did!
What's he like?
He's got "old-timers". The lunk-head thinks he's a farmer now!

 

by Makin_d_bacon
5-01-18
My take on Genisis 22: 1-10
So Father Abraham, where you takin me?
Mt. Moriah Isaac. Now pipe down, I'm thinkin.
Whatcha gonna do when we get up there?
God told me to make a sacrifice of sorts!
Apparantly, God knows nothin about animal habitats cuz I don't see "Diddley Squat" to sacrifice up here!
Let's give it 5 more minutes cuz I'm hoping for a change in the game plan!

 

by Makin_d_bacon
5-01-18
So why are we out here, rags?
Because, d_bacon, every other Wednesday we manicure the lawn, that's why!
WHAT? It's too hot for that. I got a better idea. Go wait inside! I'll fix it. You'll see!
Oh great! This nudnik MIGHT come back with ANYTHING!
d_bacon to the rescue!
And who might YOU be?
I'm your solution! That pig said you got lawn issues?

 

by Makin_d_bacon
5-02-18
Next Door to Chez ragu/d_bacon.....
Did ya see that "sauce boy" & bacon bits" next door got a goat eating their lawn?
How's it look?
Not bad if ya can stand the smell of all that goat crap!
That smell? That's NOT goat crap!
Well then what the hell is it?
I could be wrong, but I believe I've gone and "shat" myself again!

 

by Makin_d_bacon
5-02-18
My take on Acts 7: 57-60
Yo Stephan...you better beat it. An angry mob is lookin to stone you & mess you up, big time!
I don't sweat them! They ain't so bad
Here they come dude, and that Saul guy is with em, carrying rocks. They look ticked!
Who cares? I'm gonna just go over here and lay down for a bit. Those morons are clueless, I tell ya! They got NO IDEA what their doing!
...but "stone him" they DID!
See? I told ya, Stephen. Stephen? STEPHEN? Wake up, dude!
*zzz* *ZZZ* *zzz*

 

by Makin_d_bacon
5-03-18
Wha'cha need, Satan old Boy?
Advice! I just cannot get Phreaky to put out! What's the problem?
You're not dapper enough. She wants a he-man. A "Hollywood" type. You know...sexy, good looking, athletic, SMART! Become THAT guy!
Fine...I'll just take over his body!
But, alas...THAT didn't work out so well.
Hey baby, my friends call me rags...wanna "knock boots"?
Ewwwwwww...I'd rather have a "ground glass" enema, you "Ben_Gay" smelling old fart!!

 

by Makin_d_bacon
5-03-18
My take on Matthew 2: 16
Vy are you here?
I'm here to to slay all the males under 2 years of age.
Vee got nobody like zat here!
I'll be the judge of THAT. LET ME IN!
AHA! And how old are YOU, boy?
I'll be 83 on my next birthday. My legs are just kinda short for this walker. Now, would I lie to YOU?

 

by Makin_d_bacon
5-04-18
...and make it look like an accident!
Gotcha!
Yes, I'm Nancy Pelosi! And who might YOU be?
Let's say that I'm employed by an "agent of change"!
I see you've got it! Any problems?
The trick is to get the piano wire tight enough so that when you give er the gas the head pops right off! It's an "ART" more than a "Science".

 

by Makin_d_bacon
5-05-18
Thanks for taking me to Hawaii!
No problem, sweetie! We can do Vegas next year!
Did you hear that explosion?
Why are those coconuts dropping from the trees!
Moments later......
My feet just melted!
So did our Disney Cruise ship!

 

by Makin_d_bacon
5-05-18
Hit the showers? For what?
You just pooped on the opposing teams part of the field.
So that's illegal, huh?
You're not too bright are you?
When ya gots to go, ya gots to go: and where better than the "turdy" yrd. line Coach?
To the showers! NOW, Mister!

 

by Makin_d_bacon
5-06-18
You do know that I consider myself to be more popular than you! Right?
I heard that very same thing from a kid back in 1966.
You don't scare me. I'm "Untouchable"!
So was John Lennon....till he wasn't!
I want this sketchy looking guy arrested!

 

by Makin_d_bacon
5-06-18
Is ragu4u's girlfriend here tonight?
Bambi? She has guys taking numbers out in the alley!
Oh wow! I wonder if his wife knows?
She MUST!
How do you know THAT?
She works the other side of the alley!

Showing page 28.

« Previous Next »