All comics by Ranger77

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by Ranger77
3-26-17
Steve Bannon will heal this country. That's all I have to say about that. Next question?
Can we talk to him? Maybe an interview will soften his image?
An hour ago....
The smell I like the most is that of a woman's inner thigh when she screams in anger against a man who threatens her self-esteem while holding a six pack of Klondike bars.
Uh...no. You can't. He's busy.
How about that that HUD guy? I hear he spends the day watching Jeffersons reruns on Netflix....

 

by Ranger77
3-31-17
I've been asked to come here to defuse misconceptions you may have about me.
Appreciate it. We'd like to know the real Steve Bannon. For example we know the President golfs alot. What did you do last weekend for fun?
Last weekend...
That was GLORIOUS! I'd like the one in freezer 14, 7 and 21. ESPECIALLY 21. I already have my own....bags...
I made birdhouses. Little. Wooden. Birdhouses.
Did it get cold in here?

 

by Ranger77
4-05-17
I fail to see why I was removed from the National Secuirty Council.
Steve...you were a distraction. Things are tough right now and the President needs to get some wins.
This has to do with the baby chicks doesn't it? I told you they were dead and headless before I...
Stop. Dude. Just...stop.

 

by Ranger77
4-07-17
Meanwhile, proven to be a US citizen and freed from detention, Mr. A. StickFig ponders his next move. This nation needs healing he thinks to himself.
Maybe he should become an activist, start a blog... Maybe become an alternative outlet for 'tailored' news. Become FAMOUS and defuse the anger. Bring people TOGETHER!
And then....he has it: The answer!
Gonna eat a cheeseburger and wait for the new Invader Zim reboot. You voted for this clown. Fuck all of you.
Show me your green card, snowflake.

 

by Ranger77
4-07-17
...so yes, we bombed the shit out of Syria. They deserved it and it distracts you bozos. Gotta get them poll numbers up.
I know some might say this will upset our Russian masters...um, sorry. ALLIES. We say no. Here's proof! All the way from Moscow, give it up for Vlady PootieTang Puuuuutin!
We will break you.
Um, that's Abe Vigoda....and isn't he dead?? I'm more than creeped out right now...

 

by Ranger77
4-08-17
Hey Ranger's World, Please stop the partisan bullshit. Even though you reportedly think Hillary and the Dems suck and say you are a Libertarian, these Trump attacks are going too far.
Your recent comics are incredibly insulting. Get a grip. Stop going for cheap laughs. Show some restraint and respect. Hopefully you will consider this feedback and embrace patriotism...
Is simple fact. Trump pee-pee on, how you say....'hoe." Loyal Russian hoe. He wag dog. We own ass. Trump ass. Trump ORANGE YANKEE ASS. Any more questions?
Give us a second. We're still letting all this sink in...

 

by Ranger77
4-08-17
Holy cats! We've got DHS, Fox News, Breitbart, INFOWARS and the Yonkers chapter of the MAGA Gamers for Glory pissed at us.
I saw the emails. Who knew Abe Vigoda was still a thing.
You know what I mean. This is pretty big. How do we play this?
Saying "We're back, BITCHES!" is not an option.
If you are going to limit me, I can just go back to watching the latest season of Archer and finding cool shit on my phone...

 

by Ranger77
4-09-17
I don't usually disagree with B, but I think we need someone to help insulate us against all this backlash.
Ok. So what did you do?
I went to an executive search firm to find someone to manage our information. They are sending a candidate for me to interview.
Think about this for a minute. Think about what you just said. This screams major plot point and impending cheap joke.
Oh my God. What have I done??

 

by Ranger77
4-09-17
Brace yourself. This "candidate" should be interesting.
Look, it might be nothing. The "new" Pimp, Chicken of Destiny, one of the HeroVille guys...that's the way jokes play out around here. How bad could it be?
*(Actual quotes from the Dark One....)
Shit.
I love a gun fight. Alot of people are saying I look like an alcoholic but I'm pissed right now and so I really don't care.*

 

by Ranger77
4-10-17
Yes, I should be dedicated to your destruction, but I sense the President denying me what I am owed, so I am forced to make other plans.
I can make this strip strong and powerful. Under my guidance we can dismantle the adminsitrative state, rule all Seven Planes of Hades and OWN this world...this world of Ranger.
You smell like a papercut.
Yes. I am often told that....

 

by Ranger77
4-11-17
We interrupt this contrived interaction for a breaking story: ALT-RIGHT Baffled by Trump's Syria move! Here's a LIVE FEED from THE INTERNET!
FUCK. FUCK! FUUUUCK!!!!
WHY!!! WHY????
In a related note, Pepe the Frog, misunderstood and confused, jumps into a blender in protest. We've got video. Watch THIS shit....it's off the hook!

 

by Ranger77
4-14-17
Meanwhile...at the Department of Education!
HAHA. Betty LIKES!
Meanwhile...at the Department of Housing and Urban Development!
George! What did you DO!
Go get him Weezy! HAHAHA!
Meanwhile...in North Korea!
Oh, no you DIDN'T!
We will own you. Yep OWN...as long as China keeps sending us them Pop Tarts. O-W-N. Believe that! We be testin' like 'Edsin' all up in here...

 

Meanwhile at the White House....
No Mr. President you can't pardon R. Kelly. He was acquitted years ago.
He was SO MISUNDERSTOOD! I gotta do something!! You people just don't get the POWER of the FLOW!
by Ranger77, 4-14-17

 

by Ranger77
4-17-17
*ahem* Bark Bark. Bark. Growl.
Umm...ok. I give up. What the hell is this?
Alex Jones came to visit. He's a "performance artist" now and INFOWARS is an entertainment site.
Bark. Bark. Bark. Chemtrails. Rawl. Bark. I love Trump and Jesus, but Trump a bit more. Bark.
Bark. Rowl. Obama wants to run the UN. Bark. Rowl. False flag...
Fuck. Clean up on isle FIVE! Bring a mop and a doggy bag!

 

by Ranger77
4-17-17
Ok...I got rid of Bannon. Told him they were doing human sacrifices at Sears to get customers. He left quickly.
I tried to chase Alex Jones with an rolled newspaper but had to go with the taser. He kept yelling at me that I couldn't do that without rubbing his nipples. But he's gone. Finally.
So we are good?
For the moment.
You know as well as I do that this shit isn't over.
Yep. Pretty much.

 

by Ranger77
4-17-17
You summoned me?
Yep. This has been a weird ride so far. Not happy about being back. Where does this lead?
Eventually you and your crew find your way back into the alternate dimensions. After a period of silence you get replaced by a rather mediocre comic called "The Company."
Spicer writes a tell-all book, Kellyann Conway does a foot fetish clip that sells to single digits and gets banned for being gross (obviously) and Trump gets caught with pudding...in his underwear.
Awesome. At least I have something to look forward to...

 

by Ranger77
4-22-17
Remind me of something, B...was it always this strange around here?
I was a squirrel. You turn into a pile of ashes when you sleep. I would say so.
Yeah. I guess. It seems that the absurdity this time has a more distinct bit of anger to it.
I don't know...I think we're just about the same. A bit older...maybe even more mature...
Spicy couldn't make it so they sent me. I'm a Caprinae. You all suck. Give me a question.
Gotta admit, every week gets more fucked and interesting at the same time....

 

by Ranger77
5-05-17
It was bound to happen.
I AM the Chicken of Destiny.
I'm a Caprinae.
I'm a superior being. I've proved it many times here.
You're a potential entree. Your point is invalid.
I see that this debate will be interesting...even moreso when I convince you the TRUTH about my power.
I'm amused how you will do that. But given we are already near a toilet, you have a great headstart.

 

by Ranger77
5-05-17
I've seen things you wouldn't believe. Attack ships on fire off the shoulder of Orion. I watched c-beams glitter in the dark near the Tannhäuser Gate.
I bit Lena Dunham in the ass when she unsuccessfully tried to twerk in front of me.
No shit...
She tastes like chicken. Ironic, really...given the present circumstances.

 

by Ranger77
5-07-17
You and I are highly intelligent beings. I suggest we join forces and take over this comic.
Can't...got shit to do.
You do realize that when you forsake ambition, you die inside. That's why I am THE "Chicken of Destiny!" I seek out great cosmic opportunities of devine impact and...
I just realized I was talking about taking over a comic strip.
Told you. Got shit to do.

 

by Ranger77
5-08-17
This is disappointing. We have not said ONE insightful thing since we've been here.
I got this. *ahem*
NEVER eat anything bigger than Sean Hannity's head. Especially if it has that square shit going on.
That's....rather amazing.
It's a gift.

 

by Ranger77
5-12-17
I'm not feeling it.
Me neither.
Chickens and goats....Easy Trump jokes. Eh. Times have changed.
Yep.
Maybe Crabby or dcomposed will come back with their individually wrapped packs of self replicating tampons and bitch about us.
Nope. That would be too easy.

 

by Ranger77
5-14-17
I guess we are having a crisis of motivation.
I would say that's accurate.
I just bought a drone from Amazon that shoots strontium aluminate phosphorescent custard.
You had me at custard.

 

by Ranger77
5-17-17
Where...did we get that LIVE video feed from the White House??
Don't ask. Trust me.

 

by Ranger77
5-19-17
No politician in history... has been treated worse...
Senile snowflakes on speakerphone deserve strontium aluminate phosphorescent custard. Imma ghost. I was never here.

 

by Ranger77
5-19-17
Hey...um...did the Orange MAGA Man-Child actually CALL us?
Nope.
I'm standing on custard.
I noticed.

 

by Ranger77
5-19-17

 

by Ranger77
5-19-17
"Imma??"
I panicked.

 

by Ranger77
6-03-17
Meanwhile..."things" are happening. Dimensions are opening....
Opportunities to get away from this odd reality are emerging. AND, the most important and disturbing development of all...
"Firework Oreos??" I'm...offended, and I don't know why.
You should be.

 

by Ranger77
6-04-17
We're tracking some strange activity. Dimensional stuff. Weird. It's funny since after being here for several weeks you guys don't want to want to go back, right?
Tree Nipples...
Yes. Tree. Nipples.

 

by Ranger77
6-10-17
Didja here? We, like, might be able to go back into that other dimension thing.
"Didja" isn't a word Chuck.
Whatever. We can get out here and get back to all that, like, classic weirdness.
There's enough weirdness here. It's not that bad.
Oh. Fuck. You've caught it. You're, like, one of THEM.
Covfefe is not just a word, it's a way of life...

 

by Ranger77
6-10-17
Ok, what's the status? I can't believe she's become a Trump supporter.
I've done brainscans, checked her DNA...it's our Helena. So you can rule out the "evil twin" plot device.
Fembot?
Nope. Low level Turing tests are good. Voight-Kampff checks out.
Um...brainwashed??
It's 2017. EVERYONE is brainwashed...

 

by Ranger77
6-11-17
Please tell me this is some sort of joke.
Sorry B. Two reasons... ONE: I just think Trump is what this country needs right now.
Well, I don't agree with that.
And TWO: Conflict among protagonists is a compelling plot device. Marvel. Civil War. Dude.
I see what you did there.
You're welcome.

 

by Ranger77
6-12-17
So she's normal then? Evil twins, Fembots, Dimensional doppleganger...none of that
I wish it was that easy. She's still our Helena Buckett. She just likes Trump.
Which means....we can disagree but should respect her opinion and still honor our friendship?
Yep.
Fuck. That sucks.
You're telling me. The whole "WalMart MAGA White Nationalists from Planet 10" story arc is officially on hold. "Fuck," indeed....

 

by Ranger77
6-14-17
Ok...It took months but I got ALL of you guys Dimensional Green Cards. You can go BACK. All of you. You can forget all this. You can flee this world!
"Flee."
Yes....
Um....what just happened?

 

by Ranger77
6-28-17
I just wanted to tell you I've gotten over it. You're, like, into the MAGA Orange dude. I get it. You're just a less hot than before, but that's okay.
Yeah. Gee. Thanks.
Besides I've, like found someone else. I'm dating and shit. Mature, funny in a, like, goofy way, ex-porn star and exotic dancer...
Ha. Sounds like my mother.
Dude. NO.

 

by Ranger77
6-28-17
I'm just saying we can't go back...not now.
I'm not convinced we should stay.
We have to deal with one of our best friends being a Trump supporter. AND I don't like the idea of "Fleeing" this reality. Sounds cowardly.
Helena is her own woman. She's intelligent and has her own opinions. And its not FLEEING...its going back to somewhere better.
Chuck is fucking Helena's mother.
Dammit. I'll UNPACK the lighter fluid and designer prehistoric coals I just bought. I HATE this responsibility shit...

 

by Ranger77
6-28-17
Mom?? What. The. Literal. FUCK?!?
I know you might be upset, but I really like the kid. He makes me laugh. The sex is decent.
Oh God. You know how you are...you go through men like a lawn mower. When you destroy him I'm going to have to pick up the pieces.
Chuck is...different. I know this is true because I took it to the next level. We did..."it."
Fucking Hell, are you kidding me??
Yep. The "Passion Propeller*" He took it well. Gonna keep him around for awhile....

 

by Ranger77
7-02-17
Chuck, Helena has gone into hiding. She's not responding to our calls and she refuses to talk to her mother.
She's, like, being silly.
It's her mother.
Helena and I were, like, never romantically involved. Besides her reaction to me telling her about playing "Find the Bunnyhole" with her mom was, like, a bit crazy.
This is some mad crazy revenge shit on your part isn't it?
Yep and her moms fucks like a greased weasel so...

 

by Ranger77
7-02-17
Good...you answered my Skype call. Helena, you have to pull out of this. Yes, it's not the best situation but you asked us to understand you with the Trump stuff.
Now maybe it's time for YOU to dig deep and realize that yes, it's your Mom and Chuck but they are adults with their own free will. Like we respected your choices, you should respect that.
Did he tell you about how she fucks like a "greased weasel??"
So let's put that unfortunate detail aside for a moment...

 

by Ranger77
7-31-17
I've decided we need to talk this out. It's been a few weeks..this thing with my Mom is getting out of control.
Actually I don't see how you can stand it. She's hard on her boyfriends. Really hard. Usually drives them a bit crazy. In a bad way.
You ARE okay aren't you?
*eep*

 

by Ranger77
8-01-17
*(Chuck's Guide to Dating: The Series)
He's started "eep"-ing again*. My mother has destroyed his mind.
I find it hard to believe that your mom actually reduced someone to "eep"-ing just through her sexual antics.
Trump is on the record of saying he won't "grab her pussy" because it grabs back.
True story.
She made me brownies a couple of weeks ago.

 

by Ranger77
8-20-17
The last time Chuck was like this, didn't you call his Mom for help?
Yeah. That was the first thing we did...
A few days ago....
...and the fact that I am 87 years old and went topless to Denny's is no one's fuckin' business. I pay good money for those Banana Pecan pancakes and let me tell you birdie...
I just felt a flasback. Didn't go well, I'm thinking.
Yeah. You could say that.

 

by Ranger77
8-22-17
So we are on our own to bring Chuck back from psychosis. Nice.
Pretty much. Some plot devices can't be re-used easily. By the way...you still..um...
A Trump supporter? Yeah.
Figured. Just thought I'd ask. Still love you. Silly, I know.
I'm just a little less of one...I suppose.
Annnd I LOVE you even more...if that's possible.....

 

by Ranger77
8-23-17
You broke Chuck.
I thought the "boy bro" could handle it. Guys nowadays are all talk. It's like YOUR President Herr Trump.
This isn't a political discussion.
Might as well be. 45 uses lies to protect his ego.
Do you ever wonder why all your "ex-boyfriends" are in therapy?
#FAKENEWS! Sad!

 

by Ranger77
8-25-17
Chuck, this is Kellyanne. You've probably seen her on TV making an ass of herself and hanging out at Hobby Lobby around the French milled soap and those velvet 'Elvis meets Jesus' art prints.
*eep*
If you don't come out of this self-induced psychosis, Ms Conway here will lick the side of your face passionately. By uttering *eep* you consent to this radical treatment program.
*ee...* Wait. What?
I'm sorry was that an *eep*?
Sounded like it to me. I LOVE bad boys and that excessive mucus problem I have is pretty mild today! Let's do this!
No, like I'm good! I'm good!

 

by Ranger77
1-23-18
I really appreciate the way you guys have been respecting my support of the President.
We love you enough not to get all intolerant when we disagree. We are family.
That's good. I love you guys too. Also love the fact that stocks are up, unemployment is down, and Trump is getting things done despite fake news.
Um. Yeah. What's in that pitcher over there?
Kool-aid. Grape. Been drinking it alot lately. Can't get enough of the stuff. Want some?
No. I'm good....

 

by Ranger77
7-05-18
I'm really torn. I'm just tired of the norm. Career politicians not listening to the people...
But this recent shit. Damn...could I be wrong? Am I being duped by yet another charlatan?
I guess...I have to keep faith that he knows what he doing. Stay the course. Don't get freaked out by...
Hey...quick: Tell me about this EPA thing. I'm, like, gonna be in charge of the joint on Monday.

 

by Ranger77
7-05-18
You can't be serious.
I'm, like, as surprised as you are. I'm going to be, like, the boss of all that shit. Whatever that shit is.
Chuck. The EPA?? How the FUCK did you become a Cabinet appointee?
Some dude said that Ted Nugent, like, saw my picture and rang up the orange dude to tell him to hire me. Shit...I haven't voted since 1992.
This is STUPID. You don't know what you're doing. You will fuck up, embarrass yourself and the DESTROY the agency... Wait. Oh...
I hope they, like, have a cafeteria. I'm starting "Taco Tuesday" in that bitch. "Epa" is Spanish right?

 

by Ranger77
7-05-18
You heard.
Yep.
How. How does someone like stoner Chuck go from essentially being a handyman to head of the EPA?
Evidently the EPA falls under some sort of emergency staffing clause that dictates a person can be appointed by the President without vetting.
Yeah. I call bullshit. We are just supposed to believe this chaotic fuckery??
If you are just now asking that....dude...

Showing page 28.

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