All comics by Makin_d_bacon

 

by Makin_d_bacon
5-07-18
I hear HBO is running a "Homage" to the late Sen. John McCain!
But...
But nothing, Ivanka! Why wasn't I told the man died?
Because he's NOT DEAD...just yet!
Ya gotta hand it to those HBO guys! A Prequel "Homage" to the Tribute "Homage". Then finally a Sequel to the Prequel "Homage"!
I understand Mike Huckabee is working on having him miraculously "HEALED"! I guess "Netflix" gets that one?

 

by Makin_d_bacon
5-07-18
What's in the briefcase?
A donation from Mike Huckabee.
To do WHAT?
To spare Sen. John McCain!
I don't need money. What else ya got?
Sarah's briefing ends in 7 minutes, and we all know how you love those "Smokey Eye" types!

 

by Makin_d_bacon
5-07-18
My take on Revelation 16: 4-7
What's that guy with the bowl doing?
Looks like he's making a proclamation while he dumps out a bowl of...
Yuk! What is this? A swim party for 12 year old girls?
Must be! I think it's mostly "O" Positive!
The "Tree Huggers" will have a field day with THIS one, Lord!

 

by Makin_d_bacon
5-08-18
Too bad about those poor Hawaiians, eh?
Screw em! They shoulda saw it comin!
You punks got no sympathy these days.
Cry me a river! A volcano is just like you, old man!
I'm almost afraid to ask. How so?
Even tho you're ancient ya GOTTA get your rocks off every now & then!

 

by Makin_d_bacon
5-08-18
My take on Leviticus 11:7
Those Rabbis want to know what food is forbidden to eat!
Ya mean, like an example?
Yeah! Something, unclean, filthy, low and gross!
OK...OK...let me think on it!
So here we are, even today!
50% interest on my loan? HA! You can just EAT ME, Ezrah!
You know God won't let me!

 

by Makin_d_bacon
5-09-18
My take on Luke 1: 5-25
Listen up Zechariah, your wife is gonna have a kid!
What? No way! The old bat is ancient!
WAY! And since you're being a faithless "Weisenheimer" God is gonna strike you mute till the baby comes.
Yeah right...like THAT"S gonna hap.... .... ..... ..... .... ...... ........?????
Twelve Months Later......
Vy is it, lil Johnny, you do nothing but cry, cry, cry all the time?
Ever think it's all them "honey soaked locusts" you force feed me? Oy vey!

 

by Makin_d_bacon
5-09-18
Somewhere in N. Korea.......
You reave bliefcase here or we no let plisoners go!
You two Dong brothers gotta understand that I just can't! National Security and whatnot!
He must reave bliefcase of seclets here or you go home ARONE! I let go NOBODY!
Well then, you've sort of ...uh...forced my hand. Here, pull m.....
So, they finally blew themselves to bits, eh? How?
Best I can tell, 80% of the world sort of "lit up" right after Trump's man said..."Pull my finger"!

 

by Makin_d_bacon
5-10-18
Why can't I get rid of this guy?
Hello my lovely! We meet again!
Look Barry...I told you, "It's OVER"!
So I'm tossed off like an old shoe, eh? Well now...I guess here comes your new "butt" buddy!
Hi, Rocky! Your place or mine?
Yours! It has less splinters!

 

by Makin_d_bacon
5-10-18
Will there be anything else, sir?
Send me up some "entertainment"! If you get my meaning *wink, wink*?
FYI...I'm partial to redheads in shorty plaid skirts
Aye, sir! Immediately, sir!
Moments later......
Man, do I hate Scotland!
Another chorus of "Danny Boy", laddie?

 

by Makin_d_bacon
5-11-18
Hey! Are you male or female?
Why? What'cha got in mind, Sailor?
I'm kinda confused!
OK..I'm listening. Bring it!
With your legs being where they are...does that mouth of yours serve more than one purpose?

 

by Makin_d_bacon
5-11-18
My take on Luke 15:4
Baa?
There you are! I've been searching all over for you!
Hey...a lamb's gotta do what a lamb's gotta do. Ya feelin me?
I'm just so darn happy I could spit! Now let's get back to the 99 others.
Oh no, you didn't?
Did too! *burp*

 

by Makin_d_bacon
5-12-18
Welcome to "Chen's Chinese Laundry"!
Mr. Chen, I have several nasty, dirty and downright filthy habits! Let me show you!
Oh wow, Chen getting a "stiffy"!
Turns out, she changes the oil in the school buses!
Thus the"dirty habits", eh? I can see the mis-understanding!

 

by Makin_d_bacon
5-12-18
I told you Hawaiians to stop worshiping that "Duke Kahanamoku" fella!

 

by Makin_d_bacon
5-13-18
Hey rags, looks like "Bigworm" is back with a vengance!
How nice, d_bacon! Nothing "sacreligious" I hope?
So, he's off his meds again, huh?
THAT'S a big "10-4"!

 

by Makin_d_bacon
5-13-18
My take on Genesis 1:1 thru 3:8
Well THIS is boring! Time to shake things up!
Better! But it still needs a few more touches to make things interesting!
...so if I get Eve to eat the apple then I get to have the run of this place, right?
Yup...but the catch is ya gotta be disguised as a snake. Capisce?

 

by Makin_d_bacon
5-13-18
I need your town Vet. My horse is lame.
Ain't got no Vet but we DO got us a saw bones!
Fine! Have him meet me at the corral!
I'll send "Bones" right over!
You must be Bones, I take it?
Duh!

 

by Makin_d_bacon
5-14-18
Such an Embassy I got for ya, Schlomo! It'll be HUGE & beautiful!
As beautiful as our Temple once was?
Even beautifuller! That's a promise!
V'ell see about dat!
Oy vey! Vhat the hell is THIS, you Putz?
What? So Jews don't like Temples anymore?

 

by Makin_d_bacon
5-15-18
My take on Matthew 3: 13-17
All ye seeking baptism come to me, John the Baptizer!
Ooh, ooh....Do me! Do me! Ooh, ooh!
But tiz I that should be baptized by YOU, oh Lord!
First ya GOTTA do me, but I just did my hair; thus, the head gear! Now get on with it!

 

by Makin_d_bacon
5-15-18
Jeb's new digs.....
*Knock, Knock* Welcome Wagon!
How nice. What's your name, honey?
La Quisha! LaQuisha ,Tanika, Jefferson! I just wanna say hello & welcome to the neighborhood.
Do you, now? OK, wait just a sec.
Whoa! LaQuisha must be a "Track" star! Just look at er go!
Aaaaaaaieeeee.....

 

by Makin_d_bacon
5-16-18
Inside Chez Ragu/d_bacon....
It's the 2nd Wednesday, Rags baby! Start "Whacking"!
"Allow me to explain to our readers."
"What my piggish little friend here is TRYING to say is that today is the day I do the bi-monthly "weed trimming" in the yard, lest you think he meant something else"!
Wait'll he realizes we're out of "Jergens" & "Puffs"!

 

by Makin_d_bacon
5-16-18
Alternate Ending
Listen David, be a good "Mecha" and go get in the car.
Yes, my loving Mommy! I'll do anything for you Mommy!
Stop being so NICE! You're making this more difficult.
I'm nice because I love you so much Mommy! Where are you taking me Mommy?
Back to the shop, that's where!
Destroy that creepy little kid and make me what I originally asked for, Prof. Hobby!
Ok, Ok! One African "Rico Suave" Lover-Man Doll, coming right up, Monica!

 

by Makin_d_bacon
5-17-18
Jews are NOT getting into Heaven. That's FINAL!
But I was a J....
"WAS" is the key word! You're now the Go-To guy of Christianity!
But I've memorized the Torah forward & back and graduated 1st in my class at the Synagogue!
Big deal! What's the first word in "Synagogue"?
Touche', Pops. Touche'.

 

by Makin_d_bacon
5-17-18
"Tie me kangaroo down sport, tie me kangaroo down. Tie me kangaroo down sport, tie me kangaroo down!"
EVERYBODY NOW..."Tie me kangaroo down sport...."
"Tie me kangaroo down..."
But in reality......
"Aussies can't tie knots for shit!" I'm outta here!

 

by Makin_d_bacon
5-17-18
"Rollin, rollin, rollin! My ballsack is swollen! Keep them Squaws a rollin..."
"...RAWHIDE! Don't try to understand 'em, Just rope and throw and brand 'em, Soon their legs will be open wide! My mouth is salivating, My cock I'm masturbating. They're waiting at the end of my ride.
Kneel 'em down, get some head. Kneel 'em down, get some head. Kneel 'em down, get some head... RAWHIDE!"
CUT! Clint, stop with the ad-libbing. Rowdy Yates is a "good guy" for cryin out loud!

 

by Makin_d_bacon
5-18-18
The Plan
Take this script for "Cialis" home with you & you'll be having sex like a porn star by tonight. I guarantee it!
OK, Doc, I'll try it.
The Test
But, baby...
I'm STILL horny as hell. Take it back. It just doesn't work!
The Catch
If you had read the directions there would have been no trouble.
You're Kidding! Side-by-side bathtubs? Really?

 

by Makin_d_bacon
5-19-18
One for "The HappyTime Murders", please!
That'll be $10, pervert!
What? I'm no per...
Are you, or are you NOT buying a ticket to a Melissa McCarthy movie where the beloved "Muppets" go around cursing like sailors as well as fucking & sucking each other?
Cancel that ticket! I had NO idea the film contained such gross content!
OK, I get it! Melissa does kinda provoke the "vomit" response!

 

by Makin_d_bacon
5-19-18
My take on Genesis 19: 15-26
So...ya gonna do it?
You're darn right! I told Lot & his family to get out and not look back!
Ya think they'll ALL leave without looking back? Sodom & Gomorrah are known as "Party Cities", ya know!
Let's just say..."looking back" isn't advisable!
Say Abraham, ya seen my wife? Last time I saw her our family was leaving Sodom!
Oy vey, LOT! She looked back! Right now a herd of deer are licking her.

 

by Makin_d_bacon
5-19-18
Rags, you promised to shred the "hate mail" we've gotten this week.
Calm down, d_bacon! I'll get to it. It'll take ten minutes or less.
Ya think so, huh? It's in the garage!
I mean...how much could there be in a week's time?
THIS much!
We must have touched a nerve, somehow!

 

by Makin_d_bacon
5-20-18
Unpacking is dirty work. Go wash your hands before dinner, they're filthy!
I tried but that girly hand soap of yours is "weak"!
Your grandpa used to say "Lava" really worked well!
OK...I'll give it a shot if you say so.
An hour later......
He died of third degree burns? His grand dad used "Lava" all the time back in Pittsburgh!
Sorry lady, but here in Hawaii "Lava" isn't soap!

 

by Makin_d_bacon
5-20-18
Inside Chez Ragu/d_bacon.....
I gotta clean out that room!
So long "STUFF". Thank God for "The St. Vincent DePaul Society"!
You must admit, "It's tidy", yes?
I'll "TIDY" you! You Anal Retentive, O.C.D. deviant, you! That was MY stuff!

 

by Makin_d_bacon
5-21-18
2019...Kensington Palace, England
Off with yon clothes, Meghan! Let the "sex" games begin!
Oh c'mon Harry...the mask is a nice touch but I'm ovulating.
I'm the Prince and I demand bloody SEX, ye scurvy wench!
Then "BLOODY" sex you'll get, buddy boy! Don't forget to slip on the old "safety" helmet!
I meant for the "little" head, not the big one!
Damnit to hell, woman!

 

by Makin_d_bacon
5-21-18
My take on Joshua 6: 1-5
So, you're gonna knock down the walls around Jericho, eh Pops?
That's the plan, Sonny boy! However, I got sort of a manpower problem.
Oy Vey! So God wants I should march the army around Jericho and then blast the trumpets vit our best trumpet players!
Trumpets? What's "Trumpet's", Joshua? Plus...we got no Trumpet Players!
Call up Miles Davis, Louis Armstrong, Dizzy Gallespi, Wynton Marsalis, Clifford Brown & Chet Baker, why don't cha?
With WHAT? Mr. Peabody's "Way Forward" Machine?

 

by Makin_d_bacon
5-22-18
Hawaii will NEVER be the same!
Hey...don't be laying that off on ME, buddy boy!
You ARE still the guy in charge, right?
There you go again, trying to "Guilt Trip" me for every problem known to man!
Wow...you let just about anybody in here these days!
St. Peter works the gate, not ME!

 

by Makin_d_bacon
5-22-18
I'm sick of you "fake news" guys blaming ME for EVERYTHING!
So who SHOULD we blame?
The REAL evil mastermind you can find at this location...44 degrees 25' North /110 degrees 35' West if you hurry!
Damn, he was right! The buck DOES stop here!
I want my lawyer!

 

by Makin_d_bacon
5-23-18
"...off the coast of Colombia."
Wow! They found a shipwreck with 17 million bucks of treasure on it!
You're going where? Colombia? WHY Colombia, d_bacon?
Sunken Treasure, rags! At long last, WE'LL be at the TOP of the food chain!
But later, off the Colombian Coast....
Would ya just look at all those greedy, low life, tasteless, & uncouthe, treasure hunters?
Not ALL of 'em! That little pink one tasted like BACON!

 

by Makin_d_bacon
5-23-18
My take on Ephesians 4: 8-10
So what's the delay?
Be patient! He's on his way!
Oy vey! Die, already!
"...it is finished!
Sheol: Land of the Dead
So THIS is "Sheol", huh? Kinda Sapartan, ain't it?
Aw...stop yer complaining! You're only here for 2 or 3 days!

 

by Makin_d_bacon
5-24-18
Et tu, Brute'?
Ok...but be gentle down there!
Ptooey...don't you ever wash that little guy, Brute'?
LITTLE guy? Why you no good....
No! Not that!
So, "GIVING" me head left a bad taste in your mouth, eh? Fine! Now I'll "TAKE" me some of that head!

 

by Makin_d_bacon
5-24-18
I see your mom tried driving the pick-up again today!
Yup! She's gettin better at it. Only two ambulances this time!
How many this time, Doc?
Your wife has set a new record. Eight, not counting the guy on the slab.

 

by Makin_d_bacon
5-25-18
Pet my pussy?
She DOES look friendly enough! Sure! Why not?
YES!
You didn't! Did you?
Do I LOOK like I didn't?

 

by Makin_d_bacon
5-25-18
Come here often?
First time.
Then lemme buy ya a drink!
Are you trying to get me drunk so you can abuse me?
Now that ya mention it...yeah!
Cool! I'll have a double of Black Jack, neat! Then off to my place. You bring $50...I'll bring the condom!

 

by Makin_d_bacon
5-25-18
C'mon...bring it!
HA! Ya call THAT a knife?
It'll cut YOU down to size, fella!
Now THIS is a knife! Let's dance...PUNK!
Two left feet, I guess.

 

by Makin_d_bacon
5-25-18
Now looky here mamma, it sho nuff ain't nuthin personal but....
Go ahead. Lay it on me. I can handle it.
These days, Johns be lookin fo sumpin difernt.
Say no more! I know just what ya mean. I'll be back in an hour. They'll LOVE the new ME!
An hour later....
Ta-DA!
WOW!!! Slap some "fishnets" on them arms 'n even I'd get a stiffy!

 

by Makin_d_bacon
5-25-18
Is that porky little pal of yours trying to monopolize the Front Page?
Of what? "Stripcreator"? Impossible!
Last time I checked, he had a bunch in a row & was still going.
Trust me. He can't string more than 2 words together in 20 minutes. It must be his minions.
Really? "Bakun" ain't spelled with a "K"? SHIT! I'm busted.
*Fraud Alert* "Fraud Alert*

 

by Makin_d_bacon
5-25-18
George, do I STILL hear the baby crying?
Yes you do, Martha. That new nanny you hired lied to us about those "soothing" lullabyes.
Lied? Since when is "Rock a Bye Baby" NOT a soothing melody?
You REALLY need to ASK?
Waaaah...awah, awah, awaaaaah!!!!
Alrighty then Laddie, ye wants it louder? Then louder she'll be!

 

by Makin_d_bacon
5-26-18
Clogged again! I better call Neil!
Damn that Maura! She must eat "Ready-Mix"! I better get the Wiz to go all "Medieval" on this thing!
NO! Not THAT!
Let the games begin!
Not the "PLUNGE"!

 

by Makin_d_bacon
5-26-18
Another take on Genesis 6: 8
Where did this water come from all the sudden?
Beats me. Maybe THAT guy knows!
Say, ain't HE the guy that......
...always called Noah CRAZY for predicting 40 days of rain?
Oy vey! Don't remind me!

 

by Makin_d_bacon
5-27-18
Why did you let him do that to me?
What? You mean "let RCLG use you as a cum rag"?
Yeah! I thought we were tight!
But you got to be rubbed all over my luscious boobies.
You KNOW I'm more of a "ASS" cat!
Fine! I'll have him roll me over next time.

 

by Makin_d_bacon
5-27-18
"..and the winner is Four legged Tripod..."
Rats! Foiled AGAIN!
Why so glum, lil buddy?
Are you aware of the exorbitant levels of unfairness that run rampant and helter skelter through cyber-space as it pertains to the competitiveness and creativity quotients of those who partake therin?
So Four Legged Tripod won AGAIN?
Ask me if I care!

 

by Makin_d_bacon
5-27-18
Thanks for joining the celebration, Sir!
I make it a point to never miss a Bar-B-Que! A celebration, huh? For WHAT?
This is Memorial Day Weekend, Sir!
Memorial Day, huh? So we must be remembering SOMETHING! Out with it soldier. There are NO secrets here!
We're remembering our fallen heroes, Sir.
WHAT? That's ridiculous! Who has a party for clutz's that fall down? Let it be known Donald Trump only has praise for "Stand Up" guys!

 

by Makin_d_bacon
5-27-18
The Sacrament of Confession...
ragu4u? Long time, no see! Is your buddy coming?
You're talking about makin_d_bacon, I suppose?
Yes I am! Since last week he's been quite the celebrity around here.
Oh he IS, is he? For what, may I ask?
His was the longest confession in recorded history...7 hours!
Really? Only 7? He must have decided to stop 1/2 way thru.

Showing page 29.

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