All comics by niteowl

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by niteowl
1-29-06
Almost 11 pm.
I really should go to bed soon, since I have to be up at 5 am.
I can't though, because I'm addicted to Match Game.
"Gene, why are you grabbing Contestant Number One's boobs?"

 

Bring me a drink or I'll puke all over you!
by niteowl, 1-29-06

 

by niteowl
1-29-06
'Sup Viking dude?
I'm here to plunder, pillage, and rape. And throw down, if needed.
Cool. I'm here to ROCK!
By the way, do you know who's house this is?
Who's house? Run's house.

 

by niteowl
1-29-06
"your search for 'fucking' returned 13660 records"
"your search for 'consensual sex' returned 4 records"
"your search for 'rape' returned 3231 records"
Bunch of criminals here.

 

by niteowl
1-30-06
Graphic Arts class, 1985
Dude, quit bogarting that sumbitch! Pass it over!
Oh man, we're...we're...
Shit dude, RUN! I hear Mr. Anderson coming!
Alright, just what in the name of God is going on in here?
I smell marijuana in the darkroom, and IT SCARES ME.

 

by niteowl
1-30-06
Hey, are you almost done in there?
No. I've got 10 lives left, so I'll probably be playing for a while.
Damnit. You playing Defender?
Yeah.
Well, hurry it up, I want to play Demon Attack.
Sorry Mom.

 

by niteowl
2-02-06
Oh no, Sarcasmatron 5000, the world is going to end in 30 days!
Oh darn. That's a fucking Greek tragedy, Fear-Bot.
But I don't wanna die! What are we going to do?
Well first, you can stop acting like a damn baby. That would be a nice little departure from the norm.
I just need you to hold me. Hold me, Sarcasmatron 5000!
In your dreams, pal. I don't want your wussiness rubbing off on me.

 

by niteowl
2-03-06
Hi kitty.
Don't "Hi" me, mister.
What's wrong with you?
Bush was in town today. There were protesters everywhere. We saw them in the window, carrying signs and all that. It's obvious that the time has come for the huddled masses to rise up and fight.
Oh shit.
We will not be oppressed anymore! DOWN WITH DRY CAT FOOD!

 

by niteowl
2-03-06
Here's the ground rules. No biting in the ass, and no clawing of the eyes.
Everything else goes?
Yep.
On second thought, I don't feel like fighting. I'd rather take a nap.
Good call. We can get rested and instead have our little scrap at 2 in the morning while the humans are asleep.
Remember the last fight, when we landed on his head? Priceless.

 

by niteowl
2-07-06
How the hell am I supposed to fit this fucking thing on my head?

 

by niteowl
2-10-06
Hi. I'm here to pickup my morning after pill prescription.
I'm sorry Miss. I'm a religious nutbag and my archaic beliefs prevent me from filling your prescription. Baby killer!
I'm not killing a baby by taking a morning after pill.
Ah, but yes you are. You are preventing the fertilization of that tasty little egg of yours with that sperm killing machine. Now get the fuck outta my store.
I find it funny that while you're on your crusade about abortion, you religious zealots don't give two shits about us roasting to death from global warming.
Hey, the faster we die, the faster us "believers" get to go to heaven.

 

by niteowl
2-22-06
Michel de Nostradamus, 1503-1566
"The Queen slowly rises from the lake."
"She tempts males across the Great Land; Disrobing, she causes nether regions to be aroused."
"It's a good thing I'm locked away in my secret study right now."

 

by niteowl
2-24-06
"Thank you for purchasing our fine, overpriced video card, which will enable you to play the hottest new games for years and years to come!"
"Tools needed to install your new video card: A screwdriver to remove the case, a pair of hands, and a hammer."
"Instructions: Remove cover from computer, insert card into slot, put cover back on computer."
"Boot up your computer and start your game. If your game is not compatible with our wonderful video card..."
"Grab the hammer and go crazy."

 

You'd be pretty pissed off too if you had to ride around in a miniature wheelchair while beating a drum.
by niteowl, 3-03-06

 

This vagina isn't quite as rough when it's lined with Charmin. It's soft and silky!
Whatever you say, Mr. Whipple.
by niteowl, 3-10-06

 

by niteowl
3-26-06
In order to verify your account, you'll need to respond to the automated message we have sent to your email address and provide a urine sample.
That was not your urine.
Fuck you.

 

by niteowl
3-31-06
Did you make a sign for the game?
Yep.
What does it say?
"Peter 4:20"
And that stands for...?
"To the 5 fucktards in Section 108 who are trying to start The Wave by themselves: Sit your drunk asses down already, we aren't joining in."

 

by niteowl
4-01-06
This RPG is so totally awesome!
It sure looks like it. Um, what is that guy doing?
That GUY is my FUCKING WARRIOR.
Ok. So what IS he doing then?
He's sucking the wizard's cock for coins!

 

by niteowl
4-01-06
So what's the name of this game?
Elder Gauntlet Of Firequest Warrior Fantasy 73.
Or LXXIII, as we like to type it on internet message boards because we're so pretentious.
How long have you been playing for?
105 hours straight. I've been drinking my own piss for the last 10.

 

by niteowl
4-01-06
You know, since you haven't ate or slept for 4 days straight, I could take over for you for a while...
Are you fucking insane? You'll fuck up everything I've worked so hard for in this game!
Dude, your "WARRIOR" has been walking around aimlessly for 5 hours now.
Hey, he could come upon something interesting at any time!
Of course, you could just save your progress and come back to the game later...
Why would I want to do that? I'm having a fucking blast!

 

by niteowl
4-01-06
Scenes from Elder Gauntlet Of Firequest Warrior Fantasy...
A fair maiden! Do you like anal?
Why, yes I do, Mr. Powerful Warrior-type guy with a large phallic symbol in his strong, manly hands!
LXXIII!
Your toilet plunger is no match for my mighty sword.
OMG +5 HIT PTS FOR A WITTY THREAT
Ooh, pretentious!
Hey, aren't you the plant from Super Mario Bros.?
I'll eat you, bitch!

 

by niteowl
4-02-06
One week later...
What's up dude...you're STILL playing that damn game?
Yeah.
Man, it's been 11 days since you started the game, how far are you?
I'm still on the first level.

 

by niteowl
4-02-06
Have you ate or slept at all?
Yep, more than a few times.
I'm now taking one 4 hour break per day to recharge.
Your standing in the gaming community would take a real hit if anyone online got wind of that.
Yeah yeah yeah, I know I'm a pussy. Blah blah blah.

 

by niteowl
4-02-06
So are you ever going to go to school again?
Probably not.
Won't your parents get mad?
Hell no, they don't care. In fact, I haven't see them since I started playing this.
Where the fuck are they?
Mom's busy playing The Sims 2 and Dad's playing Madden 2006.

 

by niteowl
4-02-06
One month later...
Hey man.
Hey.
Is this the same game you were playing before?
Hell no, that game sucked. I got to Level 12 and giant insects kept killing me and shit. I must've died like a zillion times, so I said fuck it, I'm done.
Let me guess, this game you're playing now is the best game ever, right?
Fuckin' A. Check it out, it's only been 5 days and I'm already on Level 2!

 

by niteowl
5-27-06
Hey wench.
Hey.
What the fuck are you standing in the middle of the road for?
I needed something to blog about. Doing something really wacky and stupid makes for blogworthy material.
Why don't you blog about that male hooker you just kidnapped and chopped into a million pieces? People love that kind of drama.
Bitch, I told you NEVER to speak of that again.

 

by niteowl
7-06-06
God, I've noticed that people fight a lot about evolution and creationism.
Yeah, I've noticed that too.
Why don't you do something about it then? You could finally declare which one is correct or not.
Nah.
Why not? You could end the debate once and for all.
It's more fun watching you silly humans fight over something so trivial.

 

by niteowl
7-08-06
New, from Hasbro...life-size talking War On Terror dolls!
Now you can blow the shit out of them sand niggers, or behead those capitalist swine in your very own home! You control the fun-filled action! Take a look!
DIE RAGHEAD, DIE!
DIE FAT AMERICAN, DIE!
Roadside bombs, American flags, WMDs, Mission Accomplished banners, and batteries sold separately.

 

by niteowl
7-21-06
So we're supposed to go back in time for CC 327.
Oh boy, won't that be a fucking blast.
Sarcastic wench.
Trollop.
Fuck it, let's just stay here and call each other names.
Sounds good, cunt.

 

by niteowl
7-21-06
Seriously though, we have to time travel for the contest. Where should we go?
Well, the world will be ending soon, so let's jump ahead and try to save it.
The world is ending soon...Where the fuck did you hear that?
I visit a lot of religious websites, they're all talking about Armageddon and shit.
Fuck it, I don't want to save the world.
Let's go there anyway. People will want the sucky fucky before they're turned to ashes.

 

by niteowl
7-21-06
Where did you go?
I went forward in time to find out who won CC 327. Big Evil Dan won, Kajun came in second, kaufman got third, and DexX finished 4th.
Who the fuck are those guys?
I don't know. I heard they were regs or something.

 

by niteowl
7-21-06
I wonder why those regs don't enter contests anymore.
Maybe it's because the competition is so tough now.

 

by niteowl
9-17-06
My fellow Americans...
IRAN! 9/11! ISLAMOFASCISM! IRAN! 9/11! ISLAMOFASCISM! IRAN! 9/11! ISLAMOFASCISM!
I'd like to thank you in advance for supporting our upcoming war in Iran. Now go back to sleep.

 

by niteowl
11-03-06
March, 2004
"Those WMDs have got to be 'round here somewhere..."
That Dubya's one funny motherfucker!
November, 2006
"...you get stuck in Iraq."
Kerry hates the troops!

 

by niteowl
11-03-06
Fuck all y'all !
NIGGAZ!
At least the crazy cracka pronounced it correctly.

 

by niteowl
11-13-06
*pant*
*wheeze*
So, did we get his attention yet?
Nope, he's still looking at porn. What a pervert.

 

by niteowl
11-17-06
I'm Richard Whiskey and we are live in Rome for the most anticipated event of the millenium...the TomKat wedding!
I'm here with Glork, one of Tom's closest friends. Hi Glork, how are you?
Glork Spork Hork.
Hey, would you mind showing me around the mothership?
Glork. Chew on my laser, bitch. Glork.

 

by niteowl
11-17-06
Well, Glork sure was rude. Anyways, we've got the one and only Tom Cruise here! Hi Tom, getting any butterflies yet?
No. Butterflies don't exist.
Um, yes they do.
NO, THEY DON'T! YOU DON'T KNOW JACK FUCKING SHIT ABOUT THOSE NON-EXISTENT BUTTERFLIES! ONLY I DO!
Ooook. So, how's fatherhood treating you?
WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? THERE ARE NO KIDS! IT'S ALL IN YOUR FUCKING MIND!

 

by niteowl
11-17-06
And now, we've got the oh-so-lovely Katie Holmes here with us! So, Katie...how are you handling the pressure of this wedding?
*giggle* Like OMG, I love Tom so much! *giggle*
That's nice. So, about the dress-
*giggle* Like, when I was 14, I like, totally had Tom's posters all over my wall. He was so hot and cute and I used to fantasize about him and-
Uh, yeah. So, how's Suri doing? Getting her teeth and all that?
*giggle* Who's Suri? Oh wait, she's that kid "we had". Um, she's fine. *giggle* *giggle* *giggle* *giggle*

 

by niteowl
11-17-06
We're here with the minister of the ceremony. How are you doing, sir?
Help Me.
Uh, excuse me?
I said, HELP ME! I CAN'T STAND HANGING AROUND THESE WACKOS ANYMORE!
Alrighty then. Sounds like the minister has a case of the butterflies too.
There are no such things as butterflies, douchebag.

 

by niteowl
11-17-06
Next up in our cavalcade of superstar interviews, we have the best man, TOBOR! Welcome, TOBOR. Would you like to say anything to your friends back home?
RARR! TOM LIKES IT IN THE POOPSHOOT.
Seriously?
Seriously, dude.
YEP, THAT'S RIGHT! CHANNEL 9 EXCLUSIVE! YOU HEARD IT HERE FIRST! TOM LIKES IT IN THE POOPSHOOT!
When I say "it", I mean a Dianetics book. Shoved ALL the way up there. Oh, and he loves the cock too.

 

by niteowl
11-21-06
I had a fun day today.
Let me guess, you sucked off the entire football team again?
No, that was you, remember?
Oh, that's right. My bad. So, what nefarious deeds were you up to today?
I PM'ed all of my favorite people on stripcreator, telling them not to leave and ended up crashing the server.
You are one bad ass bitch.

 

by niteowl
2-01-07
O RLY?
Give a hoot! Don't pollute!
How many licks-
Shut up already, man. Every owl cliche has been covered.

 

by niteowl
2-01-07
I LOST MY LOLLIPOP!
DAMNIT!
Your cousin Jed sure is "special", isn't he?
I should've shit on his head when I had the chance.

 

by niteowl
2-01-07
*whistling*
No need to get up guys. Just passin' thru.
Those fucking field mice sure act like they own the joint, eh?
He's lucky we're lazy, or else he'd be dead as fucking fried chicken.

 

by niteowl
2-01-07
Hey, do you guys got any nuts up there?
Let me ask you this. Have you ever seen the movie "Clerks"?
Of course. Great fucking flick, man.
Then you already know what I'm going to say, right?
Man, fuck you then. I'm outta here.
Hey, good luck finding your nuts, dingleberry.

 

by niteowl
2-02-07
So what happens if the groundhog comes out and sees his shadow...
...but immediately after, clouds roll in and his shadow disappears?
I don't know. Maybe Earth is destroyed?
That figures. Leave it to a furry rat to wipe out the planet.
And we've been worrying about global warming the whole time.

 

by niteowl
2-02-07
Is it just me, or does Miller Lite taste like horse piss?
I agree. No more drinking Miller Lite! MAN LAW!
MAN LAW!
Also, lusting after Jewel so much that you are willing to drink her bath water is totally acceptable and does not make you a freak. Uh, DOUBLE MAN LAW?
God damn Burt, you're a freak anyway. Especially without that rug on your head.

 

by niteowl
2-18-07
I'm back from work, Ed. How was your day?
Great! I emptied out all the cabinets, cleaned them, measured them, replaced the lining in each one and finally, put everything back in alphabetical order!
Uh, did you feed the baby?
Um, yeah I fed the baby...
...TO A RANDOM DINOSAUR!
Hey, next time, please change the little bastard's diaper first. Thanks.

 

by niteowl
5-02-07
When I told you I wanted to see the ocean on our vacation, I didn't mean like this.

Showing page 29.

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