All comics by Chaplin

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by Chaplin
11-08-05
Hey,John! I'm back! Anything new while I been away?
Well....
My mommy hits me when I spill her Jesus juice...
Have a great fuckin' Easter,Bitch!!
Wow....What the hell happened to this place?
You should see Baconman...

 

by Chaplin
11-08-05
Dad, Why you call me home?
I found out I got a rare disease and in horrible pain...So I want you to use this gun...
Dad, I can't shoot my own father...
No I want you to shoot yourself...
How will that ease your pain?
In more ways than you'll ever know...

 

by Chaplin
11-08-05
Well,Son, If you won't kill yourself then put me out of my misery...
Dad...I..I can't...
I'll do it.
John, You stay outta this!

 

by Chaplin
11-08-05
........................
*Slurp*
.......................
I still can't bloody beleive you shot my father...
Yep and its not even Christmas yet...

 

by Chaplin
11-08-05
John!! John!! I won the lottery!! I'm Freakin' Rich!! Nothing can ruin this day!!
Your dad recently died, His baby is a orphan, your wife still hates you,and your mom killed herself when she had you.
.....
When I said "Nothing can Ruin this day" I diddn't mean it as a challenge...
And yet I feel like a winner.

 

by Chaplin
11-12-05
Hey! You're the thing who won the lottery.
Yes. I am. Can I help you?
I'm can solve all answers to you for all 14 millon you won.
...Thats sounds reasonable. You take Credit?
Only Visa.

 

by Chaplin
11-12-05
Okay I paid you 14 millon bucks. I wanna know if GOD exists and I need you to prove it.
Okay. GOD Does not exist thus he does exist. By being nonexistent he created the universe and all it bares. Since he does not prove his lifehood he does exist for without fate there is no GOD .....
So you're saying if he proves he exists he will not be real but by never revealing his existance he proves he lives?
Yes.
That doesn't answer my question! It just states he does and doesn't exist!!
Yes but now you lost 14 millon dollars and now the question is: How hard is GOD lauphing now?

 

by Chaplin
11-12-05
Hey,Guy,Loan me a few dollas,yo.
Great. A drunk begger. Maybe if I'm quiet he'll leave.
Good he left. Nothings worse than some drunk guy asking for money.
Hey,Spiky thang, I need you to drive me to your house and hide me! Ask why and I'll fuckin' kill you!!!
Okay...I miss the Drunk guy...

 

by Chaplin
11-12-05
Okay. You can hide out in the cellar. Be careful theres homosexual rats that'll hump you in your sleep. If you need me I'll be in the bedroom. Its upstairs next to the pool room.
...
...Whats wrong?
*Sigh*
Hey,bro, Ever taste the other side of the rainbow?

 

by Chaplin
11-12-05
How Dare you say Kirk was spock's bitch!!
You wanna prove me wrong??Then come and bring it!
GUYS! Can't we all just get along??
!!
6 minutes later...
What the fuck were you thinking??
Yeah. Bad time to bring about World Peace...

 

by Chaplin
11-13-05
So mister-Serial-Killing-Bunny-man-Guy...when are you leaving?
First:My name is Hugarth and Second: I like it here so I'm staying and Third: You can't live in the basement no more. Its packed with asians.
Then where the hell do I sleep??
*Sigh* Should've haggled for the couch.

 

by Chaplin
11-15-05
Good news,Timm!
What,Dr.Brook?
Its time for your annual Anal exam!
Thats...thats not good news.
It is for me,I'm gay! So turn around and lets have some fun!

 

by Chaplin
11-15-05
So hows you and your gay doctor doing?
Bad. I had four anal exams this week. I'm thinking of finding a new doctor.
I know just the one for you!
Um...Dr.Tobor are...are you sure you have Real doctrine degree??
YES! TOBOR WENT TO YALE! NOW TURN AROUND AND TAKE THE CORNHOLE EXAM!!

 

by Chaplin
11-15-05
Damn you to bloody hell,John! You sent me to a ass-raping Robot!!
I'm sorry,Timm. That was supposed to be a joke but I do really have a good doctor!
Really?? Can I see him?
Sure! Hes at...
You seem familar for some reason...
NO,YOU NEVER SAW TOBOR BEFORE SO NOW TURN AROUND FOR TESTS...OF EXTREME CORNHOLING!!!

 

by Chaplin
11-15-05
What the Fuck,John?? Why the hell didya send me to the same ass-raping robot as before??
I'm sorry,Timm and I feel SO bad that this time I'm sending you to the Best doctor I know!
Really? The best...Wait he ain't a ass-raping robot is he??
Nope.
For the second time Timm is another victim of Mr. Sticks-His-Dick-in-Your-Ass-While-You're-Looking-the-Other-Direction
Man am I glad to get a normal doctor. My other two were messed-up...
on the count of three...

 

AHHHHHHHHHHH! DAMN YOU,R.Kelly!
by Chaplin, 11-20-05

 

by Chaplin
11-20-05
I am [b]PIXEL[/b] the giant monster made of 8-bit dots!
So what do you do?
I usualy just float around and yell my name
Whats the point of th--
I am [b]PIXEL[/b] the giant monster made of 8-bit dots!
It was cute the first time but now you're just acting like a dick...

 

by Chaplin
12-10-05
Merry Christmas,John!
Santa ain't real,Dickface!
Why are you in such a humbug of a mood?
'Cause your mom upped her prices,Bitch.
You really need some holiday cheer...
I need a holiday Blowjob...

 

by Chaplin
12-10-05
Hey,Buddy! I'm Frosty tha snowman! Timm sent me hear to cheer you up! How about a hug?
Fuck off,Snowflakes.
Come on,I'm hear to make you feel better!
Really?
AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
I do feel better! Thanks,Frosty!

 

by Chaplin
12-10-05
So did Frosty cheer you up?
Yeah. I burned the shit outta him and that Rudolph deer you sent me tasted real good.
Why are you so filled with Christmas hate?
Why the fuck haven't I killed you yet?
I have a plan to bring back your christmas joy!
If it doesn't involve a funnel and four strippers,Count me out.

 

by Chaplin
12-10-05
We're going to the northpole!
This airline sucks.
Wheeeee!
The coffee tastes like shit...The peanuts taste like shit...
Gonna go see Santa! YAY!
And everytime I wank off my sperm tastes like shit...

 

by Chaplin
12-10-05
Santa! I traveled a long way so you could give my friend christmas joy! Will you do it?
Timm,Of course I would!
Ho ho ho,Merry Christmas,John. I hear you need some spirit...and...er...whats that you got there?
AHHHHHHH! Santas been fucking stabbed!!
I have a feeling I'm not getting that new radio this year...

 

by Chaplin
12-11-05
....
I can't beleive you killed Santa...
He never got me a pony...
You killed him over a damn pony?!?!
Okay! Maybe I get a little Tensive at times...No big Deal!

 

by Chaplin
12-11-05
*Sigh* I can't believe I showed you almost everything Christmas-y and you still a humbug.
Well,I'm more of a Halloween guy myself...
It doesn't matter you killed Frosty,Rudolph,and Santa. Theres nothing worse you can do...
No?
Later that day...
A dinosaur dressed as a elf has exterminated all the jews and black babies....more at 11:00
Does John take every comment as a challenge?

 

by Chaplin
12-11-05
So Hugarth, Whadda think of our christmas tree?
Too tall...
Well I don't think its too--
ITS TOO FUCKIN'TALL!! I WANT A SMALLER DAMN TREE OR I'LL FUCKIN' GUT YOU!!
Y'know...a simple thank-you for all the work I do should be heard once in a while!
You never compliment how everytime I torture people I never get blood on the shag!

 

by Chaplin
12-11-05
I'm going Christmas shopping...
Cool.Heres my christmas list.
Lets see...Nope not here...not here...not there....
Hello,Sir. Welcome to the doller tree,Can I help you?
Yes. How much is the guts of a jew?

 

by Chaplin
12-15-05
I'm hosting a christmas party soon.Are you coming?
Will there be people??
Yes! Loads of people!
Mwa-ha-ha-haaaa!
Er...Nevermind. Party Canceled...
C'mon. I'm running low on bladders for the fruitcake!

 

by Chaplin
12-16-05
Hey,Lady,Wanna suck on a candy cane?
Fuck off!
Ever stroke a christmas light?
Go to hell,Shithead!
Christmas miracles are dead,Timm.
No,John,You just should stop hittin' on chicks at abortion clinics.

 

by Chaplin
12-16-05
At Wal*Mart
Will you please donate to the children?
Why? What the fuck did they ever do for me??
...Good point. Fuck the children!
And John saves another soul....

 

by Chaplin
12-16-05
Nothings like drinking vodka next to a christmas tree while watching italion wrestling...
Life is sweet....
What thaz hell ya doing in my hiz house!?
Shit. Thought you were on vacation for the holidays...

 

by Chaplin
12-16-05
*Sigh*
A dinosaur shall sing today...
♫I wish oh wish for ♫christmas is pony ♫for me alone and I ♫wish oh, I wish for ♫one year my ♫dream shall ♫cooooome ♫truuuue...
HA! I knew you had christmas spirit! I knew it!
NO! Its not what it looks like!! I had the new Korn album stuck in my throat!!

 

by Chaplin
12-16-05
I can't believe I sang a cheesy christmas song in front of Timm! This is gayer than sex with a guy!
I feel like killing something but who'll be out with Christmas being days away?? Who can I hurt??
Abe Vigoda? He'll do.
C'mon. I was just heading over to Timm's for some fuitcake...

 

by Chaplin
12-18-05
Whats that noise? Coming near tha tree...Could it be?? Santa! But hes dead...
*Crackle* *Snap*
Ahhhh! Who the fuck are you!?
I am Santa's replacement,The Christmas Crab!
What do crabs have to do with christmas??
...Well, Isn't getting Crabs on xmas is what christmas is all about?

 

by Chaplin
12-18-05
Do you at least have a Christmas Crab holiday song?
I did work on a little diddle...*ahem* ♫Hey,hey,hey ♫I'm Christmas Crab ♫Tell yo dad ♫ I rape from tha black ♫and lust for the whores ♫Droppin rifles for tha b
Okay...I heard enouph...
I'm not done yet. ♫Hey,hey,hey ♫Who woulda thunked? ♫A crab rapin' yo mom ♫Would be such a hunk ♫Yo,yo,yo ♫Christmas Crab is Holiday Perfection
I did find some few little problems with your song...
I know,the second verse needs some rockin' bagpipes!

 

by Chaplin
12-18-05
So do you do anything different than the old santa?
Well good little boys get rifles...
and bad little boys get STD's...
I really hope I been good this year...
It doesn't matter if the girls been bad or not,I like sticking things in'em!

 

by Chaplin
12-18-05
I do give you luck.You have mighty big boots to fill...
Yep,But I'm sure I'll be more loved than that fat bastard...
Why so sure?
Duh,I give loaded rifles to kids!
But you forcefully have sex with all the girls,good and bad!
Thats because I'm a studd,Timm.

 

by Chaplin
12-18-05
Merry Christmas Everyone!
Happy Holidays,too!
And those who are jewish,Go fuck yourselves,We got the better Holiday!
And rifles for all who loves the Christmas Crab!
And the snowman went forth and had sexual holiday relations with Mandingo...THE FIN!
Happy Kwanza, Mandingo.

 

by Chaplin
2-27-06
Hey, John. What do you think of my new T-Shirt? heehee ain't it funny?
"I'm not here right now, leave a message..."? Okay I will...
...
Dear Timm, I'm glad you found your shirt "amusing" since noone else does. None of these Spencer Gifts or Walmart pun shirts are ever funny and by wearing it you have dulled the world's intelligance...
Its just a shirt...
And Hitler was just a man...

 

by Chaplin
4-09-06
Come on! Please?
I told you our mas murdering is over. Now go home and dont ever come back.
Its that Timm prick isnt it?? You and Timm are killing together! If I ever see that bastard I'll kill him where he stands..
...
Ummm... is this a bad time to ask if anyone wanted some snacks?
No, Can you lock the door for a second?

 

by Chaplin
4-09-06
I'm offended with The Boondocks! They use word like nigger and cracker! Its such racial terms.
Well its a self-spoof on the people who use those words. He uses them to show how now-a-days people use those terms out of what they used to mean.
So its not racist? Well, I guess it cant be racist since the creator's black...
The creator's black!?
Yeah.
That changes everything!! THE BOONDOCKS IS A RACIAL SIN CREATED FOR THE DEVIL!!

 

by Chaplin
4-09-06
I just ahte how the worlds so racist.
Actualy if you think about it most prejudice is gone now.
...
Nazis and KKK members are not seen as much. Indians now have casinos. Women can have jobs and vote. Mexicans can eat anywheres. Chinease get most of our profit.
Yeah, I guess when gays are able to marry the world will be close to peace.
WHAT!? FAGS AIN'T PEOPLE!!

 

by Chaplin
4-16-06
The death of Christ...
I die for all your sins but fear not for I shall return...
The rise of Jesus...
Okay...something went wrong in my plan..
Give me my fuckin'egg,bitch!!

 

by Chaplin
4-19-06
Baconman!! You're my hero!!
...
...
I'll just leave you and that dead hooker alone for a while..
Thanks,kid.

 

by Chaplin
4-19-06
Why dont you eat? Is there something wrong with your dinner?
Theres a huge turd on my steak.
Thats because we know you don't tip.
Oh, nevermind then.

 

by Chaplin
4-21-06
What ever happened to world peace?
We never had it, Mankind plaqued this planet until it turned to shit. Man happened and we get fucked for it.
So how can we get world peace?
If every goddamn thing on this planet dies...
I'm gonna lay on the floor for a while and cry...
Well, who needs Peace? We're doing pretty good on Violence....why stop?Timm learns a horrible truth

 

by Chaplin
6-24-06
John, My life is nothing...I should go kill myself.
Aren't you going to try and sto--
Want me to show you how to tie a noose,Timm?

 

by Chaplin
6-24-06
So...you Want me to kill you??
Yeah, my life is nothing but shit and I want it to be at the end before my life gets worse..
It's not fun when they don't have that "Don't Kill me!" scream..

 

by Chaplin
6-24-06
Oh my god, Timm actualy hanged himself!! I wonder how long hes been like that?
six hours.
...You're not dead?
Yeah...I think I may have done something wrong.

 

by Chaplin
6-24-06
John, I posioned myself.
..Then why are you still alive?
I dunno, I ate the whole tube of Crest toothpaste..
*Sigh*
..What? They say to call poison control if you digest more than you--
Timm, I'm not even gonna explain this one..

 

by Chaplin
6-24-06
I give up, I'm going to to juts live. I'm going to find a better job, a better home, a good wife,and live my life to the fullest.
Ahhhhhh!!
Holy shit.
Timm just spontaniously combusted..

Showing page 3.

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