All comics by Humpenstein

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by Humpenstein
11-01-08
The bad news is that we tried to replace your kidney with a potato.
The worse news is it's Tuesday.
How the hell is it worse that it's Tuesday?
We ran out of potatoes on Monday.

 

by Humpenstein
12-24-08
What did you do last night?
I called a joke hotline last night and asked them for their best Christmas joke.
So Santa took a reindeer into his bedroom while Mrs. Clause was out whipping the elves...
Mrs. Clause whips the elves?
Yea dude, Christmas is fucked up.

 

by Humpenstein
3-14-09
Uhhh, the other day I was uhhh, hehehehehehe
Wait, hehehehe, but uhh, hehehehe
More like YOUR mom!
Hehehehehehhe

 

by Humpenstein
8-21-10
I don't think the issue is Jennifer Aniston.
I think the issue is that women are allowed to speak their mind on television.
You're retarded.

 

by Humpenstein
7-09-11
I don't always drink beer,
but when I do
I prefer to drink a fucking shitload of it.

 

by Humpenstein
7-09-11
There once was a hooker from Germany,
who did what she did to make her money.
She tried to squirm in me, so I had to confirm that we
have sex now we both have aids permenantly.

 

by Humpenstein
10-20-12
They were out of flowers and chocolate so I just picked up some beer and weed instead.
...and I think Cody, Rob, Alex, Lou, Max, Kyle and Andrew might come over to watch the game.
Happy Birthday babe!

 

by Humpenstein
10-10-13
Some days I lay down and I think to myself...Damn...the world is totally going to shit... or what's the future going to be like? Or is it worth trying to save? Or am I even equipped to save it? Or
how can I help? Or do I even want to help? Or will my kids ever eat salmon? Or should I even have kids? Or do I even like salmon in the first place?
And then I think...
Boobs.
And everything seems ok again.

 

by Humpenstein
10-10-13
We gotta stop going out here. Shoulder to shoulder hipsters...
God I hate fucking hipsters.

 

by Humpenstein
4-09-14
There is a fifth dimension beyond that which is known to man. It is a dimension as vast as infinity.
It is the middleground between light and shadow, between science and superstition; and it lies between the pit of Man's fears, and the summit of knowledge.
This is the dimension of imagination. It is an area which we call...the Abe Vigoda Zone.

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