All comics by Italiano

 

by Italiano
8-20-10
Dad, what's the diffrence between "basically" and "in fact" ?
Go to your mother and ask her if she would make love to the neighbour for one million dollars.
Later
Yes, she would
Now, go ask your sister
Later again
Yes, she would do it for a million bucks
Well, "basicaly", we're millionairs! But "in fact" we're saddled with two WHORES

 

by Italiano
8-20-10
Eh dude, listen to this man! Last, I saw a Chinaman lookin' into the window o' the sex-shop!
I told him: "So, now you can certainly open your eyes!"

 

by Italiano
8-20-10
Dude, you gotta hear this! Last night, my wife got pretty horny in bed!
She kissed me everywhere! She even was so horny, suddenly she whispered in my ear: "Hey honey, say nasty things to me!" So I was like, fine!
"The kitchen"...."The bathroom"......

 

by Italiano
8-20-10
Doctor, I've got a problem, my husband got a small weaner, and everytime when I'm almost cumming, he popped out!
Well, there's only one solution! You get a metal plate in your p**sy, and your husband a magnet in his acorn!
A few weeks later...
And, how is it going?
Bad, my husband got arrested three times!
How come?
Well, last time we were at the pool, and a little girl walket past with a BRACKET.....

 

by Italiano
8-21-10
Our research shows, that one-year income of 500,000 dollars, you give a penny to charity. You would not wanna give something back to society on one way or anoteher?
First, does your research show that my mother is dying after a long sick bed, and that the medical costs are much higher than it's annual income?
Euh...no
Or that my brother, a disabled veteran, is blind and the rest of his life in a wheelchair? Or that my sister's husband is deseaced in a traffic accident, and now she is left penniless with three kids?
I had no idea...
So if I give them all already no money, why would I give money to you?

 

by Italiano
8-21-10
Mr. Mayor, this morning I found a dead donkey in the church, and I was wondering if u could let him get away!
Solve your own problems! After all it's your job to bury the dead!
Therefore I call on right, according to the last sacrament, I must first consult the family!

 

by Italiano
8-21-10
I lie in bed thinking of you, how you came by unexpectedly yesterday. And how much I wanna grip you and pinch you fine. I feel my body is still where you touched me.
You came form nothing and with your greedy mouth you went all over my body. You were driving me crazy! Finally I fell asleep, and wen I woke, you were gone. Tonight, I'll stay awake, waiting for you!
FUCKIN' MOSQUITO!

 

by Italiano
8-21-10
I think the lightning is the fastest in the world, because you see him before you hear thurs!
No, light is faster, because if you shake the boot button, light comes directly!
I believe diarrhea is the fastest, because during a walk in the woods, I felt a cluttered in my stomach. I ran like lightning to go home! I turned on the light in the toilet and find my pants sh**ting

 

by Italiano
8-21-10
Last, I went with my wife Shally and my dog Spike to the swimming pool. When we were about to get home, Shally figured her panties where gone.
So what did you do?
I let Spike smell on Shally's p*ssy to let him find the panties!
And what did he get?
He came back with the neighbor's finger

 

by Italiano
8-21-10
Mouse 1
Yesterday, I sat in a mousetrap! I got five broken ribbs and didn't go to the doctor!
Mouse 2
Yesterday, I drunk a whole cup of ratpoison and I'm still alive!
Mouse 3
I better get home to rape the cat today!

 

by Italiano
8-21-10
Today on Channel 3 News: The black people from town think it's enough with the insults from "The Clan". They wanted the government to prohibit "The Clan" out of town!
To show their anger, the black citizens attacked "The Clan's" base with an out of control red robot! Any responds from "The Clan" are unknown!
We need to talk!

 

by Italiano
8-21-10
John, we need to talk! JACK-OFF is annoying me very much!
He farts all the time, doesn't he?
Ehh...yes but what annoys me the much is this loud talking of him! And his manners, he's jackin' off all the time! The house is full of sperm!
mmmm...
I think we should kill him!

 

by Italiano
8-21-10
REAPER! I HEARD FROM JOHN, THAT YOU WANNA KILL ME!
John, you b*tch!
IF YOU DON'T KILL ME, I'LL GIVE YOU A BLOWJOB!
Whoah! Good deal!

 

by Italiano
8-21-10
So you're Mr. Lumplebunkin, the assassin, right?
Yup, that's me! Whats your problem?
I need you to kill a green alien named JACK-OFF
JACK-OFF?!
Go easy on him, he's a good kid!
Oh, I will!

 

by Italiano
8-21-10
Job's done!
HOLY FUCK! WHAT DID YOU DO TO HIM?
I killed him! Like I was supposed to do!
ON THIS WAY?!
What were you expecting? That I NAILED him to death?!
Good idea

 

by Italiano
8-21-10
Forget it! He's dead, where's the money?!
How much I own you?
2 million bucks
2 MILLION BUCKS!!!???
Oops! Sorry, my bad! I ment 4 million bucks!
COME BACK NEXT DECADE!

 

by Italiano
8-21-10
He Reaper, have you seen JACK-OFF?
Euhmm...John, I need to tell you something!
JACK-OFF is dead!
WHAT? HOW COME?
Look mommy! A green alien body full of blood! Must be killed or something!
KEEP A LITTLE WILL YA! THERE ARE PEOPLE SLEEPING IN HERE!!!

 

by Italiano
8-21-10
Here I am, trapped in a spaceship, only thinking about him!
Here I am, trapped in a spaceship, only thinking about her!
Hoping we'll ever return to the sunlight, so we could be together!
Hoping we'll ever return to the sunlight, so we could be together!
He probably wouldn't accept me, because I'm a squirrel!
She probably wouldn't accept me, because I'm a moron!

 

by Italiano
8-21-10
So here I am, waiting for my true love I met on FaceBook...
She said she smelled like strawberry's, and she said she had the looks of a nice, cute bunny...
Ah well, what's the worse that could happen?...

 

by Italiano
8-21-10
So this is paradise huh?
Yes dude, isn't it great?
Yeah dude, paradise rocks!
Yeah, but be carefull with some things, man!
Do not pee in Mr. Hunklebunny's garden!

 

by Italiano
8-21-10
I don't understand why they abondoned us because of our small d*cks!
Yeah man, me neither!
I mean, you don't have to have a big d*ck to make great love!
Exactly! That's what your mom told me too!

 

by Italiano
8-21-10
Let me see..."Beer: 2 dollars/Chicken sandwich: 4 dollars/Masturbation: 15 dollars"
Hey, the masturbation, will u do it?
Yes I do, pretty boy!
Allright, then go wash your hands, cause I want the chicken sandwich!

 

by Italiano
8-21-10
Honey, what would you do if we won the jackpot?
I would take half of the money and leave you!
Well then, we won 20 dollars! Here's 10 dollars, and there's the door!

 

by Italiano
8-21-10
My wife is so stupid, she bought a kitchen for 20,000 dollars, and she can't even cook!
My wife is more stupid! She bought a cabriolet for 50,000 dollars, and she doesn't even have a drivers license!
My wife is the most stupid! She bought a thousend condoms for her friends-trip to Brazil, and she doesn't even have a weaner!

 

by Italiano
8-21-10
Beloved wife, I hope this doesn't hurt or insult you, but you're 54 years old and I've got specific needs you no longer can give me! The rest I am very happy that you're my wife! Don't be mad,
cause when you get this letter, I'll be at the Grand Hotel with my 18 year old assistant. I will be home before midnight! Your husband.
More in 54, than 54 in 18! You don't have to stay awake! Your wife.
Beloved husband, you're 54 years old too, and when you receive this letter, I'll be at the Deluxe Hotel with the 18 year old pool-guy. And since you're a good math-teacher, you'll know that 18 fits

 

by Italiano
8-21-10
What did your wife say last night when you came home at 3:30 am?
She was sleeping and I went to the bedroom very quietly. But she woke up and we had a fight all night long.
No, that's totally wrong! You should've used my method! When I'm late, I'll turn all the lights on, throw the bedroom door open and yelling: Undress! We're gonna play mom and dad!
And then?
Nine out of ten times, she pretend like she's sleeping!

 

by Italiano
8-21-10
I still can't believe you're in the hospital!
Last night, I just saw you dancing with that nice blond chick!
Yes, my wife saw it too...

 

by Italiano
8-21-10
Do I know you?
You're probably the father of one of my children!
Are you that blond chick I fucked on the pooltabel at the party last saturday, while my homies were encouraging me and your gilrfriend putted a cucumber in my asshole?
Josh, I'm just your doughter's English teacher!

 

by Italiano
8-22-10
Mom, today I had sex for the first time!
WHAT? JUST WAIT TILL YOUR FATHER GETS HOME!
An hour later....
Eh son, I heard your mother's story, but I'm actually kinda proud of you! If I was you I'll do it aigain tomorrow!
Nah, my ass hurts a lot!

 
by Italiano, 12-04-10

 

I'm BACK!!
by Italiano, 5-23-11

 

by Italiano
5-23-11
I can't believe you murdered JACK-OFF!
John, for the last time, I DIDN'T KILLED HIM!!
Mr. Pink Bunny told me otherwise!
Oh yeah...I owe him 4 million buckaroos
For what?!......

 

by Italiano
5-23-11
John, come on! You must've misunderstood, I didn't have sex with Mr. Bunny!
Yeah, right....
No really, you have to believe me, we didn't do anything!
Well then, explain to me why there's a gay porn-video in the closet with a note on it that sais: "Love from Santa, a.k.a your cuddlebunny!?
Damn it, he found his Christmas present!

 

by Italiano
5-23-11
Listen Reaper, I just wanna apolagize about that bunny thing. I had no idea it was a Christmas present!
Oh, please! Give me a break! You've been lieying to me too!
What are you talking about?
Explain to me, why there's a naked man in the basement screaming: "I love you pumpkin, love your cuddlebunny!"?
Damn it, he found his Christmas present!

 

by Italiano
5-23-11
Christmas eve....
Now then, first of all, merry Christmas! And as we both already know our presents, les wait till the elf I ordered drops by to bring my special surprise!
Oooh yeah, I've heard it's the best service for escorting presents! Must be, it's kinda expensive!
Here U are Mr. Reaper, but let me warn U, the things that are in this present are not suitable for children under the age of 3 and people under the age of 18. Thank you and merry Christmas!
No wonder it cost me 92 bucks!

 

by Italiano
5-23-11
I thought you'd might like some personal information about everyone!
Hi, I'm Reaper. My full name is Reaper Gayman McHell. I was born on May 24 1969 in East Hell-City. My hobbies are drawing and make love with men.
Hi, I'm John. My full name is John Robert Jackson. I was born on November 13 1965 in Seattle. My hobbies are sleeping and eating.
Hi, I'm Reaper's dad, Mephistopheles. My full name is Mephistopheles Hellios McHell. I was born on July 6 1944 in North Hell-City and died on August 15 2010. I liked to play chess.

 

by Italiano
5-23-11
Hi, I'm FUCKING Chris. My full FUCKING name is Christopher JERK Adolf Jackson. I was born on FUCKING February 29 1988 somewhere in FUCKING space. I died on January 19 2010. I liked to FUCK...
HI, I'M JACK-OFF. MY FULL NAME IS JACK. I WAS BORN ON APRIL 21 1981 AND I DONT KNOW WHERE THE FUCK I WAS BORN. I DIED ON AUGUST 21 2010. I LIKED TO JERK-OFF!
Hi, I'm DJ. My full name is David Alan Johnson. I was born on September 25 1972 in Cleveland. I died on November 6 2009. I liked to drink beer and nail old bithces.

 

by Italiano
5-24-11
May 24...hey, it's Reaper's birthday!
Hey John, as you know I turned 42 today, I wonder if you payed any attention to it...
Off course.
Good! Well then, I know it's not polite to decide my own birthday-present, but I was thinking...
You can read my thoughts!

 

by Italiano
5-24-11
Hey John, since I turned 42 today, and you never actually told me your age, I wonder how old you are.
I'm 26.
Naw I was just kidding, I'm 45!!

 

by Italiano
5-24-11
Hey Reaper, can I ask you something?
As long as it has nothing to do with Chirs or his family.
What a wonderful house, Mr. Jackson. I'll be pleased to meet the owner.
So, big family, huh?

Showing page 3.

« Previous