All comics by KungChiFu

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by KungChiFu
11-26-03
Republican National Committee Training Video continues:
Education is a very high priority for we Republicans. But it has to be the right education.
For example, global warming and a link between tobacco and cancer are junk science.
This is why we need creationism taught in public schools.
I'm not descended from no monkey.

 

by KungChiFu
11-26-03
Republican National Committee Training Video continues:
Republicans know about ethics. It's easy to distinguish between right and wrong.
A president having an extramaratial affair is an impeachable offense.
A president lying to enlist support for a war in which thousands die is solid defense policy.
It's just logical, people.

 

by KungChiFu
11-26-03
Republican National Committee Training Video continues:
Republicans believe fiercely in the concept of limited government.
Therefore, government should limit itself to the powers named in the Constitution.
And banning gay marriages. And censoring the Internet.
What's right is right, right?

 

by KungChiFu
11-26-03
Republican National Committee Training Video continues:
We new Republicans know about the rights of our people, and protecting people's rights.
The public has a right to know about Hillary Clinton's cattle trades. It's a matter of vital national interest.
George Bush's driving record is none of your damn business.

 

by KungChiFu
11-26-03
Republican National Committee Training Video continues:
We new Republicans are huge supporters of state's rights.
This means that Attorney General John Ashcroft can tell states what local voter initiatives they have a right to support.
States have every right to agree with the Administration.
Go along to get along, we always say.

 

by KungChiFu
11-26-03
Republican National Committee Training Video continues:
To be a 21st century Republican, you have to have your finger on the pulse of the people, and what they need to know.
This means that what Bill Clinton did in the 1960s is of vital national interest.
What George W. Bush did in the '80s is irrelevant.
The '80s were a different time for all of us.

 

by KungChiFu
11-26-03
Republican National Committee Training Video continues:
As ever, we Republicans hate Communism and oppose it to the death.
This means trade with Cuba is wrong because Cuba is a communist country.
Trade with China and Vietnam, however, is vital to the spirit of international harmony.
They have good, cheap skilled labor, too.

 

by KungChiFu
11-26-03
Republican National Committee Training Video concludes:
And there you have it, new Republicans. Follow the preceeding simple rules and become a member of the party that rules America, and the world.
Isn't it nice to be a winner?
Remember, friends don't let friends vote Democrat.
Democrats should be reported immediately to the United States Department of Homeland Security.
Thank you for your attention. Vote Bush in 2004!
It's the first step toward the Thousand Year Reich!

 

by KungChiFu
7-09-04
Iraq...
Dude? Whatcha doing?
Hang on a sec.
That looks painful.
It's performance art. I'm showing how the war is going.
By banging a nail into your head?
Yep. And 1000 coalition deaths later, the nail is still there.

 

by KungChiFu
9-25-04
Back off man. Get that thing away from me.
You don't like the undersea scene?
If YOU made your living on the oceans, would YOU like being drawn underwater?
I see your point. What would you rather see then?
Let me think a second...
How about a nice...um...

 

by KungChiFu
5-04-05
Dunno, man. Nice pants,though.
Did you SEE this latest CNN/TW/WSG poll about the war in Iraq? WHY does 57% of America hate America?

 

Baghdad...
You mean parts, or just whole corpses?
Jeez. How many civilians do you think that is, so far? I mean, including the car bombs and stuff, not just the stuff we did.
by KungChiFu, 5-04-05

 

If dying and going to hell means not hearing things like Golden Palace.com bought Brittney Spears' used home pregnancy test for $5001... well, count me in. Please.
by KungChiFu, 5-05-05

 

Children born today, 5/5/05, should have an easy birthday to remember. But, I wonder how many children born on 6/6/06 will be accused of being the antichrist?
by KungChiFu, 5-05-05

 

"Suck" had no meaning before Anne Coulter.
by KungChiFu, 5-05-05

 

Texas votes to outlaw "suggestive cheerleeding" at high schools. Says it'll help prevent teen pregnancy and STDs. No, really. Sometimes this stuff just writes itself.
by KungChiFu, 5-05-05

 

Attention U.S. citizens: The Bible is NOT the Constitution. Also, "American Idol" is NOT democracy. That is all.
by KungChiFu, 5-05-05

 

The FDA says homosexual males should not be allowed to be anonymous sperm donors at sperm banks. Because you never know where those sperms have been.
by KungChiFu, 5-06-05

 

Somebody... please... set me on fire so I never have to hear the words "Paris Hilton", "Paula Abdul" or "Runaway Bride" again.
by KungChiFu, 5-06-05

 

by KungChiFu
5-06-05
The Runaway Bride is my idol.
Why?
She's so cool. Especially that look in her eyes, you know?
We bug-eyed people gotta have role models too.
What about us bug-eyed robots? You racist bastard!

 

Jesus don't save Democrats... 9 kicked out of a North Carolina church for supporting John Kerry. I for one welcome our Red State Theocratic Overlords.
by KungChiFu, 5-06-05

 

"Scientist" Creed: Observe, Hypothesize, Predict, Test, Invite Peer Review. "Intelligent Design" Creed: Lookie here, smartass... how about I just SMITE thee?
by KungChiFu, 5-09-05

 

Neal Horsley, after admitting on Fox News that his first sex experience was with a mule, has asked the media to now refer to him as an "anti-abortion activitst and mule enthusiast".
by KungChiFu, 5-09-05

 

His alabi is just too tidy, thought Inspector Elephant. The mouse clearly knew more than he was squeaking.
by KungChiFu, 5-10-05

 

You can tell the Pope doesn't have a wife because she would NEVER let him out of the house dressed like THAT.
by KungChiFu, 5-11-05

 

New Republican children's books: "They're Wrong Because They're Different", "When Mom & Dad Don't Know the Answer They Say God Did It", and "Let's Throw Rocks at Liberals"
by KungChiFu, 5-11-05

 

Stand tall, America! Unless a one-engine plane flies within 3 miles of the White House, in which case, run like cowardly, panicked, craven dogs so all the world can see.
by KungChiFu, 5-12-05

 

The last time I went to confession was so bad, as my penance the priest told me to find a cure for cancer.
by KungChiFu, 5-12-05

 

by KungChiFu
5-14-05
Ok, look. Tell me you're sure there's a plan to end this crap. Please.
Ok, I'm sure there is a plan to end this crap.
So 500 killed since the Iraqi elections, including three government ministers, plus 10 or so US Marines, and over 300 civilians killed this month alone, and we're still here. Right?
Right.
Is that all part of the plan, then?
Fuck, man, I GUESS so... all I know is, there is a plan.

 

Attention Muslims: Stop rioting. It's just a book.
by KungChiFu, 5-16-05

 

BRITNEY SPEARS STILL PREGNANT, NOW WEARING SWEATPANTS, SAYS SHE DOESN'T CARE WHAT SHE LOOKS LIKE! Oh, and 700 people killed in some foreign country or something.
by KungChiFu, 5-16-05

 

Iraq... months ago...
I'm the president of Iraq and I want to negotiate.
Put your arm down dude, you stink. And that's some nasty big-ass beard you got, too.
by KungChiFu, 5-16-05

 

When I was a kid, I wanted to grow up to be an activist judge.
by KungChiFu, 5-18-05

 

Oil for Food Scandal: Murky. George Galloway: Pissed. US Senate: PWNED.
by KungChiFu, 5-18-05

 

Maybe YOU'RE not ready for NUCLEAR TERRORISM, but I got my TINFOIL HAT, buddy.
by KungChiFu, 5-19-05

 

The bad news: Wal-mart building new store on top of a Hawaiian cemetary. The good news: Greeters will be able to walk from home to work.
by KungChiFu, 5-19-05

 

Bush vows not to use "taxpayers' money to promote science which destroys life in order to save life." In other news, 8 more American lives destroyed in Iraq today.
by KungChiFu, 5-24-05

 

The really sad part about this "Deep Throat" thing is the disillusionment of all those young guys out there who thought "Deep Throat" was Paris Hilton.
by KungChiFu, 6-02-05

 

Bush wants to SEC Cox. Again, sometimes these things just write themselves.
by KungChiFu, 6-03-05

 

And you thought YOU were having a bad day... Bush's approval rating now 20 points lower than Clinton's was on the day he was impeached.
by KungChiFu, 6-07-05

 

I was going to call my Congressman about the war, but I got distracted by another round of TV news stories about a missing young attractive white girl. Lortamercy on her!
by KungChiFu, 6-08-05

 

Dear African nations: We don't do handouts in this administration, but if you let Al Qadea take over, we'll happily install a nice, big, free, democratic government for you.
by KungChiFu, 6-13-05

 

Starting with the 2006 model year, all GM vehicles will come complete with a laid-off factory worker as standard equipment.
by KungChiFu, 6-13-05

 

Next: Terri Schivo's parents call it "murder" for medical science to not have come up with a full brain transplant procedure for their daughter, sue entire world, God.
by KungChiFu, 6-16-05

 

Tyco executives found guilty! Ken Lay poops twinkie, decrys engergy deregulation, begs for job at GM.
by KungChiFu, 6-17-05

 

The Schiavo autopsy revealed she had half a brain, was blind, had no congnative thought, & no chance of recovery. In short, she had become one of the Far Right.
by KungChiFu, 6-20-05

 

CIA chief has 'excellent idea' where bin Laden is. So we got that going for us.
by KungChiFu, 6-20-05

 

by KungChiFu
6-20-05
Shallow easily-misconstrued penis euphamism line.
Silly misunderstanding of penis euphamism line to build comedic "dick joke" effect.
Blah blah sit-com punchline referencing the dick joke misunderstanding.
After-punchline comment.

 

I support our troops by insluting every liberal I see.
by KungChiFu, 6-22-05

 

I don't support our troops?? That's like saying I don't support our second graders who get marched into a burning building. It ain't like they had a choice, and don't make it right.
by KungChiFu, 6-22-05

Showing page 3.

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