All comics by Zimri

 

by Zimri
7-26-05
Mel Gibson is filiming a new film called "Apocalypto", taking place five hundred years ago in Mexico.
Unlike "Passion of the Christ", "Apocalypto" will NOT feature the popular "Kill All Jews" subliminal message in every scene.

 

by Zimri
7-26-05
Four adult Scout Leaders were electrocuted while pitching a tent today at the National Boy Scout Jamboree.
Sometimes God works in mysterious yet delightful ways.

 

by Zimri
7-27-05
When you ride hard on a mountain bike, sometimes you fall.
Otherwise, you're not riding hard.

 

by Zimri
7-27-05
Let me tell you, Alcoac, it's time for us younger, more in-your-face Stripcreator users to wrestle control of this website from the old dinosaurs.
Oh yeah?
Yes! "Moh"!? What does that even mean!? It's time for a coup d'etat!
And who's going to lead this coup? You, Zimri? Your comics are just watered-down versions of mine.
...damnit.

 

by Zimri
7-28-05
Ah, StephTheGeek.com, the website of a unique, creative girl. Features include "My World", "Forums", and a chat room so users can discuss this anti-social girl in all of her "geeky" glory.
There's also a nude BONDAGE picture gallery for fourteen year old losers to drool over and an option to pay six dollars a month for access to more nude picturds and live webcam shows.
Oh yeah...people go there for the music. Defintely the music.

 

by Zimri
7-28-05
Despite my regime's history of using terror to manipulate the masses, I urge all of America to visit the country's tourist destinations.
How about Guantanamo Bay?
Where hundreds of people are held without trial and relieved from the stress of Jihad!

 

by Zimri
7-28-05
This is the true way of life, Ezekial. Raising our own food from the soil, much as God made us from the dust.
Aye, aye.
Want to do it?
Yes.

 

by Zimri
7-28-05
So I saw "Constantine" tonight...
...or was it "Johnny Mnemonic?" Or maybe "The Matrix?"
In any case, a block of solid concrete was paraded across the screen for two hours and occasionally it did a flashy kung fu manuever.

 

by Zimri
7-28-05
What is it with girls nowadays, Alcoac? They think that being skinny is always considered attractive.
It's distressing.
But, of course, the complex social and pop culture causes of this negative self imagery has been well documented.
Yeah, imagery.
HEY HONEY! Yeah, you, leviathan. You better throw up that Tasty Kake later if you want to be pretty!

 

by Zimri
7-28-05
This girl I used to like in high school is pregnant with a Puerto Rican gentlemen's baby.
...that baby should have a long life of oppressing itself.

 

by Zimri
7-28-05
President Frat Boy again put off visiting the National Scout Jamboree today.
Michael Jackson, however, has been there incognito for a fortnight.

 

by Zimri
7-29-05
I want to thank the President and the CEO of Constellation Energy, Mayo Shattuck.
That's a pretty cool first name, isn't it, Mayo.
Pass the Mayo. His wife, Molly, appreciated that.

 

by Zimri
7-29-05
Other people call us backwards and strange, Ezekial, but they do not know the joys of working with nature for one's food.
Aye, aye.
So what did we end up doing with that cucumber last night?
I think I still have it...

 

by Zimri
7-29-05
My 21st birthday is coming up...what are you getting me?
Hmmm...
It had better not be what you got me last year!
What, you have something against kebobbed dog fetuses?

 

by Zimri
7-29-05
The new film "Murderball" will be a documentary on the sport of wheelchair rugby, played by athletes with amputated limbs.
The movie will be rated "R" for "Language and Sexual Content."
That sexual content might be more interesting to watch than the movie.

 

by Zimri
7-29-05
It takes an entire village to raise one good child, Ezekial.
Aye, aye.
So was it you that left that bite mark on my left buttock last night?
Either me, or the donkey.

 

by Zimri
7-29-05
Life is full of temptation.

 

by Zimri
7-29-05
Recently at a job interview...
Just a few routine questions to get us started here...
Go ahead.
Are you currently single?
Yes.
Wait, does my subscription to TrannyFriendFinder.com count?

 

by Zimri
7-29-05
Ezekial, the true path to unity with God comes from hard work, self-sacrifice, and helping others.
Aye, aye.
So that new Mexican stable boy we hired looks like he could be really hung.
He does, doesn't he?

 

by Zimri
8-01-05
I'm looking forward to 2008.
Maybe people all over the world will stop dying in an immoral, needless war.

 

by Zimri
8-01-05
Border relations between Canada and Mexico have never been better.
Africa is a nation that suffers from incredible disease.
Sometimes when I sleep at night I think of "Hop on Pop".

 

by Zimri
8-01-05
At first, I was frightened and sad that right-wing billionaire tyrant Rupert Murdoch was buying MySpace.com
But then I realized that if the conservatives are going to dominate the Internet they'd probably buy a website where people's opinions actually matter.

 

by Zimri
8-02-05
So Sandra Beth Geisel, a noteworthy MILF, has been accused of coercing her students into sexual acts.
And I had to settle for that overweight Peruvian nun in the 4th grade.

 

by Zimri
8-02-05
Ezekial, personal relationships with friends should not be reduced to electronic impulses.
Aye, aye.
I've still got vasoline all over the back of my pants.
I cleaned mine off with one of those rug beater thing...we're old fashioned, you know.

 

by Zimri
8-02-05
So it turns out "gullible" is not in the dictionary.
People who thought it was really a word are really...uh...

 

by Zimri
8-03-05
You know, lots of people think Alcoac and I are the same person. It seems our work has some similarities.
We write about the same topics, know the same people, both seem to be from Pennsylvania. But there's an essential difference between our comics.
Mine don't condemn anyone.

 

by Zimri
8-03-05
I appreciate the Secretary of Energy joining me today. He's a good man, he knows a lot about the subject, you'll be pleased to hear.
I was teasing him -- he taught at MIT, and -- do you have a PhD?
Unfrotunately, he's right.
Yes, a PhD. Now I want you to pay careful attention to this -- he's the PhD, and I'm the C student, but notice who is the advisor and who is the President.

 

by Zimri
8-03-05
Technology is making traditional bonds between family and friends disappear, Ezekial.
Aye, aye.
So have you been to SeanCody.com lately?
Uhhh...we're AMISH. But yes, I have.

 

by Zimri
8-03-05
So it's been hitting record tempratures of 99 degrees and above here in southeastern Pennsylvania.
Geez, if there were a bunch of Mexicans here, you'd think this was Mexico or something.
Wait a minute...

 

by Zimri
8-03-05
Alcoac, I just spent $40 to get a haircut today.
I don't see a difference...
...I have noticed you are limping a bit, Zimri.
Well, replace "a haircut" with "sex from Korean prostitute" and "$40" with "$450."

 

by Zimri
8-04-05
The true value of hard work is underappreciated in today's society, Ezekial.
Aye, aye.
So I got this rash, it's like...want to see it?
Yes.

 

by Zimri
8-04-05
She is a fabulous First Lady. I was a lucky man when she said, yes, I agree to marry you.
I love her dearly, and I'm proud of the job she's doing on behalf of all Americans.
Just like I love my brother.

 

by Zimri
8-04-05
The number one suspect in the murder of ten year old boy Anthony Martinez kept a web log.
The "blog" apparantly contained poignant words about his struggle to control himself from torturing and molesting children.
Just another weepy, overweight, and latently homosexual Emo guy, if you ask me.

 

by Zimri
8-04-05
I got you a present!
...it's not a tetanus shot like you asked for.

 

by Zimri
8-04-05
I've been almost turning 21 for a while now, and this is all I've been hearing.
So are you getting smashed?
What is this thing with everyone wanting me to drink? Do they WANT me to be an alcoholic?
You gettin' fucked up on your birthday?
Maybe they want to take advantage of me. This is hopefully not the case with DragonXero.
Are you going to get drunk, man? Nice and passed-out and sloppy...

 

by Zimri
8-04-05
So after high school I worked for two years...
Is he ever going to drink that beer?
It was liberating, actually...
God! I just look at him and get all gay aroused.
Now I minor in Spanish...
Uh, yeah, great, good. So have another six shots of tequila. And take your pants off.

 

by Zimri
8-16-05
A lot has been made of my drinking.
So I've had a few chardonnays,what of it?
Sir, if you don't put some pants on and leave the library, I'm calling security.

 

by Zimri
8-16-05
Ezekial, the true measure of a man is if he takes care of his children.
Aye, aye.
After we drank last night, I woke up this morning,and my butt hurt.
Mine doesn't.

 

by Zimri
8-16-05
I studied dance in college.
Big mistake, let me tell you. Being a dancer in high school doesn't mean you're good in college.
So...$225 an hour, huh?
Yep.
Undress. Then turn around, touch your toes, and bark.

 

by Zimri
8-16-05
Have you ever been curious about having sex with another man?
Hmmm, now that you mention it, I am.
Got a blindfold? I use the honor system.
Right next to the noose over there.

 

by Zimri
8-16-05
I think war is a dangerous place.

 

by Zimri
8-16-05
I hit you because I love you.

 

by Zimri
9-07-05
The Eagles are going to the Super Bowl this year.
Who's going to stop them? The Saints?
Oh wait, they have nowhere to play.

 

by Zimri
9-15-05
An actual story I was told in kindergarten...
"...and then, the little blond beggar boy asked the rich man for some pocket change..."
"...so the rich man kidnapped him, cut out one of his kidneys and left the beggar boy in a shady hotel bath tub filled with ice."
The end!

 

by Zimri
9-15-05
Ezekial, God punishes the wicked and rewards the righteous.
Aye, aye.
What was it I was screaming last night?
"I'm on me knees, treat me bad!"

 

by Zimri
9-16-05
The moral corruption of Hollywood is infecting the rest of the nation, Ezekial.
Aye, aye.
I think someone was watching us in bed last night.
No, that was just Malachi, my first cousin. It's cool.

 

by Zimri
9-16-05
...so I don't think it's going to work!
What!? You're breaking up with me?
Yes, I'm sorry.
What is it? My constant stalking you? The Val Kilmer blow up doll underneath my bed? My membership in the Chimpanzee 70s Porno Re-Enactment Club!?
You're not caring enough.
Ah.

 

by Zimri
9-16-05
Will Smith sure is a versatile actor. His portrayals include a sassy black cowboy, a sassy black cop, a sassy black cop, and a sassy black cop.
Sure, some may say that he plays the same lame-ass role in every film, that he's merely flogging what little talent he has. But in Men In Black he was a sassy black SPACE cop.
And we always have his music.

 

by Zimri
9-16-05
I've tried and tried to convince people around the country of Pennsylvania's overwhelming superiority in government.
What!? We elected JOHN STREET in Philadelphia, the most corrupt mayor in the country.
We're one of the richest states.
But the county where you and I are from has the highest percentage of voter fraud in the nation.
Then we faked the votes for Kerry, so at least we're not stupid.
Ain't democracy grand?

 

by Zimri
9-16-05
"Esther...SPIN THAT WHEEL!"
My life has been long and pointless.
"Wait, now wait, I thought you knew how to play this game!"
You idiot! You're standing in the wrong place! I'd like to smash your face with a rusty chisel.
"And the lovely GABBY has a prize for you to bid on!"
The lovely Gabby has a date with a rusty hanger, a pair of jumper cables and a car battery in the alley after the show. In my day, pulling out used to be enough!

Showing page 3.

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