All comics by balls

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by balls
7-10-10
what should i wear to Shelly's party, Shelly?
i'm not Shelly, i'm the kid you promised a pony if he followed you into the dressing room
look, just pretend to be Shelly and i'll kill you
or. i meant "or"
have you thought about a nice pleated palpus?

 

by balls
7-10-10
LIGHT OF THE WORLD, LIGHT OF MY LIFE, I'M GONNA SLEEP WITH A MAN TONIGHT!
LIGHT OF THE WORLD, LIGHT OF MY LIFE, I'M GONNA SLEEP WITH A MAN TONIGHT!
are you allergic to any medications?
codeine

 

by balls
7-10-10
so i said, "what kind of ice cream goes with urinal cake!"
I'LL STAB YOU IN THE FACE!
boy, some scary people ride this busline. maybe you should stay close to me
I'LL STAB YOU IN THE FACE

 

by balls
7-10-10
i don't know why i hate the new kid but i sure do hate the new kid
with his new kid hair and his new kid smell, chatting up the cheerleaders on his very first day
I WANT TO CUT YOU

 

by balls
7-17-10
the world is so vast and wonderous. really makes you feel insignificant
CAT RAPE FOR SIGNIFICANCE!!!!!

 

by balls
7-17-10
dude, you gotta try that toilet. it's one of those japanese dealies
tells you your urine pH level and any medical concerns you might have
you shit in my mouth! YOU SHIT IN MY MOUTH!

 

by balls
7-17-10
WAZEE GLARK EXPOOOOO
how was that?
get back down there
WAZEE GLARK EXPOOOOO

 

by balls
7-17-10
dairy?
dairy.

 

by balls
7-17-10
so what, you just ripped up the bus bench and dragged it over here to Yellowstone park?
yes
as a statement?
sort of
what's the statement?
don't curry pcp

 

by balls
7-17-10
me and this chair is gonna take down the gov'ment, Pablo Escobar style!
except instead of with guns and insane cash reserves from cocaine sales, we're gonna be using only my stinger and lumbar support
did we really think this out?
RAPESTICK!

 

by balls
7-17-10
let's have a hat off!
i don't want no part of that bad boy

 

by balls
7-17-10
i's will not slap ho's i's will not slap ho's
you're doing a fine job, Reggie
splaDOW
thanks, teach
maybe a few hundred more

 

by balls
7-17-10
get over here and i'll give you a handjob
done and done
where've you been, i've been worried sick!
to get to the other side! i mean... uh... sorry, my car broke down

 

by balls
7-24-10
give me one of your SHIT burgers, with a side of your SHIT fries, and let's wash it down with one of your SHIT sodas
ah
our #2

 

by balls
7-31-10
get it out of here. dirty little bastard
DIRTY LITTLE FUCKING PEST
what did you do with it
stabbed it. stuffed it down a chimney. put a gun in its hand

 

by balls
7-31-10
what was the date the declaration of independence was signed? anyone?
oo oo oo! OO OO OO!
John
July 4th, 1776!
and my name's Steve, sir.

 

by balls
7-31-10
this is a slide of the fireman. who tried to put out the fire. put out the fire at the orphanage
this is a slide of the doctor. who worked on the fireman. who tried to put out the fire. put out the fire at the orphanage
this is a slide of the robot. who destroyed the hospital. the hospital where the doctor worked on the fireman. who tried to put out the fire. put out the fire at the orphanage. appletinis?

 

by balls
8-21-10
I STABBED A NUN IN THE FACE!
holy shit, dude, you're going to jail
jail? i'm not worried about jail. i'm worried about HELL
you're right. you need to get over to confession and get some absolution, stat
i should go to a church. what a great idea. how bout we stop off on the way and offer body shots at AA, then swing by Paris Hilton's house and dangle our cocks in front of her, you fucking enabler

 

by balls
8-21-10
if i knock, she could reject me and i'll never recover. if i don't knock, i'll never know, and that would kill me
so i stabbed a nun in the face
ME TOO

 

by balls
9-04-10
sit. staaaay.
good dog. now swallow the bone
no, you misunderstand
uh oh

 

by balls
9-04-10
it's just what i wanted - a red shirt!
wait a minute, something's wrong with it. it seems to be cognizant it's in constant danger. UNCLOG THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL, NUMBER ONE!
holy shit, beaner boner!

 

by balls
9-11-10
i don't know about you, but i could really go for some orangu-tang right now. YOU know what i'm saying!
ook
it sucks being the first orangutan in the group to have evolved. there's no one to talk to. maybe if i were to use reverse psychology...
ook
if christ himself stood in my way, i, like Nietzsche, would not hesitate to squish him like a worm

 

by balls
9-11-10
FRACTH JORDKINSTH? Todd Johnson, accounting. i hear you're the new wunderkind on the block.. put 'er there
nice grip you got there, JORDKINSTH. you're going to fit in fine here
he eat you too?
Todd Johnson, put 'er there

 

by balls
9-11-10
you wanna see my Bob Dole impression?
sure
i'm Bob Dole, shake my left hand, i'm my Bob Dole
awesome.
i can also do Lindsay Lohan, but i'll need a garden hose and a rack of pool balls

 

by balls
9-18-10
dude, Terry. no stabbing.
sorry
TERRY!

 

by balls
9-18-10
today class, we're focusing on the uppercase lowercase letter Pp above
who'd like to come up here and learn about the Pp
or perhaps B and J? anyone? Principal Johnson? you're sitting in today. come up here and suck my cock

 

by balls
9-18-10
ASIAN BAGINA, I HAVE TO POO
that not my name!
oh, sorry. didn't know you were there. i was using that as an exclamative
THAT my name.
last name Nguyen

 

by balls
9-18-10
i'm gonna pour this hot coffee over the stall onto Mary for being the biggest cunt of a boss ever
then rape her and go on the lam
then turn myself in and ask for a refill
decaf?

 

by balls
9-18-10
hello?? is this thing on??
or is it dead like everything else! HAHAHAHAHAHA
*sobbing*

 

by balls
9-18-10
you were great! you were fantastic! you rocked my world!
your cock should be bronzed and toured!
something like that
i'm sticking with "thanks?"

 

by balls
9-25-10
}=)
YOU NO ERASE JESUS!
!

 

by balls
9-25-10
}=)

 

by balls
9-25-10
ERASE ERASE!!! HOW YOU LIKE IT MUTTER FO??!

 

by balls
9-25-10
this is kind of weird for me. i've never been with a black chick before
weird for you? how do you think i feel?
oh right. the ghost thing
nah, that's fine. i mean the nice guy thing. kind of a turn off
I WILL FUCK YOU IN YOUR BRAIN CAVITY
you're just saying that

 

by balls
9-25-10
computer, bring up the crew manifest for next week
fuck you, Ted
i thought we weren't going to let this get weird
men!

 

by balls
9-25-10
Pete, bring up the crew manifest
fuck you, Gene
is this because of the fucking?
men!

 

by balls
9-25-10
Sinsung, bring up crew manifrest
is there cover charge?
what?
what?
you wun fuk?
DIRTY SOUTH

 

by balls
9-25-10
i'm gonna toss out these leftovers. you have anything else that needs to be tossed?
my fucking SALAD!
and she did. she totally fucking did.
i didn't know you had a twin

 

by balls
10-02-10
will you fuck my friend in the ass?
sure.
she said yes!
alright, Brobot!
HARUNG
alright, Brobot!

 

by balls
10-02-10
Brobot, we've been stuck out in the Alaskan wilderness for days. i think we're going to die out here
save yourself, Henry Wilson. warm yourself inside Brobot's innards
he eat you too? put 'er there
you Bob Dole?
no, that's just an affectation

 

by balls
10-02-10
like sands through the hourglass
this guy keeps blipping into existence and shouting,
BALLS!
rinse and repeat

 

by balls
10-02-10
i thought they'd never leave
too much dairy

 

by balls
10-02-10
i swear to christ i'm going to axe the first motherfucker that comes down the shoot
hey, it's you 2 weeks in the future. don't axe that girl, she turns out to be the police chief's daughter. you're caught within the hour
shouldn't be a problem, you're first
THWACK
you realize you just signed your own death warrant in two weeks!
better live it up now then *THWACK*

 

by balls
10-02-10
candygram
i'm diabetic
have you found jesus?
yes, between the sofa cushions
shh, shh. i told him "between the sofa cushions." hahaha. shh, shh

 

by balls
10-02-10
and then he kills the mother and father while the daughter watch
skip to the end, i already know this part
ahem, okay. let's see...
and rapes her and rapes her and rapes her. THE END
yay!

 

by balls
10-02-10
and rapes her and rapes her and rapes her. THE END
Todd Johnson, put 'er there
is that one of those corny gag handshake buzzers?
in fact it is, sir!
and rapes him and rapes him and rapes him. THE END
you've made my arm flaccid

 

by balls
10-02-10
i didn't think roaches liked sunlight
you're thinking of vampires
roaches don't like vampires?
i meant vampires don't like sunlight
so what don't roaches like?
you.

 

by balls
10-02-10
i don't give a FUCK, Ricky Gervais. i's a bit a bout to bop a bitch
be bop a lula
what the fuck you say, Astro Jesus??
i said be bop a lula. because you used a lot of b's. it was an awful alliteration allusion.
one more word, i take you down to Dirty South
there a cover charge?

 

by balls
10-02-10
why you always on right, i on the left. let switch
no we switch something awful happen
no it not stupid. let switch
FINE!

 

by balls
10-02-10
RAPE

Showing page 3.

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