All comics by chopper

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by chopper
11-29-06
Oh yeah, thats it.
MMMM Yeah Baby.
Buying this force field was the best thing we could do...

 

by chopper
11-29-06
Welcome to Iron Chef, Barnyard edition. With me I have, straight from crygenetic rehab, Pete Doherty everybody! And todays secret ingredient is: Crack Cocaine!
....
Whats wrong there Pete? U having a little trouble with that Crack Cevice? I bet if I serve my Cracked Corn soup to Kate moss she´d snort my scrotum faster than u can say relapse,bitch!
..................
You gonna have to talk up in this motherfucker, Mr. Big Shot Rock star-injecting-girls-while-they-sleep-sad-ass-dope-fiend-excuse-for-a-human.
This aint friggin funny anymore Dad. Im walking away now.

 

by chopper
11-29-06
Good thing u nailed up the door there, buddy. Those were some fucked up mutants. Could have sworn i was gonna be eaten.
Yes, quite.
............
Why is it that every time we board up this door you get all quiet likes... Its kinda creepin me out you know.
This has always been the essence of my dreams, but every time, something is holding me back...

 

by chopper
11-29-06
Whed de fuck a we going, ey man?
KEEP TALKING TOUGH GUY.
Dis no look like a no motherfucker I ever seen man!
I´ll teach u extraterestrial punks to come here and steal our jobs.
Ey, I got u in the nuts good ey? U crazy motherfucker Kid you. Hey, who are you? Take me to your leader, bitch, hehehehehe.

 

by chopper
11-29-06
This is actually a quite new technology where we can actually let u see the operation from inside your colon, all while recovering. Mr Pendergrass?
I did not ask for this!

 

by chopper
11-29-06
So how do you like the new gaff mate? Smashin Innit?
I know we are cyber punckrockers, but sometimes you take it too far, man.

 

Who the hell were all these mf´s anyway?
Here lie the first ones foolish enough to heckle The Great One.
by chopper, 12-01-06

 

by chopper
12-01-06
You that Mf thats been goin around blowin mfers heads up all up in this mf?
I am Fist of the North Star. I blow head up, that is mfing trademark.
Well I´m the Mfing rusty AK from down under and I say Mad Max outbad all a you manga mfers.
I AM AKIRA!
You aint mfing listening, son. Remember that kid with the mfing boomerang? In part II? That mfer was for real, they just found him in the outback living with koalas.
I AM JUBEI !?

 

by chopper
12-02-06
MY PROGRAM SAYS YOU FAILED YOUR SAVING THROW, SO YOUR METROSEXUAL ELF CHARACTER IS DEAD AGAIN, CRIPPLED CHARLIE.
Thats the third time in this campaign, I miss the old paper and dice days...
Quiet! Do you want The Great one to put you in the Re-Education camp?
So I says to this mfer, how the hell you gonna claim D&D is better than mfing Call Of Cthulhu? You ever shit yo pants from a mfing doppleganger yet?
YOU PROMISE NEXT TIME WE PLAY "ADVANCED ANAL RAPE DROID"!!!

 

Fuck, fucking fucked jew motherfuckers. Sharon fucking Stone, Al motherfucking Pacino, motherfucking gambling and a fucking pen in the fucking neck.
What the fuck are you staring at, you bald-headed Jew Prick?
by chopper, 12-16-06

 

by chopper
1-20-07
Blessed Massive, blessed, and welcome to dis special edition a MTV Cribs. Today I will show de I dem around me ends and tell unu a few unknown Cadbury Man Facts...
Step into the hall and me a go show unu me most valuable dubplate, de legendary Golden Dub. Maybe I can tell unu how me get it some other time... Is a long story, seen?
Yes I, here we have the heart and soul a de Cadbury house: de kitchen. De fridge full up with bare Guiness, Jerk Chicken and any kind a vegetable unknown to white folks...

 

by chopper
1-20-07
You are now in a place no man but de I eva seen before: Cadbury Man record collection room. Me will organize them some day when mi find de time....
Here is another exclusive for de massive, di is me sound tape collection. Me used fe upload dem to de internet, but dem leeching bredda deh nuh give no thanks at all...
Blessed massive Blessed, Badman Crab tek it away...
Me nuh know where u fi go, but u need fi get de hell outta here! MOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOVE!!!!!!!!!

 

by chopper
3-23-07
Blessed RIDDIM massive, blessed, dis a Cadbury man and me haffi tell you me vex now bloodclaat! Me suspect seh me gal a gi mi bun wid me arch-rival Rottingham!
Me would really love fe stay and listen but me have a plane to catch, me gaan ah africa fe study ancient dubplate histry, seen?
Hermit, yuh seen Wynsome today?
Me saw har go dung de street all dressed up an ting. so me naturally assumed yuh and har inna yuh ting, dats why me hang out inna yuh backyard...
Awright Cadbury me ol chum? Come to get another lesson in reggae history, have you? It was sometime in 1974 in the hills of Mandeville...
Cut out de long talking Rottingham, bout u a teach de I anything, yuh mussi mad... Wynsome went dung di road towards here, you wouldnt have seen her have yuh?

 

by chopper
3-25-07
Wynsome, ey? Listen here Cadbury me ol mate, I know a lot of bad blood has been betwwen the two of us...
Yeah, like dem time deh when yuh get money fe go ah studio and voice tune and me find out you spent it all on vintage rude bwoy hats, yuh mean?
...See, what Im really trying to say here is that we should let bygones be bygones, but regarding Wynsome it just seems she is looking for greener pastures...
IS WHAT DE BLOODCLAAT YOU AH TALK ROTTIE? IS WHAPPEN TO SHE NOW SHE A SHEEP? WHO YUH A RAMP WID BWOY?
Calm down mate,were way to old and decripit to fight, besides I have a steel hip so Im like the bleedin Terminator...
WELL YUH BETTA GO INSIDE THEN AND LOCK UP TIGHT CAUSE "I´LL BE BACK!!!!!"

 

by chopper
3-25-07
Are you sure about this, Mr Cadbury? You do know the effect a Chinese Cocktail would have on a man his age? I beg please to kindly reconsider, have some tea, perhaps.
Him dun cross de line and cyaan come back again this time, sifu bredda. It gaan way past squabble or quarrell. from a man hitch up unda mi gal it is murda!!
And in other news, elderly and presumed retired reggae selecter Sir Rottingham has set his house ablaze during a 3 day long selecting frenzy... live from the scene:
Yeah, we haven´t actually seen the man but I believe he is heavily under herbal influences. We keep hearing him on his sound system shouting obscure reggae references....
So tell me Puppah, whappum to Wynsome? Yuh naah go deal wid she again?
Well from wha mi hear she change fe har name to Lonesome, cah ME naah go tekki back. From me know Rottie, me know him as a man dat want a next man ting and not fe him own...a fool dat...

 

by chopper
3-29-07
Hmm, I know I recognize the substance but you better run it by the lab just in case, Tobor.
...........................
.Well,tests are back, the victim was asphyxiated and sodomized repeatedly... we have DNA, but no perp to match in the files...
.......................
I´ve had it with your renegade ways Tobor!!! Forced anal probing of the mayors son? You might as well fuck me too, they are gonna have my ass for this anyway!!!!
TOBOR JUST FOLLOW GUT FEELING!!!!!!

 

Pointing and laughing, the bee informed Gabe of the folly in coming to the red light district prior to developing pubes. Birds and bees sure knew a lot about sex, but why did they have to be so blunt?
by chopper, 3-29-07

 

Nobody had told Maura that Canada sucked this much...
by chopper, 3-29-07

 

Hey kid, I just killed the second coming of Christ.
IM TELLING DAD!
by chopper, 3-29-07

 

JESUS CHRIST MAN WHAT HAPPENED TO YOUR ROOM?
New Carpet.
by chopper, 3-29-07

 

the laughing factory was subsequently repainted in yellow, the color of hate.
by chopper, 3-29-07

 

SO WHATCHA WANNA HEAR?!
I would like some Michael jackson if you have that...
by chopper, 4-11-07

 

by chopper
4-11-07
I CAVEMASTER. WHO BE YOU?
I and I come fram a future kingdom call DHR, and mi need fe tell yuh few tings, seen Cave Masta?
YOU SPEAK STRANGE IS .
Well you see me an Hermit have a bet who could go back in time and tell all ah Norris´ ancesta dem fi suck demselves. GSUM...
I EAT YOU, PUNY CRAB! CAVE MASTER ANGRY!!!!
Yuh cyaan ketch mi a ras yuh big ol fukka. Yuh is too slow fi ramp wid badman crab!!! Mi gaan, yuh green fassy.

 

by chopper
4-12-07
Meanwhile, hermit is trying to keep up. Ancient Greece:
Who dares to enter the realm Of King Norricius*? Speak or I shall let my cushite wife make a fine broth from your shell!!!
vado combibo vestri matris, fassyhole!!!
MEDIEVAL EUROPE.
I am Naurice the terrible, Nations tremble when I am mentioned! What is your query worthless creature.?
Go suck de black plague outta yuh mother!!!
CIVIL WAR
Now YUH can absolutely positively without a doubt in mi mind go suck yuhself , my yute.
It´s not what you think, I only like the banjo music...

 

So, when you gonna judge that goddamn one panel comic contest you started, huh? you always starting up shit you aint finished, with your broke punk ass!
I done told you bitch, if you dont have a bank roll up in yo mouth, keep it shut. I dont have to finish a goddamn thing, I just gotta stay true to the game.
by chopper, 5-17-07

 

by chopper
5-17-07
That's IT! I'm going 40 days without jerkin' my yerkin. Starting NOW!!!
Says here that the indigenous people of Tahiti have their wangs in a tube...
Uh-huh....
Ive had mine in many things, but I never tried a tube....
That's IT! I'm going 40 days without smirking to this urchin. Starting NOW!!!

 

by chopper
5-23-07
Yes Massive, dis is de Badman Crab live and direct from the west coast of Africa, and right about now me have fe find some new bredrin dung yah so, yuh see it?
Yow Yow African dawta, me ah de Bad Crab, AKA the king of dancehall, who a de big man round yah so?
Go away, if you is bad crab and no can put in pot and eat, what you good for? You go bush, go look the Marabout...
Lawd Gad have mercy pon me soul, dem deh big fucka look hungry!Is this the untimely end of Badman Crab?

 

by chopper
5-23-07
9 SURE WAYS OF FLOPPING IN A CLASH.
Like, a lot of dudes are like "my sound rule" but then my sound is like "whatever retard, Yo mama!" Come Selecta!
Apologizes people, we no find no good dub link, so we cut traditional Chinese artist Cui Jian instead. We also bring screen for you sing karaoke...
All ov mon amis put le hand inna le air for this very specialdubbed plate I call: "Bad like le french army" Is tres wicked I swear to you!

 

by chopper
5-23-07
RIGHT NOW MASSIVE ME A GO PLAY ONE A DE WICKEDEST COMBINATION EVA MEK: GHOST AND DYCR! RUN TUNE!
I knew selecting tunes on my old Playstation wasn´t gonna work! Play gotdammit PLAY!
Let me see some lighter, let me see some signal, let me see some molotov, wait no, AAIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEE!!!

 

by chopper
5-23-07
Welcome one and all to the MP3 showdown, you might have heard us in the chatrooms, but now we ready fe go kill some... OK Hold on,wait, its just my moms on MSN...
Hello everybody, we are Outrage! sound system coming to you live from behind bulletproof glass......
Could I have some silence please....Right about now I´d like to recite a poem I wrote yesterday entitled: "All a de man dem whe know..."

 

by chopper
7-13-07
Yes Iyah, finally me reach the shores of Africa! Try me a try fe discover where the first dubplate inna de world originate... According to Scratch Perry, a bredda name Dread Lion know de whole story.
Whagwaan dawta? Which part me can find de one name Dread Lion?
Oh you mean Gainde? Wait here, just a minute he will come, ok?
5 hours later...
Dem african minutes long eeeeeehhh? Where dis bredda really gone to?
Welcome Badcrab Man, I am Ibrima Fasséké, of the ancient Kouyaté line of griots . What is it you want to learn from me?

 

by chopper
7-13-07
De I was sent here by Puppah Cadbury to find out where the tradition of dubplate come from, yu see it?
Yes, it is a question we will have to seek out the ancestors to answer. Follow me crab, to the bush...
So, hexplain sinting fe me, what is this Griot ting yuh ah talk bout?
The griot is musician, historian, poet and more. It start with my ancestor, Balla Fassèkè, who was serving king Sundjata Keita of the Mali empire...
As a king, there were many things you needed your Griot for, we are like a walking library and knowledge is passed from father to son...
So what de rasclaat does this have to do with dubplate? Me nuh see no connection at all...

 

by chopper
7-17-07
Many Griots sang praise songs to their patron, and what you call a dubplate is along the same lines as that tradition...
Seen, so dat was de ting Cadbury man was interested in... Let we move outta here now, dem deh owl look hungry and me naah waan be nuhbaddy dinner, u check?
I am glad that you chose to visit me Bad Crab, as we say it is nice to be nice. Salaam maleikum.
Yes I Dread Lion, it is blessed.
Yush, anybody know de way to Cadbury yard? Me nuh sure if me mek a wrong turn somewhere...
Mate, yer in Australia...

 

by chopper
8-07-07
yuh homewerk was to learn how to count fram one to ten bwoy! Now mi waan hear yuh dweet!
wan, tree, fore, fife sicks, seben, ate, nign, tehn. Mi fada seh yuh jus bex cah u cyaan be prime ministral again, Missa Siaga, youze a badmine fazzy, ziin?
NASTY SADAMITE! BUN OUT ALL FISH!
Cho man, yuh nuh see me nuh even have sex dem way deh! Nuh kill me please Fada Unda Wata Kangaroo!
Is there any particular reason why you decided to gruesomly murder your new boss, mr 40oz?
She wouldna let me log on to DHR.

 

by chopper
9-17-07
Blessed RIDDIM massive, blessed, dis a Cadbury man comin to de I dem live and direct with the debate we call "What cadbury nuh like inna dancehall", any thoughts Badman Crab?
Well, according to de way me see it yuh jus love complain all de while, bout yuh build dis and dat and and how de yute dem nuh rate de foundation...
MI naah lie Bad Crab, me see me good ol dancehall weh me used to enjoy meself tun inna Jerry Springer Show. and bloodclaat aerobic dancing, wha really a gwaan, eeeh?
Well 99 % me would say its through yuh gettin old, memba yuh couldn´t even do de bad crab forward dance me buss while a go?
...and on that note we leave Bad crab to his scheduled crustacean foolishness and move inna some more serious matters: I believe we have a caller. Blessed, who am I speakin to?
Yah man, dis is Fada Jesus from Almighty Hi Powa, and me have some tings me like fe tell de massive...

 

by chopper
9-17-07
Memba now, Jesus, we are discussing tings wrong in dancehall, not yuh latest humiliating defeat...
Verily, I say unto de I, Cadbury man, it was not a clear win, but anyway, me would like to talk about de singificance of Word, Sound and Power...
Alright Fada Jesus, Gwaan reason...
Yuh see Dancehall is a place whe have to have balance in dem three things deh, yuh see me?
Yah man, me see whe yuh a se, cah if its too much talking a gwaan, or de sound naah play good right, or if de almshouse ting a gwaan, dance mash up...
The power of de trinity is infinty, me bredrin, and jus like dat, dance have to have more elements dan one, ting call versatility me a deal wid, yuh see mi?

 

by chopper
9-17-07
"Me memba couple of years ago, some man behaviour reach an all time low.... it seems as if its from deh so it start build up...."
What really mek mi concern de most is dat some a de so-called rasta artist dem start use badwud fe effect, man ah talk bout dem is badman but still waan go a Zion...
True ting fada Cadbury, nuttn nuh go so, many are called but few chosen, but some times me cyaan even blame de yute when all de elders dem do is reminisce about how fe dem time did better....
Jesus man, me rate yuh and respect yuh but me naah have no more time fe yuh, is like yuh waan run up yuh mouth all night mek me ears bleed, mi a go heng up now...
What? No witty conclusion to seal up de debate? Yuh getting soft, next time we buck up It will be a musical euthanasia I shall perform... *CLICK*

 

by chopper
10-02-07
THE DAY THE RATINGS DIED.
ONE DAY THE DON OF DHR DECIDED TO FREE UP THE RATINGS.
It is time, bwoy. Let them feel the power and share my infinite wisdom...
This is gonna be so sweet, er I mean SIR YES SIR,
AT FIRST IT WAS LIKE:
Hell yeaaaaaaaaaah, this ROCKS!!!!

 

by chopper
10-02-07
BUT THEN IT WAS LIKE:
EEEEH PUZZUWHOLE MI THOUGHT YUH AN MI WAS COOL BUT IF YUH NAAH RATE ME, MI AGO REALLY TUN ON DE HEAT AND CALL YUH OUT TO BLOODCLAWRT!!!
" Gsum Big hed Bwoy"
SOME BOARDIES WERE EXPOSED AS HAVING RATINGS RAGE AND CAPABLE OF GREAT DECEPTION.
MOST PEOPLE JUST ROFL:ED, THOUGH.

 

by chopper
2-20-08
So called Rudebwoy thinks trannies are hot...
wow, is extra very fat pum pum!!!
Link ups/ jack offs inna webcam mode.
Asoyini and her sexual abominations...

 

by chopper
2-22-08
The Little shitty-bag Mermaid.
Uuuuuh, like welcome to Kenfucky fried chicken, can i take like your order?
One brown paper bag to go an hurry up nuh man!
The oral tomfoolery of Grindacologist
Get it? I have a bow and he´s´a cat.... and right over there is a bush.....
Suck all ah yuh mumma den!!!
After being beaten to near death on DHR, the rudebwoy goes on a spiritual jouney to find some answers....
Lee Lewdbroy, what is your final concrusion?
Yup. Trannys are still hot....

 

by chopper
2-29-08
GO AWAY!
please I can explain....
You really think bringing me flowers will make up for what you did to my father? Every time I let my guard down its the same...
...but I love you...
We are not bobblehead dolls!

 

by chopper
2-29-08
Meet Joe Poor of the Poor family, the worlds poorest boy. Today is his birthday.
Hi, yawl! Today is ma twelwth birthday an ma pa sez he got sumtin special fur me, lets see wad it iz!
hey pa, itz ma twelth birthday today, I cant wait 2 get ma prezzi, is it one a dem dere paperclip crossbow like last year? or we all outta rubba bandz?
shucks son! I dun did ded already dun told you dat twelth iz a special occ... oak... oqk... a special day in the Poor family! Wait til you seez wha I gotz ya!
Oooh, geez pa. A duck. Hell be ma bestest frend in de hole wide worl...

 

by chopper
2-29-08
Thanks Pa!
That dere aint just yer common duck mid yous. Go down the street to the red light and give it to whoever opens the door and then come back and tell me the goings on!
KWAK!
Well here we r, ducky. Lets knock on the door
Ma pa sed i shud come here and gies you this duck.
You must be little Joe Poor, I´ve been expecting you, come in!

 

by chopper
2-29-08
hey lady, why iz you gittin nekkid for?
Joe poor i´m gonna make you a man, get in the bed!
WOOOOW! Joe You might be the Poorest sucker ever lived, but you sure have something for the ladies!!! Do it to me again, make me squeal like a pig!!
only if you gies me ma duck back!
Later...
EEEEE! EEEEE! EEEE!
i´m getting up on outta here! gotta go home an tell pa what the goings been gone!

 

by chopper
2-29-08
come on ducky, we got to get home and tell dad!
KWAKKER!
Ducky, Look out fur de automobile!
" taaaaaaake, these broken wings, and let me fly again, learn to live so free, when we hear...."OOOOPSSS!!

 

by chopper
2-29-08
Hey you dumb ass kid! Why is your Duck playing out in the streets? Are you sad? Well tough titty boy! I got a delivery to make, take this dollar and stop bleeting!
gee, thanks mister
Wow, a dollar! I´m the richest man in da hole family! goota git home an tell pa!
well sun, how did dun it go?
I got a fuck fer a duck, a duck fer a fuck, and a buck fer a fucked up duck!

 

by chopper
3-01-08
why it is "light sabres", not "light cups".
I have a bad feeling about this.

 

What if "election" meant "ass-rape"?
by chopper, 3-01-08

 

by chopper
3-20-08
Yush, DHR.com! Is a lang time now me nuh pass thru, but now it seems de I dem need some reality talks from de Badman Crab... comin like some a yuh tek dis ting call Passa Passa too far to rhaatid....
Numba one: if yuh an yuh fren have a likkle fallin out, here is Badcrab advice: DONT MIX UP REALITY WID MESSICH BOARD! If a trouble yuh a look buy one bloodclaat one way ticket: destination Iraq!
Numba Two: Leave de whole a de pickney dem outta yuh foolishness! Me neva in me life see so much mother ah hate pon baby, is like yuh waan kick dem outta preggars woman belly and slap dem...
Numba three: have some fuckin sense and start look fuck outside a DHR realm, the more boardie yuh fuck the more it a go look like you ah reject from reality...
Numba Four: If yuh look like Carlton Banks stunt double OR yuh ah grown man and STILL a read marvel comics book, dis yah board can neva mek up fe de beating yuh ketch inna yuh school days.
Bout press ban button anytime yuh get mix up in contraversy, HALL MONITOR ME WILL PINCH AWF YUH STRIPE! Badcrab Out.

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