All comics by count_libido

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by count_libido
11-30-05
I love the Smokey & Bacon show!
It's time for "Ask Smokey"
Is smoking bad for you, Mr. Smokey?
Er... you mean bad as in good right? Like, you know... 'I'm baaad'?

 

by count_libido
11-30-05
The Smokey & Bacon Show.
Hi kids! You wanna play a guessing game?
1Q, 2Q, 3Q, 5Q. Now, what did I miss out?
4Q!
Later backstage...
Hey, I made that kid say a swear on national television. You owe me fi' dolla!

 

by count_libido
11-30-05
The Vegetarian Workshop
Welcome to the Vegetarian Workshop. Now, being a vegetarian is easy. They say that the hardest thing to resist is a bacon sandwich.
So as long as there's no bacon, we should be okay, right?
Oh-oh!______________ Bacon frenzy!
'scuse me ladies, is this the 'massage for beginners' class?
oof! aah! Help!
Dude! Do NOT go in there!

 

by count_libido
11-30-05
Time for bed Smokey!
I'm not going to bed with you. You snore like a pig!
Well...duh!

 

by count_libido
11-30-05
The Starship needs fuel, but we're overbudget. So we need to generate some funds!
What do you suggest?
Product endorsement!
*ahem* "It shaves as close as a blade or your money back."

 

by count_libido
11-30-05
Advertising electric shavers...
Captain, I don't think I'm cut out for advertising.
All you need is a good catchphrase! Here, gimme that thing!
"Set shavers on stun!"

 

by count_libido
11-30-05
Can you believe this? I have to go on an anger management course in the Neutral Zone!
sassisfrassinrassin...
Hey, is this the Neutral Zone?
Could be.

 

by count_libido
11-30-05
The Neutral Zone
Yeah, I'm here for the Anger Management course?
Whatever.
Are you always so neutral?
Maybe I am, maybe I'm not.

 

by count_libido
11-30-05
The Neutral Zone...
So are you going to teach me how to control my anger?
Maybe.
Can't you give me a straight answer?
Perhaps.
This is getting me nowhere!
Well, it could do. Then again maybe it couldn't.

 

by count_libido
11-30-05
The Neutral Zone
So the secret of controlling my anger is to stay neutral like you guys, right?
All I know is...maybe.
This is stupid! How would you like me to call up my starship and shove a photon torpedo up your ass?
I don't know until I try it.
Back on the ship..
So you blew up the Neutral Zone?
They had it coming!

 

by count_libido
11-30-05
So without the Neutral Zone, what will act as a buffer between the warring factions of the galaxy?
We just need to take their minds off war and focus them on something else! I got the solution over here...
"The Free Internet Porn Zone"?!

 

by count_libido
12-22-05
Hey, who are you?
I'm Rudolph. The red-nosed reindeer?
Hey! We got something in common!
Oh yeah? What?
Your red nose and my red butt!

 

by count_libido
12-22-05
What can I do for you?
Well, you have a red-nosed guy working for you, what about a guy with a red butt?
You're not a reindeer. You don't have the horns.
Hey, I'll show you horny, baby!

 

by count_libido
12-22-05
What's wrong Smokey?
Santa won't let me work for him. I wanna be Smokey the Red-butt reindeer!
Never mind! Let me stuff this cheap plastic toy in you. You'd make a great cracker!

 

by count_libido
12-22-05
Whoa! What's that smell?
It's my new cologne.
It's called "Ashtré"

 

by count_libido
12-22-05
Christmas night...
Ho! Ho! Ho! Someone left a glass of creamy white milk out for Santa!
Yecch!! That's disgusting! I'm outta here!
Later...
Hey! Who drank my lard?

 

by count_libido
12-22-05
Ho! Ho! Ho! Merry Christmas Captain!
Captain to Bridge! Blast this mother!
Aaah!
Why did you blast Santa?
That was Santa? He was all in red, I thought he was a Martian!

 

by count_libido
12-22-05
What happenned to you?
Your Captain thought I was a martian from the red planet so he blasted me...
Hey, you strap on the red shirt, you see what happens?

 

by count_libido
12-22-05
The Starship has been assigned to help you deliver presents. We'll beam you down to the planet so you can distribute them.
Hey thanks!
On the planet...
Ho! Ho! H... h-hey wait a minute!
He's a red shirt from the Away Team! Blast him!
You just made the naughty list, buddy!

 

by count_libido
12-22-05
Hey, you hear about Santa?
No, what happenned?
They beamed him down to the planet and he got blasted by aliens.
Why?
They thought he was on the Away Team.
I TOLD him red was a bad look!

 

by count_libido
12-22-05
You beamed me down and I got blasted! I don't think much of your help!
You're off my Christmas list!
I don't care. Christmas is illogical.
But I still wanted a puppy...

 

by count_libido
12-23-05
The Old Jokes Home.
Smokey! What's the best kind of pizza to have at Christmas?
I dunno...
Deep pan, crisp and even.

 

by count_libido
1-10-06
Ah Jeez, you're my blind date?
Sure am baby!
Is this where you make a sleazy remark about 'Uranus'?
No, but I do wanna show you somethin' that rhymes with Venus!

 

by count_libido
1-10-06
Smokey! You've not left the house in days. What's wrong?
Haven't you heard? Cigarettes are banned almost everywhere now. How am I supposed to go anywhere?
Hey, I know! I'll paint your head white and say you're a tampon!

 

by count_libido
1-16-06
Ok buddy, you're under arrest!
Huh? What for?
Bacon and entry.

 

by count_libido
1-16-06
Bacon! They said you'd been arrested! What for?
The cop said he saw me putting some reefer into my attache.
So what did he bust you for?
Casing the joint!

 

by count_libido
1-16-06
Hey, you smell bacon?
Yeah...
Let's get outta here and go eat some donuts.
This place smells like bacon.
Takes one to know one fella!

 

by count_libido
1-16-06
Excuse me sir, your eyes look red, have you been drinking?
Your eyes looked glazed. Have you been eating donuts?

 

by count_libido
1-16-06
Whatcha doing Smokey?
Getting ready for my hot date!
Well, I hope you're gonna use protection.
Sure! I'm taking my flick knife.
I mean a rubber!
How am I gonna protect myself with a rubber flick knife?

 

by count_libido
1-19-06
Whatcha doing today Bacon?
I'm starting a dating agency!
Cool.
Wanna see my flyer?
"The Bacon Love Train"?
I call it the BLT!

 

by count_libido
1-19-06
So how will you get people to enroll?
Easy! I'm taking pictures of people in the street with my telephoto lense and posting the pictures on my website!
Why are you taking pictures of people in the street?
Everyone closed their curtains!

 

by count_libido
1-19-06
Bacon's Dating Agency - "The Bacon Love Train"
Hello, BLT!
BLT? Yeah, I'd like rye bread, easy on the mayo and do you have french mustard?
This is not a Deli!
Can I have a pizza?

 

by count_libido
1-24-06
Bacon's Love Train - The 'BLT'
So, what kind of partner are you looking for?
Er, someone who I can have for dinner...
I know just the person!
Later at dinner...
I don't think this is gonna work out....
Hey, I'm not complaining!

 

by count_libido
1-24-06
Bacon's Dating Agency
Er...
Aah...
Yeah, I wanna complain about that last date you set up?
What's the problem?
Read my application again. That's an 'f' not a 'd'...
So, you're not looking for a good duck?

 

by count_libido
1-24-06
Bacon's Dating Agency
I gotta find someone compatible for this guy!
It's your lucky day! I've found someone who's got lots in common with you!
Great!
Hey, is that the new Soulmaster 2000?

 

by count_libido
1-24-06
Bacon's Dating Agency
So Bacon, how's the Bacon Love Train working out?
The BLT? Great! I've got a 100% success rate!
Oy vey! I don't think this is gonna work out!
Don't tell me - it's not me, it's you, right?

 

by count_libido
1-24-06
So what do you want to drink?
Can I have a water?
Still water?
I haven't changed my mind!

 

by count_libido
1-24-06
What's on the menu today?
It's Bean Stew
Yes, but what is it now?

 

by count_libido
1-24-06
Smokey's Record Shop
Hey it's Jeebus! Are you looking for a record Jeebus?
Yeah, have you got anything that rocks?
How about some Nine Inch Nails?
Are you trying to be funny?
MC Hammer?

 

by count_libido
1-25-06
Bacon's Dating Agency
So uh, what do you do?
I sell virtual milk from my website.
I SAID I wanted someone with an online DIARY!
I see...

 

by count_libido
1-25-06
So 'Bacon's Love Train' was a failure?
Yeah, the BTL is no more...
Bummer. Did you lose all the money you invested?
Yeah, they made give back every penny.
Then you're broke again huh?
Actually no. I sold all their numbers to a telesales company in India!

 

by count_libido
2-03-06
So you got the place to yourself?
Yeah! I'm king of the castle! The cappa donna! Nobody tells me what to do!
Cool, so I'll see you later for the party
You do that!
Mom! I thought you were away for the weekend!
Go tidy your room

 

by count_libido
2-03-06
Oh, Hi Mrs, Bacon. Is er, bacon in?
He can't play with you right now Smokey, he's grounded.
Bad Bacon! He's not exactly a chip off the old block is he?
No, he's more like a rasher off my old ass.

 

by count_libido
3-03-06
Hey Bacon! There's someone outside to see you!
?
Hi, I'm from the Happy Finish Escort Agency!
Yeah, so?
You called and asked for a Snow Job?
That didn't say 'snow' job!

 

by count_libido
3-09-06
Smokey & Bacon in...'The Bad Pun'
Hey Smokey. Whatcha been watching?
Just some Bollywood movies on DVD. Y'know, the ones they film in India?
Dubai?
No, I rent 'em.

 

by count_libido
3-31-06
The 1st SFX Forum get together.
Cool! An SFX meet! I can finally put faces to the names!
At the meet!
Hey, you must be Clown Asylum! Great to meet you and find out that everyone here is so normal!
Well, not everyone...
I hope YOU like Andromeda more than the last guy I spoke to...

 

by count_libido
3-31-06
11pm: The SFX Forum is buzzing
Ha! Ha! Ha! The LOLZ! ROFL!
Let's start another conversation thread!
Meanwhile at SFX HQ...
Ian, the off-topic area's kicking off again...
Let's Moderate!

 

by count_libido
3-31-06
One for HBK...
Yes! I finally made 10,000 posts!
Nick, someone actually reached 10,000 posts!
You know what you have to do.
ZAP!!
AAAHHH!!

 

by count_libido
3-31-06
Mr. Lavigne is at home...
Cool! More pictures of Hermione!
Hey! What's happenning?
Huh? Where am I?
You are in... The Matrix!
Phew, thank Avril for that! I thought I was in one of the dodgy sequels!

 

by count_libido
3-31-06
Ob! How does it feel to be the unofficial mascot of the SFX Off-topic forum?
Pretty good. Better than my last job.
What was your last job?
I was a stunt mouse for esure.com

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