All comics by kane2742

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by kane2742
11-15-07
The law finally caught up to you. You're looking at 25 to life in a maximum security prison.
Well, I'll be buggered!
Probably, yes.

 

kane2742/412574/ and arbi/412595/
♫ Shooby-doo bip bop a dooby doo doo doo yeah ♫
by kane2742, 11-15-07

 

by kane2742
11-15-07
Y'know what I don't get? Decaf coffee. What's the point of coffee without the caffeine?
Some people just drink it for the taste.
Yeah, right, and I snort cocaine because I like how it smells.

 

by kane2742
11-15-07
You could sell drugs.
Umm...no.
You could sell guns.
Umm...no.
You could prostitute yourself out to big business.
Prostitute myself, eh? Two birds with one stone.

 

by kane2742
11-15-07
Do you like kids?
Not really.
Do you like people?
Not really.
Do you like dinosaurs?
I don't know; never met any.

 

by kane2742
11-16-07
So you don't like people, huh?
Not really.
Me, either.
You two could start a commune of hermits.
Yeah, right after we establish a government of anarchists.
And a church for atheists.

 

by kane2742
11-16-07
So what do you want for Christmas?
Hey, sexy. Ready to unwrap your present?
The usual.

 

by kane2742
11-16-07
What do you want for Christmas, Tobor?
Tobor will cornhole you?
Yes, Tobor. Merry Christmas.
The usual.

 

by kane2742
11-16-07
Red Robot #C-63, I haven't seen you much lately. What have you been doing on this site?
Clango, what are - er - TOBOR DOES NOT KNOW WHAT GREY ROBOT IS TALKING ABOUT. TOBOR WILL CORNHOLE YOU!
Umm...okay. When did you change your name to Tobor and start cornholing people instead of crushing them?
TOBOR WILL CORNHOLE YOU!
Right. I think you need to get some help.
HELP WITH CORNHOLING!

 

by kane2742
11-16-07
Red Robot #C-63, I think you need to work out your identity issues.
I don't - er -TOBOR DOES NOT HAVE IDENTITY ISSUES. TOBOR WILL CORsh evil humans!
Getting confused with me here?
Yeah. Listen, Clango, don't tell the others about my double life, okay?
Alright, I guess.
Here, Tobor cornholes. There, Red Robot #C-63 crushes. It's a good system.

 

by kane2742
11-16-07
... ♫ And the Tobor comes in the NIIIIIIIIIIIIGHT! ♫
...TO CORNHOLE YOU WHILE YOU SLEEP!
Next!

 

by kane2742
11-16-07
Nice shirt.
Are you making fun of me?
No, it really does look good on you. The color really complements your eyes.
I think I'd prefer it if you were making fun of me.

 

by kane2742
11-16-07
Look what I can do with my tongue.
That's nice.
I can do yoga.
Okay.
I don't have a gag reflex.
You're going to be popular in high school.

 

by kane2742
11-16-07
If you could go back in time, would you try to change your own past?
Well, according to both Doctor Who and Timecop, you shouldn't have physical contact with your past self.
Okay. I'll try to remember that.
If I ever time travel, I'll resist the urge to touch myself.

 

by kane2742
11-17-07
Stan Lee! You're the guy whose comics convinced me that radiation would make me a superhero.
So I've been standing in front of the microwave any chance I get, hoping to get powers.
Instead, it just made it so I can't have kids.
That's good enough for me! Thanks, Stan Lee!

 

by kane2742
11-17-07
What's that stuff Grandma gave you?
Some Spider-Man stuff that's all white and slimy and sticky.
It's, like... Spider-Sperm or something.
I'm pretty sure they market it as Spider-Man's webbing.
Whatever. I'm gonna call it "Spider-Spooge."

 

by kane2742
11-17-07
Is this stuff on sale?
Umm... see the sign up there?
The giant, orange one that says "Sale?"
You could have just said "yes" or "no."
And you could learn to read signs all by yourself like a big kid.

 

by kane2742
11-17-07
*THUD*... Ow! Stupid automatic doors.
Umm... sir?
*THUD*... Ow! Stupid automatic doors.
Sir?
*THUD*.... Ow! Stupid automatic doors.
Sir, that door's not automatic. Please stop running into it and just open it.

 

by kane2742
11-17-07
Uhh...
What's wrong, "Hulk"? Why are you stumbling around so much?
Hulk smashed.

 

... ♫ All in all, you're just another brick in the wall....♫
Shut up, Harry. You know we're all sick of that song.
by kane2742, 11-18-07

 

by kane2742
11-18-07
Sandwich
Manwich
Greenwich
Uhh... I'm pretty sure that's not how you pronounce it.
Shh! Quit ruining my puns!

 

by kane2742
11-18-07
There's a lot of violence and hate in the world today, but I've noticed something:
My stoner friends are too mellow to fight.
Even if they do get angry, they can't be bothered to drag themselves away from their Scooby Doo and Doritos.
So here's my philosophy on world peace:
Can't we all just get a bong?

 

Ha ha ha!
by kane2742, 11-18-07

 

by kane2742
11-18-07
Good afternoon, officer. Say, aren't you cold just wearing a tee shirt outside in the middle of winter?
No, I'm fine.
Really? I think you should consider wearing another layer.
Like maybe a bra.

 

by kane2742
11-18-07
What's that game you're playing? Tetris? Mario Brothers? Frogger?
You wouldn't understand.
I bet I would if you told me.
It's World of Warcraft, a massively multiplayer online role-playing game, or MMORPG.
So... is that like Pac-Man?

 

by kane2742
11-18-07
I'm going shopping with Abby. You want us to pick up anything for you?
Can't I just come with you?
No. Every time we take you shopping, you put on a Pink Floyd shirt and make fun of everyone with other bands' shirts.
All in all, you're just another dick in the mall.

 

by kane2742
11-18-07
Did you hear that Joe's getting fired and he doesn't know yet?
Good. I hate working with that guy. Shh! Here he comes.
Hey, Joe. How's it going?
The boss scheduled me to work during a class again. That's the third time!
Don't worry about it too much. I'm sure it won't happen again. Very sure.
Why are you smiling?

 

by kane2742
11-18-07
When I get to college, what toys will they have for me to play with?
For you, Jeffy, I'd guess anal beads, ball gags, and butt plugs.

 
by kane2742, 11-18-07

 

by kane2742
11-18-07
Please don't open that.
Why not? It's just a refrigerator.
A refrigerator for dead bodies.
That just makes me want to open it more.

 

by kane2742
11-18-07
Why don't you get a real job?
Rockin' out is a real job.
Only if you get paid to do it.
And it I think you'd have a better chance of getting paid if you learned to play a real guitar instead of just Guitar Hero.

 

Hmm. Dead crowd tonight.
by kane2742, 11-18-07

 

by kane2742
11-19-07
Sorry about the mess. My roommate throws used condoms and Snickers wrappers everywhere.
That explains the odor. I smell sex and...
...candy here? Yeah, I get that a lot.

 

by kane2742
11-19-07
So, do you think this comic portrays my mom accurately?
Yep. Looks like you nailed her.
Please don't say it like that.

 

by kane2742
11-19-07
I have a new CD. It just came out in stores.
Really? Cool. What's it called?
Led Zeppelin's Mothership.
But - but that's - what are you talking about? That's not your CD.
Is too. I just bought it.

 

by kane2742
11-19-07
I know you all think I'm old and out of touch with people your age, but I'm not.
I'm hip, I'm fly, I'm down with my peeps.
I'm pretty sure that last sentence did the opposite of what you were going for.

 

by kane2742
11-19-07
Ready for Black Friday? Ten minutes until we open.
Man, I hate working on the biggest shopping day of the year.
I'm sure it won't be that bad.
Have you looked out the window?
Saaaaales... Saaaaales.
Brrraaaainnnnns.... I mean, uh, Saaaaales.

 
by kane2742, 11-19-07

 

by kane2742
11-19-07
I'll have the #1 value meal.
That'll be $3.19. Would you like a receipt?
Sure, just in case I decide to return it later.

 

by kane2742
11-19-07
Cow
Plus Irker
Equals Coworker
Hey, I'm just gonna stand over here and watch while the rest of you do everything. That cool with you?

 

by kane2742
11-19-07
So, it's been a while since I've dated and I'm kind of sexually frustrated.
Okay...
Do you think you could give me a hand?
No! Gross! Ugh!
I meant, could you help me get a date? With a woman.
Oh. The answer's still no, but now I have less of an urge to vomit.

 

by kane2742
11-21-07
Last night, I dreamt that the four guys from the "Bohemian Rhapsody" music video were sleeping in my room.
Sounds crowded.
Not really...
My bed is Queen sized.

 

by kane2742
11-23-07
Any interesting emails?
Just a buch of spam for penis-enlarging pills.
I don't know why I get those emails. I obviously don't need the pills.
You mean your penis is big enough already?

 

by kane2742
11-23-07
I'm pretty nervous about working in a new hospital.
I'm sure you'll be fine. Just don't bother the doctors in the neonatal unit.
Why not?
They have very little patients.

 

by kane2742
11-23-07
This restaurant has their after-dinner mints individually wrapped.
That's way better than having a bowl of unwrapped ones that anyone with unwashed hands can reach into.
This way, you get all the flavor with none of the fecal bacteria.
Check, please!

 

by kane2742
11-23-07
Do you want any appetizers?
Maybe the vegetarian nachos.
Vegetarian nachos seems like a good choice...
I wouldn't want nachos that would eat my steak.

 

by kane2742
11-23-07
How's your son?
I don't know. He's all angsty, he's been listening to different music...
...He's hanging out with new friends, and he changed the style of his feathers.
He's been acting very emu.

 

by kane2742
11-23-07
You smell weird.
That's not nice.
Not like farts, though.
More like rotting fish.
Oh, thanks. That makes it better.

 

by kane2742
11-23-07
Dad's up. GOOD MORNING, DAD!
Some people wake to the sounds of birds; Dad wakes to the sounds of you.
And the smells of me, too.
Ugh. What did you eat?

 

by kane2742
11-23-07
Whatcha talkin' about?
Nothing. Go away.
We were talking about your presents.
Well you don't need to talk about it anymore.
Why not?
Now you're in my presence.

Showing page 3.

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