All comics by mandingo

Profile

 

by mandingo
7-07-05
thanks, pal! you made him vomit me up!
i just meant he should take a knee.
switch places with me.

 

by mandingo
7-07-05

 

by mandingo
7-07-05
bitch
cow
if it wasn't for you, i'd have a feline suit of armor on right now.
oh, shutup. you vermin are supposed to survive this kind of thing anyway.
so this troubling news?
enemy spies have located the farm and missiles are already en route

 

by mandingo
7-07-05
meanwhile up north
man, they didn't suspect a thing. YOU CAN'T TALK TO MY WIFE THAT WAY! i almost blew it by breakin out laughing
and the look on that penguin's face when the missiles hit! priceless
you don't suppose the duck just meant for me to take a knee?
troubling news from the past

 

by mandingo
7-07-05
Are you a friend of Dorothy's?
Fuck you, queer.
No, no, not like that, I mean do you know Dorothy Williams?
Oh, yeah, I do... how did you know?
you kept droning on about no one ever hitting .400 again while you were glory holing me
SUCKING CHICKEN COCK DOESN'T MAKE ME A DIRTY QUEER LIKE YOU!!! (and no one will, you know)

 

by mandingo
7-07-05
Are you a friend of Dorothy's?
Fuck you, queer.
No, no, not like that, I mean do you know Dorothy Williams?
Oh, yeah, I do... how did you know?
her and i work together at the mental institution wiping drool, piss, and shit from the various orifices of your friend possums
poor little guy. i think that last background was just too much for him

 

by mandingo
7-07-05
we're alike you and i

 

by mandingo
7-07-05
what they say/what they think
the two suspects, seen here in the upper left corner of your screen, were apprehended soon after ducking into this colonel sanders to hide.
the suspects, the only two blacks in a sea of white-hey what are the odds they'd be the criminals-were homefree until their oversized nostrils flared to life scenting chicken.
what they say/what they think
both men had firearms on them but luckily they surrendered peacefully. and now to sports. Bill?
both men were armed but when they couldn't divine how to work the ultra-complex triggers, they traded their guns for a side of slaw and 4 gravy biscuits. and now to sports. affirmative action nigger?
what they say/what they think
thanks, beth. well it was an interesting day in boxing. Josh Smith, seen here in the black and gold trunks, gets knocked out in the 3rd by Clive Bartow, blue and red trunks, shocking the boxing world.
thanks, honky. in boxing today, a white guy got knocked out by a brother, stunning everyone who hasn't been paying attention to boxing for 50 or 60 years.

 

by mandingo
7-07-05
KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK
who is it?
WHO IS IT? IT IS THE ONE WHO MAKES YOUR LIFE A LIVING HELL . THE ONE YOU WILL CURSE YOUR GOD FOR TONIGHT. THE ONE THAT MAKES YOU WONDER WHAT YOU DID TO DESERVE THIS.
kids, grandma's here

 

by mandingo
7-08-05
good evening, and welcome to the 11pm news.
good evening, and no, your tv isn't off. the screen's always this black during the 11pm news
you've got mail! :)
from your mom! :) you total loser! :)
suck your dick, daddy. suck your big black dick, daddy
but if we are determined solely by our genes, isn't free will only a hymn in church, a fairy tale we tell our children to make their tired heads hit the gentle pillow once their hard day is over?

 

by mandingo
7-08-05
hey, you mayfield? i'm curtis. curtis's movin co. got all yer weird knickknacks in the truck. where you want um?
they're not 'weird knickknacks,' curtis. they're valuable pieces of art.
hey, whatever you say, mayfield. i'm just the mover, you know? so where you want um?
put the diamond in the glasscase out back. 'ikarus and the sunroof' goes on the top floor with the paintings. stand the movie backdrop up in the trench we've dug and lean the wax al capone against it
could you run that by me one more time mayfield and maybe speak up a little?
DIAMOND IN THE BACK, SUNROOF TOP, DIG IN THE SCENE WITH A GANGSTA LEAN

 

by mandingo
7-08-05
what do you call a columbian drug ring whose members have bad wrists and worse jokes?
Cartel Punal

 

by mandingo
7-08-05
hewitt, we're running way over on tonight's newscast. I need you to cut that michael jackson piece down to three words.
you want me to cut THIS to three words! 'It was discovered today that michael jackson was paid $5,000,000 by Sony in the 80s to inject himself with white pigment in hopes of increasing record sales...
'jackson who at first denied it has now admitted the truth. he has apologized to the black community, broken his agreement with Sony, and has begun pigment reversal to restore his natural black skin.'
i know i'm asking a lot, but you can do it hewitt! remember when you condensed your entire Serpico plot summary and review into "Fine buy me!" you have a gift, man! you can turn anything into 3 words!
the 7 pm news
jacko renigs, reniggering

 

by mandingo
7-08-05
KNOCK KNOCK
who's there?
nigger in your crawl space
nigger in my crawl space who?
keys to the porsche
keys to the porsche who?

 

by mandingo
7-09-05
officer, he cut off my balls! he cut off my arabian balls! he cut off my tiny asian-like arabian balls!
officer, he cut off my balls! he cut off my bright orange balls! without my balls, i can't make my 'flower of power' squirt!
just say no to hippy ball mutilation, man
here's a picture of gorgeous george and lumpy, sir. don't let the names fool you. gorgeous george was actually the misshapen one
boys, why do you think Floyd the Barber WEARS those big glasses?
don't worry about me, officer. i think i see mine

 

by mandingo
7-09-05
did you just call me 'nigger bitch'??
what? of course not! why would i say such a horrible thing to someone i'm asking for help? besides, i wouldn't have even thought you were african american. i would have thought latino american.
well, actually, i'm both. i'm half mexican american, half african american.
well, they will bottle it and sell it, should that mix always produce young ladies who are as pretty a young lady as yourself.
why, thank you
you're very welcome. now about the train station. am i even close to it, wetback nigger bitch?

 

by mandingo
7-09-05
making any money?
some. but look what i'm doing in between. remember that comic site? well there's a contest there where you have to use the same background they use. but people keep fuckin it up by changing it
so i went and made a comic where i intentionally use 3 wrong backgrounds! i named it 'the traveling duo' so people would think there's a reason for the 3 backgrounds
i even posted a message with it saying, 'here's another comic, since i didn't know we could change backgrounds.'
but then in the 3rd frame i make it clear that i knew the rules the whole time and was intentionally breaking them to get a laugh. the guy running the contest should get a kick out of it
YOU FUCKING LOSE!

 

by mandingo
7-09-05
Honey, I'm *hic* home...
This is the 15th night in a row that you've come home late! I've had enough of this shit, I want a divorce!
Please forgive me baby...I swear, I'll make it up to you.
And just how do you plan on doing that?
not thirsty

 

by mandingo
7-09-05
Ok, let's finish up this interview with a few questions. Do you smoke?
Nope.
Do you drink?
Sometimes.
do you like backrubs?
where's this going?

 

by mandingo
7-09-05
sir, i'm an officer of the court. it's come to our attention that some teaching methods you employ in your Logic and Reasoning class may be in violation of the separation between church and state
that's crazy! sure, jesus cured my wife of cancer. sure, he gave us kids when we thought she was barren from all the chemotherapy. but is his perfect love any reason to break a fleeting man-made law?
nevertheless, sir, wasn't this a question on one of your tests: F's R and H's T are acquaintances but not friends. F's R is jewish. H's T is catholic. what one thing is keeping F's R and H's T apart?
G's S, of course. oh come on. I know what it sounds like, but I just said one was jewish and one was catholic because it was multicultural month.
that makes sense. what about the next question on the handout: if H's T can't convince F's R that G's S is the messiah, which ancient method of torture should be used to convert the godless heathen?
burning and branding. look, are you going somewhere with all this? i have a class in 5 minutes and i've still to anoint the ram

 

by mandingo
7-09-05
what's my name? say my name.
SAY MY NAME, BITCH!
say my motherfuckin name
sir, just take your driver's license back, please

 

by mandingo
7-09-05
Ok, let's finish up this interview with a few questions. Do you smoke?
Nope.
Do you drink?
Sometimes.
do you like gladiator movies?
shirley

 

by mandingo
7-09-05
Ok, let's finish up this interview with a few questions. Do you drink?
Sometimes.
Do you smoke?
Nope.
mind if i do?
not if you pull your pants back up

 

by mandingo
7-10-05
hello, Brown Death. it's been a long time
is it really Rex Roofer, my old pal! *hic* how's you doin? how's your mom doin? *hic* won't ask who she's doin! have a pretty good idea about that! every level 1 superhero from here to Shreveport!
GRRRR
got my robe caught in your teeth there, Rex! boy, you can undress a man almost as fast as your mother! *hic* you know it was just called 'goin in from behind' until your mother hit puberty?
grrrr
my bone always found a way into her mouth too, Rex!

 

by mandingo
7-11-05
joe, man, lia's leaving me. i love her so much but she can't get over the fact I don't want kids
or maybe YOU can't get over the fact SHE doesn't want kids
do you realize whenever i tell you something very important you make a joke out of it by reversing what i'm saying? you've done it since your dad committed suicide while you were on the phone with him
or maybe YOU'VE done it since YOUR dad committed suicide while YOU were on the phone with HIM trying reverse psychology

 

by mandingo
7-11-05
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
i'm sawing our first born in half
I KNOW!
EVER HEARD OF NEWSPAPER?

 

by mandingo
7-11-05
i wonder who's tougher
HEY ASSHOLE! YOU THINK I CAN TAKE YOU?
who me? yah probably. you seem pretty pissed
i wonder who's a better speller

 

by mandingo
7-11-05
wow, you scared those rustlers right off! so what's your name, stranger?
my name isn't important but it's William. William L. Jameson
L's for Lawrence
The Third

 

by mandingo
7-11-05
what are you doin?
i'm holding him up! i don't care if he's defective! i don't care if he's scheduled for termination! he's still our friend! he's still Dave!
he's probbly Dave Lite since you've been 'holding him up' under the diamond laser
oh Dave!
soooooooooo... lunch?

 

by mandingo
7-11-05
the donkey that bursts into your bathroom, says 10, then just won't leave! (you've got to see this to believe it).mpg
10

 

by mandingo
7-11-05
what are you looking at?
the same thing you are
what is it?
some kind of train
think we should move?

 

by mandingo
7-11-05
man, aspen fuckin ROCKS

 

by mandingo
7-11-05
cept for all the niggers

 

by mandingo
7-12-05
nnnn... nnn
hey! little man's trying to say his first word! go ahead, white chocolate, you can do it!
nn... n... nigger
HE SAID MOMMY!

 

by mandingo
7-12-05
Ok, let's finish up this interview with a few questions. Do you smoke?
Nope.
Do you drink?
Sometimes.
i'm sorry but we hold employees to a higher standard than that. we expect constant vigilance both toward your drinking and in ensuring that something around you is always burning. that's the Exxon way

 

by mandingo
7-12-05
Ok, let's finish up this interview with a few questions. Do you smoke?
Nope.
Do you drink?
Sometimes.
one word answers now. synonym for rip? favorite pronoun? second favorite? opposite of over? opposite of woman? australian dogs? H20? what do you sleep on?
tear. he. his. under. man. dingos. water. sheets

 

by mandingo
7-12-05
Ok, let's finish up this interview with a few questions. Do you smoke?
Nope.
Do you drink?
Sometimes.
enough foreplay. double jeopardy time. two word answers. best interview? schultz do porn? to advocate? what's important to pro-life? Tatooine's cliched brother planet? ivytheplant's unending pursuit?
sadly this. comics only. reason for. existence is. Triteooine. best title.

 

by mandingo
7-12-05
Ok, let's finish up this interview with a few questions. Do you smoke?
Nope.
Do you drink?
Sometimes.
If smoking were a liquid, would you smink it?

 

by mandingo
7-12-05
fold
fold
fold
fold
RAISE RAISE RAISE RAISE RAISE RAISE RAISE RAISE RAISE RAISE RAISE RAISE
fold

 

by mandingo
7-12-05
he probbly got so busy at work he just forgot to call

 

by mandingo
7-13-05
but John we're all goin to die. every one of us will rot in the ground, bugs gnawing on our flesh, or be cremated into nothing, our ashes becoming the smog of a dying planet. meditate on that a moment
and do you, Alicia Reynolds, take this man, John Richards...

 

by mandingo
7-13-05
Raj, you're harshing my mellow, man
Raj, don't be harshing Moon's mellow, man
Raj, your mother and I taught you the one thing we have is our mellow. if we can't keep it unharshed in our own home, where can we?
Raj, man. you've changed, man.
JUST PASS THE GODDAMN POTATOES ALREADY

 

by mandingo
7-13-05
all done
you better go bury your shit. we don't want to attract any mean nasty bears. good gracious, whatever would we do?
ha ha Ha Ha HA HA HAHAHAHAHA
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA ... ... ... no seriously
bears aren't attracted by shit
you don't chew!

 

by mandingo
7-13-05
BRAWWWWW
hi there
did i just ... ... vomit you up?
don't you remember? you ate me in a drunken rage when i told you we don't serve shakes at Taco Bell and you'd have to go to that 24 hour Burger King on Los Palms and 7th
BRAAAWWWW
GET THE FUCK BACK HERE, MAPQUEST! TAKE YOUR BEATING LIKE A MAN!

 

by mandingo
7-15-05
well ma'am, i'm afraid it's bad news. your house is crawling with niggers. around every corner, there's a nigger lurking
that can't be! i just sprayed for niggers!
oh it's niggers, ma'am. your oak panelling is pulling from the wall. as soon as i see long thick wood being pulled out, i know it's a nigger. then i just close my eyes and pray there's only one a them
i don't believe it. OK, sure the house was full of niggers when we first spotted it, but i had my husband exterminate them all so we could move in
niggers aren't as easy to kill as you might think. i've poisoned niggers, gassed niggers, burnt niggers, one time when i was drunk i even cut off a nigger's legs and watched it flop around on the rug
what if dad knows i've been living with niggers! mom wouldn't mind. in college, niggers found their way into her room every night. but dad was dating her at the time and he's hated niggers ever since!

 

by mandingo
7-16-05
but i don't WANT to shovel dog poop! it's gross! i already feed him and walk him and give him water! isn't that enough!
Justin, i'm not teaching you these things to be the 'mean stepdad.' i know it's hard work and probably will be for years to come, but trust me, i'm doing this out of love
out of love?
yes, Justin. i know that might be difficult to understand right now, but it's true
so what you're saying is if i want to ditch all this hard work, all i have to do is make you stop loving me?
no, Justin. you have to make me stop loving the dog

 

by mandingo
7-17-05
BREAKING NEWS ONLY FROM CHANNEL 3! an imminent scientist shot to death just moments ago in what appears to be a home invasion gone bad! our cameras are first on the scene after this commercial break!
i wonder how Channel 3 always manages to scoop the other news stations?
KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK
can i help you?

 

by mandingo
7-17-05
BREAKING NEWS ONLY FROM CHANNEL 3! a woman brutally raped! no details yet on whether she saw her attacker or whether she survived, but our cameras are first on the scene after this commercial break!

 

by mandingo
7-18-05
I could explain to you about chemical reactions of hydrocarbons to lunchmeat, but you ate all the catalysts-- the white condiment, tart berries, green herb, even the grape jam.
oh grow up, Ais. i was hungry
WELL I AM HUNGRY TOO AND MY HUNGER MUST BE SATISFIED
i'm really sorry
man, Ais. i cranberry bay leaf uvate my sand witch.

 

oh, dark crystal ball, show me the face of my ancestors so that they can guide my way in life
richard! stop jacking off so much! we can all see you!
by mandingo, 7-18-05

Showing page 3.

« Previous Next »