All comics by maxawa

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by maxawa
3-18-02
If I existed, I'd feel like a real asshole right now.
Well put.

 

by maxawa
3-23-02
Having rid itself of the pimple that is dissymetry, the universe recommences, sans one bunny.
Sneezes.
And Continues.

 

by maxawa
3-23-02
Now member, you're a mehn, mehn, and she's just an old lady. You have nothin to worry bout. Nothin to worry bout at all.
I'm not worried.
I wassen talken to you.

 

by maxawa
3-24-02
Under the rug?
No, mama.
Under the table?
No, mama.
UNDER YOUR FOOT! UNDER YOUR FOOT!
No rapish under my foot, mama.

 

by maxawa
3-24-02
Under the spoon?
No, mama.
That's a ladel! If I get raped again because you don't know the difference between the two, you'd better not be around when I become ambulatory!
Sorry, mama.
Under the cat?
We don't have a cat, mama.

 

by maxawa
3-24-02
Boy, don't make me get out the red vines.
No rapish under the cat, mama.
Under my "Tony Danza's Christmas" album?
You burn all your records, member, mama?
Don't be ridiculous. Why would I do such a thing?
The cat told you to.

 

by maxawa
3-24-02
Have you been picking at your brain stem again? We don't have a cat.
Do we?
UNDER THE CAT!
No rapish under the cat, mama.

 

by maxawa
3-24-02
Why do you do this thing?
I'm sorry to break the genital restraining order you had the lava lamp ishue, mama, but I have some bah news for you.
Not about the cat I hope.
Ish about the man who rape you.
HE'S IN THE WALLS?
No, mama.

 

by maxawa
3-24-02
He's been paroled, mama.
Paroled? I didn't even know he was in jail.
Yes you do, mama. The jury gave him ten years, member?
It takes some pretty heartless bastards to sentence a cat to jail.
No, mama.

 

by maxawa
3-24-02
So they pardoned that randy bastard, did they? We always knew this day would come. Now is the time to test our training. Now is the time for Alpha Gamma Three!
Which one wuz that again?
Now! No rapist under the abacus, antifreeze, apple, backpack, bags, baseball, basketball, bat, blanket, butter, cat, computer, crayons, datebook, desk, dish...
No rapish under the earring, eggs, eyeglasses, fatblocker, feng shui book, fisting video, gravy boat, gum wrapper, highlighter, hotwheel, icecube tray, jelly...
Just like the chameleon, stealth is my religion. None shall know me until I choose to reveal.

 

by maxawa
3-24-02
Meanwhile

 

by maxawa
3-24-02
Come on, she can't be that bad. Get in there.
No rapist under the negro!

 

by maxawa
3-24-02
On one hand, I'll never have closure if I don't get in there and confront the lady who was the target of my father's wicked wang. I'll start to wonder if I have the rapist gene. I'll go insane.
On the other hand, that bitch is crazy and this direction looks mighty fine.
Speak to me goose.

 

by maxawa
3-24-02
Sedition by my left leg!
Hey, sweety. Looking for some action?
White Person! Are you okay?
I'll be better when you get that big black cock inside me.
I am the meat of one very fucked up sandwich.
Today's special is Esophagus Tickle. Only three dollars.

 

by maxawa
4-23-02
Where's Homebrew Hebrew?
I thought he was with you.
Nope, I haven't seen him since the 7:30 sink-pissing incident.
I saw him after that. He was hitting on the cat.
No, you're thinking of the 6:30 sink-pissing incident.
You're right. My chronology's all screwed up. The cat was long dead by 7:30.

 

by maxawa
4-23-02
You locked the den, right?
But at least you backed up the files like I told you.
Shit, woman! When was the last time we backed up the computer?
I think it was right before your manuscript.

 

by maxawa
4-23-02
Shell? Like som kinda protecshen? Liek some faashad we all wear to hide our true selfes.
*deleted*
Local Machine?
Daisy, daisy...

 

by maxawa
4-23-02
Jesus Christ as prophet not messiah, Homebrew!
Just cleaning up your puter, Soup Jew. Getting rid of virashes.
Every damn time you drink you edit my registry.
Yer welcome.
DON'T DELETE THAT!
Micro and soft? Souns like a fancy talk for "pussy" to me.

 

by maxawa
4-23-02
Don't be an ass.

 

by maxawa
4-23-02
You buy this puter from this C.L. Sid guy? I'll delete him for you.
How are you still alive?
I haven sobered up yet.

 

by maxawa
4-23-02
Skeleton.
Still a skeleton.

 

by maxawa
4-23-02
How's that coffee?
Good. But it's killing my buzz.
Look down.
My viscera!
Pack the house, honey, we're moving.

 

by maxawa
4-28-02
Musical Siloloquoy Interlude

 

by maxawa
4-28-02
Meet John.
The source of all evil in the universe.
DEOXYRIBONUCLEIC ACID!

 

by maxawa
4-28-02
Before doing something rash like storming his house looking for payback and progeny, or throwing out your I Heart John tietac, let me clarify.
John knows not of the key role he plays in the cosmos' perennial struggle between good and evil. He neither perpetrates evil nor advocates it.
But, alas, evil needs a medium. And by random, that role was assigned to John.

 

by maxawa
4-28-02
You see, here's how it works: every action (or inaction for that matter) that John takes passes through a complex algorithm (an evil one) that translates said action into evil.
John buys a jar of peanut butter: a baby panda dies. John scratches his nose: bye bye Di. The algorithm is such that every action by John is weighted similarly.
That is, bad deeds by John produce no more evil than good deeds -September 11th could have equally been caused by John's letting another driver merge as by his thinking of toddlers while masturbating.

 

by maxawa
4-28-02
So John goes through life oblivious. His actions are like most of ours: moderate. He's saved no orphans from the burning building, but neither has he tossed any of the escaping ones back in.
Yet his actions lead to a bucketful of pain thrown in the face of innumerable septillions. That such an evil-distribution mechanism even exists highlights the underlying insanity of our universe.
Take it from me.
The last squirrel on Io.

 

by maxawa
5-26-02
Herro, John. Wuh cen I get ru?
Hmm
How about a bran muffin.
Springfield, Illinois
Mommy, Daddy, help! I can't get the door open!

 

by maxawa
5-26-02
but I.T. doesn't think it's too big a deal as long as the regist
AAAACHOOOOO!!!
Bless me.
San Diego, California
Marco!

 

by maxawa
5-26-02
*blink*

 

by maxawa
5-26-02
*yawn*
Lepip, Zargon
bRA8% Di# o*@!D! N )13?,}#d bID32)!

 

by maxawa
5-26-02
*click*
*blink*
11110001, 00000010
10010011! 01011110!
beedy, beep
beedy beedy beep! beedy beep beep beep!

 

by maxawa
5-26-02
*yawn*
*blink*
*ZZZZZZZZZ*

 

by maxawa
5-26-02
XAS, AXSASI
XAXII SXAXIIX! XAAXXIX ASXIXAS!
snerf, snerf
snerf
Paris, France
Mama, papa, aide! Je ne peux pas ouvrir la porte!

 

by maxawa
7-01-02
You're not a whore! You're a superhero! We fight crime together! Try to remember!
For fifty cents I will impart upon you the nut krinkle which doth not quit.
*sniff*
FIFTY CENTS FOR ETERNAL KRINKLE?!
To my van.

 

by maxawa
7-01-02
krink krink
Seems kind of like starting a lawnmoyer.
krink krink
At least from this angle.
!!!!!!!!KRINKLE!!!!!!!!
THEN LIGHT SHONE FORTH AND JACOB, KNOWING IT TO BE THE LORD, SANG PRAISE. THE LORD, SO TAKEN WITH JACOB'S SONG, GAVE HIM THE GREATEST OF GIFTS: ETERNAL KRINKLE -- Esther 6:24

 

by maxawa
10-04-02
Musical Siloloquoy
I've... been brought here, brought here in the cold
So... the reader, the reader can be told
Told... the story, the story heretofor
For... the plot, the plot is making you sore
So... just sit back, sit back and listen well...
While... the summary, the summary.. I... doooo... teeeell...

 

by maxawa
10-04-02
We got your negro and your honky over here
John Negro
Battling crime without a fear
I'm afraid of the crazy lady my dad raped.
And I of 80-foot naked black men who speak through their ankles.
And just to make it oh so clear
I'm what you call the token queer

 

by maxawa
10-04-02
And then there's the ex-con and the man
I'm Negro's dad.
SuperPorroRican here.
One loves rape, the other not a fan.
Stay way from my madre.
And I'll say it once again...
I have sex with other men.

 

by maxawa
10-04-02
And SuperJew killed his brother
Dead!
Now he and his wife must move
The smell! Couldn't you have killed him outside?
coulda woulda shoulda grabba shovel
But were he any other...
I'd have said, "Fuck you, Raul! I don't care whose Jefferson Starship record it is! Just take it and get out you cheating little slut!"

 

by maxawa
8-29-03
And let's not forget our friend John.
*blink*
People die with his every wayward yawn
And one last word before I'm gone...
I've had sex with James Kahn.

 

by maxawa
8-29-03
!!!!!!!KRINKLE!!!!!!!
*limpdick slap*
OW! Wha id oo doo at for... WHY ISS YOA DICK IN MA MOUF?!!
*krinkle* No time to explain. We have to go fight the evil one. *krinkle*
No, seriously! What the hell was your dick doing in my mouth?!!

 

by maxawa
8-29-03
Your dick. My mouth. Explanation.
There he is. The evil one. We must kill him.
o/` Doo do do, do do do do... I take it up the poop shoot o/`

 

by maxawa
8-29-03
o/` Dee dee dee, dee dee dee dee.... gay gay gay, gay as can be o/`
There, I killed him. HEAR YE, HEAR YE! I'VE KILLED THE EVIL ONE! Now... your dick, my mouth, explanation.

 

by maxawa
8-29-03
Not him, the other one.
DEOXYRIBONUCLEIC ACID!

 

by maxawa
8-29-03
Look at him being all evil.
He's watching Jeopardy.
Evil Jeopardy.
Now he switched to Blossom.
Evil Blossom.
That one's actually pretty cogent.

 

by maxawa
8-29-03
What makes you think that guy's evil? Other than the Blossom thing.
Now it's Felicity.
Other than the Blossom and Felicity thing.
Now Full House.
HEY RICKY REMOTE! HOW BOUT YOU HELP ME OUT A LITTLE HERE!

 

by maxawa
9-18-03
Your reign of terror is over, evil one!
Me? I'm not evil!
Don't bullshit a bullshitter, caucasian.
Caucasian? He's obviously Puerto Rican.

 

by maxawa
9-18-03
What makes you think I'm evil?
Well, during a recent encounter with Eternal Krinkle, I had a vision...
Go to Antartica. There you will find the source of all evil in the universe. Appropriately, he will be watching American programming.
So if you're not the source of all evil, how do you explain watching TV in the middle of Antartica?!
That's simple. You see, I also had a vision...

 

by maxawa
9-18-03
Yes, my pretties, YES! Feed my beautiful boy the souls of the damned! Just ask and anything you want is yours, John! Anything!
P.S. Go to Antartica and watch American programming.

Showing page 3.

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