All comics by nuveeeeena

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by nuveeeeena
4-08-04
XLIV
If the dull substance of my flesh were thought, injurious distance should not stop my way
For then, despite of space, i would be brought
from limits far remote, to where thou dost stay

 

by nuveeeeena
4-10-04
we want to extend your contract... the ship's systems have never run so smoothly
uh, no. i've got to go back. places to be, people to do, ya know
don't make me hafta shoot you
don't make me laugh. besides, the safety is on
*sob* i'm going to miss you
awww... gimme a hug, ya nut

 

by nuveeeeena
4-10-04
my god, look at you, who did your nails?
so... just hanging around?
don't make me have to come down there
sure thing. i'll give you a 3 day head start.. OOPSIE

 

by nuveeeeena
4-10-04
MY HARD BOILED EGG STORY
seems like i've forgotten something
guinea hen eggs (or any eggs for that matter) will explode if you boil away the water, then continue to heat for hours
hours later, we returned to a HARD BOILED EGG NIGHTMARE
omigod the stink in here is unreal. there's egg shrapnel in the walls
I forgot they were on the stove...

 

by nuveeeeena
4-12-04
you wouldn't think there would be a
...anyway, i think things are going to work out alright between him and me
well, your house of relationships is hosed until the end of next month
downside to having a new-age mom,
...next MONTH? I don't know. I think things are going to improve soon.
no. and i checked with my psychic friend, and she agrees
me being sort of a hippie and all
... how hosed is HOSED, Mom? i'm not waiting for the stars to line up just right to see him
yep. just forget about happiness anytime soon

 

by nuveeeeena
4-13-04
this was one weird mamma-jamma
we found 50 tons of mustard gas
of a press conference
in a turkey farm. and lethal amounts of rye bread. so this wasn't all about oil and vinegar
shit, these press conferences give me the munchies

 

by nuveeeeena
4-13-04
and the question was, do i still think trading Sammy Sosa was my greatest mistake..?
er......
and in answer to your question, i would say that trading Sosa wasn't a mistake...

 

by nuveeeeena
4-13-04
no, I DON'T intend on leaving office. sure, i have a plan.
it's called DIEBOLD
BROADCAST DIFFICULTIES, PLEASE DO NOT ADJUST YOUR SET

 

by nuveeeeena
4-13-04
you hear the coolest stories in chat
there was this bitch of a squirrell in my wall for two days
chitter
I got out a sharp serrated knife and cut the fucking wall open
grunt
it crapped little turdlets all in a line

 

by nuveeeeena
4-13-04
I....I....am scared of spiders....gah Look at it! It's LOOKING at me...
the chat community helps us deal with personal issues..
throw squirrel poop at it, clay, spiders hate that so much
pretend your Chimpy McSmirk and the spider is our troops.
oh god here it comes....aaaaaahhhhhhh
yeah, that's right big boy. Mush me.

 

by nuveeeeena
4-13-04
the conclusion to the squirrel story
I took down a nine foot by four foot section
must have been a hellava big squirrel
I just didn't want to cut it. and... it took me a while to find the section of the wall it was in
yeah, i'm yer wife now, Jack!

 

by nuveeeeena
4-14-04
I too, have a horrific SKWERL story
ack
we had been away on vacation. upon our return, i was dusting under a bookcase and discovered...
ack
a DEAD SQUIRREL!
you think mom is going to stop screaming soon?
nah. let's go play with "Rocky" here

 

by nuveeeeena
4-15-04
sometimes the urge to
i feel a love rant coming on
knock skulls together for
why can't we just understand our differences?
peace is overwhelming
universal love is NOT too much to expect, goddammit!
*coff* huggy. have a bong and chill...

 

by nuveeeeena
4-17-04
i'm turning into such a lurker...i just want to hang out with my friends. i don't have anything to say tonight
real life claws at my elbow and demands attention, which i give grudgingly
back. i still don't have a thing to say. sure do love these people, though

 

by nuveeeeena
4-17-04
the implant scanner isn't reading the new implants
sonofabitTCH and we went through 2 cases of the new inplants last night...
i do NOT want to have to re-tag all those nutters
YOU'RE the one who called dibs to tag Kansas...we better get out the secret weapon
your request for a contract extension has been approved!
my WHAT?

 

by nuveeeeena
4-17-04
i just suggested to Q that she put her thumbs in her ears and wiggle her fingers to cause the channel to go dead, hahaha.
Q is like cthulu except cute and friendly like. all powerful, nonetheless
gggggggiiggggle
crickets chirping
sheesh, she musta wiggled them too much

 

by nuveeeeena
4-19-04
we were drinking at Spider's in New Orleans...we had been at it for a while
do you hear that song playing?
sure! how many of these 25 cent drinks have we had...?
*sniffle* that was kind of OUR song...
you sort of had to be there...
OMIGOD you are SO cut off. "Me So Horny" is not an "our"song! you dork!

 

by nuveeeeena
4-21-04
it was a slow night in chat
that's why i want a shortwave converterfor it to get something worth listeningto.. in addition to am
wtf?
THEORETICALLY...
drm proprely done will survive every effect thrown at it really. except blackouts the sun, geomagnetic field and nuclear war
all rare enough and local interference is easily resolved
roll over feedee take nose of key board :)
zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzznk

 

by nuveeeeena
4-21-04
after several hours of tube talk, phobos lost it
i found the perfect shaped tube that will fit up my ass and it's low voltage and very efficient it can transmit farts for 500 miles on am and fm
487,921 pages printed and two fresh reams of paper in the bins. i could manufacture tubes like that. i just need the funding and a source of fissionable material
snerk

 

by nuveeeeena
4-24-04
MOST of us love our grandmas
My granny thinks that all 'orientals' are UFO's (Unidentified Fucking Orientals) It's embarassing
I'm a bitch and I'm going to take you all down with me.
my grandma was one of the meanest people you'd ever meet.
that newscaster looks too jewish
doot, ifn ya visit her, sit real close to the oxygen tank and then after 15 minutes when everybody is visitin, slip your hand slowly toward that valve...
those coloreds should build their own church...

 

by nuveeeeena
4-24-04
the views expressed by this comic strip character
GAHHH! I can't BELIEVE him. That low life, dog sniffing, scum sucking, dirtbag, rat bastard!
Oooh not good...
do not necessarily reflect the views of the author
Goddamn lying whiny psycho self indulgent rotten cowardly thoughtless shithead horndog motherfucker.!
MEN!
entirely...
That ASSHOLE prick sonofabitch! *sob* I love him soooo much.
like i said dear, your house of relastionships is going to be retrograde for the next month...

 

by nuveeeeena
4-24-04
rrring...
hey pick up back there! earthling, pick up! oh fuck it. do i look like your receptionist?
Hellooo...USS Marjorie Fish! Where would you like to go today?
!#@$#@$#!#~@%@#%$@#$@#
oh bag of mostly water earthling, your woman unit is on the line....

 

by nuveeeeena
4-25-04
riing rrringg riing
oh for chrissake. friggin earthling baby baby has to have his land line
allo?
USS Fish, where do you want to go today?
venez ici et obtenez votre petit amie
oh earthling..someone on the line about your OTHER woman....

 

by nuveeeeena
4-25-04
rrriiing rrring rrring
hey pick up back there!! anyone? HALLOOOO!? argh
USS Marjorie Fish, WHADDAYAWANT!!?
il cerce...
OH PINKBOY!!!! Get your ass up here and deal with this thing...

 

by nuveeeeena
4-25-04
rrrinng riiing riiiing
PICK UP!! All right. That's IT!!!!
time to go schedule a looong overdue anal probe

 

by nuveeeeena
4-25-04
more cool stories of horror
my wife varnished some furniture in the room with the last parakeet we had
are you telling the bookcase story again, hon?
and debauch from chat...
i was getting the parakeet stoned and stoneder. then i dropped him in a jar of acetone to put him out
that sure didn't work right
yeah, he was one of "Jerry's birds" by that time
I felt awful about that...

 

by nuveeeeena
4-25-04
I'm in Palm peach - home of the vulgar Pigboy. Wed, I'm going to his house -might make the news :)
I know all of you have requested a certain type of souvenir "coin purse" that could only be obtained on this trip...
but, i got some serious poker playing to do. and besides, there is not enough raw material to go around. sorry folks.

 

by nuveeeeena
4-27-04
HEARTWARMING TALES FROM CHAT
ahhh the pyro days, looking back I realize I am lucky to have lived through them
I burned down my dad's kitchen by dropping an ice cube in boiling oil, he was not happy
know what you mean we used to burn shit for fun and almost lit the barn on fire
we used to take our friends barbie dolls and soak them in gas and light

 

by nuveeeeena
4-27-04
maybe it IS true that the number one cause of death in America is household accident...
thud
aieeeee...
what the hell happened to you?
augh. I fell down the stairs and crunched my ankle
what is mom's deal? she won't let us back into the house until we get our sports equipment put away..?
but... the rollerblades, the skateboards and the basketballs ARE put away..on the landing of the stairs...huh

 

by nuveeeeena
4-27-04
when Poppy first told me he wuz gonna git me the Presidentin job like what he used to have..
I said, there ain't noway in hell I'm gonna go live up in Yankee land with a lot of you know... riff raff..
don't even have decent barbecue up there and the margaritas suck, too. but shit happens. Poppy wanted me to have this job REAL bad.
He said it was gonna be good for biznes with his Saudi buddies over at Carlyle. So i built me what i call my "Western Wing"
Crawford, Texas
I call it "COMPOUND W". kewl, huh?

 

by nuveeeeena
5-04-04
this person wanted to talk to me....
i'm sorry hehehe but...
whoa. this is just getting too weird.
how weird? it just pegged 11 on the weirdometer. i haven't had a conversation like that since HIGH SCHOOL. like there is a finite amount of love in the universe. sheesh.
patience
sigh. i know... in cyberspace, no one can hear your teeth gritting

 

by nuveeeeena
5-05-04
crummy sex
omg, i should not have done that...
i hope nobody finds out...oh man....
bye! i'll um.. email you or something...
hey, hows about we get..

 

by nuveeeeena
5-05-04
good sex...
?!
you want to do it WHERE!?
c'mon
YEAH! let's GO! hee heee
we might get caught... ah well...
hee hee... i'm blaming it all on you....

 

by nuveeeeena
5-05-04
fantastic sex...
mmmm
giggle
i love this music...
you know what i like?
giggle YES
i'll put on another cd... in a minute...

 

by nuveeeeena
5-05-04
a good case for EMPs
and then he said...
and then she said...
and then he said...
and then she said...
and then he said...
YAAAUUUUGHHHH!!! find the happy place find the happy place...

 

by nuveeeeena
5-05-04
my edumacation in Tejas serves me
Ruppemi l'alto sonno ne la testa un greve truono, sì ch'io mi riscossi come persona ch' è per forza desta;
e l'occhio riposato intorno mossi, dritto levato, e fiso riguardai per conoscer lo loco dov' io fossi.
well... too cheeky for my own good
Vero è che 'n su la proda mi trovai della valle d'abisso dolorosa che 'ntrono accoglie d' infiniti guai.
ma era giusto i capretti. hanno rotto qualcosa
non lo ho fatto!

 

by nuveeeeena
5-05-04
is time to visit the real world when ya
Iie. Nihongo ga dekimasen.
start conversing with yourself & even
akiraka ni.
you don't understand what is said
sugu o-kaeri ni narimasu ka? wakarimasen *sugh*

 

by nuveeeeena
5-05-04
it would be funny if it weren't so true
the very very hungry caterpillar was... whuss this word here... um... masticulating a leaf, aw man, i cain't be a readin this to lil kids!
er, Mr. President. We have an urgent situation that needs your immediate attention..
buzz off gomer. whaddya think this is, friggin West Wing? You're harshin my photo op.
we understand if you need to go...
like i was saying...the very very VERY hungry caterpillar was eatin on a BBQ sammich when...

 

by nuveeeeena
5-05-04
chat is an awful lot like therapy
i need to go outside these fuckheads are on the roof every day and the whole roof was done 3 years ago
throw a brick at them
not necessarily successful therapy
heh i feel like taking the ladder down and let them figure out how to get down
don't do that
where the fuck did the ladder go?
dude. this is like my home away from home. i could LIVE up here.

 

by nuveeeeena
5-05-04
Battlefield Earth is a dreadful flick
woooo!
salut!
and yet it has given my friends and I
cheers!
this is the worst fucking movie EVER made
so much joy...
okay, everyone drink now
LEVERAGE

 

by nuveeeeena
5-05-04
gawd, definitely too many pickled jalapenos last night on those nachos
my ass is on fire...the vinegar causes that. i was farting like crazy last night
reality checks come in all forms...
maybe I SHOULD get a life...

 

by nuveeeeena
5-05-04
Geneva Convention?
Whyncha suck his dick?
http://groups.google.com/groups?selm=40991602. 3843479%40news.sf.sbcglobal.net
RUSH: This is not Sesame Street. We're not Big Bird and Barney here, folks. This is not Oprah and Dr. Phil telling us how we can expand our consciousness.
We are under attack by a bunch of heathen, savage people that hate our very existence, much less our guts.
Agree that Rush Limbaugh is a festering gob expressed from the bowels of hell? http://www.airamericaradio.com
All I've seen is the woman with the cigarette out of her mouth, you know, pretending to aim a gun at some guy who's nude, and laughing;
and I've seen, you know, the pyramid of the nude guys with hoods...Those people were just having fun, letting of steam

 

by nuveeeeena
5-08-04
I am told my Rush Limbaugh toon
I'm a feckless buffoon and choice #1
ooh pick me. as contestant number #2, i will sodomize anything. dig it. ANYTHING.
is not depraved enough...
#3. what's so bad about slavery? the South's gonna rise agin. off to my CCC meeting
#4 I'm an obvious choice
I am auditioning replacements
#5 I'm an even MORE obvious choice. i gots that Jeff Christie thang goin'
#6 As a heap of dung beckoning to flies, I feel that I represent your most perfect aesthetic parallel to Rush Limbaugh

 

by nuveeeeena
5-08-04
The People Have Spoken! And it comes down to just two contestants
my lawyer will be in touch... it was rigged
PIG VERSUS PILE OF SHIT. YOU DECIDE!
We represent the finalists for Nuvee's talent search for the next Rush Limbaugh character
We've come offally far together; now the viewers decide who will be the next "American Eyesore"
The next graphic depiction of Rush Limbaugh will be chosen by YOU the Viewers
i posed for those pictures when i was younger and hungry... oooh it's SO unfair...

 

by nuveeeeena
5-08-04
Nuvee's gotta honor George Clinton
Dogs of the World, Unite
Bow wow wow
If you hear a noise, it's just me and the boys gettin' down
Why must I feel like that?
Why must I chase the cat?
One Nation Under a Groove
Nuthin' but the dawg in me
Bow Wow Wow Yippee Yo Yippee Yey

 

by nuveeeeena
5-09-04
National No Pants Day was well celebrated in Austin, Texas
http://www.nopantsday.com/
I'm pantless
we declare this a Pants-Free Zone
A good time was had by all at the Green Muse Coffee House which is a groovy little dive in my neighborhood.

 

by nuveeeeena
5-09-04
The kids wnnt to the theater with me for Mother's Day
If only he had delivered the letter
he really was fortune's fool...she was too...
if only they hadn't gotten into that fight
A glooming peace this morning brings. The sun for sorrow will not show his head.
Go hence, to have more talk of these sad things. Some will be pardoned, and some punished. For never was there a story of more woe than this of Juliet and her Romeo..

 

by nuveeeeena
5-11-04
Don't let the nation's control freaks
http://www.ala.org/ala/oif/ bannedbooksweek/ bbwlinks/ 100mostfrequently.htm
that Harry Potter is jes' devil worshippin'
determine what we can obtain
they're holding "Private Parts" in the back for me... tee hee...he sounds cute on the radio....
I think that boy in the "Dead Zone" mighta been onto somethin'
from our public libraries
I found "The Handmaid’s Tale" by Margaret Atwood strangely compelling
where the hell are they keeping the National Geographics?

 

by nuveeeeena
5-13-04
overheard in chat...
There was this one stupid guy that was asking how to get hard and stay hard.
was that back when you worked on the Bush campaign... JOKING!!
We told him to get some saltpeter. So, he asks where to get it and he goes looking for it at animal feed stores
QUICK!! Before Pfizer patents it! ROTFL
i guess someone at the feed store set him straight
hee hee..

 

by nuveeeeena
5-13-04
oooh tough decision
political scandal...failed economic policy...lies...incompetent leadership...
reality is WAY funnier than this strip...
snicker
just trust me on this one
whoa you makin' a sammich with that?

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