All comics by rickward

Profile

 

by rickward
6-30-02
Behold! L.O.V.A.R. is finished! Come forth, my creation!
HERE I AM
Commence affection-showering.
COME OVER HERE AND MAKE ME FEEL LIKE A REAL ROBOT

 

by rickward
7-15-02
*snif snif* ...I miss you, Dad...
Who dares disturb my slumber?
DAD!
Aw, you brought flowers! ...GIMME!
*SHLURP* Mm, good eatin.'

 

by rickward
7-15-02
Son, I came back from the otha side ta tell you something important...
When you're with a girl and you're sliding inta home, always wear onea them rubbers.
Too many bastards in the world already.

 

by rickward
7-16-02
You've been acting really strange lately. Is there something I should know?
Of course not. I'm fine.
If by "fine" you mean "dying of cancer."

 

by rickward
7-16-02
Cancer?
Yes, I'm afraid so. The doctors say it could be any time now. *koff koff*
Oh my God! I'm so sorry!
Would you *koff* do one last thing for me? As a friend?
Anything.
Come over here and make me feel like a real man who's not dying of cancer.

 

by rickward
7-16-02
Oh Des...please don't die...
Hmm...okay!
Huh?
I lied! I'm not really dying of cancer! I just told you I was so I could get laid!
I can't believe I fell for that AGAIN!
Me neither.

 

by rickward
7-16-02
I can't believe you told me you had cancer so I would sleep with you! You slime!
Hey, I'm just a squirrel tryin' ta get a nut!
*SLAM*
Oh boy, will she be pissed when she finds out I really am dying from cancer!

 

by rickward
8-09-02
Thanks for dinner.
Thanks for the company.
The night is still young, and you have a bunch of movies I haven't seen...
A movie sounds great! Go ahead and pick one out.
Here, this one looks good. I'm going to call Brian for an hour. Enjoy your movie!

 

by rickward
9-15-02
Hey there! What's going on?
Nothing much, darlin', what's up with you?
Oh, nothing, just sitting here with Amy, watching another movie.
Oh, REALLY? *hee hee* Well, I'll let you get back to your "movie."
No...seriously, we are watching a movie.
Mmm-hmm. I know you, big stud.

 

by rickward
9-17-02
Dude...
You are freaking me out.
I will eat your soul.
See, that's not helping.

 

by rickward
12-04-02
Living in Los Angeles is very alienating. Everyone is so caught up in himself or herself.
It's so damn frustrating. I haven't met anyone new in months.
Well, my name's Kelly. It's nice to meet you.
Hm? Sorry, I wasn't listening.

 

by rickward
12-06-02
I'm so lonely.
SOB

 

by rickward
12-06-02
AHUH AHUH AHUH
*snif*
*snif*
'Scuse me... where's the punchline?

 

by rickward
12-06-02
...wha ...huh?
Where's the punchline? You know, the part of the strip that makes you laugh!
What are you talking about?
Hell-O! Comics are supposed to be FUN-NY!

 

by rickward
12-12-02
It seems I am a superior rickward avatar, Indie Rock Pete.
Superior? HAH! You're not fit to polish my pixelated ass, Blue.
Put up yer dukes and fight like a man.
Oh, you're going down, little man.
Rick, Rick... Can't we all just get along?
Hi there, old Allen! I'm the new Allen!

 

by rickward
12-21-02
No.
C'mon, please?
No.
Please...
Arrr... "Poop deck."
Hee hee hee!

 

by rickward
12-21-02
Hee hee hee.
Sigh..
Arr. Ye done yet?
You said "poop." Hee hee!

 

by rickward
12-21-02
Hee hee hee!
Arr, 'tis funny indeed, says I.
Come to bed, sugar-lump.

 

by rickward
12-21-02
Hey, Rick, glad to see you're doing better.
What do you mean?
Remember comic ID=48825? From 12/23/01?
Oh... right.
It's good that you're not depressed like that anymore.
Give me a couple of days.

 

by rickward
12-21-02
Hey John, I heard this awesome song the other day by this band called Sigur Ros. Do you know them?
Due to poor sales, we have to let you go. Please clean out your desk.
They're from Iceland, and they like don't have names for their songs, or even real words in their songs. Just like made-up ones.
Earth to Roger... the person you are talking to just got fired.

 

by rickward
12-21-02
Let me get this straight... you fired John?
Correct.
And I'm taking on his duties in addition to mine.
Again correct.
With no raise in pay.
Let me get this straight... you want to be a highly paid, minimally skilled employee during layoffs?

 

by rickward
12-21-02
Did you have to have layoffs right before Christmas?
Not exactly.
It had to be sometime before the holiday luncheon.
Brrr.
Now the company can afford chicken and beef.

 

by rickward
12-25-02
'Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the den,
Rick Ward was out seeing The Two Towers again.
Then Rick had eight pastries and passed out near the tree.
I don't feel so good, and that ain't a lie... I mean, uh, lee. Stupid poetry.

 

by rickward
12-26-02
Wow! A check from Grandma!
Wait a second... this isn't from Grandma, it's from her "Living Trust." What the fuck is a Living Trust?
Hello?
Grandma! It's Rick! Just calling to make sure you're not in a coma!

 

by rickward
12-27-02
Then Pete said the strangest thing, the boldest proposition. I didn't ask him to repeat his invitation. I simply rephrased what he asked me:
You wanna quesadilla? You want to go to dinner tomorrow night? Casa Miguel?
And he was so shy, he looked down and said,
Yeah, I guess.
I think Blue's got some cash so I ask him if he wants to go get a case of beer and he's so drunk he asks me if I want to have dinner with him tomorrow and I guess I'm drunk too and I say sure.
What the fuck is he talking about? I'm confused as hell.

 

by rickward
1-04-03
You know, Rogers, when I get the equipment up to cruising, I like to relax and look at the clouds.
I know what you mean, Captain. Sometimes I like to try to see shapes in the clouds.
That one over there looks like a wrench.
And that one looks like another 747!

 

by rickward
1-20-03
Poor dad:
I can't afford that.
Rich dad:
How can I afford that?
My dad:
I can afford that, but you can't.

 

by rickward
1-22-03
FADE IN on an elderly couple sitting at a table in a cafe. He tells a joke, she slaps her knee, they laugh long and hard. They're healthy, happy, and in love.
CUT TO playing in the pool with the grandchildren. Grandma is in her demure one-piece, showing off her gams. Grandpa raises his eyebrows impishly.
CUT TO Grandma, legs crossed, in a nightie on the bed. Grandpa, in his undershirt and boxers, closes the bedroom door on the audience. SUPERIMPOSE TITLE: VIAGRA
Ewww.

 

by rickward
5-03-03
Help me, Doc. I got problems. People tell me I'm acting strange.
Well, how exactly do they think you're acting strange?
They say I act like I'm scared. I'm sad, then all of a sudden I'm chipper. I walk funny sometimes. Some days it seems like all I can do is lie in bed.
Do you feel like you're acting strange now?
Hold on... I have to blink five times before I answer any of your questions.
I see. I'm going to prescribe some Magic Wonder Selective Serotonin Reuptake Inhibitor pills.

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