All comics by sonesh123

 

by sonesh123
3-28-12
Suburban guy was talking about his friend Rajesh..
You know what, I am sure Rajesh is going to be a film critic someday.
What makes you say that?
He criticises the script of a porn movie too.
WTF :(

 

by sonesh123
3-29-12
Suburban Guy was talking about the latest movies....
You know, "Tusshar Kapoor" is in Krrish 3..
Really??
Yeah, apparently they found him most appropriate to play the character of a dumb alien.
WTF :(

 

by sonesh123
3-30-12
Suburban Guy was in the mood for gossip...
An NGO requested Kangana Ranaut to teach English to underprivileged children for motivating them..
Really?? Thats nice...
Yeah, after hearing Kangana's english, the children realized how privliged they are.
WTF :(

 

by sonesh123
4-03-12
Suburban guy was chatting with a colleague.....
You know, Apple customized an iPhone for our PM so that it can follow commands in only "his" voice.
Really?? thats cool.
Well, poor guy had it to gift it to "his" voice - Sonia Gandhi, to make it work
WTF :(

 

by sonesh123
4-18-12
Suburban guy was chatting with a colleague....
Heard that you are low on confidence these days?
Yeah, things are not so great. I need a boost. You seem to be quite confident in life. Whats your secret?
Different brands of alcohol for gaining different levels of confidence. Currently, i am on a black label diet.
WTF :(

 

by sonesh123
4-24-12
Suburban guy was chatting with SoBo Chick..
I am starting a SOCIAL BUSINESS of my own.
Really ?? i never knew you were enthusiastic about social welfare.
What social welfare?? I am starting a social media consulting firm
WTF :(

 

by sonesh123
4-30-12
Suburban Guy was being appraised by his boss....
Sir, I think i deserve a raise
I dont think so. How do you justify your performance with respect to the salary you recieve?
Itna paise mein itna'ich milenga....
WTF :(

 

by sonesh123
5-18-12
HR was discussing suburban guy's appraisals...
You have performed extremely well this year.
Thank you sir, But for some reason, it is not reflecting in my salary.
Its written in the GITA, "Karm Kar, Phal ki aasha mat kar." (Do your work. Dont think about the fruits of labour)
WTF :(

 

by sonesh123
5-29-12
Suburban Guy had done a project for SoBo Chick's cousin..
Hey, so how did your cousin fare in his school project?
He got a zero and was embarrassed in the class by the teacher. What did you do?
His project was on the INDIAN METAL Industry. I reviewed Brahma, Pentagram and Paravayu which are the top metal band's in India.
WTF :(

 

by sonesh123
6-05-12
Suburban guy was chatting with his HR
I see that you have been working late these days.
Yeah, there's a lot of pressure to meet targets this month.
You should work from home post 9 pm. We strongly believe in work-life balance.
WTF :(

 

by sonesh123
6-07-12
Suburban Guy bumped into his company's CEO....
So, what is the one thing you would like to change to make this organization a better work place?
Top Management
WTF :(

 

by sonesh123
6-14-12
Jobby was talking to his colleague at work...
You know what, in our country you can make money literally from crap.
Can you elaborate?
"Sulabh Shauchalaya" is a 1000 crore business.
????

 

by sonesh123
6-15-12
Suburban guy bumps into his company's CEO on a lunch break..
Sir, i have ensured higher levels of employee engagement through "Distributed Computing"
Really. And how have you achieved the same?
We regularly play "Counter Strike" on and off office hours.
???

 

by sonesh123
6-15-12
Jobby bumps into his company's CEO on a lunch break..
Sir, i have ensured higher levels of employee engagement through "Distributed Computing"
Really. And how have you achieved the same?
We regularly play "Counter Strike" on and off office hours.
???

 

by sonesh123
6-18-12
Suburban Guy was attempting to discuss current affairs with SoBo Chick...
Do you know why GREEK GODS were always depicted in Scanty or No clothes?
No. But i always wondered why?
They were hinting Greece of inevitable AUSTERITY MEASURES since those times.
WTF :(

 

by sonesh123
6-19-12
Suburban guy was with SoBo Chick at the disco.. (before the dhoble effect)
You look worried. Whats the matter?
I am going to Delhi alone for a few days. I have heard about the capital's reputation for rape and am scared.
Just say that Tusshar Kapoor is your husband and flash his photo towards the suspicious element. Even the most sex crazed Delhiite would leave you in peace, out of disgust.
WTF :(

 

by sonesh123
6-22-12
Jobby was discussing an important assignment with his boss...
Boss, i analysed the data you sent yesterday.
Really. And what did you find?
It needs further analysis.
???

 

by sonesh123
6-22-12
Jobby's CA proposed his girlfriend....
I finally did it, bro. I proposed her.
Awesome, what did you say?
I asked her if she would like to become my permanent liability.
???

 

by sonesh123
6-26-12
Jobby was discussing movies with a colleague during a break...
The dialogues of "Gangs of Wasseypur" were influenced by our boss.
What makes you say that?
Voh hamesha Keh ke hi leta hai
???

 

by sonesh123
6-30-12
Jobby's boss was giving him a new assignment ...
Jobby, I am sending you on a 2 year project in a challenging emerging market.
Thats great news, sir. Which emerging market are you referring to?
Afghanistan.
???

 

by sonesh123
7-04-12
Jobby just paid his phone bill...
I just paid 30% of my salary on my mobile bill.
I wonder why you always insist on an itemized bill from your telecom provider.
So that i know how much time and money i have wasted talking to my "item".
???

 

by sonesh123
7-05-12
Jobby's boss was in a sombre mood...
I finally found an object which can be used for mass creation and mass destruction.
What are your referring to?
My wife's "belan"
???

 

by sonesh123
7-09-12
Suburban guy was chatting about Dhoble...
You know Dhoble is a pain on Facebook too.
Jesus. Whats he doing on Facebook?
He doesnt send friend requests. He keeps poking people.
WTF :(

 

by sonesh123
7-09-12
Jobby was discussing sales targets with his boss...
Sir, the sales team fails to understand the calculations behind such high sales targets. They are criticizing you.
Targets are ambitious but not unachievable. What does the team think about me?
That you are an ambitious blind man who has lost his walking stick but still trying to put things in "perspective".
???

 

by sonesh123
7-13-12
Jobby was giving feedback to his company HR...
I think our company is a great place to work, People really know how to make fun :)
Thats encouraging to know from an employee.
Yeah, people here love to make fun of their bosses.
???

 

by sonesh123
7-14-12
Jobby was chatting with a colleague about a movie during lunch break....
The movie was a depressing romantic comedy centered around a high school crush.
You found it depressing ?? Didnt it remind you of your high school crush?
I was in an all boys school.
Poor Guy :( No wonder he found it depressing.

 

by sonesh123
7-17-12
Jobby was discussing plans for the weekend with a colleague..
So, what do you intend to do over the weekend?
I plan to buy some formal shirts at the "Arrow" end of season sale. You wanna tag along?
My end of season happened last week at Zara where my girl shopped without any end in sight.
:( Poor Guy...

 

by sonesh123
7-17-12
Jobby meets a colleague from the engineering department...
Its like i am back in my engineering college. No women colleagues to flirt with. I think i might get impotent if i continue working here.
Yeah, i can understand. And in corporate India, companies are paying higher commissions to recruiters for hiring more women employees.
If only these recruiters approach engineering colleges. Engineering students wouldn't mind paying double the fees for more female students
???

 

by sonesh123
7-21-12
Jobby and his colleague were chatting about the Batman movie - The Dark Knight Rises...
You know the director of the movie - "The Dark Knight Rises" has made another version specially for Manmohan Singh.
Really. Whats it called?
The "Silent" Knight "Falls"
???

 

by sonesh123
7-25-12
Jobby was discussing a presentation with his senior management....
Sir, Can i help you with any inputs on the presentation?
Give me a practical example defining the difference between strategic (long term) and tactical (short term) planning?
Tactical planning is what "we" do on a weekly basis to come up with excuses for underachieving targets. Strategic planning is what "you" do on an annual basis to determine random unjustified targets.
???

 

by sonesh123
7-26-12
Jobby was discussing a project proposal with his boss....
Sir, I need your feedback on the project proposal I emailed you yesterday.
I have read it. Dont you think your proposition is too "simple" and "direct" for the client to appreciate it.
This is where I need you to guide me. Your experience would help me "complicate" it.
???

 

by sonesh123
7-27-12
Jobby was chatting with his colleague from the client servicing team...
Being a client servicing manager is like being a full time masseur.
What do you mean?
You end up massaging "ego's" at all levels ...
???

 

by sonesh123
8-01-12
Jobby was chatting with a colleague about a common friend - Rajesh's absence from Facebook...
We will find Rajesh on Facebook only post Raksha Bandhan.
Why?
Last year, quite a few of his girl friends posted a rakhee on his Facebook wall, tagged him and wished a happy raksha bandhan. He was inconsolable post that incident.
Jesus.....Rajesh must've been shattered.

 

by sonesh123
8-03-12
Jobby was discussing the new HR policy with a colleague....
To encourage employees, the management have allowed access to social media websites in office post 6 pm
Really, thats encouraging. But you dont seem to look enthusiastic.
This policy will affect my productivity. I usually begin working seriously post 6 pm only.
Woah.....

 

by sonesh123
8-04-12
Jobby was wishing his boss on friendship day...
Wish you a happy friendship day, sir.
Wish you the same. I want you to come up with ideas for a company outing on Monday evening. I want all of our employees to bond over a few drinks.
Sir, all of us employees already have plans for Monday. We are going to bond over "Sunny Leone" while watching Jism 2. Would you like to join us?
What a bunch of perverts. No wonder, my company is going nowhere :(

 

by sonesh123
8-05-12
Jobby's boss was in an enthusiastic mood on Friendship day...
I have sent friend requests to all our company employees on Facebook. It would be great to connect with them informally.
Sure, sir. Thats a great initiative.
The next day...
So far, only you and my secretary have accepted my friend's request on FB. I look forward to being connected to others by end of this week.
By end of this week, FB will delete your profile. All your employees have marked your profile as spam :)

 

by sonesh123
8-06-12
Jesus pays Jobby a visit in his office ..
Hello son, I heard you shouting "Oh Jesus....Oh Jesus..Oh Jesus" innumerable times yesterday evening. I had to come and see you.
Oh..I was watching Jism -2 and appreciating the female form in its holy glory by chanting your name. Anyways, now that you've come, can you turn water into wine?
Oh...Son, you must know that my powers dont exist when i am on earth.
Great. With "no power" comes "no responsibility". Lets smoke a joint before you head back

 

by sonesh123
8-07-12
Jobby was chatting with a colleague on investment planning...
So, where do you invest the most?
Usually, on alcohol :)
Thats an expenditure. How do you term it as an investment?
Well, it does give me "HIGH" returns ;)

 

by sonesh123
8-07-12
Jobby's boss had a worried look on his face...
I am worried about the irresponsible behavior demonstrated by our Delhi team last week in meeting deadlines.
Sir, our Delhi office was out of power for almost the whole of last week.
How is that connected with their irresponsible behaviour?
With all due respect sir...With "No power" comes "No responsibility".

 

by sonesh123
8-08-12
Jobby's boss was taking his views on his rapport with senior colleagues
So, I hope you bond well with your senior colleagues these days. What are your views about them?
Sir, some of them have been in this organization from even before i was born and will probably stay longer than most of us.
Isint it wonderful? We are so proud of the experience we have through them.
With all due respect sir, their stubborn views have no expiry date and remind me of the LIC ad - ज़िन्दगी के साथ भी, ज़िन्दगी के बाद भी

 

by sonesh123
8-09-12
Jobby's boss was planning an official trip to delhi..
Please ask my secretary to book a ticket to Delhi in Indigo airlines.
But Sir, you always fly Jet Airways in Business class. Why Indigo this time?
The company has advised to control costs in such uncertain times. I dont mind travelling cattle class.
"Cowherds" like you should feel at home in cattle class. I am happy the company has realized your true worth or the lack of it.

 

by sonesh123
8-09-12
Jobby's boss was sharing a dream he had last night...
I dreamt that all of you had overachieved your sales targets by 200 percent. Its the most satisfying dream i have ever had. What has been your most gratifying dream?
That i am in a circus as a ringmaster.....
Really.....wow
With you as the lion i am spanking.

 

by sonesh123
8-10-12
Jobby was discussing about a report with his CEO....
You sent me the report really quick but made a lot of errors. You should have taken some more time to study it.
Yes, Sir. In order to be more efficient, i realize that i had sacrificed quality.
I want you guys to act like Rahul Dravid - The Wall who is slow, but effective. And not like Sehwag - the destroyer who is quick, but erroneous. Who is your boss?
Sreesanth - the Monkey. Err....I mean, its Mr.Khurana.

 

by sonesh123
8-12-12
Jobby had just dealt with tax authorities in office while his boss was away in a meeting....
Sir, the tax authorities went through all our financial accounts and were apologetic with what they found. Infact , they are planning to give us special tax rebates.
Really?? You did a great job in handling them. Did they mention anything in specific?
Their eyes were moist and were sympathetic when they saw our salary slips. They said that our pay package redefines "Minimum Wage" in the country.
Really!!! its time to update my resume, i guess :(

 

by sonesh123
8-14-12
Jobby's boss was discussing a project with him a day prior to Independence day..
Can you call a meeting of the customer service team right now to discuss the project?
Sir, none of them are available. They are busy hoisting the flag today
Really, I didnt know they were so patriotic.
Well, their team leader just resigned. They are celebrating Independence :)

 

by sonesh123
8-15-12
Jobby's CEO invited him to his cabin to discuss an initiative....
I am planning to have hourly yoga classes for all employees every alternate evening. What do you think?
Its an amazing thought sir. I am sure all of us will love it.
Thanks for the support. I am sure the employees will have a rejuvenating experience by all the asanas.
Yeah, most of them will do Shavasana (Corpse Pose) and go to sleep for an hour.

 

by sonesh123
8-20-12
Jobby's boss wasnt happy with his sales performance...
You have been our top performers until last year. This year you are just meeting targets. Whats the matter?
Sir, i am suffering from a disease which is affecting my performance.
What disease are you referring to?
Its called "Complacency". It has raped my motivation levels.

 

by sonesh123
8-23-12
Jobby was chatting with a colleague...
I was surprised to know that our Boss is a Cambridge University Alumni.
Really?? Never thought of him as highly educated. His actions demonstrate otherwise.
Infact, he graduated from the same college in Cambridge in which our Prime Minister had also studied.
Oh..No wonder, our boss is so "mute" and "helpless" in client meetings :(

 

by sonesh123
8-25-12
Jobby's boss was in a good mood...
Lets go out for a beer sometime this weekend. I want to celebrate the successful completion of the project.
Sure sir, Lets go out this Friday evening at the nearby pub. The treat is on me.
The word about the celebration spread across the office...
I heard that you are taking boss for drinks this Friday evening.
Yeah, its "NATIONAL DOG DAY" this Friday. The pub offers a 50% off on drinks if you get your "dog" along :)

 

by sonesh123
8-31-12
Jobby's boss was disappointed with his recent presentation...
The product presentation could've been a lot better. Your convincing skills need improvement.
Yes sir. I have realized that and am working on improving the same.
You will be truly successful on the day you have convinced yourself that you can convince others.
I will be truly successful on the day i convince you to resign from your post, you dimwit :(

Showing page 3.

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