All comics by umfumdisi

Profile

 

by umfumdisi
10-21-09
POWERS:
Does some...thing with his shield?
QUIRKS:
Mostly ignores Latin America.
WEAKNESSES:
That outfit, man.

 

by umfumdisi
10-21-09
POWERS:
Oozes peace. Wields that beautiful smile like an axe, cleaving hatred from humanity (does not work on Chinese gov't).
QUIRKS:
Wears glasses.
WEAKNESSES:
Won't fight.

 

by umfumdisi
10-25-09
Will they sue? They'll sue you! You they'll sue! That's what they'll do.
I do not like this "They will sue." They may not have much else to do, but make appeals and file papers, delaying truth and freeing rapers!
Take my advice and pay it heed -- a good law firm is what you need.
His advice, it does make sense. I'm not equipped for self-defense.
Look here, look here. Look at this mess. Look at these cars, they are such wrecks.
I know, I know -- they'll all want checks. I guess I'll call Green, Hamm & Ecks.

 

by umfumdisi
10-25-09
This is going to be good.
I'll go get the cross.
What happened?
Never buy a used cross.

 

by umfumdisi
10-30-09
I never thought I'd see a person bend that way before last night.
Can you snake my toilet?

 

by umfumdisi
11-01-09
Bo Gartersock?
No...
Flo Chickenstock?
Something dirtier...
Moe Likin'cock?
THAT'S IT!

 

by umfumdisi
11-01-09
You can't drink coffee in the library.
You can't play fort in the library.
Enjoy your coffee.
Enjoy your quiet, lonely life.

 

Nice job.
Thanks.
by umfumdisi, 11-01-09

 

"Tonight I'm finally going to add another pair of arms to my collection."
by umfumdisi, 11-01-09

 

by umfumdisi
11-01-09
Why do you need a flashlight and crowbar in the forest in the middle of the day?
Oh, you really are an ass spelunker!

 

by umfumdisi
11-01-09
Why didn't they beam me up?
Why am I wearing a red shirt?
Why don't I just turn around and shoot the damn thing?

 

by umfumdisi
11-01-09
I can't believe I loved you once upon a time ...
that I thought our love could transcend all others ...
and stand as the shining example of love to the entire universe!!!
My mother told me you had ridiculous expectations.

 

by umfumdisi
11-01-09
Muffin?
Yes, Honey-bun?
No, I mean, "Would you like a muffin?"
Just stick it in my mouth ... like you do everything else.

 

Wasn't I sacrificed to you back in '98?
Awkward!
by umfumdisi, 11-01-09

 

by umfumdisi
11-01-09
Does anyone have any idea how to raise sales?
Anyone besides Butch?
Go ahead, Butch -- as long as it doesn't involve you dressing up in our skins again.

 

The irony, the hideous irony.
by umfumdisi, 11-01-09

 

by umfumdisi
11-01-09
B is for Blood. C is for Chop. D is for ...
Dead.
Damn.

 

I LOVE TWISTER!
by umfumdisi, 11-01-09

 

by umfumdisi
11-01-09
I need a new sidekick.
This one froze up on me.

 

by umfumdisi
12-10-09

 

by umfumdisi
12-10-09
Bruce, come with me. I need a second opinion on something I've created.
Yes, sir.
Well?
It DOES look like a question mark!

 

by umfumdisi
12-10-09
I'm here to collect, cutie!
But I don't have the money.
Know what that means?
Sodomy?
No, silly! I get to rearrange your furniture ... then the sodomy.

 

by umfumdisi
2-17-10

 

by umfumdisi
2-17-10
Avast, ye barnacle-heeled seadogs, we'll never make it through yon opening in time! Full speed ahead!!
Aye, Cap'n.
I despise this place.
Aye, Cap'n.

 

by umfumdisi
2-17-10
Wow, that's really small, dense text for a bumper sticker...
let me pull up closer.
"DON'T BLAME ME, I VOTED FOR THE OLD GUY AND THE DUMBASS WHO WANTED TO BE VICE-PRESIDENT EVEN THOUGH IT TURNED OUT BEING GOVERNOR WAS A
BIT TOO TOUGH FOR HER; AND NOW IT SEEMS SHE WANTS TO CONSIDER A RUN FOR PRESIDENT NEXT TIME AROUND? GIVE ME A FUCKING BREAK!"

 

by umfumdisi
2-17-10
You, uh, want your balls nailed to the wall?
My what?
Your pictures nailed to the wall?
Yes. What did you say the first time?
Your scalp nailed to he wall?
Get out!

 

by umfumdisi
2-17-10
BAM, BAM, BAM!
You called for a babysplitter?
Yes, come right in.

 

If you want me to make French Toast, we need some eggs.
It's not my turn to go to the store.
by umfumdisi, 2-26-10

 

by umfumdisi
2-26-10
Congratulations, your vasectomy was trouble-free.
You mean my tonsillectomy?
Er, yes, tonsillectomy.
Then why do my balls hurt?
I had to go in through your scrotum?

 

by umfumdisi
2-26-10
STOP!!!!!!!!!
That type of job calls for a mallet.

 

by umfumdisi
2-26-10
Can you use it in a sentence?
What is the word origin?
Is there any other pronunciation?
It's NUT! N-U-T, NUT!!! You're a freaking squirrel!

 

by umfumdisi
2-26-10
Here's my book report.
My goodness!
What book did you read?
Curious George Saves the Rainforest.

 
by umfumdisi, 2-26-10

 

I'm so hungry...I'm hallucinating!
I'm so hungry...I'm hallucinating!
by umfumdisi, 2-26-10

 

by umfumdisi
2-26-10
BEFORE...
NINJA!

 

by umfumdisi
2-26-10
What?
Your ad said, "Dynamite Lover!"

 

"Relax," said the night man, "We are ... programmed to receive. You can checkout any tome you like, but you can never leave."
by umfumdisi, 2-26-10

 

by umfumdisi
3-13-10
We don't have time to argue. The fate of the world is in our hands...
Just stand next to your grandfather clock, facing west, at exactly 17:53!
! ? !
The Doctor is IN!

 

by umfumdisi
3-13-10
I was really sick.
No way, man. You just didn't have our presentation ready.
I was puking and pooping at the same time!
Whatever.
Okay, I was so sick...I couldn't even think about masturbating.
Wow, you were sick.

 

by umfumdisi
3-13-10
You ever get the felling you're just a cog in the wheel and when you get old and broken
they just replace you with a new cog and no one even notices?
Who are you?

 

by umfumdisi
3-13-10
How do you know it's a suicide?
Here's the note.
To Whom It May Concern: I can no longer live a Keith Haring existence in your stick-figure world. Goodbye.

 

by umfumdisi
3-13-10
Do you mind?
I'm trying to flagellate myself in the next room.

 

by umfumdisi
3-17-10
Hello!
Good God! What bridge did that thing crawl out from under?
Shut up, man! That's the boss's wife! And it's, I mean, her name is Esmerelda.
Sexy names: Veronica √  
Scarlett √  
Salma √  
Carmen √  
Esmerelda X

 

by umfumdisi
3-17-10
Cheeses, Christ?

 

by umfumdisi
3-22-10
Look! Out in the hall! It's...
a substitute?
No.
An administrator?
No, it's...
School District Bureaucrat.

 

by umfumdisi
3-22-10
Watch this, school district bureaucrat.
Fwoosh!
I'm back!
If you don't stop running in the hall, I'll have to make a recommendation to a committee to change the wording in the School Safety Bulletin.

 

by umfumdisi
3-22-10
School district bureaucrat, can you help us raise money for cheerleading uniforms?
Yes, I can file a formal request to obtain the paperwork necessary for your group to submit an inquiry letter
relevant to the subject of conducting a fund-raising benefit for a school-sponsored activity!
My hero.

 

by umfumdisi
3-22-10
What is your favorite movie?
Cocktail.
What is your favorite movie?
Cocktail.
What is your favorite movie?
Rooster Cogburn.

 

by umfumdisi
3-22-10
Happy Birthday!
It's not my birthday.
Nobody cares about your birthday...
I was talking to the filing cabinet.

 

by umfumdisi
3-22-10
Remember, class, a great deal of comedy is derived from empathy.
If the audience is empathetic toward your character, they will find it easier to laugh with, or even at, that character.
Furthermore...
Now we know why Pie-Throwing 101 filled up so fast.

Showing page 30.

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