Happiness by agnt_M11-09-02 I've been thinking. There's a lot to be said for being single. There's also a lot to bee said for being happy...
The weekend by agnt_M11-09-02 Holy crap it's been a weird weekend. You have no idea. I'll let you know when I figure out what happened.
Basement 2 by agnt_M11-09-02 Uh... So what are you working on? Working on? I am SUCCEEDING! Uh huh... I have CREATED... The *perfect* woman! So um. Where is she? Don't know! She left! She said she'd 'be right back'...
Windy by agnt_M11-09-02 Damn it's windy. Feels like being between a Catholic Schoolgirl's ears out here.
Oracle by agnt_M11-10-02 OH ORACLE OF WISDOM! IMPART TO ME YOUR KNOWLEDGE OF WOMEN! Oracle? Didn't we have enough of this last weekend?
Oracle II by agnt_M11-10-02 Listen. I go over to watch a movie, maybe even cuddle a little. Mmm hmm. AND SUDDENLY, I'M BUTT-NEKKID, DOIN' THE HORIZONTAL MAMBO, BEING SQUEEZED LIKE A F%ING PYTHON ON HER COUCH, AND-- ...So I take it you had a good week?
Oracle III by agnt_M11-10-02 I'm kinda worried. You always worry. Yes, but you know how I get... You needlessly drag your brain through intellectual obstacles, until, panting and wheezing, you come to me for advice. No. That's mostly because of the couch thing... OK OK! TMI! T-M-I!
Oracle V by agnt_M11-10-02 Tell me again what you just said a minute ago. I said, I'm thinking of becoming Celibate. BA-HA-MA-HAHAHAHAHAH!
Oracle VI by agnt_M11-10-02 I wish my shrink had IM. No you don't. Why not? Have you seen "What About Bob"?
Oracle VII by agnt_M11-10-02 If I were going to be in a Bill Murray movie, I'd rather be in Groundhog Day. Why's that? Because, movie, couch, bed... I'M GOING TO UNPLUG MYSELF.
Oracle VIII by agnt_M11-10-02 I'm thinking of buying flowers. That's good. 1800flowers.com is having a big sale right now. There's a special on roses! YOU'RE A POPUP AD IN MY OWN HOME. Hey, I get compensation for this.
Oracle VIIII by agnt_M11-10-02 Uh... What are we doing outside? Either you give me love advice, or I leave you out in the rain. I'm sure this violates an FCC regulation somewhere!
Oracle X by agnt_M11-10-02 Why don't you work on getting your Roman Numerals right instead? DRIP, DRIP, DRIP... HOW COME I SUDDENLY FEEL LIKE AN EXTRA ON M*A*S*H?
Oracle XI by agnt_M11-10-02 THAT WAS SCARY! DON'T EVER DO THAT AGAIN! I DON'T LIKE IT OUT THERE! IT'S COLD! AND WINDY! HOW DO YOU HUMANS GO OUTSIDE DURING THE DAY?!
Oracle XII by agnt_M11-10-02 scratch that. HOW DO YOU EVER GO OUTSIDE, AT ALL? Oh. Sorry. Talking to the wrong guy. FEEL LIKE A ANOTHER FEILD TRIP? NO! OK OK! I'M SORRY!
Mail-Order by agnt_M11-10-02 We need to talk. What about. Did you use my credit card to order another computer?
Mail-Order 2 by agnt_M11-10-02 Listen, just because you're getting old, you didn't have to order a newer computer. WHO YOU CALLING OLD? Then why did you order a computer? I... I couldn't help myself! She's so... Pretty! Oh my god. YOU USED MY CREDIT CARD TO ORDER A MAIL-ORDER BRIDE? I prefer the term, "Financially Incentived Life-Partner".
Mail-Order 3 by agnt_M11-10-02 So I'm looking at the website, right, and I see the model APX-3000... And I'm like, DAMN! I'd LOVE to stick my Floppy in her C: Drive!! OK OK! ...See how it feels?
Mail-Order 4 by agnt_M11-10-02 Hello, CompuStore.com? I'm calling regaurding an order my computer placed. You mean, an order placed for a computer. Whatever. Listen, I'm going to need to cancel that order... We're sorry, but that order has already been shipped! Uh. Ok. How long do I have to return the computer? We're sorry, but computer purchases through CompuStore.com are non-refundable!
Mail-Order 5 by agnt_M11-10-02 That order was placed weeks ago. Where's the new computer? She's right behind you. HELLO JULIE, MY SEXY BIT OF CIRCUITRY! Isn't that... Computer... Isn't it a little... Well, LARGE? I HAPPEN TO LIKE 'THICK' WOMEN. Jeebus. I thought that was the new refrigerator... WATCH IT, BUDDY.
Mail-Order 6 by agnt_M11-10-02 So, I'm going to leave you two alone in the down here in the basement tonight. Hubba-Hubba! But if I hear any strange noises, I'M TURNING THE CIRCUIT BREAKER OFF. It's ok sweetie... I have never been very loud... WHAT THE... I'LL BE UPSTAIRS!
Mail-Order 7 by agnt_M11-10-02 WHUMP! Zzzzzz... WHAT THE--I thought I left you in the basement! We need to talk. Don't you have some sort of shrink-program for that? I'm trying to sleep!
Mail-Order 8 by agnt_M11-10-02 It's just... >Sigh WHAT? Oh... Nevermind. DO YOU WANT TO GO OUTSIDE? it's just that... Julie told me she was a virgin... I AM NOT HAVING THIS CONVERSATION!
Mail-Order 9 by agnt_M11-10-02 Really. It's disgusting. Who knows how many Discs have been in her C: Drive! OH MY GOD! And besides! ...What if I catch a VIRUS! Breethe in... Breethe out. Breethe in... ...And what if the Firewall breaks? What then? I don't want copies of me running all over the Internet! GET OUT NOW!
Debit, Debt, Debit? by agnt_M11-10-02 YOUR ONLINE PURCHASES ARE SENDING ME TO THE POORHOUSE! They don't have Debtor's Prison anymore. MY MORTGAGE IS A DEBTOR'S PRISON! oh.
Retail Sales. by agnt_M11-10-02 So, we heard you have a revolutionary new idea for Retail Sales! Yeah. I was thinking, instead of selling people stuff they don't want, will never use, and will eventually try to return; we could sell them stuff they will use. HA, HAHA HA HA, HAHA! ...You're serious, aren't you. yes.
Fun With Techno by agnt_M11-11-02 MA-HAHAHA-HAHA-HA-HA! You're starting to worry me. WHAT? I CAN BARELY HEAR YOU OVER THE OPERA TECHNO! You're starting to worry me. SING TO ME, SARAH BRIGHTMAN! THAT'S WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT
Fun With Techno II by agnt_M11-11-02 TURN UP THE BASS. THERE'S ONE WINDOW IN THE HOUSE THAT ISN'T SHAKING STILL. I THINK WE JUST SET OFF ANOTHER CAR ALARM. TURN IT UP, I DIDN'T PAY GOOD MONEY FOR THIS STEREO TO LISTEN TO SOME ASSHOLE'S CAR ALARM. I CAN'T, CAP'N! I DOOON'T HAAAAVE THE POOOOWER! I'LL GET THE GENERATOR GOOD DEAL.
Fun With Techno III by agnt_M11-11-02 OK, GENERATOR'S ON. WHERE DID YOU GET A DIESEL POWERED GENERATOR? NEVERMIND THAT. TURN UP THE BASS. THE NEIGHBOR'S WINDOWS ARE SHAKING. I THINK I HEAR POLICE SIRENS. BOSE, EAT YOUR HEART OUT!
Fun With Techno IV by agnt_M11-11-02 HOLY CRAP. WHAT? I THINK I'M WEIGHTLESS. THE SOUND MASS FROM THE SPEAKERS IS PROLLY AFFECTING THE GRAVITY FEILD. NO... IT'S JUST PUSHING ME TOWARD THE CEILING. RIGHT.
Fun With Techno V by agnt_M11-11-02 Man, that was fun. So, what do you say--12 more amps in my car, and I'll acheive that effect? Are you insane? What do you mean? The bass from your car stero makes the garage door flipflop open and closed when you pull in.
Fun With Techno VI by agnt_M11-11-02 The bass from my car stereo is my automatic garage-door-opener. Hey... Do you think it's legal to mount speakers on the undercarrige of your vehicle? NO.
Music Preferences by agnt_M11-11-02 What should we listen to next? Lords of Acid, or Mindless Self Indulgence? STEP! UP! IF YOU WANT TO... GET--F-----! Lords of Acid. Why? I can't listen to that guy's fake goth accent anymore.
Music Preferences II by agnt_M11-11-02 That chick in my class is starting to bug me. Which one? SALVATION IS PRE-ORDAINED! BUT YOU CAN AFFECT YOUR DESTINATION... So what you're saying is... hmm? You want to camp outside her house in your car with Type -0 as loud as physically possible?
Music Preferences III by agnt_M11-11-02 That Techno gave me the Munchies. I see flower people... And little fairies... Whoa. Whoa.
The Crow by agnt_M11-12-02 Dude. Do you ever wonder what Crows think about when flying? YOU'RE HIGH, AREN'T YOU?
Unmentionable by agnt_M11-14-02 Sorry I've been kinda difficult today... I just kinda worry. Oh, it's not your fault. I'm just PMSing and cranky. That's why I was concerned about seeing you when I'm cranky! You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Craziness, chapter 1 by agnt_M11-16-02 Hey, uh. This isn't really the forum for this. But, heh, what is. Hold on. I'm running out of frames.
Craziness, chapter 2 by agnt_M11-16-02 Things are so strange. But um. No one makes me as happy as you do.
Craziness, chapter 3 by agnt_M11-16-02 And the... The... Uh. Yeah. Best ever. Seriously. Shit. I don't know what's happening, you don't know what's happening...