All comics by balls

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by balls
10-09-10
i just found out i have a pedunculated fibroid tumor
what's pedunculated?
it means growing on a stalk
like my eye
and like my cancerous, possibly life-ending tumor
and like my eye

 

by balls
10-09-10
someone pointed out that the previous comic could mislead people to think fibroids are cancerous
which they ARE
this comic is to allay her fears
so that "balls" can keep getting "allayed"
so let me be perfectly clear, kids, fibroid tumors are not cancerous
unless you have them!

 

by balls
10-09-10
it has come to our attention that the last comic might encourage people to do real research on fibroid tumors
don't
yes, don't.
don't.
just don't.
THEY CANCER, BABY!

 

by balls
10-09-10
Conan O'Brien's imminent return is nigh
i'll gut Leno with a Masturbating Bear bobblehead for a pack of Dorals

 

by balls
10-09-10
you remember how John Lennon said he was bigger than Jesus?
big deal, even i'm bigger than Jesus
what?
hell, everyone in the shower was bigger than Jesus
he was at a disadvantage, though, being the only mexican in our gym class

 

by balls
10-09-10
BUY SELL BUY SELL
BUY SELL BUY SELL
AND A BUS TO DRIVE ME TO THE AIRPORT
hep!

 

by balls
11-10-10
come wif me ostrich

 

by balls
11-10-10

 

by balls
11-10-10

 

by balls
11-10-10
we here!
no ostriches allowed in the Dirty South
he not ostrich! he silver screen star of Fargo!
five dollar cover charge, Mr. Buscemi

 

by balls
11-10-10

 

by balls
11-10-10

 

by balls
11-13-10
i'll fucking do you!
look. i have to stick the thermometer up your anus to get a temperature. so stop being a baby. i have 4 year olds in here that don't put up such a fuss!
ff... fine. just be gentle
that wasn't so bad
according to Starfleet Regulation 16, paragraph 4, i'm required to inform you that you're now officially my bitch

 

by balls
11-20-10
stop playing that video game and let's go into the temple
STOP PLAYING THAT GODDAMN VIDEO GAME AND LET'S GO INTO THE MOTHERFUCKING TEMPLE
you found the princess yet?
she's not in this castle

 

by balls
11-20-10
why are you framing your cock like that
i'm vogueing
that's not how you vogue. you gotta frame your face
FUCK MY FACE!!!
vogue.

 

by balls
11-20-10
let's go into town and demand retribution
heeeeere we go
FOR THE CRIMES AGAINST OUR PEOPLE AND FOR KNOWING WHAT THEY DID
christ.
but then after much heated debate, we'll settle for texas toast and pay going price for it
let's just go into town and order texas toast

 

by balls
11-20-10
i know what you rif raff have done. your subterfuge is not lost on me
tarry no more, you reprobate. you've had your comeuppance. sally forth and warn others
ONE, TWO, THREE AND TO THE FOUR, BITCHES AND HOES, AND SUCHFORTH AND SO ON

 

by balls
11-20-10
pig
check
super mario
check
mute robot

 

by balls
12-15-10
you sir, are an average tomato. in every way. on every day
FUCK YOU ASSHOLE FUCK YOU ASSHOLE FUCK YOU ASSHOLE
animatronic porcine. looks like i judged you too soon, sir

 

by balls
12-15-10
i did this for one reason and one reason only. to get rid of that GODDAMN chicken. i killed millions, including my loving family. hell, i lost my sight in the blast. but at least that chicken's dead
he's right there isn't he?

 

by balls
12-15-10
so what now?
now 20 paces, turn and fire
fine. untie my hands and give me a gun
can't do it, Craig. but tell you what, you can turn at 10 paces, while i still have to go to 20
untie my legs at least!
can't do it, Craig

 

by balls
12-15-10
get into my mouth
please get into my mouth?

 

by balls
12-15-10
it got into my mouth and i froze like a little bitch. next thing i know, i'm living off of semen past its expiration date
sounds like the Dirty South
there a cover charge?
I HATE YOUR BEDTIME STORIES!
RAPE!!!

 

by balls
1-01-11
there a problem here?
oh, you'll know when i have a problem, buckminster fuller
and then he raped you. that was a year ago today. i got you this card
thanks, Steve. thanks for the other 364 cards too

 

by balls
1-01-11
santa, if you climb in my mouth you can hide from the psycho killer bunny who's chasing you
i didn't even know anyone was chasing me
oh yeah, man. right on your tail
well shit!
PSYCHO KILLER BUNNY!
he eat you too?

 

by balls
4-02-13
holy shit i took too much ether
YEAH YOU DID!
wanna make out?
YEAH YOU DID!

 

by balls
11-27-13
you just threw half a burger away! waste not, nut shot!
thaFUK! that's not even how that phrase goes!
liar, liar, Gus Van Sant on fire!
that's not righ...
actually i'm cool with that one.

 

by balls
11-27-13
did you hear about Jimmy? he got run down by his own dad's semi last night
HAHAHAHAHA
ohhhh, you mean his truck.

 

by balls
1-14-14
what did the horse order when he walked into the bar?
what?
nothing, horses can't talk. he just shit on the floor and left.
i'm gonna try that.
later...
why did you just do that??
BECAUSE HORSES CAN'T TALK!

 

by balls
3-06-14
lol
Lana??
Racecar anal FTW!
WTF, Lana!! Racecar anal??
lol

 

by balls
3-12-14
you look pretty tired. you should go to bed, dewd
don't dewd me, friend
DON'T FRIEND ME, SPORT
DON'T SPORT ME, CHAMP
DON'T CHAMP ME, STOPCHOKINGME
DON'T STOPCHOKINGME, uhoh

 

by balls
8-07-15
HAHAHAHAH!
beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee atch better have my money!
HAHAHAHA! I FUCKING LOVE IT WHEN YOU DO THAT!! DO IT AGAIN!
seriously though, i'm a little short.
Pedro.

 

by balls
8-07-15
coffee is good!
and coffee is great!
and i love to drink it
drinky drinky drink!
what's wrong?
i got my test results.

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