All comics by boloboffin

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by boloboffin
10-08-06
Is it waterboarding - where a person is laid back, feet above head, a towel placed over his head, and then water poured over the towel to induce the sensation of drowning?
Is it a Republican voter, forced to watch scandal after scandal unfold from the people you trusted with your vote and the resources of the American government?
Or is it a Democratic voter, watching scandal after Republican scandal unfold, realizing that the Democrats still could fuck up the election in November?

 

by boloboffin
10-08-06
Head On! Apply Directly To The Forehead!
Head On! Apply Directly To The Forehead!
Head On! Apply Directly To The Forehead!

 

by boloboffin
10-10-06
Hee, hee--with my new time machine, I'll be able to go back and fuck...I mean MEET various historical figures! Oh boy, oh boy, oh---
What happens if I pull THIS switch, Daddy?
OooooOOOH! That's...not a switch, Elroy.
Euw! It shot white stuff all over me!
That's because it's a can of whipped cream. Where IS your mother?
Why do you have a can of whipped cream in your pants, Daddy?

 

by boloboffin
10-11-06
Mr. Lincoln, thank God I caught you! Someone's going to assassinate you tonight at the theater!
Good heavens!
Your country thanks you, sir. Is there anything I might do for you?
Mary Todd, she give up the badonkadonk?

 

by boloboffin
10-12-06
Hey! All sold out of salads?
Well, I'm out of some things - salad greens, fruit, pecans...
Oh, well, your loss!
For two months, I make two salads every day and we throw them away. Today this guy has to have a salad...
Hey! All sold out of fruit parfaits?

 

by boloboffin
10-12-06
Everything came in today but pecans! So the salads don't have pecans on them.
Well, they still have the walnuts, right?
Walnuts? No. They're pecans.
Walnuts. The last time I had a salad, I pulled the most beautiful walnuts out of the salad...
The box says pecans.
Walnuts.

 

by boloboffin
10-18-06
God created Man to act real good, but Man didn't act the way he knew he should, So God was lookin round at the mess the world was in, He said -
I ain't puttin up with all this sin.
So he told his man Noah not to buy a raincoat, but for him to start aworkin on a great big boat! So if you wanna learn how to miss the devil's trap...
Stick around and listen to the Rainbow Rap!
*guitar*

 

by boloboffin
10-18-06
So Noah and his homies started workin on the Ark, and when they finished, suddenly it got real dark!
So Noah looked around for God, and there He was again, He said...
Noah, take these animals and get on in. I'm gonna make it rain till the world is covered up...
Cuz I tired of all these people tellin Me to Shut Up
Listen up folks, give your face a quick slap
Cuz we on the last verse of the Rainbow Rap!

 

by boloboffin
10-18-06
Well it rained for forty days and it rained for forty nights, and the water washed the wicked people outa God's sight...
Then the water dried up, Noah came on out, he looked in the sky and he gave a great SHOUT!
Cuz God waznt gonna drown the world again, so...
He put up in the sky, his great Rain Bow!
So if you do what God says and you do it ASAP
You mighta learned something from the Rainbow Rap!

 

by boloboffin
10-20-06
Charlie decides to catch up on CC 335 and reads biped's entry.
GOSH! I feel like a milkshake machine!
Must be nice...

 

by boloboffin
10-21-06
BEHOLD! I have arisen!
Praise Jehovah!
Actually, that's "Yahweh".
Hanh?
"Jehovah" is this weird amalgram of the Hebrew letters YHWH, God's name, and the Hebrew vowel markings for Adonai, Lord.
Jeez, what crawled up your butt and died?

 

by boloboffin
10-21-06
And now I shall make my triumphant exit from the tomb!
NONE THIS WAY SHALL PASS!
Hanh?
NONE THIS WAY SHALL PASS!
They sent a border angel to help me out of the tomb!?
Metatron was busy.

 

by boloboffin
10-21-06
Stand aside, angel!
NONE THIS WAY SHALL PASS!
Stop saying that!
Look, you know the whole story! God programmed me to act this way, and I have no free will to override it.
That fucking Metatron.
Oh, and Metatron said to remind you of the time you forced him to wipe your holy ass.

 

by boloboffin
10-21-06
Look, there's got to be some way to allow you to let me pass...
What's your favorite color?

 

by boloboffin
10-21-06
Fuck this. I'm using the window.
I called no loopholesies!
Aw, shit.
Hey, could one of you hotshot artists submit an inside-the-tomb background with a single exit?? I bet next time I can keep his ass in here...

 

by boloboffin
10-28-06
Where, oh, where are you tonight? Why did you leave me here all alone?
I searched the world over and thought I'd found true love. You met another...
SHUT UP, YOU COCKSUCKER!
But the big city has a million stories...
...AND THEY'RE ALL EXACTLY THE SAME! WHACK OFF AND CALL IT AN EVENING!

 

by boloboffin
10-31-06
The first Thanksgiving, the Pilgrims did eat, and invited the In-di-ans o'er for a treat.
(i'm not a punkin in this comic)
They played football for the very first time, and the In-dians got beat so bad, it was a crime.
(i'm standing in for the turkey)
Thanksgiv'ng, Thanksgiv'ng, Thanksgiv'ng, Thanksgiving!
It sucks to be a turkey on Thanksgiv'ng!

 

by boloboffin
11-09-06
Do you have this in an extra small?
Isn't it already extra small?
Oh, snap.
Back up offa my brilliance.

 

by boloboffin
11-13-06
Look, a giant waterborne craft! I'm rescued!
Sorry, guy. Regulations forbid us to board any passenger with over four full strips of backstory.
Aw, brap an fardling.

 

Introducing Turd, The Closure Dragon, who only shows up when something has gone on long enough...
I'm tired of getting your stinking coffee!!!!!
Turd.
by boloboffin, 11-17-06

 

A universal remote control for old people...
It only has a single button - "Do What I Want!"
by boloboffin, 11-18-06

 

by boloboffin
11-21-06
gimme blowjob
OH MY GOD THE MIDDLE EAST IS IN CRISIS AGAIN...IS THAT A ROACH ON THE GROUND...WHY DOESN'T MY GIRLFRIEND CALL ME
GADAMIT SHUT UP OR I THROW YOUR ASS IN TRASH
it's a plot...some muthafucka from the dam middle east has stole my girlfriend...i think i'll write a poem about it...
there, shitass
i pooted

 

by boloboffin
11-21-06
Time for your shot!
Ahhhh!

 

by boloboffin
11-21-06

 

by boloboffin
11-21-06

 

by boloboffin
11-21-06

 

by boloboffin
11-21-06
Whew. Think I lost him...
Agnes...
AHHHH!!!!

 

by boloboffin
11-21-06
Ha ha! Whew!
He'll never find me now...

 

by boloboffin
11-21-06

 

by boloboffin
11-21-06

 

by boloboffin
11-21-06
Hmph.

 

by boloboffin
11-21-06

 

by boloboffin
11-21-06

 

by boloboffin
11-21-06
Agnes!
Ahh!!!

 

STATELY, PLUMP BUCK MULLIGAN CAME FROM THE STAIRHEAD, bearing a bowl of lather on which a mirror and a razor lay crossed. A yellow dressinggown, ungirdled, was sustained gently behind him by the mild
What? The mild what? Sex slave? The mild, nubile sex slave that the fat guy's gonna shave from head to septum? And what's with no space in dressing gown? You think you're some kinda artist, doncha?
by boloboffin, 11-26-06

 

by boloboffin
11-28-06
Hello, Danny. Come and play with us.
Come and play with us, Danny. Forever and ever and ever...

 

by boloboffin
12-05-06
# It's your thing, do what you wanna do
# I can't tell you who to sock it to #
Kinda hard to follow Agnes, huh?
Tell me about it.

 

In the Nine-Eleven CT, a woowoo said to me...
A plot by the PNAC's Cheney.
by boloboffin, 12-05-06

 

by boloboffin
12-05-06
In the Nine-Eleven CT, a woowoo said to me...
Two towers rigged...
In a plot by the PNAC's Cheney.
Whoop-de-do!

 

by boloboffin
12-05-06
In the Nine-Eleven CT, a woowoo said to me...
Three fake Osamas...
Two towers rigged...
In a plot by the PNAC's Cheney!

 

by boloboffin
12-05-06
In the Nine-Eleven CT, a woowoo said to me...
Four holograms...
Three fake Osamas, two towers rigged...
In a plot by the PNAC's Cheney!

 

by boloboffin
12-05-06
In the Nine-Eleven CT, a woowoo said to me...
Five dancing Jooooooos!
Four plane holograms, three fake Osamas, two-oo towers rigged...
In a plot by the PNAC's Cheney!

 

by boloboffin
12-05-06
In the Nine-Eleven CT, a woowoo said to me...
Six squibs preceding...
Five dancing Jooooooos!
Bitch, that's my line.
Four plane holograms, three fake Osamas, two-oo towers rigged...
In a plot by the PNAC's Cheney!

 

by boloboffin
12-05-06
In the Nine-Eleven CT, a woowoo said to me...
7 World Trade falling...
Six squibs preceding...
Five Dancing Jooooooos!
Four plane holograms, three fake Osamas, two-oo towers rigged...
In a plot by the PNAC's Cheney!

 

by boloboffin
12-05-06
In the Nine-Eleven CT, a woowoo said to me...
Eight options shorted...
7 World Trade falling, six squibs preceding...
Five Dancing Jooooooos!
Four plane holograms, three fake Osamas, two-oo towers rigged...
In a plot by the PNAC's Cheney!

 

by boloboffin
12-05-06
In the Nine-Eleven CT, a woowoo said to me...
Nine secs free-falling...
Eight options shorted, 7 World Trade falling, six squibs preceding...
Five Dancing Jooooooos!
Four plane holograms, three fake Osamas, two-oo towers rigged...
In a plot by the PNAC's Cheney!

 

by boloboffin
12-05-06
In the Nine-Eleven CT, a woowoo said to me...
Ten-ured profs reaching...
Nine secs freefalling, eight options shorted, 7 World Trade falling, six squibs preceding...
Five Dancing Jooooooos!
Four plane holograms, three fake Osamas, two-oo towers rigged...
In a plot by the PNAC's Cheney!

 

by boloboffin
12-05-06
In the Nine-Eleven CT, a woowoo said to me...
Eleven voices morphing...
Ten-ured profs reaching, nine secs freefalling, eight options shorted, 7 World Trade falling, six squibs preceding...
Five Dancing Jooooooos!
Four plane holograms, three fake Osamas, two-oo towers rigged...
In a plot by the PNAC's Cheney!

 

by boloboffin
12-05-06
In the Nine-Eleven CT, a woowoo said to me...
Twelve researchers Googling...
Eleven voices morphing, ten-ured profs reaching, nine secs freefalling, eight options shorted, 7 World Trade falling, six squibs preceding...
Five Dancing Jooooooos!
Four plane holograms, three fake Osamas, two-oo towers rigged...
In a plot by the PNAC's Cheney!

 

by boloboffin
12-13-06
Nice kitchen.
Yes!

Showing page 4.

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