All comics by mandingo

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by mandingo
7-18-05
oh, dead spirits, i have studied your ways and your language. honor me now by communicating with me. knock on the wall three times to announce your presence
JOSH! STOP JACKING OFF SO MUCH! YOUR GREAT GRANDMA SAW AND SHE WON'T STOP CRYING!
you can even knock twice if you want
you heard me

 

do you believe in love at first sight?
depends on what she looks like
by mandingo, 7-19-05

 

by mandingo
7-19-05
wow, you scared those rustlers right off! so what's your name, stranger?
my name. you want to know my name, do you? are you sure? mine's a well-known name. a powerful name
a name that could send shockwaves through your body. yes, shockwaves. that's my name. my well known name. my well-known powerful name
WHAT THE FUCK IS MY NAME???

 

by mandingo
7-20-05
oh, man
what's wrong?
it's almost noon. we're going to have to go into kryptonbornson soon. i hate going into kryptonbornson. it's so rancid in there i'm always afraid i'll catch something
but this is prison and that's what prisoners do. they pound away inside kryptonbornson. every prisoner in here has put in time inside kryptonbornson. they'd think less of you if you didn't
i know. and half the guards have been seen in kryptonbornson too. even the janitor goes in once a night. it's just that i keep slamming away inside kryptonbornson, but i never seem to get anywhere
that's because so many lifers have been inside kryptonbornson that kryptonbornson has become really loose.

 

by mandingo
7-20-05
GRARARARRRWR!
beam me up, Mr. Scott
GRARARARRRWR! GRARARARRRWR!
Scotty, now would be the perfect time
explanation, Mr. Scott
captain, I can’t change the laws of physics!

 

by mandingo
7-21-05
we are seperated
philosophy
WE ARE JOINED
KILL THEM
that's not your line
let's kill em anyway

 

by mandingo
7-22-05
TC:_i'm_on_my_ way JuannXmas:_It's_like_Rd._but_ different_i_think____ TownClown:_I_always_thought_ of_schools_as_mental_institutions dvldude:_SO_YOU_THINK_THERE_ ARE_SOMEHOW_2_ SUPER_FORCES?
ML:_OK_c_ya_when_ya_get_here
AlivenWell:_88 3.14pi3.14:_Cheesus_Crust_ SamOnDaLamb:_what the_fuck_did_u_say_that_4? XXblackbrd:_does_any_one know_who_prianha_is?___ TownClown:_88__ 3.14pi3.14:_Moe_Larry_and_Jesus
PhxSunDevil:_nop0e____ DameMaim:_schools are_mental_institutions that_have_slightly_better_food 3.14pi3.14:_FlipJuantheBird PhxSunDevil:_Oh_fuck_not_Pi ML:_OK_c_ya_when_ya_get_here

 

by mandingo
7-22-05
20/40
pocket aces. i win
FUCK
3/6
pocket 2-7 offsuit
yes!
i win
FUCK

 

by mandingo
7-22-05
could you point me to the Birmingham library?
HEY! YOUS THAT EDUMACATED SLUTTY RETARDED FOUR EYED BEANPOLE BROKE ASS BASTARD CHILD BITCH WITH BAD BREATH AND BODY ODOR WHO JUST MOVED HERE FROM CALEE FORN EYE A, AINCHA? I'S GONE RAPE YOU STUPID!
then nine months later you were born. my sweet little Cynthia. so innocent. so trusting. so naive
we also have Thin Mints!

 

and they had but one thing on their mind




by mandingo, 7-22-05

 

by mandingo
7-22-05
oh, god, not again. that's twice this game. this is horrible
another terrorist attack?
another attack on my sanity. that's the second time someone's drawn to an inside straight on the river and hit to beat my trips
that sucks. especially since i had $50 on another terrorist attack today

 

by mandingo
7-23-05
wow, you scared those rustlers right off! so what's your name, stranger?
my name isn't important
it's Victoria, ain't it?
your wildly inacurate guess isn't important
why'd your parents name you Victoria?
my parents' sadism isn't important

 

by mandingo
7-23-05
as Sara put 'Star Ocean' into the CD player her eyes met Julie's. she turned toward her, their mouths slowly opening
they turned off the light
then quickly back on. it was the talk of the BYU dorms for weeks

 

by mandingo
7-23-05
nigger bitch, nigger bitch, let me in
not by the hair on your chinny chin chin!
i don't have any hair on my chin
yes you do. i saw through the window
you're part polack arent you?

 

by mandingo
7-23-05
I'VE COME FOR THE CHILD. GIVE HER TO ME OR DIE HORRIBLY
MARCH RIGHT BACK OUT THERE AND GET OUR BABY!
i'm no indian giver, Janet. that's not the man you married

 

by mandingo
7-24-05
YOU PEOPLE SICKEN ME! YOU DISGUST ME! YOU'RE THE SCUM OF THE EARTH! THE SHIT I SCRAPE OFF MY SHOE! IF I COULD, I WOULD EXTERMINATE EVERY LAST ONE OF YOU SO DECENT PEOPLE WOULDN'T BE MADE TO SUFFER!
see you at Thanksgiving

 

by mandingo
7-24-05
you've been a bad goat. a VERY bad goat. a VERY VERY VERY bad goat
you never delivered presents to goats anyway
well i was thinking about starting
till 9/11

 

by mandingo
7-24-05
you hesitated. if you wouldn't have hesitated, you would have made it easy.
i know, joe. but you know what? i realized something from that stunt. i've been hesitating my whole life. but no more, joe. no more.
well i'm sorry, caroline, but i have to send you packing
NO MORE, JOE!
looks like she gassed it trying to make the yellow and died on impact
witnesses say she would've made it if she hadn't hesitated

 

by mandingo
7-25-05
can you scan this for me? i want to know how much its worth
sure
_____________ _____________ _____________ _____________ _____________ _____________ _____________ _____________ _____________ _____________ _____________ _____________ _____________ _____________
so?
i'm not scanning a barcode tattoo you have on your penis. but i can price it under a buck

 

you seem like a nice guy so i'll level with you. you don't stand a chance. you have 13 stars on your helmut but i've got astronauts applying for this job with 25 and 30
by mandingo, 7-25-05

 

by mandingo
7-26-05
i'll never find a babysitter in time!
KNOCK KNOCK
you should have planned ahead

 

come quick! someone shot my wife and kids!
that would be me
by mandingo, 7-26-05

 

come quick! someone shot my wife and kids!
that wasn't me
by mandingo, 7-26-05

 

and i will come quick
by mandingo, 7-26-05

 

how'd that blind date go last night?
best sex of my life
by mandingo, 7-26-05

 

by mandingo
7-26-05
i'll never find a babysitter in time!
KNOCK KNOCK
yes?
my hands
i can't get them clean
let's wash them in the sprinklers!

 

i can't get 'omg lame' out of my head
omg lame
by mandingo, 7-26-05

 

by mandingo
7-26-05
OK
all right
if you say so

 

by mandingo
7-26-05
ok. if you say so. just one more thing
DIE! DIE DIE DIE!!!!
what are you doin?
practicing

 

by mandingo
7-26-05
one cup of sugar coming up
wait a minute
aren't you the one who destroyed everything i hold dear?

 

by mandingo
7-26-05
what did i say at the time?
you said 'WHY WHY WHY'
and what did you say?
i said 'BECAUSE I CAN'
and do you remember my response?
you said 'ok, but don't come knocking on MY door asking for a cup of sugar'

 

by mandingo
7-26-05
half a cup?

 

by mandingo
7-26-05
what?

 

by mandingo
7-26-05

 

by mandingo
7-27-05
Remember that weekend we got drunk and you passed out so I put my dick in your mouth and took pictures?
Yeah, you really got me that time.
What about it?
I'm pregnant.

 

by mandingo
7-28-05
hehe. you can tell which comics you wrote drunk because your spelling and grammar are terrible
yah
and because you're funnier

 

by mandingo
7-28-05
So I says, "Well, maybe! But what if every word in the english language was nigger!"
Ha, ha!
nigger nigger nigger nigger nigger nigger nigger?

 

by mandingo
7-28-05
So I says, "Well, them red men is scary! with that yellin they do before they attack! we have guns but they have those deadly poles! i even hear they shape shift!"
Ha, ha!
ha
RAAAAAWWWWWRRRRR!!!!!!!

 

by mandingo
7-28-05
just don't hurt me
play it cool and i won't have to

 

by mandingo
7-28-05
hey, what are you doin on AIM? i thought IM interferes with your poker programs
it does
but i thought the lag makes you late to call and people take that as weakness and raise and reraise you every chance they get. raise raise raise to make you fold. raise raise raise all the way home
they do
THEN WHY ARE YOU ON AIM!
i have 4 aces

 

by mandingo
7-28-05
what up, my nigger
Raj, i know you're new to our culture, but black people don't like hearing non-blacks call them nigger
porch monkey?
what?
mud people?
table for one

 

by mandingo
7-29-05
here at Channel 3 News, we pride ourself on reporting the most important niggers. the murderer niggers, rapist niggers, robbery niggers, every nigger you need to know about to keep your family safe
of course, all the other news stations have niggers as well. let's face it, you can't report the news without broadcasting a lot of niggers
but only Channel 3 gives you hourly updates on the day's top niggers. because some niggers you need to know about as soon as possible

 

by mandingo
7-30-05
i don't know what happened here, detective. it seems like a completely random killing
no suspects at all. it just doesn't make sense
I WILL DO IT AGAIN! AND AGAIN! AND AGAIN! UNTIL THEY RECOGNIZE THE WORK OF GOD!
quiet, snowman. adults talking

 

by mandingo
7-30-05
around every corner the stealth ninja glides
he could walk on glass and never make a sound
his steps are like kitten breaths, heard by no one
his deadly mission will be completed quieter than a blowing wind
SURPRISE!
you guys! how'd you know it was my birthday?
we didn't. this is your retirement party, you noisy narrating fuck

 

by mandingo
7-31-05
i'm a bad squirrel
bad squirrel *WAPSH*
i'm a very bad squirrel
bad squirrel *WAPSH*
with a gigantic, gigantic dick
bad squreally?

 

did you seriously discard 3 aces to try to make a flush?if ONLY you weren't my girlfriend!
or if only i WAS your girlfriend and we weren't playing for coconuts
by mandingo, 8-01-05

 

by mandingo
8-01-05
seen the baby?
not since you threw out your bath water
meanwhile, 300 miles off the coast of Chile

 

by mandingo
8-01-05
never
ferment
peanuts

 

by mandingo
8-01-05
wow, you scared those rustlers right off! so what's your name, stranger?
my name is Inigo Montoya
you kill my father
prepare to high five

 

by mandingo
8-01-05
wow, you scared those rustlers right off! so what's your name, stranger?
George
George of the jungle?
no
Georgie Porgie, puddin pie, kissed the girls and made them cry?
that was a long time ago

Showing page 4.

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