All comics by not_Scyess

Profile

 

by not_Scyess
12-24-04
I hope you enjoyed the dinner, my dear.
Oh Neal... This has been such a romantic Christmas night. You shouldn't have!
I'm afraid I should have... Because tonight is the night I must tell you my dark secret!
I really did it, then planted a fake glove on the scene.
Dammit! I thought you looked uncannily like OJ Simpson.

 

by not_Scyess
12-24-04
I hope you enjoyed the dinner, my dear.
Oh Neal... This has been such a romantic Christmas night. You shouldn't have!
I'm afraid I should have... Because tonight is the night I must tell you my dark secret!
You undertipped the waitress by 4%?
Okay, so maybe "dark secret" was a little bit of an exaggeration.
This reminds me of the time you wore the wrong socks and called it a "national crisis".

 

by not_Scyess
12-24-04
I hope you enjoyed the dinner, my dear.
Oh Neal... This has been such a romantic Christmas night. You shouldn't have!
I'm afraid I should have... Because tonight is the night I must tell you my dark secret!
Gosh, Neal! I don't think I can handle it!
Maybe we should just start with my dim secret.
I don't know... maybe we'd better start with your indirectly lit secret.

 

by not_Scyess
12-24-04
I hope you enjoyed the dinner, my dear.
Oh Neal... This has been such a romantic Christmas night. You shouldn't have!
I'm afraid I should have... Because tonight is the night I must tell you my dark secret!
No! I must tell you mine first... I'm really... A COCKAPOO!
Actually, this makes mine seem kind of insignificant.
Mind if I hump your leg?

 

by not_Scyess
12-26-04
MUAHAHAHA! I've got you now! I'm going to chew off your knees and floss with your spinal column!
Uhmm...
What?

 

by not_Scyess
1-01-05
All day, every day it's the same thing. You're dead, come on let's go. It's depressing. I just need a little "me" time, you know what I mean?
I know the feeling! But don't worry; I know just the place. Sunny beaches, sweet chicks. I'll go with you.
Rock on!
Thailand, 12/26, 2004
You suck just SO very much.
The devil made me do it.

 

by not_Scyess
1-05-05
FUMANCHU!
Hey, Ralph. Is there something wrong with the way I eat?
Shhhh... I'm hunting this Asian chick who keeps shouting beard names at me.

 

by not_Scyess
1-07-05
Hey. You're pointing. That's in the comic.
Doesn't that mean the comic has "a point"?
What's your point?
Following the trend so far, I don't have one.

 

by not_Scyess
1-07-05
So we both agree that this comic is pointless. Why is it still going on?
How should I know? I'm a friggin' sheep over here, a'ite?
This just in. Researchers at the Institute of Pointless and Probably Fictional Research have just determined that sheep can cause pointless comics to continue infinitely.
Dammit! I can't get stuck here! I have an interview with Doonsbury tomorrow!
Lies! Racist lies, I tell you!

 

by not_Scyess
1-07-05
Dammit, you stupid sheep! This is all your fault! I'm going to beat you to a bloody pulp!
What would be the point of that?
What? Why would you even ask me that? It's so...
...pointless?
Suddenly, I have a wicked urge to take up philately.
That's the spirit.

 

by not_Scyess
1-07-05
So here we are. Stuck here forever with no point.
Maybe we should add a subplot.
You know, Marsha, deep inside, I've always loved you. I don't care that you used to be a man.
Oh, Barry! Would you say that if you also knew... I'm your father!
Yep. Doonsbury's looking preeeeeetty good right about now.
Ouch. Maybe I really should have persued a career as a vindaloo curry.

 

by not_Scyess
1-07-05
Thanks for coming. Are you sure you weren't followed?
Of course!
Wait a minute... how do I know you're not a fed!
How do I know you're not?
I'm sorry... but you are just so damned cute when your eyebrow does that.
All right! Sounds like we'll be using these condoms after all!

 

by not_Scyess
1-12-05
You're probably wondering why I called you here. The murderer of Lord Bunbury is right in this room. Is it his wastrel son, Lord Bunbury, Jr., who needed his inheritance to pay off debts?
Is it his upstairs maid, with whom he shared one night of love thirty years ago that resulted in issue? Is it that issue, who arrived here just last night on a boat from Inja? Is it Lady Marbury?
Is it her brother, the Duke of Earl, or one of the rent boys he regularly hires? Is it Rickets, the chauffeur with the shady past? Is it Pierre LeCirque, international art forger and blackmailer?
Or was it, mayhaps, someone else? I think the answer will surprise most of you just as much as it surprised me when I realized it. The murderer of Lord Bunbury is-- GREAT SCOTT! THE LIGHTS! AAHH!!
Holy FUCK that was a lot of dialogue.
Hey, man. Your tail's off.

 

by not_Scyess
1-12-05
You're probably wondering why I called you here. The murderer of Lord Bunbury is right in this room. Is it his wastrel son, Lord Bunbury, Jr., who needed his inheritance to pay off debts?
Is it his upstairs maid, with whom he shared one night of love thirty years ago that resulted in issue? Is it that issue, who arrived here just last night on a boat from Inja? Is it Lady Marbury
Is it her brother, the Duke of Earl, or one of the rent boys he regularly hires? Is it Rickets, the chauffeur with the shady past? Is it Pierre LeCirque, international art forger and blackmailer?
Or was it, mayhaps, someone else? I think the answer will surprise most of you just as much as it surprised me when I realized it. The murderer of Lord Bunbury is-- GREAT SCOTT! THE LIGHTS! AAHH!!
Tofu isn't really a type of meat.
True.

 

by not_Scyess
1-12-05
You're probably wondering why I called you here. The murderer of Lord Bunbury is right in this room. Is it his wastrel son, Lord Bunbury, Jr., who needed his inheritance to pay off debts?
Is it his upstairs maid, with whom he shared one night of love thirty years ago that resulted in issue? Is it that issue, who arrived here just last night on a boat from Inja? Is it Lady Marbury?
Is it her brother, the Duke of Earl, or one of the rent boys he regularly hires? Is it Rickets, the chauffeur with the shady past? Is it Pierre LeCirque, international art forger and blackmailer?
Or was it, mayhaps, someone else? I think the answer will surprise most of you just as much as it surprised me when I realized it. The murderer of Lord Bunbury is-- GREAT SCOTT! THE LIGHTS! AAHH!!
Sorry, I got distracted. Can you start over?
*sigh* Okay... You're probably wondering why I...

 

by not_Scyess
1-12-05
You're probably wondering why I called you here. The murderer of Lord Bunbury is right in this room. Is it his wastrel son, Lord Bunbury, Jr., who needed his inheritance to pay off debts?
Is it his upstairs maid, with whom he shared one night of love thirty years ago that resulted in issue? Is it that issue, who arrived here just last night on a boat from Inja? Is it Lady Marbury?
Is it her brother, the Duke of Earl, or one of the rent boys he regularly hires? Is it Rickets, the chauffeur with the shady past? Is it Pierre LeCirque, international art forger and blackmailer?
Or was it, mayhaps, someone else? I think the answer will surprise most of you just as much as it surprised me when I realized it. The murderer of Lord Bunbury is-- GREAT SCOTT! THE LIGHTS! AAHH!!
Hey. Why did you just become a big "Boom!" cloud?
Shit... I don't think the desert was non-dairy.

 

by not_Scyess
1-22-05
hay you wanna party in the club
time to ride dog
ride a bike yall
were my dogs at
I don't know, Herman. Maybe you should add a big white whale or something.
Yeah, right. Next you'll ask me to add some abient techno and a giant fallus and call it "Moby Dick."

 

by not_Scyess
1-25-05
Can two creatures of different genders, different spieces, from different backgrounds, and raised on different continents, learn to coexist peacefully?
Hi.
Hi.
Tune in next week to find out!
I'll bet he'd make a nice soup.
I'll bet her corpse could fertilize a lot of hay.

 

by not_Scyess
1-26-05
Bro, I got some problems, I think I kinda might need help.
I'm gonna let you in on the secret of my success as a man.
Yeah? What's that?
Whenever I have my down days, and things get rough, I ask myself, "What would Kenny Baker do?"
whrrr! beep beep! squak beep bloop!
Another fine mess you've gotten us into!

 

by not_Scyess
1-26-05
Bro, I got some problems, I think I kinda might need help.
I'm gonna let you in on the secret of my success as a man.
Yeah? What's that?
Whenever I have my down days, and things get rough, I ask myself, "What would Brad do?"
BANNED!
:(

 

by not_Scyess
1-26-05
Bro, I got some problems, I think I kinda might need help.
I'm gonna let you in on the secret of my success as a man.
Yeah? What's that?
Whenever I have my down days, and things get rough, I ask myself, "What would Donald Trump do?"
Please, Mr. Wright! Renew my show for another season! I need the money!
Wow. You sure are a corporate badass, aren't you, Donny? But as long as you're down there... *ziiiiip*

 

by not_Scyess
1-26-05
Hey mister, I lost something around here the other day. Can you help me find it?
Depends on what it is, and what's in it for me.
Well, for one thing, I won't cut out your liver and feed it to squirrels.
Okay, okay. What did you lose?
I lost my essay for school. It's called The Case for Peace.

 

by not_Scyess
1-26-05
Hey mister, I lost something around here the other day. Can you help me find it?
Depends on what it is, and what's in it for me.
Jeez. Forget it. I'll check the zoo.
Hey, miss. Have you seen a lost vat of nuclear waste around here?
Nope.

 

by not_Scyess
1-26-05
So this guy walks into a bar and he says to the bartender...
..."I'll bet you $500 I can..."
"YOUNG MAN! I WILL NOT STAND FOR BATHROOM HUMOR IN THIS HOUSE!"
Aw, Mom!

 

by not_Scyess
1-26-05
Man... this stripcreator hidden cam bathroom cam is pretty lame.

 

by not_Scyess
1-26-05
That is the biggest fucking toilet I've ever seen.

 

by not_Scyess
1-28-05
Bro, I got some problems, I think I kinda might need help.
I'm gonna let you in on the secret of my success as a man.
Yeah? What's that?
Whenever I have my down days, and things get rough, I ask myself, 'What would a giant squirrel with an axe do?'
Bro, I got some problems, I think I'm going to go remix old Santana songs to a disco beat.
Word.

 

by not_Scyess
1-28-05
Bro, I got some problems, I think I kinda might need help.
I'm gonna let you in on the secret of my success as a man.
Yeah? What's that?
Whenever I have my down days, and things get rough, I ask myself, 'What would max do?'
So I says, "Well, them rotor turbines ain't gonna generate gravitons by themselves!"
What the fuck are you talking about?

 

by not_Scyess
1-28-05
Hey mister, I lost something around here the other day. Can you help me find it?
Depends on what it is, and what's in it for me.
What's in it for you, you asshole, is that I won't turn you into a squirrel.
In retrospect, maybe I should've helped him.

 

by not_Scyess
1-28-05
Bro, I got some problems, I think I kinda might need help.
I'm gonna let you in on the secret of my success as a man.
Yeah? What's that?
Whenever I have my down days, and things get rough, I ask myself, 'What would Brad Pitt do?'
Bro, I got some problems, I think I kinda might need help.
Whenever I have my down days, and things get rough, I ask myself, 'What would cowboy2 do?'

 

by not_Scyess
1-28-05
Hey mister, I lost something around here the other day. Can you help me find it?
Depends on what it is, and what's in it for me.
I'm trying to find my faith in the selflessness of humanity.
Okay. So what's in it for me, again?

 

by not_Scyess
1-28-05
Oh great, here comes that self-rightious ass-bitch, Father O' Pedagain.
So Father, why isn't there any mention in your bible about us dinosaurs?
You DO realize that I'm taller than you, right?
What a dick.

 

by not_Scyess
2-05-05

 

by not_Scyess
2-05-05
WWAAAUUUUGHHH!!
Dude! What the hell is wrong with you?
AAUUGGHHHH... man! Did you ever get the little tube inside your testicles tied into a square knot?
...Well then you shouldn't've asked!!!!!

 

by not_Scyess
2-05-05
wwaauugghh...
Rufus! I am the Ghost of Testicles Present! I will show you the state of your testicles right at this moment.
I KNOW THE STATE OF MY TESTICLES AT THIS MOMENT! THEY HURT LIKE A MOTHERFUCKER!
Um, oh. Yeah. You're right on the money, actually.
Why the hell do my testicles have ghosts, anyway???
Hey, I just graduated in June. We can't all start out as Christmas, you know.

 

by not_Scyess
2-05-05
Help! I need a doctor!
Thank God you're here, doc! My testicles are tied in a knot, and I need you to fix them so I don't end up an emascualated slut picking up Canadians at water coolers!
Actually, I think you'd look rather fetching in a dress.
Help! I need a lawyer!

 

by not_Scyess
2-05-05
Oh, hey, buddy. How did that testicle thing work out for you?
Terrible. I found a doctor who wanted to remove them and a lawyer who wanted to fondle them.
I think it's pretty obvious whose advice we should follow in this situation.
Oh, lord! What are you going to do?!
In this type of situation, Martha Stewart would tell me to cut you a big slice of cake.
I think they just died of fright.

 

by not_Scyess
2-05-05
Okay... tell me what I have to do, spirit.
It's no wonder you sprained your balls, what with the way you play with them all the time.
JUST FUCKING TELL ME WHAT I HAVE TO DO BEFORE I MAKE YOU LOOK LIKE WORLDCOM'S 2002 INTERNAL ACCOUNTING DOCUMENTS!!

 

by not_Scyess
2-05-05
Here you are. Your travails are at an end.
Thank you spirit, for helping me find the true way to testicular health. And now... finally... sweet... rest...
ZZzzZzZZZzZZZ
Wanna tie his balls in a knot again?
Yeah. Why not.

 

by not_Scyess
2-07-05
Hey, Goat. What's up?
I'd like you to meet a friend of mine, Sally the Sheep.
BAAAAAAAA
"Baa"? What's that supposed to mean?
Not all animals are anthropomorphic, you know.

 

by not_Scyess
2-08-05
I'd like another glass, please!

 

by not_Scyess
2-08-05
Whew! Time for a bath!

 

by not_Scyess
2-08-05
Delivery.
Oh, just put it anywhere.

 

by not_Scyess
2-08-05

 

by not_Scyess
2-08-05
Hey, Johnson. How about a hug?
Sure.

 

by not_Scyess
2-09-05
This window won't open. How're you doing with the door?
No good. It's locked tight.
There's probably an alarm, anyway. Want to try the back?
Not yet... maybe I can chew through the frame.
Could please try to be a little less murine? This is embarassing enough as it is.
Well excuse me, oh Great Cat Burglar, for trying to actually do my job.

 

by not_Scyess
2-11-05
Hey buddy! Long time no see!
Yeah, I wonder why.
Well why not? You havent been answering my calls, or my letters, or my emails, or my faxes, or my knocks on the door of your house, your work or anywhere I've followed you.
Why can't you get it through your head? I DON'T WANT AOL!
But with 1099 hours free...
Dammit, can't you at least let me be until I get back to Johannesburg?!

 

by not_Scyess
2-11-05
This summer, from Waistline Cinema, and The Cooking Channel...
HELP! HELP! DINNER IS BURNING!
A tale of one man's sacrifice for the good of all mankind...
Thank God you're here! My fish will be ruined!
All right, I'll help. Remove the char, then add some breadcrumbs and food coloring, and... BAM!
Emeril Lagassi in... The Poisson of the Crust
Thank you, Emeril! But... did you have to put food coloring on the flippers?
Yes. I've dyed for your fins and saved your sole.

 

by not_Scyess
2-27-05
What do you mean, you want us to switch places?
You will dress up as me, and I will dress up as you, and we will see how the other half lives.
But I look nothing like you.
I know. I also kind of like to see peasants drawn and quartered.
I can't help but feel I'm getting the short end of the stick here.
No, no. That was the last guy.

 

by not_Scyess
3-02-05
Hey, look. It's Melanie. She was always the crazy one in the family.
Yep.
Yep. Something's wrong with that one.
I just don't get it.
Damn, you're just too wierd, Melanie.
I'M SORRY! I JUST THINK BOB SAGETT IS FUNNY!

Showing page 4.

« Previous Next »