All comics by pwoods11

 

I know I wrote the new financial plan, but I need a co-author in case upper management rejects it.
by pwoods11, 8-22-09

 

Bonuses in my department are rewarded to team players who have demonstrated an appreciation for my leadership.
Im not kissing your ass.
by pwoods11, 8-22-09

 

by pwoods11
8-22-09
Thats the way I want to do it..... Thats it
Really?
Your skepticism reflects a distrusrt for my management skills.
No Shit

 

You should never dress better than your boss. It shows you're not observant.
Should I wear burlap?
by pwoods11, 8-22-09

 

I put that report I worked on for 3 days on your desk.
I saw it... Its what I asked for, but its not what I want.
by pwoods11, 8-22-09

 

At this firm if people apply themselves they can climb the ladder of success.
You walked under it
by pwoods11, 8-23-09

 

I'm sorry if I ever gave you the impression your input would have any effect on my decision for the outcome of this project!
by pwoods11, 8-23-09

 

I didnt say it was your fault. I said i was going to blame it on you.
by pwoods11, 8-23-09

 

by pwoods11
8-23-09
That was a good 3 hour meeting dont you think.
Honestly? They are way too time consuming and unproductive.
We are going to continue having these meetings, everyday, until i find out why no work is getting done
Why do i even try?

 

by pwoods11
8-23-09
You wanted you to see me?
Yes.. My cousin would be interested in our upcoming intern job.
We're only hiring one summer intern this year and we wont start interviewing candidates for that position until the boss' daughter finishs her summer classes.
Wow..... unbelievable

 

Do you know how to snail mail?
You mean as opposed to e-mail?? lol
by pwoods11, 8-30-09

 

by pwoods11
8-30-09
Whats the matter
My favorite uncle died last night
Thats okay.. My online girfriend broke up with me. We can be sad together.
Why cant you die?

 

I was just checking out my new cam for my kittens at home. It seems they have been sleeping a long time.
For God's sake your web browser is frozen.
by pwoods11, 8-30-09

 

by pwoods11
8-30-09
Whats that on your nose?
Its commonly known as a Zit. I dont want to tak about it.
Aww..you still get those? Thats okay.. I have a large cyst in between some hairy moles on my back.
YIKES!!

 

That Oprah's sure on a reading kick, isn't she?
Oh my lord...How gay can you be?
by pwoods11, 8-30-09

 

Why is there so much traffic? OH yea. isnt there some weird Jew holiday? They have to get back before the sun goes down or something? They're like vampires.
You do know Im jewish.. dont you?
by pwoods11, 8-30-09

 

There are different kinds of intelligence. I went to a prominent junior college. Everyone is smart in their own way. You... you're just not smart in any kind of practical way.
What???
by pwoods11, 8-30-09

 

How do I get my numbers on the tv to print out?
You mean your spreadsheet on your computer monitor?
by pwoods11, 8-30-09

 

by pwoods11
8-30-09
Whats going on?
I was just reading about that senator caught in a sex sting.
Well, men in powerul roles have a higher sex drive than most people. These things happen. I guess I can relate to that.
you probaly relate with a blow up girl.

 

by pwoods11
8-30-09
What going on?
There was a terrible accident downtown.. they suspect it might be a terriorist act.
I dont know what the big deal is, this kind of stuff happens all the time in Israel. Now switch off the TV and lets get back to work.
Asshole

 

by pwoods11
9-08-09
You look tired
My wife snores
I used to snore when i did a ton of coke.
whoa

 

I looked at our comission structure. If the company makes a million dollars,for example, twenty percent of that would one hundred thousand for our department.
You should take five dollars of that and buy a calculator.
by pwoods11, 9-10-09

 

You have a very pretty face. If you lost some weight, you'd be an absolute knockout!
Excuse me?
by pwoods11, 9-10-09

 

by pwoods11
9-10-09
How many people do you think live in this city.
Oh-um, I'm not sure exactly.
Eighty- eighty billion? Eight. Eight billion. Million. About eight million?
Well i'd guess that eight million is closer than eighty billion, thats for sure.

 

by pwoods11
9-10-09
can you smell anything?
no..???
It smells like tacos. I've only been able to smell it since I stood up.
How sad! Do they make depends that big?

 

Why cant we get this budget done? This not rocket surgery.
Rocket Surgery?
by pwoods11, 9-22-09

 

I need to talk to you about something
It will have to wait. I dont have time for people issues,I got more important work to do.
by pwoods11, 9-22-09

 

So whats going on with senior management?
We dont know much about it, but what we do know, we can't tell you.
by pwoods11, 10-04-09

 

You know..teamwork is alot of people doing what i say.
by pwoods11, 10-04-09

 

Why were those people fired today?
Turnover is good for the company, as it proves we are doing a good job in training people.
by pwoods11, 10-04-09

 

This project is so important, we cant let things more important interfere with it.
of course not...lol
by pwoods11, 10-04-09

 

No one knows what is going on.
We know that communication is a problem, but the company is not going to discuss it with employees.
by pwoods11, 10-04-09

 

i had to fire Brian today. Hes a gay you know. I call it canning the fruit.
Your kidding me right?
by pwoods11, 10-19-09

 

Remember.. The reward for a job well done is....
I know... no punishment. Right?
by pwoods11, 10-19-09

 

Do you think you could go down to the cafeteria and get me one of those tiny things of 1% milk for my cereal?
You know, with my dual degree from business school, i think I may be able to handle tha... i'll bring an intern with me as backup just in case
by pwoods11, 10-21-09

 

Do we have google installed on my internet?
We just put it on your machine yesterday.
by pwoods11, 10-21-09

 

Do you hear that? That is the sound of me getting screwed!!
what do i say to that?
by pwoods11, 10-21-09

 

by pwoods11
10-21-09
We will need to open an investigation into this and see what happened.
Ill tell you what happened...someone else fucked up. Not me
Calm down.. I didnt say it needed to be a long investigation.
Think fast....who can i blame?

 

by pwoods11
10-21-09
So, Is there any other duty on a daily basis that we should include on your job description?
You mean other than miscellaneous bullshit you give me everyday?
Well, how much time do you feel you spend on miscellaneous bullshit I give you?
Depending on the day..... between 10 mins and 8 hours.

 

This meeting is just too important to involve company employees.
wow.. i am important.
by pwoods11, 10-21-09

 

i can write memos like its my job.
Your a secretary..That IS your job.
by pwoods11, 10-21-09

 

What is our vision statement?
Well if i remember correctly it is, "Our Vision is to always be true to our Vision?
by pwoods11, 10-21-09

 

by pwoods11
10-21-09
Are we having computer trouble this morning?
No, why?
Because I cant get it up! I hate when I cant get it up!
way too easy

 

by pwoods11
10-25-09
Hows it going
Same shit different day
We shouldnt cuss in the office. that might offend someone.
Sorry
You know what my favorite saying is? "Fuck That"

 

by pwoods11
10-25-09
Hey, How are you doing today?
If I were you, I wouldnt talk to me today.
Why's that? Whats wrong with you?
Well Im not too fond of you black people today. That darn Tiger Woods won another major yesterday.
Oh, Thats all? What are you going to do when we take over NASCAR?
Dont you ever say that to me again.

 

My new BM is awesome
You mean BMW.. that W is very important.
by pwoods11, 10-25-09

 

Do you think when Jesus comes back that he really wants to see a cross around peoples neck? Isnt that like going up to Jackie O with a rifle on a chain around your neck and say "Im remembering JFK?"
What do I know, Im Jewish.
by pwoods11, 10-26-09

 

by pwoods11
10-26-09
So let me get this straight.. you want me to look as slutty as possible for the company event?
Thats why I hired you isnt it?
Wow!!! Did you really just say that??
What? Okay, Okay..... your good at your job too. Happy?

 

I decided to start taking vitamins. How many of these one a days am I supposed to take a day?
Really?
by pwoods11, 10-26-09

 

Dont say anything.. but I was still drunk from to many Zimas last night when I came in this morning.
I thought you seemed happier.
by pwoods11, 10-26-09

Showing page 4.

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