All comics by BlackAlice

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by BlackAlice
11-05-05
What do you want bitch?
I've come to give you your job back.
Why did you grow a sense of perspective over night and realise where the talent was?
Do you want the job or not?
Yeah I'll take it.
Good because I'm only taking you back because my girlfriend felt sorry for you.

 

by BlackAlice
11-05-05
Marcus feed the plant.
What with?
O' I can think of a few things:
The plant has eaten my legs already.

 

by BlackAlice
12-03-05
It's important to laugh at ourselves.
Hahaha
But sometimes there are people more deserving of laughter.
Hehehe
Hahaha
And on and on the oversensitive, control freak, fuckwit drones
Hohoho
I'm right about everything.. Alice is an evil mastermind who I hate and blame for everything, Misti has never done anything for me, all those things he did don't count because I fixed his computer....

 

by BlackAlice
12-03-05
Hey I hear you're an evil mastermind now, that's cool.
O' Hi Tristain, yes I totally plotted Matt B's downfall, with our friendly games of cards, he had no choice but to write his friends a letter that resulted in them not wanting to know him anymore.
Wow that's deep, how do you pull that shit?
Like a game of chess my friend like a game of chess.
I thought you said you played cards?
Like a game of shithead somehow doesn't have the same ring to it.

 

by BlackAlice
12-04-05
So can I eat the Penguin?
I thought you were a man eating plant?
O' I don't mind eating big cry babies too.
I don't think you should eat Matt B.
Why not?
All that fat will go straight to your hips.

 

by BlackAlice
12-06-05
Omeds what has happened to that video you were s'posed to be putting on the net?
Sorry I can't hear you.
I said: Omeds what has happened to that video you were s'posed to be putting on the net?
Sorry I can't hear you.
Why can't you hear me?
Because in space no-one can hear you scream.

 

by BlackAlice
12-06-05
I see strange people.
This joke wasn't funny in your comic and it's even less funny in mine.
No really look strange people!
O' them.
My ears are burning.
Lucky sod.

 

by BlackAlice
12-06-05
You wascally wabbit!
I think you've got the wrong cartoon.
None of your twickery this time wabbit!
Sorry about him.
Yep it's finally happened, I've gone nuts.

 

by BlackAlice
12-06-05
Yay I don't have to bang nails into my head anymore.
I miss Alice.

 

by BlackAlice
12-09-05
and real people is purely intentional.
If your dick grew every time you lied, it would be big enough to fill Misti's void.
I'm a swan.
However most of the words are mine not theirs and should thus not be attributed to them, in any real sense.
Sadly the only thing that grows is your delusion.
A beautiful swan.
Misti and Alice discuss the comic at Nathan's "grotty bedsit".
I resent my large anal cavity being mentioned in this way.
I resent knowing anything about your anal cavity, so we're even.

 

by BlackAlice
12-09-05
Please God here my plea don't let queenbitch be mean to me.
My feet are fed up with hearing this shit.
It's good being God.
But later
Ha Ha I have returned under a new ident for yet more pointless lurking.
Twat.

 

by BlackAlice
12-09-05
Don't you think you should give the Matt B stuff a rest? He's really not worthy of the attention.
Yes you're right but one last thing.
Bring it on bitch.
We had to edit out the scene with the flames because well it was just disgusting, a lot like cremating a live pig.
It's a good job I've got this broom.

 

by BlackAlice
12-09-05
So back to situation normal hey?
Pass me that hammer.

 

by BlackAlice
2-19-06
Name?
Jessica Rabbit
Name?

 

by BlackAlice
3-16-06
So having graduated, you've failed to find a decent job and are now back working at the Sandwich factory?
uh huh
That's pretty funny!
At least I graduated.

 

by BlackAlice
3-16-06
In English much worse than this the woman I worked with Today said:
I am from Bulgaria. Do you know what continent that is in?
Yes Europe.
And what is the capital of Bulgaria?
I have no idea.
Why not? I knew that London was the capital of England, long before I came here.
Do you really think that the capitals of England and Bulgaria are comparable?

 

by BlackAlice
3-16-06
Omeds would like it known that he probably will graduate eventually and that he's already making better money than me.
I have but one reply:
I still have long hair.

 

by BlackAlice
3-17-06
Anything to report Mr Spock?
No sign of inteligent life, Captain.

 

by BlackAlice
3-17-06
I think you've just broken this comics gay quotent.
Does that mean this comic is gay?
As I can't seem to find an anvil to drop on your head, perhaps so.

 

by BlackAlice
3-17-06
Pheadrus goes to the loo
Hello just stick your nob through the hole in the wall.
Omeds discusses his bi-sexuality.
If more men were like you, I'd be straight.
Marcus attempts to explain why he is in a gay bar.
I was under the impression that the YMCA was a Christian organization.

 

by BlackAlice
3-18-06
You know you're not very funny. I think I should be the star of this comic.
Are Will and Grace funnier than Jack and Karen?
No,
Right well shut up then.
Wait a second did you just agree with me that I'm funnier than you?
I'm not sure, but I do remember telling you to shut up.

 

by BlackAlice
3-18-06
Marcus thinks he's funnier than you? I'm suprised you haven't burnt him yet.
I think that would only go to prove his point. The whole burning people thing has gotten so tired.
If you don't set people on fire, what exactly do you do in this comic?
You know the funny thing to do right now, would be to set you on fire.

 

by BlackAlice
3-18-06
Marcus I'm going to prove that I'm funnier than you.
How?
Just stay there a moment.
Ok, but I still don't see how?
WE ARE ALICE'S DOLLS AND WE'VE BEEN SENT TO BEAT YOU UP!
Is this funny?

 

by BlackAlice
3-18-06
Right I'm back. What happened to you?
Your dolls beat me up.
Why did they do that?
Because you told them to.
No I said go do something funny. O' wait that works.
You're very cruel and still not very funny.

 

by BlackAlice
3-18-06
So then you set fire to him?
Yup.
I thought you said that would prove your inability to be funny?
I didn't do it in the comic.
I love you.

 

by BlackAlice
3-18-06
Rumours of my death have been somewhat exagerated.
Alice didn't burn you then?
Do I look burnt?
Well your arms and legs look pretty cremated.
Ok do I look more burnt than normal?
Sadly no.

 

by BlackAlice
3-18-06
I found your last comic funny but I note that you weren't in it.
That's because we're both funny. Only in different ways.
Explain?
People laugh with me..
you know the rest.

 

by BlackAlice
3-19-06
I can prove that the world is wrong.
How?
There's a Mr Bean movie but not a Blackadder movie.
*sigh* Yes is true.
I think this also tells us why the world is wrong.
Americans.

 

by BlackAlice
3-22-06
Right Today I want you to take these bags of Pasta out of these cardboard boxes and place them in these plastic boxes.
Um this is still a sandwich factory right?
Yes.
Who eats pasta sandwiches?
We're not paid to ask such questions.
In that case I won't ask about the block of cement.

 

by BlackAlice
3-22-06
Will John Lennon please report to the high care office thankyou.
I don't think he will.
He's dead
Which reminds me, why am I here?
and far too famous to be working in a sandwich factory.

 

by BlackAlice
3-22-06
Will Andy Reed kindly report to reception please.
Andy Reed what a talented man
he's my MP and a professional footballer
3 seperate people all called Andy Reed? It can't be true.
and he still finds the time to work in a sandwich factory.

 

by BlackAlice
3-23-06
At work
Don't you just hate it when minor parts talk to camera?
Ok Today you put tomatos in to the tomato cutting machine, then you take the sliced tomatos out.
There are few things more boring than tomatos..
I work with Alice. I'm not actually a robot but my name is R2.
and here's one of them now.
?

 

by BlackAlice
3-23-06
Your last comic was very bitchy.
And?
It would be nice if you were less mean.
I have action poses.
It would be nice if you were less dull too, but let's be realistic.

 

by BlackAlice
3-26-06
My fans are demanding more comics.
Don't you mean OUR fans?
Grr
You're going to make me bang nails into my head again aren't you?
Nope.

 

by BlackAlice
3-26-06
Right the fans want more comics so I need everyone to be funny.
I look like Whoopie Goldberg.
Who has a name like Whoopie anyway?
Well Whoopie Goldberg does.
Technically her name isn't like Whoopie because it is Whoopie and if something is like something then it's obviously similar rather than identical.
?

 

by BlackAlice
3-26-06
I told them to be funny and they failed, so I sacked them all.
I'll just have to be funny all by myself.
I'm sure I'll think of something in a second.
My bra is itchy.

 

by BlackAlice
3-26-06
I can't believe Alice sacked us.
She'll come crawling back.
Hmm I don't think she will.
Why not?
She doesn't have the neccessary action poses.
Why am I talking to you?

 

by BlackAlice
3-26-06
A man walks into a bar and says "Ow!"
Marcus what are you doing?
I'm practicing being funny.
Don't bother, just wing it.
Ok
Maybe I should just sack the script writer?

 

by BlackAlice
3-26-06
I have a cunning plan.
Go on.
We make lots of really bad comics and then we won't have any fans and then we can stop trying to be funny.
I have a better idea.
We do exactly what you said but I take credit for it.

 

by BlackAlice
3-29-06
I hear you are a witch?
Who's been talking?
I was wondering if you could do something about my condition?
Sure.
I don't see this ending well for the fish. She doesn't seem to have grasped the gravity of her situation.
Thanks having that thing up my butt was a real pain.
Weren't you green a moment ago?

 

by BlackAlice
4-10-06
I have no idea what he looks like so..
Hi I'm Tutti. I have a comic too, check it out at http://www.stripcreator.com/comics/DarkPhoenix
Don't mind me, this is only my comic an' all.
Don't worry Alice my comic is nothing like yours.
Are you sure?
Certain.
Is just they both seem to be lacking in humour.

 

by BlackAlice
4-10-06
I'm Phoenix!
No I'm Phoenix!
I can see this ending in tears.
Maybe someone should point out that the X-men is only a comic.
And you try telling them that they're not in a comic.

 

by BlackAlice
4-11-06
I was thinking: What happens when a moth meets a firefly?
I don't know.
Ok, what are we going to do with the rest of this comic?
Let's attract some moths.

 

by BlackAlice
4-11-06
I'm sleepy.
And you're making a comic about this why?
A talking spacehopper wow I really am tired.
I'm not a spacehopper it's me TuttiFruiti.
Yeah because a talking sweet is so much more likely than a talking spacehopper.
?

 

by BlackAlice
4-15-06

 

by BlackAlice
4-15-06
Wooooooooooo!!!
Hehe cute.
Cute?
Yup.
*sniff*

 

by BlackAlice
4-15-06
I'm sending you on a quest.
Why?
Because it might make interesting reading and..
and?
and you have Hobbit feet.
I hate you.

 

by BlackAlice
4-15-06
So what is my quest?
I want you to change the lightbulb.
Hmm could be difficult.
Good luck with your quest young hobbit.
Are my feet really that hairy?

 

by BlackAlice
4-15-06
Um could you help me on my quest?
Maybe, what is it?
I need to change the lightbulb.
Surely even you can do that by yourself?

 

by BlackAlice
4-15-06
Nope
Nope
What are you doing?
Looking for lightbulbs in the props box.

Showing page 5.

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