All comics by JESUSSANDWICH

Profile

 

Marty its time to go back to the future!
Retarded children make me laugh.
by JESUSSANDWICH, 4-26-05

 

by JESUSSANDWICH
4-27-05
(Static blaring)
Mom? Dad? I am home!
Nah fuck that.

 

by JESUSSANDWICH
4-27-05
I never saw/read "Of Mice and Men"

 

by JESUSSANDWICH
4-27-05
This the most awkward date I have ever been on.

 

by JESUSSANDWICH
4-27-05
We must never speak of this again.

 

by JESUSSANDWICH
4-27-05
I hope I dont see a crazy witch when I turn around.
I hope I dont have to get a new social security card.

 

by JESUSSANDWICH
5-04-05
Even with chicka's help finding a job is really hard
I mean I just can't understand why they wont hire me.
I guess I could stop signing the applications in cum.

 

by JESUSSANDWICH
5-04-05
Hey craig.
Hey Adam did you see that new triple X movie
I dont go to movies because they are tools of the media to trick us into buying useless shit we dont need and they are only sources of sexist and bigoted material.
I loved Sin City though.

 

by JESUSSANDWICH
5-04-05
Knock knock.
Uh, is this the right address?
Mom doesnt give me a spanking anymore she says I am too old.
Ok?
I also wanna be fucked in the ass.

 

by JESUSSANDWICH
5-05-05
Okay what did this rapist look like?
Red hair, Scar on face, and black eyes?
I drew a bear. (EHEHE HE LOOKS FUNNY)

 

by JESUSSANDWICH
5-05-05
I will bring this verile woman back to life.
So I can rape the shit out of her.

 

by JESUSSANDWICH
5-05-05
Knock knock anbody home I lost my ball in your backyard.
Guess not.
I AM POINTING AT YOUR ASS LITTLE BOY!

 

by JESUSSANDWICH
5-05-05
A man walks into a bar with an ostrich
The man and the ostrich get fucking drunk and the ostrich passes out.
*thud*
The bartender goes...
Hey, you cant leave that lying over there
That's not a lion its an ostrich.

 

by JESUSSANDWICH
5-06-05
At a murder investigation
Ok describe the suspect to me.
He had a yellow shirt , red hair and a mustache.
Is this him?

 

by JESUSSANDWICH
5-08-05
Whats the problem here
Many many thing

 

by JESUSSANDWICH
5-11-05
Hold on let me fix that.
Are you ever gonna catch my husbands killer?
There we go.
Sex with me?

 

by JESUSSANDWICH
5-11-05
Hey mister fish.
HEY YANNI!
I am sorry what was I drawing?
Blahblahblahblahblah
My dead fucking husband and his godamn killer
Oh sorry....

 

by JESUSSANDWICH
5-12-05
Ok I think I got it this time, is this him?
Close enough.....
Later.........
Alright you are under arrest for the murder of Charles Shultz!
I AM A PATSI!!!

 

BRRRRRRIIIIIIIIIAAAAANNNNSSSS
by JESUSSANDWICH, 5-24-05

 

by JESUSSANDWICH
5-27-05
*Sigh*
I hate being a Ted Danson

 

by JESUSSANDWICH
6-03-05
God told me to lead the jews.
Then why havent you?
I had to watch CSI!

 

by JESUSSANDWICH
6-03-05
Sorry man I cant go out tonight, I am busy.
With what transexual porn?
Yes, no, well you see its kinda hard o explain.
Pre-op or post?
Mid-op They had the first operation and are trying to getting situated while they are having sex!

 

by JESUSSANDWICH
6-03-05
God told me to kill.
Then why haven't you killed anyone?
I hate god.

 

by JESUSSANDWICH
6-07-05
Gary Oldman, its for you!

 

by JESUSSANDWICH
6-07-05
Ok class, today we are going to learn paint without brushes! Doesn't that sound fun?
YAY!
Everyone drop their pants.

 

The man with the yellow shirt, red hair, and a mustache is still on the loose.
by JESUSSANDWICH, 6-07-05

 

Tony got a huge raise and is now married to the woman whose husband was killed. They still have errors in communication.
Dinner's ready!
Tony you went to the bathroom an hour ago to get a condom, SO WHY THE FUCK IS DINNER READY?!
by JESUSSANDWICH, 6-12-05

 

by JESUSSANDWICH
8-20-05

 

by JESUSSANDWICH
10-03-05
HOLYSHIT I'S BACK.
OH ITS WORK >_>
YOU HAVE VERY POINTY EYES.
Durring the time I was gone I dated a retarded girl.
I like to fun.
And broke up with her.
You meen so much to me.
Shut up we only went out for three days.

 

by JESUSSANDWICH
10-08-05
Seriously I think we should break up.
BUT I LOVE YOU I CAN'T LIVE WITHOUT YOU
we went out on two dates I didnt even take you to dinner. and you peed yourself when you gave me the handjob.
WILL YOU CALL ME TOMMORROW?

 

OK I WANT A SEARCH OF EVERY DOGHOUSE OUTHOUSE HENHOUSE AND HOUSE OF PIES, WAIT WHERE'S THE CORPSE? BIGEVILDAN?
*belch*
by JESUSSANDWICH, 10-08-05

 

by JESUSSANDWICH
10-10-05
Knock knock wanna buy some Fly Scout cookies?
Yes what is it it you require of me?
Care for some cookies.
I cannot ingest foodstuffs I am only programmed to yell at the "honkies".
Well thanks anyway, black power!

 

by JESUSSANDWICH
10-10-05
Hello the church of the animorphous blob comes bearing eternal salvation.
Hello sir or mam I come bearing salvation in the form of our new cookie covered bible if I could just take a moment of your time you could get a free copy.
I dont see the harm in that, go right ahead.
Did you know that robot Jesus died for your sins over four years ago in Ontario Canada which is why we must crush the vile Canadians with our army of nuclear powered dogs.
MY MOTHER WAS CANADIAN YOU FUCKING WHORE.

 

by JESUSSANDWICH
10-10-05
mmmmm cookies
I totally forgot what we were doing here.

 

by JESUSSANDWICH
10-10-05
Well this is my house.
Why dont you join me in the bedroom, cookie.

 

by JESUSSANDWICH
10-11-05
Oh fabled fairy monk from beneath the clouds what is the secret to your sucess?
Not letting the white man keep you down.

 

by JESUSSANDWICH
10-11-05
I guess you took my advice to litterally.
I didnt say piss off every white person in america.
I said to piss in their gas tanks dumbshit!

 

by JESUSSANDWICH
10-11-05
Master I heard from a wise old man that it was not all about hating whitey he said we should hate the jews more.
Whoever told you that is full of shit, I AM a fucking jew.
Kike

 

by JESUSSANDWICH
10-11-05
So where can I find the fag?
He plays in the faggot meadow at the end of 1st St.
Later.
TRALALALALALALAAAAA!!!
Faggot.
LALALALALAAAAA!!!!!!!!

 

by JESUSSANDWICH
10-11-05
I will give you twenty dollars to let me kill him.
The next day.
Ok.

 

by JESUSSANDWICH
10-11-05
Master I am sorry I called you a kike can you ever forgive me?
Shut up you fucking nigger.

 

by JESUSSANDWICH
10-11-05
The deep south
Sir do you know where could find Sharina Jackson?
You a long way from Africa boy.
Sir I am not black.
Whatever nigger. Hey cletus come get a looks at the nigger!

 

by JESUSSANDWICH
10-11-05
I do remember long ago when a strange looking fella came to town he sure was nice though.
Years ago
How much will this cost me again?
Bout 20 dollars honey.
9 months later I was pregnant but I dont think it was with you.
Stupid wop.

 

by JESUSSANDWICH
10-11-05
Can I come back now?
Sure, I wanted someone to watch the new episode of the Gilmore Girls with.
Fuck that shit.

 

by JESUSSANDWICH
10-13-05
Welcome to Craig's all purpose, conviently located behind the waterfall of endless porn.

 

by JESUSSANDWICH
10-13-05
Look at that he just did a loop de loop.
You didnt answer my question dumb cunt.
What part of TURBO DIAPERS dont you get?
How bout all of it.
The diapers are loaded with rockets fuckface so the baby can fly all around the fucking house whats not to get?
You know what I going to my fucking mistress fuck this.

 

by JESUSSANDWICH
10-13-05
Is the fairy gone can I open my eyes?
Well at least the fairy is gone.
Seriously, fuck you.

 

by JESUSSANDWICH
10-13-05
What can I do for you today?
Sir you can't just stand there all day
Do you happen to have a cure for AIDS back there.

 

by JESUSSANDWICH
10-13-05
Without weed: There would be no Muslims.
Knock knock!
Yes what is it?
Hi I am with the church of latter day saints could I talk with you for a moment about your eternal salvation
*SLAM!*

 

by JESUSSANDWICH
10-13-05
Next!

Showing page 5.

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