All comics by Kurashima

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by Kurashima
2-23-07
OMG! Its you! Im your biggest fan dude. I mean, I totally love you. Say, do you, erm , fancy a drink later?
HOLY SHIT! A talking fish hitting on me? Man I need to lay off the Absinthe. I gotta get out of here
So , erm , Fishdude. Im flattered and all, but im afraid im spoken for. Me and this fine honey here, we got plans tonight. Maybe some other time.
Yeh , we got plans alright. £50 an hour, and maybe you get a kiss!
Goddamn , i dont believe it. Bitch stole my Blasto!

 

by Kurashima
2-27-07
Good evening, and welcome to Northwest tonight. Im Gordon Burns, and yes, I wish I still had a career.
Top Story tonight. The cumbrian train crash, Railtrack admit that the track layout surrounding the area was missing 3 points.
A warrant has been issued for the arrest of Glenn Roeder.

 

by Kurashima
2-27-07
SHEFFIELD AT LAST! Oi Oi Ste me old mucker. Hows things in the provinces.
Could be better I suppose. You sound overjoyed to be here mate, thought you hated the Northerners.
What mate? I just arrived in Sheffield and found out its not the northern dump I assumed it to be . Even the girlfriend loves it.
Yeh, was meaning to ask you about that .....
She was only being friendly.
She tried to charge me Five Dollars mate!

 

by Kurashima
2-28-07
Look , mate , im sorry about the Five Dolla thing. Shes a lovely girl, she just sometimes forgets shes not in the orphanage in Cambodia anymore
Nah , that wasnt what I meant to say on the subject
So what did you mean?
Well
DemonDave is coming over. Is there any chance she gives a bulk discount?

 

by Kurashima
3-13-07
9:00AM - The Meet
Match kicks off at 3pm ,well be waiting at the gates to meet the home fans at 4:45 for some meet and greet, Shadwell style!
Lovely stuff. Its time to sort out those nancy boys, Blue Army style!
4:45PM - Stadium Exit
Here they come Lok. Get yer knuckle dusters out, and hand me the baseball bat.
Baseball Bat? Knuckle Dusters? I thought i was just going to be running around ringing a bell and wearing a silly hat ....
5:35PM -Accident & Emergency Ward
This is another fine mess youve got me into Lokken.
Im sorry vaio *blub*blub*blub*

 

by Kurashima
3-13-07
Psst , ere, mate, got some red hot action for you. Straight from Europe, some of the continents hottest birds.
Hmm, hot Europorn action for pennies.I think ill have some of that.
One Unpopped Cherry later ......
And thats it from here in Portgal. Tune in next week for another edition of "Bill Oddie goes Wild

 

by Kurashima
3-13-07
Oi! I want to complain about this "Hot European Birds" DVD. Its Bill fucking Oddie birdwatching in Portugal.Youve ripped me off mate!
Im sorry senor, my mistake. The labels must have been mixed up. Here, take this instead.
And whats this then?
Its some of Birminghams hottest bitches on heat, parading themselves around for your entertainment
Another unpopped cherry later .......
And now live from the NEC , its the final of Crufts 2007!

 

by Kurashima
3-13-07
In El Salvador, an Israeli Diplomat is found gagged, bound and drunk in the street. An international incident occurs
Those damned Islamic BDSM Extremists!
In Darlington, a geordie is found gagged, bound and drunk in the street. An international incident occurs
Police decline to name the man, but advise he is considered "A leader in his field"
Meanwhile, in a hotel room near Darlington ....
All I said was "I want to watch the Boro match"
Next time I leave you in Stockton!

 

by Kurashima
3-20-07
Right, ive had it. First Bill Oddie, now Crufts. I want my money back!
Just hang on there. Im sorry about the mix-ups, but this time im SURE youll find this one to your taste.
Well, I suppose it was only a fiver. What is it?
Its couples engaged in frenetic activity within an enclosed space, and playing with a lot of cock.
Hes never going to learn .......
*silence*
And now from Athens, its the final of the Mixed Doubles Badminton tournament.

 

by Kurashima
3-20-07
Father, why is it that they continue to kill people in my name? Why do they seem unable to live in harmony with one another. My message has been ignored. Did I die for nothing?
Son, its a mystery. I gave them free will so that they could evolve as a species. Maybe they should play more arcade games.
What? Dad, what would arcade games do? All they provide is mindless entertainment and violence thats aimed at turning them against a peaceful life at a young age.
They provide an inner peace my son. You should preach to them the goodness of the Ztar. The spiritual deepness of Home Run Derby. Congratulations, you have beaten Alki and advance in the tournament.
HEY! Wait a minute, youre not Dad, youre that 1-X fellow!
Shit, wrong Macro

 

by Kurashima
9-16-07
Hey guys. This is G, my other half. Isnt she the finest bitch youve ever seen?
HEY! I did not come along here just to be a conversational piece of T&A!
Actually , you know what, youre right.
Thank you.
Thats not much of an ass.
...

 

by Kurashima
9-18-07
Return flight to Newcastle Airport - £229
You ok there Minty? youre walking a bit strangely?
Im alright mucker, must just have been that funny way I slept.
Taxi Cab to Darlington - £22
Watching the guy in the crevat walking around like John Wayne after you spiked his drink with Rohypnol - Priceless.

 

by Kurashima
2-04-10
So , how did you end up in this shithole?
Its a long story.
It involves drugs , necrophilia , and an industrial sized barrel of creosote
Sounds like you came to a sticky end.

 

by Kurashima
2-13-10
Jeezus , this traffic jam is 2 fucking miles long.
I guess the car in front really was a Toyota.

 

by Kurashima
2-13-10
I like the subtle tones of red and orange , a plethora of emotion and rage
WhilstI prefer the icy , emotionless fatalism within an environment of frozen futlity
Still looks like it was shit out of the arse of a monkey with the squits.
Ahh , modern art.

 

by Kurashima
2-15-10
You DARE to ban me? I am Wiggy ,Scourge of the Chavs! Youll regret this , mark my words.
ok
6.0. A fluent turn of phrase with some real hatred.
5.8. Lacked authority but was full of venom and genuine hate.
5.3. Its my turn to be Jason Gardner.
Shut up Muzza. You know you cant count.

 

by Kurashima
2-15-10
Listen , Maggs. I just got back from the docs , and he .... wait , are you eating that yellow snow again?
Yeh man. Im fucking hardcore. You can piss on that stuff all day long , and it tastes damn good.
Dude , thats not yellow snow , I have dysentry.
Fuck.

 

by Kurashima
2-17-10
He was a hard nosed ex-soldier with a bad attitude and penchant for singing loudly in public places.
He was a mild mannered IT sales rep , with a reputation for siding with Apple in "Mac v PC" arguments.
This summers hottest blockbuster tells a tale of betrayal , violence , greed , and proprietary software. Trevor Eve & Jimmy Nail star as Skiddy & Maladoni in "Not without my Ipad" (with subtitles)
Ahh divven naa wot yeve dun wi me Ipad Saddam , prepare to be gammad
Wors all tha snaa gon? I fort this wus Iceland. This Geepyess is knackad like pet

 

by Kurashima
3-10-10
Mmmmm. Woof Woof.
Grrr....
This comic dedicated to Nadar. Minimal Dialogue , lots of Fox on Fox action.
Rawr!
Right back atcha girl.

 

by Kurashima
3-10-10
Hello?
Hi Ste , its DD. Look man , im having problems with the ladeez. The board recommends getting some tips from you.
Thats flattering. I am the man to come to with problems of this nature. The lurve doctor of FS.
Yeh Man! Thats the attitude. I wanna be just like you , a cherry poppin daddy!
Whereas now , youre just a zit poppin daddy?
Dude thats cold.

 

by Kurashima
3-10-10
So ,stage 1 , how to talk to a lady. I want you to go over there and chat up that girl. Use your very best lines.
You sure? I mean , my lines tend to have a pretty negative effect on women
Youll be fine. Just be yourself.
Really?
Yeh. Apart from the lack of confidence , stature , presence , looks and dress sense
If I go over naked, on stilts, wearing a paper bag on my head , that would pretty much cover that.

 

by Kurashima
3-10-10
Ok man , go for it
Here we go man
Hey baby , is your name Gillette? Because youre the best a man can get.
No , is your name Macauley Culkin? Because youre going Home Alone tonight.
Well , that went according to plan.
*sob*

 

by Kurashima
3-10-10
Watch how the man does it.
No , Ste, wait ......
Hey there. Can I buy you a drink? You look like a Martini kind of lady
Nope. Im a castrating-men-who-waste-my-time kinda lady. Good enough?
Son of a .....
Thats Valks. You really should have made it to those London Meets dude.

 

by Kurashima
3-10-10
Ok , so , if you wanna impress the ladies , you need to dress for the occasion
You sure this is gonna work? I mean , you can dress a pig in a suit , but it still snorts
And you cant make a silk purse out of a sows ear. Or teach an old dog new tricks.
Ok , this could take more money than a government bailout
Can we do a face transplant? Like in that movie? Or maybe switch brains or something?

Showing page 5.

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