All comics by Matchbook_Romance

Profile

 

The writings/drawings I've seen in bathroom stalls.
"Lets get some cock in here"
An artist's rendering of a man with a large penis having sex, doggy style, with a woman with rather huge nipples.
I'm in an Art 100 class, and I say this is true art!
"8/27 CUM FOR SUCK AND FUCK"
Looks like my day is filled.

 

G
WHAT
OD

 

So me and Antoine just had sex for the first time.
By the look on your face, it seems it didn't go so well.
It wasn't. First off, he's not exactly Mr. Thunderstick and secondly, he's no Energizer Bunny.
Damn, that sucks.
Uh guys, you do know I'm in the next room right?

 
It feels like I'm talking to a wall sometimes! SHE'S DUMB AS ROCKS!
HEY, I HEARD THAT!

 

Yesterday, I did something very dangerous.
What you ask?
I was getting my dick sucked behind the wheel.
You get it all the time you say? Your girlfriend sucks your dick behind the wheel everyday? Why is that so dangerous?
Did I mention that I was sucking my own dick?
I guess I forgot to tell you that part.

 

In middle school, I was in the band. I played the clarinet.
Around Christmas, we'd always play Christmas music. It was the kind of the music I liked the best. I loved playing my clarinet.
Nowadays, I don't play my clarinet anymore. I use it more conservately, like to beat my younger brother.

 

HEY JEFFREY! IS SANTA COMING?! IS SANTA COMING?!
Yes he is. Now would you just shut up?
HOW DOES HE GIVE ALL THOSE PRESENTS IN ONE NIGHT?! IS HE GOING TO BRING THE PRESENTS I WANTED?!
*Sigh*
He shut up.
HUH JEFFREY?! HUH?! HUHHHHHHHHHHH?!
LOOK KID... let's talk about our "friend" Mr. Chris Cringle for a moment...

 

So there is no Santa?
Yep, that's right.
So who gives our presents under the tree?
Well...
Well...?
Do you ever wonder why Mom and Dad always "play bingo" at the casino the day before Christmas?

 

Honey, I don't know what to get the kids for Christmas.
We forgot to ask them for their Christmas list.
How about we just give them money this year?
That sounds like a good idea. But what's our excuse for Santa not having their presents?
We'll just say Santa won the lotto and he's giving everybody money this year.
You read my mind.

 

Jeffrey, I want you to give up some of your old toys so we can give them to the Salvation Army, so less fortunate kids can have a good Christmas too.
Okay Mom.
Jeffrey, you only gave me three toys. I know you have more than that!
I do Mom, but the three toys I gave you were the only ones that were broken.

 

As a joke for Christmas, I'm getting everybody that loves me fruit cake for Christmas.
Sounds good.
Mmm... fruit cake.
Do I ever mention how much I love you?

 

I wish you were still here to celebrate Christmas here with me.
I DIDN'T KNOW! I'M SO SORRY!
Oh Mr. Sparkles, I didn't know you were allergic to Egg Nog. I SWEAR I DIDN'T KNOW!

 

Hey Santa, I just received another letter.
From who...? Oh, wait...
It's from Jeffrey again and he's asking for the same thing for the 5th year in a row.
He always asks for a one million dollar check!
Little kids these days eh Santa?
You're telling me, the kid thinks I won the lotto or something.

 

Are you done with your Christmas shopping?
Almost done actually.
Did you spend a lot of money?
Not really, I went to a place with big sales.
What place?
The $0.99 store.

 

What could you possible buy over there?
You wouldn't believe how many things you can actually buy there.
It sounds like you're just being cheap.
Oh really?
Yeah, well anyways, what did you get me for Christmas?
Whatever I bought at the $0.99 store.

 

Soh you are my twen? We dun even look the same!
We are twins Arnold. Can't you see we have the same eyes?
Ahhhh and Gway Davis is our fahther! Dis can't bee happaning! Cohneelius who is our mahther doh?
That's why I'm here, we have to consult Gray Davis about it. I hear our mother has a rare disease and has only a little time left. You have to cancel the parade.
NO TIME FOR DA BOOBIES?! FINE FINE... ehhhnything for mahther.
Anyways, if you wish, you can fondle with mines. TO THE TWIN MOBILE!

 

Soh, whaat now? We aweddy know who our mahther is.
I don't know. I'm not even really crippled, I just used this wheelchair to get the handicapped spot.
We caan still do da Groping Day Pawade by tommorow.
Sounds good, I'll go get my nipple clamps.
Befoe you go brahther, I want to tell you one ting. I lav you Cohneelius.
I love you too Arnold.

 

Here's my report card Mom.
Ok.
Straight B's...
Well...?
Am I supposed to be impressed?

 

Dad, I just got my license today!
That's good son.
Can I use the car tonight?
Sure.
Can I get the keys?
Nope.

 

Mom, how long do I have to be grounded?
2 weeks!
2 weeks?! That's so long!
Yes but you deserve it.
What did I do?
I don't know.

 

Mom, I'm sorry for coming home so late.
This time of night is unexceptable.
But... all my friends stay out at this time.
If all your friends jumped off a cliff, would you go with them?
No...
DON'T TALK BACK AT ME! YOU'RE GROUNDED.

 
So you got B's too eh?

 

Son, it's time I tell you something important about life.
Ok.
Well, when a man loves a woman and get romantic...
Dad...
Your Mom and I had...
Dad, I'm already 18. I know you and Mom had sex without a condom.

 

Mommy, I don't want to go to Kindergarten yet!
It's ok honey.
Don't leave me mommy!
I'll be right by the door to watch you the whole time.
Ok mommy... MOMMY!

 

*Singing/screaming*
Yes Mom?
Turn down that music. What kind of music is that anyways? It's just a bunch of people screaming. You call that music?
Err... yeah.
DON'T TALK BACK AT ME JEFFREY! YOU KNOW I HATE THAT, I SAID TURN THAT MUSIC DOWN!

 

Hey Dad... *Cough*
What?
*Cough cough*
Are you sick or something?
No, but... *Cough* can you smoke somewhere else? This *Cough* is my room.
It's technically mines because I payed for it. Love it, or leave it! *Puff*

 

Seriously though, I do love my parents.
I know you do Jeffrey.
They've done so much for me.
Yes they have.
He loves us... HAHAHAHAHAHA!
We love him... HAHAHAHAHAHA!

 

Hey Zip, what's up?
Tell, did you start the invitations for Jack's surprise birthday party?
I uhhh... forgot?
Well goddamnit man, get on it.
Okay okay fine, when's his birthday again? February 29th?

 

Working on the invitations?
No, actually I'm playing Counterstrike.
God, it's been three days and you haven't started yet!?
Gosh Mr. Tightpants, I'll start right now. "Dear Zip, you are invited too..."

 

Here are all the invitations.
Hey thanks, I'll send these out right away.
I'm not such a slacker after all huh?
Yeah, I guess so... HEY WAIT! It isn't Cranston's brithday! Who the hell is Cranston!?
Did I ever mention I wasn't good with names Alec?

 

Here's your invitation to Jack's party.
Hey, what kind of party is it?
It's a small surprise party at his house. There's going to be food, drinks, and a cake.
How many people have you invited?
Well so far, it's me, you, and Tell.
Am I going to be the only African-American person there again?

 

I sent out invitations to Rosey, LeAnn, and Jane.
Wow, three already? I just got Dave to come. I insisted he wasn't going to be the only African-American at the party.
I think he may be the only one though.
Oh man, that might be a problem.
Just turn off all the lights. Everybody'll be black then.
I didn't know your last name was Racistcomment.

 

Hey Bullock, here's your invitation.
Thanks! By the way, is there going to be a lot of food?
Most certainly! Lots of booze to drink as well!
Sounds good!
So you're coming right?
Yeahhh... no problem, I'll just start the drinking nowwwwwww...

 

Excuse me, where would the liquor be located?
I believe it's behind the magazines.
Err...
Excuse me, you directed me to the baked chips section. As a person who works at this grocery store, I would think you would have the knowledge as to where the liquor is.
I work here?

 

Hello, I'm here for the cake for Tell.
Ahhhhh yesss... yesss... we have it.
Well, is it made how I wanted it?
Yesssss... yesssss...
Well, thanks for the cake.
Gooood day...

 

Here's the cake, check out that fine thing!
Looks pretty good. The box is even nice.
How's the inside of that thing? Is it what you wanted?
What... the... hell?! Why is there a huge man ass sticking out of the cake with chocolate sprinkles all over it? And who the hell is Santos? WHERE IN GOD'S NAME DID YOU GET THIS CAKE?
Some place called Georgio's Erotic Cakes. It was on sale and I was looking in the best interest of our spending funds!

 

Alright, everything is set up for Jack's surprise party.
Sounds good.
All the people that were invited are coming, we have all the food and booze, and I guess we have to use that damn cake.
Sounds good, but there is one problem.
What problem?
I don't think I'm invited to the party, I didn't get an invitation.

 

Hey Tell, the party worked out great!
Yeah Zip, but where's Dave?
Goddamnit, I knew it.

 

Alright, I hear Jack at the door! HIDE!
Why is it so dark in here?

 

SURPRISE!!!
SURPRISE!!!
SURPRISE!!!
SURPRISE!!!
SURPRISE!!!
Wow!

 

Booze and ham...
Blah, blah, blah...
See man, I knew it! I'm the ONLY one!
So how do you like the surprise party Jack?
I love it Zip! Thank you so much! This is the best! Can I ask you something though? How did you get that cool Grand Canyon cake? And how did you know my baby name was Santos?

 

Booze and ham...
Blah, Blah, Blah...
I knew it! I'm the only one!
It's ok man, I'm half black.
So how do you like the surprise party Jack?
I love it! Everybody is here! By the way, where's Cranston?

 

 

ZZZ...
Huh? Wait, you're still here?
It's real! You were really with me last night! We're finally together, just you and me. My sweet...
You do know you're still dreaming right?

 

Christmas isn't what it used to be huh Jesus?
Preach on Santa.
People asking for too much, crazy shoppers, cheap eggnog, fake Christmas trees, the list goes on.
True that! Hey kids! Remember me!? I died for your sins!
Ah, oh well. You'll get them back in the year 2004. You want to take my private jet back home? The pilot is a cool guy.
Pilate?

 

People, people... let's not forget the true meaning of Christmas!
Let's see... I have 1,2,3,4,5,.. 5 presents!
Give me more presents dammit! MORE!

 

Hello Jeffrey.
Hey Chumley. I was driving last night and I almost got into a car accident.
Oh really? What happened?
There was traffic on the freeway, and I needed to get into the right lane. So I went into the right lane and the car behind me almost rear-ended me.
Did you signal too late or something?
I was supposed to signal?

 

The San Diego Chargers better win their last game of the season.
Yeah.
It would be nice, we can have 3 wins instead of 2.
That, and it would show heart from our team.
Also, I bet for the Chargers to win.
Wait a minute, you bet for the Chargers?

 

San Diego better win this last game.
Yeah.
That way, the Chargers would finish with three wins instead of only two.
That, and it would show they have heart.
Also, I put ten dollars on the Chargers.
Wait... you bet on the Chargers?

 

Showing page 5.

« Previous Next »