All comics by PrimoOoze1138

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by PrimoOoze1138
11-26-07
Jason? JASON!
Hiyoooo!
Pay attention!

 

by PrimoOoze1138
11-27-07
Tell me more about this structure, strange humanoid.
This wall? Oh, it was built back in 122 by the Roman emperor Hadrian.
I see.
1885 years later the wall still stands, impervious to everything except the slow decay of time...
The only thing that can destroy these human walls is time. Quickly, comrade! Make haste to the human year 3000!
Aye aye, Cap'n!

 

by PrimoOoze1138
11-28-07
Recently, my senior thesis has hit a snag. A snag named David Bordwell.
It seems your research has run into a spot of trouble.
Well sir, it's not that I disagree with the Bordwell readings...
But rather that I totally disagree with the Bordwell readings in every way imaginable.
I thought you might say that, so I've prepared a few passages from Bordwell's latest book that might just change your mind.
You know what? Nevermind, then.

 

by PrimoOoze1138
11-28-07
My research project on Korean cinema.
So, Korea?
Korea!
Korea Korea?
Korea Korea Korea. So then Korea Korea, and I can now Korea the Korea.
Korea! Get back to work.
Korea...

 

by PrimoOoze1138
11-30-07
At a screening of the French movie "Flanders" on campus last night.
Demester, aimez-moi.
Man, is any of this shit necessary to the plot? amirite!?
Merde! Merde! Merde!
Whoa dudes, this shit's fucked up!
What the fuck, man? I'm outta here.
Thank God!

 

by PrimoOoze1138
11-30-07
After the screening.
Excuse me, are you a film major by any chance?
Cha, man. Takin' Intro to Study right now!
I see. Well on behalf of all the real film students here, you're a disgrace to our community. Every time you open your mouth to make a lame comment, a part of cinema dies.
But--
No no, say no more. We can't risk you killing one of the greats. Remember what happened to Robert Altman.
...

 

by PrimoOoze1138
11-30-07
"Prarie Home Companion"? More like...
Thank you, ladies and gents. Good night!
"Prarie Home SUCKpanion"! Hur Hur Hur!!
Hey man, shut up! Don't you realize what you're doing?!

 

by PrimoOoze1138
11-30-07
So class, the moral of the story is that talking in the theater has the same effect on directors that saying "I don't believe in faeries" has on faeries.
Dr. Palmer just killed a faerie!!
Quick everybody, start clapping!!

 

by PrimoOoze1138
12-09-07
Oh Chen, I think someone left a package for you in your mailbox.
That joke was some kind of awful, Ben.
Eh, best I could do.

 

by PrimoOoze1138
12-15-07
Mommy, why am I so "different" from the other little boys?
Well...um...
ZZXX/:Mommy, why am I so "different" from the other little boys?...ZX...Mommy, why am I so "different" from the other little boys?...ZX...Mommy, why am I so "different" from the other little boys?
Oh no...Sweetie, I think your CPU is damaged!
CPU? Damaged? DOES...NOT... COMPUTE#$%*#$%
Damn.

 

by PrimoOoze1138
12-23-07
And Tiny Tim said, "God bless us every one!"
And then what happened?
Oh dear Lord in Heaven, please no! It's Christmas! You couldn't possib-AAGHH! AAAAGGGHH!!!
Dickens erased the original ending, in which Ebenezer Scrooge and Bob Cratchett rob a counting house in a dazzling shootout found only in John Woo movies!
Aww, Charles Dickens ruined Christmas!

 

by PrimoOoze1138
12-23-07
And Tiny Tim said, "God bless us every one!"
And then what happened?
The story ends and the book is closed, sealing off the rift in the space-time continuum...
What's on the other side?
Another dimension where Christmas is a beloved holiday about giving and kindness instead of the moneygrubbing day off that department stores sell us every year.
Ohhhh. Neat!

 

by PrimoOoze1138
1-03-08
The hardest part about surviving a zombie holocaust would be pretending that it isn't awesome.
Think about it...
Thousands of monsters want to kill you, and the great thing is that they all look like people you hate! No jury in the world would convict you!
...
...So how about those reports I needed?

 

by PrimoOoze1138
1-04-08
Ya know what joke I hate? In movie trailers, where the narrator says, "From the guys who saw ________!"
Oh, I hate that shit! Like they're the only people who ever saw that movie. It would be better if it were...
"From the guys who are about to be stoned to death outside the FOX studio gates for making that forthcoming shitball movie 'Meet the Spartans', comes..."
A little more violent than I was gonna go, but sure. That works too.
It's tasty.

 

by PrimoOoze1138
1-04-08
Did you know I have a superpower?
No, really? What is it?
Well, as part of the Superhero Code, I can't tell you what it is. But I can show you...
hehe, ok...
*BAMF*
Impressed?
No.

 

by PrimoOoze1138
1-05-08
We go live to Reginald P. Quickly with a special report.
In mere moments, Kaiser von Krauss will make his inaugural speech to the Von Krauss breakfast cereal shareholders. Let's listen in...
My peoples! Wit ze advent of Von Krauss, breakfast shall vunce again be ze dominant meal of ze day!
Kellogg is ze skidmark on ze asspants of Von Krauss breakfast foods!

 

by PrimoOoze1138
1-05-08
...So yeah, after that I got all the business training I needed. What did you end up getting out of college?
Oh, y'know, a little Russian...

 

by PrimoOoze1138
1-06-08
Today's sermon is about Jesus' encounter with John the Baptist.
And The Lord provideth His Son with a spacesuit, so that he may not know the foul wilderness air...
And when Jesus came unto John the Baptist in the wild, he was shocked to find a raw turkey stuffed down John the Baptist's pants.
And The Lord blessed John the Baptist, and said unto him, "If a turkey is what your pants desire, then so it shall be." Amen.

 

by PrimoOoze1138
1-07-08
Yea, let us view Christ's spacesuit as a metaphor for the love and protection of all parents.
Thanks, Dad.
No problem, my Son.
Join us again next week, when we examine how the Holy Spacesuit of Bethlehem aided Christ in walking "on" the Sea of Galilee. Amen.

 

by PrimoOoze1138
1-08-08
Mr. Von Krauss, is it true that you are to blame for the manhunt for Lucky the Lucky Charms leprechaun?
Nein.
But what about allegations that entire posses of men dressed as the Trix Bunny are under your command?
"Nein! Zese allegations ist scheiße! Zis interview ist ofer!"

 

by PrimoOoze1138
1-09-08
Goddamn it.

 

by PrimoOoze1138
1-09-08
So what you're saying is that if I give you a reason you've never heard before, I don't get a ticket?!
That's right.
"These aren't the droids you're looking for?"
...Goddamn it.

 

by PrimoOoze1138
1-10-08
Wait a minute...This isn't Singapore. It's Disney World!
Goddamn it.

 

by PrimoOoze1138
1-10-08
Velcome to Monster Mash Burgers! Vat can I get for you?
Um, yeah, can I have a Brain Burger with garlic fries, please?
Goddamn it.

 

by PrimoOoze1138
1-10-08
I've got ya beat. You're so dead.
Oh yeah? Watch this...
*Up, up, down, down, left, right, left, right, B, A, start!*
Goddamn it!

 

by PrimoOoze1138
1-12-08
This is Heaven? Didn't look like this in the brochure.
And you must be Chen...
Goddamn it.

 

by PrimoOoze1138
1-12-08
Goddamn it.

 

by PrimoOoze1138
1-13-08
Having recently discovered a centuries-old typo, we now know that Jesus Christ never actually walked on the Sea of Galilee, but rather, in it.
I told you not to try it yourself.
To his disciples, however, this was still considered a miracle of great importance, and they were ever so jealous of his spacesuit. Amen.

 

by PrimoOoze1138
1-13-08
Is this line ever gonna move?
I came all the way from Missouri to meet Santa. Where are you from?
Goddamn it.

 

by PrimoOoze1138
1-16-08
The results are in! You're in perfect health for someone your age.
...someone my age? What's that supposed to mean?
Well...y'know... you're like, 65 millions years old, right?
I don't follow...
Sir, what I'm getting at is that you're a dinosaur. You should be in a museum or someone's gas tank or something.
Yeah, probably.

 

by PrimoOoze1138
1-16-08
What are you thinking about right now?
Don't say 'Why the long face, horse?' Don't say 'Why the long face, horse?' Don't say 'Why the long face, horse?'
Well...?
You wanna run down the racetrack for a while?
Horses give me nightmares.

 

by PrimoOoze1138
1-16-08
Alright, class. Who can give me a phrase that starts with the letter I?
Aye carumba!
I, Robot!
I Duddits.
Aye aye, cap'n!
I hate my job.

 

by PrimoOoze1138
1-18-08
Dude, Cloverfield is such an innovative story!
...Uh-huh...
Focusing on the people reacting to the unseen terror of a giant monster? It's so original!
Right. Go read "The Call of Cthulhu". Then we'll talk.
Actually, just go watch any monster movie, you dumb film snob douchebag.

 

by PrimoOoze1138
1-20-08
And Jesus had a disciple, Judas, who admired the man so greatly, that he desired to mimic everything about Jesus...
All I'm sayin' is: if we're going to this costume party, one of us is gonna have to change...
I believe you can see where this story might go... Amen.

 

by PrimoOoze1138
1-20-08
Everybody ready?
Ready!
Ready!
Hey guys, can I join in?
Fuck you, Rex, you're not wearing any pants!
Oh man, this is gonna be so awesome! Ready!

 

by PrimoOoze1138
2-24-08
So my boyfriend and I watched the first Star Wars movie last night. Yeah, it was good.
Oh, you know, the one with Indiana Jones in it. Yeah, Ford something.
.....................
Yeah, he had to pause it and explain it to me a few times...
How the fuck...

 

by PrimoOoze1138
4-20-08
Korea Korea.
Bearfight!
Catholics.
Korean Bearfight?
Catholic Koreans!
Catholic Bearfight!

 

by PrimoOoze1138
4-29-08
Wot, wot, wot?! Where, pray tell, do you think you're taking all this furniture?
Home, I'm leaving forever. Remember?
Indeed. For what reason?
Um, because it's...y'know...MINE.
I see. Then what are my brothers in arms and I to use for furniture?
Not. My. Problem.

 

by PrimoOoze1138
5-03-08
That wasn't so hard.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN IT'S IMPOSSIBLE?! TONY STARK BUILT ONE OF THOSE DAMN THINGS IN A FUCKING CAVE!
For more information, check out Jon Favreau's "Iron Man", now in theaters!
Well, he's smarter than I am...
Oh snap, Jeff Bridges just got Stark'd!

 

by PrimoOoze1138
5-03-08
So how exactly does someone get "Stark'd"?
It's really quite simple...
Whenever one person opens up a can of technological whoopass on someone else, that person just got Stark'd.
So last week when your roommate gave my roommate the Rickroll virus?
SHE GOT STARK'D!

 

by PrimoOoze1138
5-04-08
Hey, dude! DUDE! I don't have my ID, could you let me in the building?
Thanks man. Won't happen again.
Do you even live here?
Dude! DUUUUDE! I went out the back door and still don't have my key! Can you let me back in?

 

by PrimoOoze1138
8-11-08
Attention... To the owner of a green 2003 Cadillac:
YOUR CAR ALARM IS FUCKING ANNOYING!
Now this button triggers the alarm. I wouldn't press this one too often.
Ok. Show me one more time...

 

by PrimoOoze1138
8-11-08
Open. ...Open.
...Open... Geez, what's the problem here?
OPEN GODDAMN YOU!

 

by PrimoOoze1138
8-11-08
Well that was a waste of gasoline...
I still can't believe you asked that question...
So are you telling me that Michael Scott isn't here today, or that he isn't real?
...Both.
Even so... Had no idea paper was made of trees.
Yeah. Ya learn something new every day.

 

by PrimoOoze1138
8-28-08
CRUNCH..chomp.. chomp..chomp.. chomp..CRUNCH.. CRUNCH..chomp.. chomp..CRUNCH.. Dear lord do I love Pringles.. CRUNCH..chomp.. chomp..chomp.. chomp..CRUNCH.. CRUNCH..chomp.. chomp..CRUNCH..
what the fuck...
*sigh* finally...
crunch..CHOMP.. CHOMP..CHOMP.. crunch..crunch.. CHOMP..crunch CHOMP..THEY'RE RIGHT YOU CAN'T FUCKING STOP! ..crunch..crunch.. crunch..CHOMP..
Goddamn it.

 

by PrimoOoze1138
8-30-08
Bomberman: Act Zero. Press Start.
Goddamn it.

 

by PrimoOoze1138
9-03-08
So how was your Polar Bear Day yesterday?
My what? Explain this to me...
Every September 2nd, the polar bear comes out of his cave. If he sees his sweat hit the snow, there'll be four more weeks of summer.
If not, there'll be, like, two and a half or something.
Well then I guess it's a good thing polar bears don't sweat.

 

by PrimoOoze1138
9-03-08
Heh. Now do it again.
lol, ok.
so we're gonna hafta try that one more time...

 

by PrimoOoze1138
9-04-08
Hey there. Say, where'd you get those shoes?
You mean these dirt cheap sandals that you can get just about anywhere?
Um...
Well there's this little place in Myrtle Beach, if you go back behind Barefoot Landing and hang a left, you'll see this little kiosk...

 

by PrimoOoze1138
9-04-08
What's your name?
PrimoOoze1138
Ok, Josh. Let me give you a sample of this skin lotion.
I'm a guy.
...
A guy not named Josh.

Showing page 5.

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