All comics by attitudechicka

Profile

 

by attitudechicka
7-19-05
C...T, since it's your birthday and all...
Yesssss?
And I know how my desk makes you hot...
Yessssssssssssss?
I've decided to let you have some time alone in my office. I'm coming in with the lysol in ten minutes, whether you're done or not.
Yes!

 

by attitudechicka
7-28-05
Honey, do these pants make my butt look big?
If I stuff this TwixTM bar into my mouth, she won't hear what I'm really saying.
Mno homoneh, yourm massm malmays mloomks menormous.
Aren't you the sweetest thing?

 

by attitudechicka
8-09-05
Well, I had a really good time tonight.
Why are you leaning in to me?
This may have been seen as what psychologists call a "mandate" but that doesn't mean it has to end with a goodnight kiss!

 

by attitudechicka
8-18-05
Don't cry for me, Stripcreatoooor,
The truth is I never left you.
All through my banning,
My lurking continues.
I kept my comics,
don't keep your distance.

 

by attitudechicka
8-18-05
You know, when we first started this office, it was only men working here.
Yeah...
and then your father wised up and realized that women will actually get work done.

 

by attitudechicka
8-18-05
All you're getting for lunch is a yogurt?
Well, yeah I'm kind of low on cash right now, and yogurt is actually quite filling.
Fine, I'll get two.

 

by attitudechicka
8-19-05
I hate staples and staple removers and staplers and everything else associated with staples!
Whose idea was it to stick multiple pieces of paper together anyhow? Do the papers WANT to be stuck together?
Gia, get a grip. The office equipment is not out to get you.
Then why did I hear an evil laugh come out of my stapler today?

 

by attitudechicka
8-19-05
Stupid stapler and your stupid jamming up!
Uh, Gia, maybe you should take the rest of the day off. Enjoy your weekend.
Oh I will. Two days with no sticky notes, no binder clips, no paper clips, and best of all, no staples or staple byproducts!
Right. Maybe you should take Monday off too.

 

by attitudechicka
8-23-05
I don't want to be at work today.
What do you want me to do about it?
Can't you fake a death in the family just this once, for me?

 

You called, boss?
Gia, could you get me another cup of coffee? I'm really tired today.
by attitudechicka, 8-24-05

 

by attitudechicka
8-24-05
Are you adding laxitives to Joe's coffee?!?
Oh, like you haven't thought about it.
It's not that. You see, this is Karen's coffee...

 

Who put laxatives in this coffee?
Gia did it. It was all her idea. I had nothing to do with it. It was all Gia's doing.
by attitudechicka, 8-24-05

 

by attitudechicka
8-25-05
Hey Nathan, what am I, politically? I've been saying Libertarian, but I don't think that's quite right.
Well, most of your views lean on the democratic side...
Well, I don't know if I want to be labled as a democrat. I do like Howard Dean, though.
You do know that Howard Dean is the chairman of the democratic national committee, don't you?
Whoo hoo! Go democrats!
Perhaps that should be "Yeeeaaaaaugh! Go Democrats!"

 

by attitudechicka
8-26-05
Hey do you think you can make it to this event that is three weeks away?
Well, I don't know, maybe if you had given me more notice...
I don't think that I can get that day off work, maybe had you told me a week ago.
Oh, my mistake. I thought you worked at an insurance company, not a Nazi concentration camp.

 

by attitudechicka
8-30-05
So this is the chicka bedroom, huh?
Please don't tell anyone that it actually SMELLS like mismatched socks.
I won't. As long as you tell me why there are paint samples everywhere.
Because I'm repainting every room of the house is the obvious answer.
Oh, I thought this was some kind of "Amero-trash" theme similar to the "Eurotrash" theme you want to do in your bathroom.

 

by attitudechicka
8-30-05
Hey, remember when I loaned you $20 a couple weeks ago?
Yeah, I remember that day. We were stoned and sitting in Elvis's front yard, AC/DC playing from the boombox...
Um, no. YOU were stoned, we were in YOUR front yard, and you were listening to Savage Garden.
You think we're in Elvis's front yard now, don't you?

 

by attitudechicka
8-31-05
Welcome to Jack in the McBurger King, can I take your order?
Lemme see...
I'd like three triple cheeseburgers, four large fries, and two diet cokes.
Would you like me to deep fry the buns and the bag as well?
Can you really do that?

 

by attitudechicka
9-02-05
Chicka Mom, are you ready for school?
Why are you calling me "Chicka Mom"?
All the cool kids are saying it now.
Oh, okay. Well, I've got everything I think I need, notebook, highlighters, pens.
Medic Alert Bracelet?
Don't be a bitch.

 

by attitudechicka
9-02-05
You drive too fast. YOU COULD HAVE GOTTEN US KILLED!
Okay, I was only going 5 over the speed limit.
You were driving 70!
Yes Mom, and the speed limit is 65.

 

by attitudechicka
9-02-05
Can I help you?
Yes, We're-
Room 213.
But you-
ROOM 213!

 

by attitudechicka
9-02-05
.........................213...............................
Can I help you?
Yes, this woman up front just screamed this room number at me.
Yes, Kathy is quite paranoid.
Um okay. Look we're-
ROOM 411

 

by attitudechicka
9-02-05
Here's room 411.
It kind of make sense, since you dial 411 for information...
I guess. Hey Gia?
Yeah Mom?
The weirdest things happen whenever I go anywhere with you.

 

by attitudechicka
9-02-05
Can I help you?
Yes, my mother and I wanted to register for classes here.
Just go see Kathy up front. She'll set you right up.
Um, is there anyone else I could possibly talk to about this?
Anyone?

 

by attitudechicka
9-06-05
1
I couldn't get all the candles to fit on the cake this time, so I just bought those candles shaped like the numbers 4 and 5.
2
I got you the greatest present this year. I know you're going to like it because I always see you watching those Hovaround commercials longingly.
3
I'm running to the store. Do you need some depends or something while I'm out?

 

Okay, this is NOT what I expected to find here.
Listen, we're out of the pot of gold business. Take the t-shirt or leave it.
by attitudechicka, 9-06-05

 

by attitudechicka
9-06-05
Ready to go to lunch?
Not yet. Can't you wait?
I suppose. I'll just sit over here and wait.
SNAP!
Maybe I'll skip lunch today after all.

 

by attitudechicka
9-06-05
Just sit right back and you'll hear a tale, a tale of a fateful ship.
Knock it off Gilligan. I don't want to hear anymore singing.
Ah, peace at last.
Just sit right back and you'll hear a tale...

 

by attitudechicka
9-07-05
Well, here's the taxi.
I thought you said you weren't paying for any taxis while I'm here.
No, my car. His name is "The Taxi".
But aren't taxi's yellow?
Your point?
This car is like three different shades of green. Is that lime green spray paint on your roof?

 

by attitudechicka
9-07-05
And besides, aren't cars always girls in America?
Mine is definitely NOT a girl. He's childish and immature, despite his age.
It's a 94. That makes it 11 years old.
But what is the average lifespan of a car?
Wow. Good point.

 

by attitudechicka
9-07-05
Well, here's the house. You can take your shoes off here.
I think I'll just go find a bathroom. I've had this drink for a while now.
Okay when I said "you can take your shoes off here" I meant "you MUST take your shoes off here".
I see, no one wears shoes in your house?
Not unless they're getting on hands and knees and scrubbing my floors.
I was with you up to the scrubbing part.

 

by attitudechicka
9-07-05
Hey Gia, are you guys taking off to have a honeymoon or anything.
No, I've already got a son. I think I've done enough honeymooning already.
Oh, cutting him off as soon as you're married, huh?
Who says I haven't already? There's no time when you've got a baby.
Can't anyone take your baby for the night?
Look, if you're so concerned about Nate getting laid, you go do it.

 

by attitudechicka
9-09-05
Good morning, Sunshine!
What the hey?
No hurry, here's a towel.
And I'd like to get breakfast in sometime before noon.

 

by attitudechicka
9-13-05
From: "mawuko selormey" To: "attitudechicka@yahoo.com"
Subject: comedy Date: Tue, 13 Sep 2005 15:45:08 +0200 (CEST)
Chicka you need some sparkle oin your comedy check out my comics and learn baby Mawuko
What the fuck are you talking about?

 

by attitudechicka
9-14-05
So how did you enjoy your trip to the states?
Well, it wasn't what I expected.
It wasn't?
The only people who attempted to fondle anything on me were the security at Chicago airport.
I would have prefered it to have been someone I knew.

 

by attitudechicka
9-16-05
Hey guys, where's boorite?
Up here. Lewl.

 

by attitudechicka
9-16-05
Shouldn't we be leaving now? It's 2 o'clock.
Um... no?
I think I missed another memo.

 

by attitudechicka
9-19-05
So, like, why is it we never see the boss man?
Oh, he just thinks he's God, that's all.
What?
He prefers to be heard but not seen.
You lie.
Once, I saw Sal coming down the hill struggling to carry these two huge stones. He gave up about halfway down and dropped them.

 

I like you.
I hate you. Commence worm digestion.
by attitudechicka, 9-20-05

 

by attitudechicka
9-22-05
Okay, Paperclip, I have a job for you.
A job?
Well, actually, it's more of a mission.
Oh boy! A mission!
Your mission is to hold this stack of papers together.
You want me to do WHAT?

 

by attitudechicka
9-26-05
Ring Ring!
Hello?
Gia, it's your mother. I just wanted to let you know (blah blah blah). Oh hey, what are you wearing to school tomorrow?
Um, probably jeans and a tee shirt.
Well, I didn't want to wear the wrong thing. Not like this is a prestigious school, but it's still a school. What color is your tee shirt?
Goodbye mom.

 

by attitudechicka
9-26-05
Ring Ring!
Ring Ring?
Hello?
Gia, it's your mother. What are you wearing to school today?
Mom, it's 5am. School doesn't start until 6:30PM.

 

by attitudechicka
9-27-05
Gilligan, what are you doing here? Don't tell me they put me on TV Land.
Um, didn't anyone tell you at the gates?
No one told me anything. What's the meaning of this?
We're in heaven. Like dead.
I'm calling my agent, I don't remember auditioning for this role.

 

by attitudechicka
9-27-05
Welcome to like Kinko's n stuff.
Hi I need 5 copies of each of these documents stapled in the same order as the original by 1 o'clock. Can you do that?
Definitely! That gives us a whole 4 hours to do that in. I'll sign here guaranteeing that your order will be ready at 1.
With a guarantee like that I can't go wrong!
1 PM
Oh shoot. You're the 1pm girl. Yeah, we haven't actually started on your project yet.
So these signed notes are more like party favors?

 

by attitudechicka
9-28-05
I tried to set a precedent for you people. I tried to get you to act just like me. But did you listen? No.
If God wanted it this way then it would be this way. If he doesn't, he'll shoot you on site. But I will be the last one to cry over your dead corpses.
You all should be ashamed of yourselves and now I will outline the 10 things I have decided you should do instead of what you did...
Do you mind, my son? You're kind of stealing my gig.

 
by attitudechicka, 9-29-05

 

by attitudechicka
10-03-05
Hi my name is Attitude Chicka. I really don't care who hosts CC 300.
I just wanted to clarify that I am in no way associated with dogonball or biped in this campaign.
Paid for by Strippers to Unassociate Chicka with biped and dogonball (herself).

 

by attitudechicka
10-05-05
We're here live with Attitudechicka, who, judging from her many buttons, is in support of a variety of candidates.
Yes with the exception of biped.
And why is it that you are not in support of biped for this election?
I did not go camping with that dog, Mr. dogonball.
Alrighty then. Back to you, Margie

 

by attitudechicka
10-05-05
Mandingo, the man with the sad clown avatar that lets you know everything's going to be alright.
Mandingo, the name you find written in urine on the bottom of a snowman.
Mandingo, the guy to run CC 300.
Paid for by Strippers to Unassociate Chicka with biped and dogonball (herself).

 

by attitudechicka
10-05-05
Vote for Dan because... well... uh...
Hmmm... because he has a naughty sausage!
Paid for by Strippers to Unassociate Chicka with biped and dogonball (herself).

 

by attitudechicka
10-05-05
Okay I give up. Vote for anyone but biped and/or dogonball.
Which I'm not sure if they're the same person or seperate entities.
Paid for by Strippers to Unaaciate Chicka with biped and dogonball.
And please send money to the SUCWbAd association.

Showing page 5.

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