All comics by bigworm

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by bigworm
6-21-10
Okay, I've consulted a well-known corporate oracle, and the oracle needs to know 3 things...
Yeh...?
1) What have you used in effort to wash the smell away. 2) Have you seen a dermatologist? 3) Have you licked those fingers?
Well, I've used all kinds of soaps, gasoline, abrasives, lime-away, naval jelly... and no...
...I haven't seen a dermatologist.

 

by bigworm
6-22-10
Chen, I need you to keep an eye on Brad for me. I need to know if he's sucking the fingers on his left hand.
May I ask what this is about?
We're trying to qualify him for a workman's comp. claim, and so I need you to keep this to yourself.
You know, my lower back has been killing me for a couple months now, and in case you didn't know...
...I suck my left thumb damn near every night.

 

by bigworm
6-22-10
I'm sorry to hear about your problem with thumb-sucking. It's a very pernicious habit. On the other hand, it beats the shit out of trying to suck your own dick unsuccessfully night after night.
I've heard that's a bad one.
Chen... I know you asians have a genuinely hard time keeping your eyes open, but do try to keep your...
I know... my chin up!

 

by bigworm
6-22-10
Good news Grams, I've got Agent Chen on the case. He will be observing Brad so as to discover whether or not he is sucking the fingers of his left hand.
It's 'LICKING' his fingers, not 'SUCKING' them!
Licking... sucking... what's the difference Grams?
I don't know exactly how to explain it to you, but...
...I can bang my snatch all night long if 'licking' is the word.

 

by bigworm
6-24-10
Dear Dad, I am the Son of God, I am the Son of God, I am the Son of God, I am the Son of God, I am the Son of God, I am the Son of God, I am the Son of God, I am the Son of God, I am the Son of God...
...uurrggghhhh.
...I think there's something wrong with that new mantra you sent me. Thanks. Love, Jesus.

 

by bigworm
6-24-10
Dear Dad, So... you don't wanna' talk to me anymore, huh? I know how to deal with that shit!
I wish I may, I wish I might...
Thank you Jesus!

 

by bigworm
6-24-10
uhhh...
*bing*
This is FUCKED UP!!!

 

by bigworm
6-24-10
I was talking to mom, and she says she's tired of being a virgin.
She wants you to consumate your marriage...
...that is if you have a dick, of course.

 

by bigworm
6-24-10
So, your mom wants a consumation to our relationship, huh? In addition, you want to joke about whether I have a dick or not.
Chill out dude! It was a joke!
For your information... I don't have a dick! How's that?
What's makin' that little bulge in your pants?
'Mini-God'.

 

by bigworm
6-24-10
I'll get to your mom... but first you're gonna' get the fucking of your life!
Just a minute, ok?
Okie-dokie...

 

by bigworm
6-25-10
My life couldn't get any worse than this...
*bing*
LEFT..RIGHT....LEFT..RIGHT LEFT..RIGHT....LEFT..RIGHT
I take that back.
ROMAN LEGION 'CRUCIFIED BUTT-FUCK BRIGADE'... HALT!!!

 

by bigworm
6-25-10
Is this the cross of Peter?
NO!!! It's NOT... thank God!!! You've got the wrong cross!! Peter's right over there!
Listen up 'Butt-fuck Brigade'!!! We're at the wrong cross!
Whew!!! That was a close call!
However, we're gonna butt-fuck this guy too... for practice!!!
*bing*

 

by bigworm
6-26-10
Don't you need to hold on to something?
Don't I need a pile-driver?

 

by bigworm
6-26-10
MAIZE- PIT!!!
Uhhhhh...
GRAIN-VOID!!!
Duhhhh...
CORN-HOLE!!!
WHOOP WHOOP!!! YOU GO HILLBILLY!!!

 

by bigworm
6-28-10
penis- bundle!
errr...uhhh... what?
rod-bunch!
...is pimps s'posed ta be funny?
dick-wad!!!
YAY!!! Ha Ha Ha!!! You're too much Hillbilly!!!

 

by bigworm
6-30-10
*Sorry I popped so fast...
...but you're such a tart!*

 

by bigworm
6-30-10
I was thinkin' if you showed up around 8:00 p.m. would be good.
You want me to bring anything?
Let's see... I've got the wine, the roast, and I'll just be finishing the dough...
The dough?
So how 'bout you bring the dill?

 

by bigworm
6-30-10
What's the matter?!!!
You ain't never seen a 'strap-on vulva' before?!!!

 

by bigworm
7-01-10
Okay Grams, what next?
umm... you know, *pfftttt*- *braappp*
Oh! I see, you need a moment or two to 'contemplate' things.
I guess so...
...I just thought I had to take a dump!

 

by bigworm
7-06-10
Commander of the 'Butt-fuck' brigade, I implore thee. Uhhh...uhhh, *bing*
Take care, that the maggots in my ass don't pass the plague to you or your men.
BRIGADE!!! This dude's too raunchy! Let's go do Peter! MARCH!!!
THANK YOU JESUS!

 

by bigworm
7-06-10
Oh God!!! What'll I do?
Wahhhh!! Waahhh!!
My dick is gone!!!

 

by bigworm
7-06-10
Let's give it up for B.B. King Crab!!!
My dick is gone! My dick is gone away.
YAY!!! Sing it B.B.!!!

 

by bigworm
7-06-10
Just a doggone minute now!!!
Huh?!!!
That mother fucker ain't no 'blue crab'!!! Check it out!!!
Oh shit!
He's PINK!!!

 

And I used to like bubbles...
by bigworm, 7-07-10

 

ignominious...
...synchronicity
by bigworm, 7-07-10

 

by bigworm
7-07-10
Lovely day, isn't it?
Not really.
Look, if all you've got to say is something negative, I don't want to hear it.
Wouldn't you agree that it's a tad humid?
I suppose so.
And there's a little too much salt in the air for my liking.

 

Worm boners.
by bigworm, 7-08-10

 

by bigworm
7-08-10
It seemed entirely natural that when she 'dove down', she would encounter an eel.
Needless to say, she began to fantasize about the eel...
Wait 'till I get my slobbering mouth on you...
The dirty little strumpet couldn't help herself.
I'm gonna' suck the stinking slime right off your stinking skin, you gigantic, throbbing, and mesmerizingly undulating, cock-like creature of the deep.

 

by bigworm
7-11-10
a little harmless banter...
Why do we look like such HOMOS?
Uhhhhh... I don't know, why?
to ensure...
Because we ARE!!!
Oh yeh...
they're on the same page.
HA! HA! HA! Ha-coo-EE!!! HA! HA! HA! Ha-coo-EE! HA! HA! HA! Ha-coo-EE!!! *slobber* he he!
HAR HARDY yick yick...HAR HAR yicky!!! HAR HARDY yick yick... HAR HAR yicky!!! *drool* *drip* tee-hee-hee!

 

by bigworm
7-11-10
a little music...
Do you like Steve Miller?
HELL YEH I like Steve Miller!!!
...
Then take a seat big boy, and I'll be right back.
to bring out the devil.
"I'm a Spaaaaaaaaace Homo... I bet you weren't ready for that! I'm a Spaaaaaaaaace Homo...."
WHOOP!!!! WHOOOP!!! *jigga-jigga* WHOOP!!! WHOOP!!! WHOOOP!!! *diddle-diddle*

 

by bigworm
7-11-10
a little more music...
Do you like Sam The Sham?
I ADORE Sam The Sham!!!
...
Then have yourself a seat Mr. Christ...
to cinch the deal!
"My horns is RED-HOT!!! Your horns is DOODELY-SQUAT!!! YEH...My horns is RED-HOT!!!"
Oh MY GOD!!! *toga rip* I'm gonna' cu... *toga shred* I'm cu... *toga mince-meat*!!!

 

by bigworm
7-13-10
Father. I find I'm having a problem reconciling the notion that you and I are ONE. Something about me being crucified, and you NOT being... *bing*...
it's...in...the...word... It's a 'WORD' game? *bing* *bang* It's a fucking 'WORD' GAME?!!! *bing* *bang* *bong* IT'S NOTHING BUT A GODDAMN FUCKING 'WORD' GAME!!! Whew...damn!!!
It's MILLER TIME!!!..........*bing* not.

 

by bigworm
7-16-10
What do you want me to do with it? It's dead for sure!
Hold on... I'm scanning it. It's not dead at all. It's still quite alive. What a survivor!
What a will to live huh? That's incredible.
I'll say it is! Just lay it gently down on the ground.
I'm gonna' have to shoot it again!

 

by bigworm
7-16-10
You remember the time when I said to you... if I pull down my pants, will you lick my shitty bung? And you said "Yes"?
Of course I remember it! I SO thought you were joking!
I so thought YOU were joking!
So...
So...

 

by bigworm
7-16-10
Women say men could never endure the pain of childbirth like they've had...
Just a minute!! What do they say that for? I mean... men can't even give birth in the first place!
Hum... that's a good point! In addition, they fail to mention that they got a big ol' hole between their legs, that men don't have.
Of course they fail to mention it... would you want the whole world to know you had a cunt the size of New York City?
In the news this evening... Cats and Dogs agree that cunts the size of Portland Oregon, are preferred!
Groovacious!!!

 

I was watching you when you were scanning that near-dead cat. You moved the scanner in a circular motion. That's wrong! You're supposed to go up and down!
Sir, it's obvious from the readings that there's more than one way to scan a cat.
by bigworm, 7-18-10

 

by bigworm
7-18-10
How may I help you?
I want to study Zen.
I will be right back.
Roshi, there is a new student. He scares me. Could you answer his questions?
Why does the 'unsui' dream of my 'keisaku'?

 

by bigworm
7-18-10
Roshi says, to qualify as a student, you must answer a 'koan'.
What's a 'koan'?
It's a question which will lead you to enlightenment.
Okay, what's the question?
What is the sound of one hand clapping?
umm... uhh... half the sound of two hands?

 

by bigworm
7-18-10
I'm sorry, your answer... "half the sound of two hands" is incorrect. You must now leave forever.
I have a koan for you!
Please ask it quickly before you depart.
How long will it take me to chop you up into dog food?
Welcome to the monastary.

 

by bigworm
7-18-10
Late the evening of his first day at the monastary...
What IS the sound of one hand clapping?
...Butch has a revelation!
*bing*

 

by bigworm
7-20-10
Welcome to the great 'DOWN UNDER'! You are required to fill out the immigrant application page before proceeding inland.
Question #1- Are you naturally inclined to perform criminal acts?
NO!!! Of course not!
Thank you for your interest in the 'Down Under'. You may apply again in 6 months.

 

by bigworm
7-20-10
6 MONTHS LATER...
Question #1- Are you naturally inclined to perform criminal acts?
Yes, I am.
Question #2- Do you enjoy killing kangaroos?
No!
You may apply again in 6 months.
wtf!!!?

 

by bigworm
7-20-10
6 MONTHS LATER...
Question #1- ...inclined to perform criminal acts? ____________ Question #2- ...enjoy killing kangaroos?
Yes, I'm naturally inclined to perform criminal acts. ______________ Yes, I enjoy killing kangaroos.
Question #3- Do you often wear feminine shorty-shorts that make you look like some kind of confused faggot?
Hell no!!!
Thank you, You may apply again in 6 months.

 

by bigworm
7-20-10
Roshi, I say to him... "What is last sound heard before dying?"
What he say?
He say... "Chainsaw."
...hmmm
...that sound bad.

 

by bigworm
7-20-10
Roshi say... "Why you hear chainsaw before you die?"
I don't.

 

by bigworm
7-20-10
So, back for another try, eh?
No, I'm back to tell you to fuck off!!! You're nothin' but an obsolete piece of crap, 'roo crap at that!
*beep* *BEEP* Security!
A whiny little piece of chicken-shit 'roo crap!
G'day mate!

 

by bigworm
7-20-10
I wish we had lived in totally different parts of the ocean.
I wish he had never even come over.
I wish my mom never had sex with him!

 

by bigworm
7-21-10
I beg your pardon... but the rules state that masks can only be worn on holidays.
ehh...
...but every day is holiday when you are here.

 

by bigworm
7-21-10
Did you just piss on that flower?!!!
No sir!
*whew*
I hate being punished by bees!

 

by bigworm
7-22-10
Dear Father... why am I so gay?
'Cus you're a fuckin' fag.

Showing page 5.

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