All comics by crabby

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by crabby
11-23-01
Linda most of the things Roger did didn't make any sense. He never treated you the way I always felt you should be treated.
Billy it smells awful in here. I could smell it all the way outside too. Did you burn something?
I might have, but thats not the point I'm trying to display my love to you and all you can talk about is the stench of your asshole husbands burnt body!
Oh my god Billy! What's going on here? Your scaring me wheres Roger stop playing around like this!
Linda I've gotten rid of Roger! We don't have to worry about him getting between us ever again. It's just you and me now.
Billy you kinky bastard I never thought you'd really go through with it.

 

by crabby
11-23-01
Linda I love you! Now that asshole can't keep us from seeing each other anymore.
I'm so glad you got rid of that asshole, but you have to clean up the mess better. You can't just leave his car sitting out front. We'll take his car and leave it in the woods.
Alright Linda that will work. I'll go burn some leaves or something so it will cover up the smell.
Don't worry about that smell it won't be going away any time soon.
Linda lets run off the Vegas and get married!
Calm down Billy we have our whole lives for that. Now where's that dill dip I love so much.

 

by crabby
11-26-01
Do you think the human in the anal probe chamber may be able to explain the cherry scented bath towel?
Perhaps. Guards send in the anal probe prisoner.
Explain the cherry scented bath towel or else you will be anally probed yet again.
WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU GUYS TALKING ABOUT! I GOT NO FUCKING ANUS TO PROBE JUST LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE OR BRING ME A GOAT!
First explain to us what cherry scented bath towels are.
FUCK! CHERRY SCENTED BATH TOWELS ARE PLENTIFUL NOW BRING ON THE HOT TAIL.

 

by crabby
11-27-01
God has sent me here to destroy the earth and I need help. Help me clippy help me!
JESUS! YOU NEED TO USE COMMERCIALISM FIND THE MOST COMMERCIAL THING POSSIBLE AND USE IT TO DESTROY HUMANITY!
I have to save the world from being destroyed by Jesus what should I do!
Use satans most powerful tool to win the fight. Use commercialism to drive away Jesus.
AND SO GOOD VS. EVIL BOTH SEND IN THERE WARRIORS IN A BATTLE TO END ALL BATTLES.......
Harry Potter shall destroy you in the name of Jesus!
Harry Potter shall destroy you in the name of Spankling!

 

by crabby
11-27-01
What up brother snow!
Your a dirty bastard and no one will ever love you.
What up Jolly Saint Nick!
HO HO HO HO!!!!!! MERRY FUCK OFF!!!!!!!
What up all powerful Lord of Darkness!
Good day!

 

by crabby
11-27-01

 

by crabby
11-27-01

 

by crabby
11-27-01
I've come to over throw you old man! Your to old to run things here!
Hey pal I don't want any trouble you look big I bet you even have a sword but I'm gonna shrink you!
Make me big again before I mae you regret what you've just done!
I just shrunk you why would I care about what you could do! I'm gonna make it worse for you now!
MEDIC!
FOOL!!!!!!!!

 

by crabby
11-27-01
Aye good day govenor! I just get back from the PUB and boy are my arms Tired! HAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!
You dirty Brit!
Come now love I just wanna be your Big Ben!!!!! HAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!
You dirty Brit!
I'm a walking joke! God Bless the QUEEN!
I always get the crazies!

 

by crabby
11-28-01
Hey there Govenor whats that in the box?
It's a gift isn't it? Let me have it!
RAAAAARRRRR!!!!!!! TOBOR WILL CORNHOLE YOU!!!!!!!!!
Well isn't that a kick in the pants, love!

 

by crabby
11-28-01
I hate christmas so much noone ever gets me what I want! No one thinks about my feelings at all!
Screw everyone they can all go to hell! Screw christmas too I fucking hate it! I hate it! I hate it!
God damn it! I fucking burned the god damn tree! That'll teach those bastards to piss me off! I hate it and I'm going to the north pole to fucking kill Santa!

 

by crabby
11-28-01
Alright asshole I wanna see your boss and I wanna see him now!
Look I'm just one of the dark ones minions. I'm gonna send you to my supervisor then you can talk to him about getting you in to see the big guy.
Hey fuck you pal! I came here to kill your boss now let me in to ice that fat fuck!
Ok! First things first you see this box? It's for security purposes I'm gonna let security outta this box and he's gonna search you then we can talk to about getting you in to see the big guy.
Lets get this search over with I got things to do!!
RAAAAARRRRR!!!!!!!! TOBOR GIVE FULL CAVITY SEARCH!!!!!!!!!

 

by crabby
11-28-01
Fuck me in the goat ass! That prick doesn't play games when it comes to thos cavity searches does he? Jesus that hurt!
TOBOR is certainly a dream boat he's security and #1 love doctor around here. Come on I'll take you to see the big guy lets go.
So we meet at last asshole! I always knew that beard was fucking fake ;ets rip it off and see what we find!
No, don't do it! Don't do it!
Fuck I always knew it!
Come on SANTA SATAN everyone knows about me!

 

by crabby
11-28-01
Fuck dude! Your a dirty cunt christmas sucks big floppy donkey cock!
How would you like a job in my workshop!
Fuck yeah I'm your man!
I'm gonna put you in charge of the whiny asshole department!
I FUCKING HATE CHRISTMAS SO FUCKING MUCH!!!!!!!
How would you like a trident up your ass?

 

by crabby
11-28-01
Oh my God! I was only dreaming thank god! My trees still here and everything!
Fuck yeah best idea I've ever gotten from a dream! Way better than killing those whores!
I'm getting in the christmas spirit now fuck off!

 

by crabby
11-28-01
CHRISTMAS BOOBS

 

by crabby
11-29-01
I've lured you here in the dead of winter to finally put an end to you once and for all!
Fool! The Dark Lord of Science will not succumb to your games of trivial matters. Your whole orginization shall be brought to it's knees!
Lets see how you look this punch!
Fool! Your powers of love are useless against me!
Try this panty shot on for size!
I hate you!

 

by crabby
11-29-01
Baby you got all the curves I look for in a woman. Is it just me or are you not wearing a wedding ring.
I'm a paper clip.
Your a damn sexy paper clip I'd love to have you emailed to me as an attachment baby!
Have you thought about finding a human woman to be with or perhaps an aquatic woman?
Baby I've had enough aqua tail for a million blowfish! I'm looking for a new trick to turn.
Let's go to your underwater lair of love.

 

by crabby
12-01-01
Now you go on TV and tell them where Rudolph touched you and where he has the pictures hidden. This should get the media off my back.
No problem Lord Santa.
Then Rudolph said he wanted me to take extremely graphic pictures and touched my left buttock.
The rumors are all true. However, the pictures were not for me at all. They were all for Lord Santa! He said he wanted to get them to stare at while he's running his elvish sweat shop!

 

by crabby
12-02-01
Why hello there. Babysitting huh?
Well actually this is my baby I had to come pick up some diapers cause it's all out and my girlfriend says she can't wear a paper bag.
Oh i see. So............why would you wanna use a paper bag are you dumb?
I'm not really sure whats going on. I'm new to this baby thing and I'm just trying the best I can so whats going on with you?
Well I was gonna ask for your number but your obviously taken.
I wonder if I'm allowed to date?

 

by crabby
12-05-01
I bought this baby fair and square officer!

 

by crabby
12-05-01
Behold the demon spawn from which great power shall some day arise!
Yeah he's 5 months now. So you say he has power huh?
He is filled with the fury of the Dark Lord himself! He contains enough hell fire in his veins to feed a million hell fire hungry dragons for the rest of eternity!
He made the cutest noise yesterday.
That noise played backwards contains directions to HELL! The child will repeat the same noise on his 34 birthday! After which he will return home to HELL to take the throne from the Dark Lord!
ok.

 

by crabby
12-06-01
I'm sending you to the earth to battle earths greatest champion! Make your father proud!
He shall be destroyed by my hell fire Master!
So your the chump rocket they sent here to battle me huh? Well your in big trouble cause Captain Uterus is gonna pound you!
I am a child of pure darkness. I am fed hell fire before I wander off into a dream-like state of readyness. I have nothing to fear from you fool!
I fucked your mother!
You fiend!

 

by crabby
12-06-01
Mother you vile temptress have you brought dishonor to the royal court by sleeping with a mortal!
Come now love that boy was just trying to rattle you with a childish taunt. Don't let him do it govenor show him how strong you are. Taunt him back!
Fool! You have brought dishonor to my mother and the royal court by speaking in flase tongue of your actions with her.
I fucked your uncle!
Bah! You fiend!
It was good!

 

by crabby
12-06-01
Uncle is it true you were violated by a mortal?
Honey child the man had the mouth of a Greek God! I couldn't resist.
Father my uncle your brother has brought shame to the royal court! He allowed himself to be violated by a mortal!
Captain Uterus again I thought I sent you to destroy him? Now return to earth and finish the job!
Mortal prepare to be defeated by the Dark Prince of Hell!
Why don't you come back to my place and we can talk through this over some wine.

 

by crabby
12-06-01
You have fondled my hell balls and licked my evil scrotum! I have brought disgrace to the high council I can never return to my post in Hell now!
Look baby there's always gonna be a place for the Dark Princess of Hell here. Why don't I add your name to my booty call rolodex.
I thought perhaps we had something special! I thought maybe we could build on this experience.
Fuck you.
Why do you wanna hurt me?
Your an ugly woman and no one likes you.

 

by crabby
12-06-01
Perhaps if I get a make over my true love Captain Uterus will respect me more.
Can you make me beautiful?
Sonny I could put a pussy on a bison and make the president lust after him like a high schooler in heat.
So I take it thats a yes?
Yes.

 

by crabby
12-06-01
You've been in that beauty chamber for a while now. Why don't you come out and we'll see how it worked.
Ok but be nice.
Your a deer.
Am I at least a sexy deer?
Sure.
Now it's time for me to go reclaim my true love!

 

by crabby
12-06-01
Hey there good looking! How about me and you go and have a good time?
Wait a minute I smell Devil asshole on you. Fuck you! You went and got a make over like I wouldn't figure it out.
I just want us to be together.
Fuck you whore go and find someone else!
I'm gonna die lonely and alone in a sea of loneliness!
HOLY FUCK! CHECK OUT THIS PICE OF ASS!

 

by crabby
12-06-01
Hey there good looking! How about me and you go and have a good time?
Wait a minute I smell Devil asshole on you. Fuck you! You went and got a make over like I wouldn't figure it out.
I just want us to be together.
Fuck you whore go and find someone else!
I'm gonna die lonely and alone in a sea of loneliness!
HOLY FUCK! CHECK OUT THIS PIECE OF ASS!

 

by crabby
12-08-01
There's no such thing as Santa.
Now why would you say a mean and hurtful thing like that?
Lisa Kudrow! What are you doing here?
I'm here to prove to you that Satan isn't fake he's very real and he watches you at all times!
Actually I said there was no Santa not Satan.
Oh my mistake.

 

by crabby
12-09-01
Doc I've ben having that dream again. You know the one that comes with those nocturnal emissions.
Ah yes, the one with the herring.
Thats the one doc! This time he was wearing earmuffs and threatened to amputate my nose.
This herring story always turns me on. So ls just end this session. Take this certificate.
So your giving me a certificate that says I'm insane.
Actually it's a map to my house. Lets get some herring and have a good time!

 

by crabby
12-12-01
Hey my dad told me if you spit on a hobo he'll make all your Christmas dreams come true.
Thats an urban legend and you know it you dirty cunt. When did your dad tell you that? While you choking his cock down as an after dinner treat!
Screw you Billy! I'm gonna go spit on a hobo so he'll come after you.
The only thing your gonna spit on is your mothers cunt before you make dirty incest love to her!
One month later...........
So then the hobo went to Billy's house and slit his throat with a rusty hanger.
Holy shit! I always thought it was just an urban legend about you fucking your parents you dirty cunt licker!

 

by crabby
12-13-01
Alright lets get this straight you work for me! I don't take no shit! You get paid half up front and the other half after you finish the job. Got that scum!
I understand boss. I better get going the bitch has had it coming for a long time.
Alright bitch my boss sent me here to handle his buisness! Now where are the plans?
Not talking huh? You stupid bitch!

 

by crabby
12-16-01

 

by crabby
12-18-01
We now return to the conclusion of Blue Balls N' Pam.........
I will not blow you on a boat, I will not blow you with a goat, I will not blow you in a box, I will not blow you with a fox, I will not blow you here or there, I will not blow you ANYWHERE!
Bitch!

 

by crabby
12-18-01
Yo G I'm fucking sick and tired of these punk asses rolling up in our hood. We should do something about that shit homey!
Bitch ass crackers come over here talking all their shit. Let them come up in here with their bullshit!
Yo G you should go face that hood man to man!
Hell yeah I no where he be to! I'm gonna go confront his ass right now his crew ain't shit!

 

by crabby
12-25-01
Now get in the bed bitch before I sting the shit out of you!
RAAAAAAAARRRRR!!!!! TOBOR WILL CORNHOLE YOU!!!!!!
Bitch theres a new terror in town and his name is BEEBOR so shut the fuck up before I sting your nuts!
Oh no! Please, not my nuts sir.
Thats right bitch now get in bed!
Yes sir.

 

by crabby
12-25-01
What the fuck did you expect us to do after Christmas is over?

 

by crabby
12-25-01
What the fuck did you expect us to do after Christmas?

 

by crabby
12-25-01
LadyJ I'm in big trouble im going to a party but I don't know what kind of dessert to bring I thought you might be able to give me a good suggestion.
You know what I might be able to help you if I gave a fuck. Your not worth my time so I've already forgotten what you asked you dirty little cuntsplash.
Hey I don't want any trouble. I just thought you could help. I guess I'll ask someone else.
Oh are you still talking to me? Don't even bother asking anyone else because they will just agree with me and why shouldn't they you dirty little cuntgobbler.
Well thanks maybe I should just go kill myself.
Quit talking about it and go do it ya freaking cuntball. Come on I'll walk you to a gun store.

 

by crabby
12-25-01
Yo player theres a new mack in these parts. Pimps up hoes down only enough room for one of us playboy.
I heard about you TwizzleStick this is my hood yo! These bitches only answer to the name HuneyBunny!
Hold up a second player your tellin me yo pimping name is HoneyBunny!
Hell yeah and all these bitches know that there only be one Phat Daddy in this hood and it's HuneyBunny!
Yo TwizzleStick don't want know beef partna.
I want you to star in my new movie Disco GodFather 5 Freddy's BADDDDDASSSSSS SONG! Can you feel me player?

 

by crabby
12-29-01
I'm writing you up for a ticket for ZAPPING in a no ZAPPING zone.
Keep talking I'll haul your ass in for resisting arrest.
That's it I'm calling for back up you fucked with the wrong officer.

 

by crabby
12-29-01
First this fucker ZAPS in a no ZAPPING zone then he starts giving me lip. You go question him I need some time to calm down.
You relax there buddy. Don't wanna pull a muscle. I'll go question this prick.
So it seems you've been ZAPPING in a no ZAPPING zone. Care to explain why.
Whoa whoa whoa whoa pal! Theres no need to raise your voice. Thats it I'm gonna have to mace ya.

 

by crabby
12-29-01
I maced the little prick. Lets haul his ass down to the station for more questioning.
I don't think I'd be able to control myself around that prick, you go get him.
Alright pal come on, were taking you down to the station.
We are gonna put you away for a long time. Your lip isn't helping anything for you either so why don't you just shut your mouth.

 

by crabby
12-29-01
The chief wants to see that scum bag.
That pricks in for some big trouble now. I hope they lock that asshole up and throw away the key.
Why don't you start by telling me why you were ZAPPING in a no ZAPPING zone.
Why don't you leave my mother outta this you little prick. I'm gonna see to it that your locked up for a long time.

 

by crabby
12-29-01
How do you plead?
I hereby sentence you to four non consecutive life sentences for ZAPPING in a no ZAPPING zone.
Get this miserable little prick out of my face.

 

by crabby
12-29-01
So what are you locked up for?
Hey I'm just trying to be a pal theres no need to threaten me.
Fuck you! You know that FUCK YOU! I hope you fucking have kids cause when I get out of here in a month I'm gonna find em and gut em! Thats it I'm gonna gut em and bake a pie. Then I'm gonna eat it.

 

by crabby
12-29-01
Hey stay away from the new guy he's a real prick.
Perhaps he'll be interested in coming to the church services on Sunday. I'll go ask him.
Hello brother. Now that you'll be spending your remaing days here with us, I thought perhaps you'd be interested in attending our church services.
Alright screw you then you little prick. I hope Dwayne gets you alone in a corner and rapes the fuck outta you, you sheep skinned blue balled sissy!

 

by crabby
12-29-01
You never stop do ya you dirty little prick? We got you on tape stealing books from the prison library. What do you say about that?
Oh tough guy huh? Well the warden says were locking you up in the TANK. You like the sound of that you little prick?
I hope you rot in there!

Showing page 5.

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