All comics by theburninator

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by theburninator
4-03-08
I'm pretty sure the picture's still a little crooked...
No fucking way, dude. I put it on the wall myself. That fucker's straight as an arrow, baby.
Have you had a little too much to drink?
Not yet. I'm gonna pound this fifth of bourbon and we'll see where things go from there.
Well, it's just that the picture isn't even on the wall. As a matter fact, it's not even a picture - it's the neighbor's azalea bush, and it's nailed to the couch.
Man, I have a fucking FISH HAND.

 

by theburninator
4-07-08
Deep in the Ghetto...
Hey, buddy, you gots any change fo' a brotha in need?
Sure, here.
Hey, thanks, buddy!
Don't mention it.
Lookin' to score some rock?
Sheeityeah, nigga!

 

by theburninator
4-13-08
My god... do you have any idea what this means?!
No, what?

 

Bitch.
Fag.
by theburninator, 4-19-08

 

by theburninator
4-20-08

 

by theburninator
4-21-08
Hey, you must be-
Shut up! Don't use my fucking name! And don't turn around. I don't want you to see me.
Oh, sorry... well, did, uh... did you bring the stuff?
I brought it, yes. I will leave it on the floor behind you. When I exit the premises, you may turn around and pick it up and be on your way.
Fifteen minutes later.
So... Got anyplace to be?
Not really.

 

by theburninator
4-28-08
What?
I didn't say anything.
Oh, sorry... I thought I heard you--
What?
I DIDN'T FUCKING SAY ANYTHING!

 

by theburninator
9-28-08
Excuse me... I think you're in my seat.
But this is the window seat.
Yeah, the window seat is mine. But that's ok. My sister has a window seat a couple rows back; could you switch with her so we can sit together?
....So.... You want my window seat?
IT'S MY FUCKING SEAT!

 

by theburninator
9-28-08
HIIIIII-YA!!!
AAAOOOOWWWW!! YOU FUCKING CUNT!!!!
Wow...I'm glad that wasn't my boob.

 

by theburninator
10-28-08
Run, Ilsa!! I'll hold them off as long as I can!
But, Rick! You'll be killed! The Nazis have superhuman strength and can run sixty miles per hour!
Cut, cut, CUT!!
Don't worry, Ilsa, I'll... wait. Wait, what?! Nazis can't run sixty miles an hour!
Um, are you going off the script?...
Zack, what gives? Nazis don't have superhuman strength.
Hey, who's the director here? Do you know how much money Dawn of the Dead made? MORE THAN YOU'RE WORTH!! Now get back over there and SAY THE FUCKING LINES!

 

by theburninator
4-16-09
Daddy, am I old enough to have a squirting orgasm?
*Urp* Jesus H. Teabagging Christ, Sally! Can't I even finish my grapefruit and coffee before you start in?!
Mommy, am I old enough to deepthroat?
GodDAMMIT, Sally! Where did you HEAR this shit?!
They said no.
Did you tell them the video is only $9.95?

 

by theburninator
4-21-09
Hmm... did I remember to send the rent check last Friday?...
...
Oh yeah! My landlord's a zombie!

 

by theburninator
2-04-10
Ok, so I just saw a trailer for a cop comedy starring Bruce Willis and Tracy Morgan.
Seriously? Are you sure it wasn't just a sketch on 30 Rock?
dun DUN DUNNNNNNN
...my brain...
My god... reality has begun to satirize satire! This could mean the end of all humorous life AS WE KNOW IT!!!

 

by theburninator
2-04-10
Elsewhere (Saint)
...And it stars - get this - TRACY MORGAN!! The man who has made a career of making a parody of himself by way of his fictitious persona HIMSELF!
And that will be funny?
Absolutely! The man is mockery of a mockery! He's funny because he pretends to be to unintentionally humorous while being consciously humorous and unconsciously... *erk*
Johnson?
Well, doctor?
Post-Dramatic Stress Syndrome. Pretty serious. He's in a coma, but if they write a sequel to this thing, he might just pull through.

 

by theburninator
2-04-10
Last week, on ELSEWHERE (saint)...
Mrs. Goodworthington, I'm... afraid your husband has... passed on. I'm sorry.
Oh, god, no!
*click*
Man, TV sucks. It's just the same old stupid jokes rehashed again and again.
what the fuck are you talking about?

 

by theburninator
2-04-10
So, you're saying that post-modernism has become so diluted by pop culture that it's now impossible to tell where one ends and the other begins?
No, I'm saying that pop culture has become so diluted by post-modernism that it's impossible to tell the difference.
I'm sorry, were you being sarcastic?
I... I don't even know anymore. What time is The Simpsons on?

 

by theburninator
2-04-10
My brain hurts.
Naturally. What we once found to be entertaining due to utter lack of grounding in reality is quickly becoming entirely plausible and ever more likely!
Are you telling me that the future of comedy is at stake?
Most definitely. Once we lose the ability to laugh at that which is totally improbable, our lives will congeal into a purposeless mass of anti-humour which no anecdote may ever penetrate.
That's not funny.
No, it isn't.

 

by theburninator
2-04-10
somewhere (FOUND)
So, this movie is a parody, right?
Not at all! It's an honest buddy-cop action-comedy! Family friendly!
But... but it's such a joke! The actors are parodies of themselves, and the entire premise is a parody of a parody! The idea of it is absolutely hysterical... but the reality is so... so depressing.
Exactly! The idea of it is comic gold, so we made it a reality! You have to love this movie! You said the idea was great!
No... No, I said the idea was great, but the concept is... is... I wish I was dead.
Now that's what I think is funny!

 

by theburninator
8-22-10
I've gotten pretty good at killing zombies lately.

 

by theburninator
8-22-10
I'm scared.
I'm still scared.
That was scary.

Showing page 5.

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