All comics by Boritom

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by Boritom
7-24-03
I DON'T NEED THIS PLACE TO DO CMOICS :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D
Then fucking go elsewhere, already!

 

by Boritom
7-24-03
http://www.stripcreator.com/view.php?author=Netuohnav&ID=162638
The perplexing thing to me is...
He seems to want to pick on me...
...yet is intellectually incapable of finishing a comic unless it has vaginal bleeding in the punchline. Kinda sad, really.

 

by Boritom
7-25-03
Hey, Doug, I just wanted to tell you that all that shit in the forums... it was just kidding around, you know...
POOP SHITTER >:
I mean, you know... noone would take that stuff seriously. You know it's all just goofing around, right?
SHIT POOPER >:
Just exactly how many times were you dropped on your head as a child?
SHOOT PIPPER :><:

 

by Boritom
7-25-03
I thought you were going to apologize to Doug for being so mean to him!
I tried, but I honestly question whether he was capable of verbal communication or comprehension.
You're being a real dick about this!
Fine... You don't believe me? You go talk to him!
Hi, Doug... I'm a friend of Adam's, and I was hoping I could...
I'M A STARFISH! POOP SHITTER >:

 

by Boritom
7-25-03
Welcome to "Who Wants To Be An ASSHAT?"
This is the StripCreator game of Skill and comedic genius that anyone can enjoy! Sort of an unofficial Comic Contest!
The rules are simple. We all flame eachother through our comics, Call eachother names, call their sexuality into question...
...Or just make a gigantic ass of yourself! The idea is, using your comics to do your talking, and post them here in the "Read My Damn Comics" forum!
What does the winner get?
Most likely, banned for life from the strip creator!

 

by Boritom
7-25-03
http://www.stripcreator.com/view.php?author=Netuohnav&ID=162825
Well, I'm firmly convinced Netuohnav is trying to get banned from the SC.
Why do you say that?
He's doing a series bashing Brad.
Not very smart, is he...
I never said he was. I just said he was a racist pinhead!
No shit, right?

 

by Boritom
7-25-03
Okay, so get this. I start the Asshat thread by saying "Pick on me! I'm beggin Ya! Post mean, awful comics about me! I'll do ya the same courtesy!"
Then I post 3 comics in a row, showing that it's meant to be a contest of wits, for fun and frolic, and so forth...
Then some dork thinks I'm all pissed off and shit! I tell you, it's fucking hilarious!
I don't get it...

 

by Boritom
7-25-03
There are those who speculate that Doug, Mr Adventure and Netuohnev are all the same person.
Yes, for one thing, they all post in the forums using all capital letters, crappy English, and enough ascii smilies to choke a horse.
There is of course a simple way to find out whether this is true or not.
One could simply do a trace of their IP addresses.
There is one drawback to this, though...
Nobody cares enough about them to put in the effort.

 

by Boritom
7-25-03
HI WHO ARE YOU WILL YOU BE MY NEW FRIEND? :LOL
I can't be your friend right now... Maybe later.
LOL U R A FAG CUZ YOU WON'T BE MY FRIEND AND YOUR PROBABLY BANGING BRAD!
If it makes you feel better to think that, I can't stop you.
NIGGERZ LOL!!! :)
Nobody finds that N word shit amusing.

 

by Boritom
7-25-03
Okay, girls, the idea is I pay you $500 to participate, and another $1,000 if you can avoid getting shot! Now, who wants to get naked and run through the woods?
Ummm... No!
Is this guy a total asshat, or what?
How far up into your body cavity would you like your balls kicked again?
I could make twice that going down on Wayne Newton!
I'll do it, Sonny!

 

by Boritom
7-25-03
This sucks...
I had plans for my life... I was gonna be a mover and a shaker. I was going to contribute to the world!
Cool... Fresh food!
I hate my death!

 

by Boritom
7-25-03
Goddamn it, I'm SICK of being DEAD!
You hear me, God? I said I'm sick and tired of being FUCKING DEAD! You gonna do something about THAT, Oh All-Powerful one?
Would you shut the fuck up already? I'm trying to decompose over here!
Oh... sorry...

 

by Boritom
7-25-03
That's it! I'm going to avenge myself upon the living and become a demonic minion of the undead! I shall slaughter and enslave the living!
Groovy! How do you plan to accomplish that?
Uhhh, err... I'll get back to you on that.

 

by Boritom
7-25-03
I shall burst from my grave, and become a ghoulish, brain eating zombie!
Go you!
Aw shit... my teeth fell out!

 

by Boritom
7-25-03
So, I guess now you're off to roam the night looking for spicy fresh brains to eat, right?
Well?
I don'th wan tho thay anything.
HA HA HA HAAA! Your teeth fell out! Fucking loser! Hahahahahahaaa!
Athhole!

 

by Boritom
7-25-03
So Deadsy roams the night... looking for brains to eat.
Bwainth! Bwaaaiiinnth!
I'm sorry, did you day you were looking for Dwayne?
No, Bwainth! BWAAAIIINNTH!!!
Uhhh... no, I don't think it's going to rain...
You phuggin ibiuth, I wang do eed yo bwainth!
You really ought to see a doctor about that severed arm, friend!

 

by Boritom
7-25-03
Eath Bwainth!
What would Geronimo say if he jumped out of an airplane?
What the fuck?
Atham, Quith weathing over peoplth comicth while twying to wite yo own!
I'm not sure what he just said, so it's back to my stock punchline pose!

 

by Boritom
7-25-03
Nobody finds that N word shit amusing!
I think the fact their combined Member Rating equals 0 stars says it all. Not to mention it took 30 votes between all four accounts to get such high marks.
Anime is for fags!
The Stripcreator chat hopefully shouldn't crash every day anymore.
toborcornholeyounow!
What would Geronimo say if he jumped out of an airplane?
If I'm hungry for brains, I think I'm in the wrong place!

 

by Boritom
7-28-03
Bob Hope: 1903 - 2003
We respectfully shall refrain today from doing any mean-spirited comics today about Bob Hope.
Yes, we feel that it would be inappropriate to make light of such a well loved entertainer while his family is still in mourning.
Tomorrow, though...
The gloves come off, Baby

 

by Boritom
7-28-03
Thesuth, you yook woth than I tho!
Sorry, what did you say?
I Thaid... oh thit, I keep fogetting, aww my theeth feww outh.
Jeez... that's gotta suck. How do you get the brains out of the skulls of the living?
Wonco Poget Fitherman
As seen on TV!

 

by Boritom
7-28-03
I see you decided to come back. Have enough brains?
Naw... Ith dutht dat i couldn'th thalk wight wiffouth theeth...
Bad luck...
How do you just jump in and out of your grave like that?
This is a comic... it doesn't have to be logical!

 

by Boritom
7-28-03
Mr. Carleson's office. How may I help you?
Yes is Mr. Carleson there? This is Bob Morgan.
I'm sorry, Mr. Morgan. Mr. Carleson is in a meeting right now. Can I take a message?
Yeah... Tell him I need him to retun my call as soon as possible!
That is... if he doesn't want the photographs to get out!

 

by Boritom
7-28-03
Hi Linda. Were there any messages for me while I was out?
Just one, Mr. Carleson. A Mr. Bob Morgan called. He wants you to call him back as soon as possible.
Bob Morgan... Hmmm... something familiar about the name...
I already checked, and he's never been one of our clients.
Well, better check the personell files, too. I kind of like to know who I'm dealing with.
Should I be getting the Kevlar vests out of storage?

 

by Boritom
7-28-03
I ran a full check of all employee records, Mr. Carleson. No Bob Morgan ever worked for us.
Okay, Thanks, Linda.
If you need anything, I'll be across the hall.
I appreciate it. Thanks...
I wonder if it's too late to become a cowboy or an astronaut when I grew up.

 

by Boritom
7-28-03
Yes, I'm calling for Bob Morgan? This is Jim Carleson.
I know who you are.
What was It I can do for you, Mr. Morgan?
Please, call me Bob, Jim!
Okay, well, Bob, I think you have me at a bit of a disadvantage...
That's one way of putting it.

 

by Boritom
7-28-03
Adam, I don't mind telling you, things were way creepy at work. I don't know for certain, but I believe my boss is in some kind of trouble.
I'm sorry, Sweetheart. If there's anything I can do to help, name it.
Well, we need to dig up everything we can on a Bob Morgan. I have a feeling he is someone from Mr. Carleson's past.
Uhhh... well...
What's wrong?
When I said "Name it," I was referring to something like a back rub or a foot massage.

 

by Boritom
7-28-03
You look a wreck, Adam.
I didn't get a lick of sleep last night, Bor.
Linda's on this mission to help her boss out of some kind of trouble, and now she's dragging me into it.
I told you not to get involved with a girl who spent her childhood reading old Nancy Drew books!

 

by Boritom
7-28-03
Linda, I need to leave town for a couple of days. I'll have my cellphone with me, but other than urgent calls, I'd prefer not to be disturbed.
I understand, Sir.
If Bob Morgan calls, put him through to my cell immediately.
Yes, Mr. Carleson.
And, err... if my wife calls... Tell her I love her!
~gulp!~

 

by Boritom
7-28-03
I don't mind telling you, I'm really worried about Linda. I have the weirdest feeling she's going to do something rash.
Adam, she's just worried about her boss. Maybe it's just that she is in danger of losing her job.
I doubt that, Diane. She's been there over six years, and made herself virtually indispenceable to that company. The only thing that could lose her that job is...
Is if something happened to her boss... something drastic!
Diane, I've got a bad feeling about this!
Damn, things are bad when you'll quote Star Wars!

 

by Boritom
7-28-03
Boritom, I need your help. My boss is flying out of the country, and I need a way to track him.
Linda, I'm on this planet as an observer. I cannot go interfering with events on your world.
Don't tell me; your planet has some sort of assinine "non-interferance" directive.
That's about the size of it.
How can you call yourselves more advanced than humanity, when you fall back on hackneyed old Star Trek plot devices as a matter of political policy?
Touche'.

 

by Boritom
7-28-03
(sound: Knock-Knock-Knock!)
Who is it?
Don't open the door, and don't ask that again. Just listen.
What the f...
If you want to keep your hot little girlfriend alive, you better tell her to mind her own business!
Oh God... Linda!
We're watching you both! One false move, and your sweet little bitch is a memory, Got it?

 

by Boritom
7-28-03
This is going to be harder than I thought...
What do you mean? How many Bob Morgan's can there be?
Bob is the #266 most common male name. 0.055% of men in the US are named Bob. Around 67375 US men are named Bob!
Okay, so it's a common first name...
Stats courtesy of NameStatistics.com
Morgan is the #57 most common last name. 0.118% of last names in the US are Morgan. Around 295000 US last names are Morgan!
Why can't my boss have enemies with names like Elmo Fuzzwilker or something?

 

by Boritom
7-28-03
Bor, I need you to stop helping Linda.
What? But you're the one who told her to come to me in the first place!
I didn't want to get mixed up in this!
Look, I can't go into it, but Linda's life is in danger.
Oops!
Oops? What do you mean OOPS? I know what I've done when I say oops, so what did you do, Bor? What is "Oops?"
Calm down, Bill Cosby, and I'll tell you!

 

by Boritom
7-29-03
Mosul?!? Holy shit, Bor! Why did you let her go to Mosul?
I didn't let her go, I just told her that Mosul was where her boss was headed, and that a Bob Morgan was also headed there.
Yeah? Well whoever this Bob Morgan guy is, he's way bad news! He had someone come over yesterday and threaten to kill Linda!
Well, then, I guess it's up to us to save her. I normally wouldn't do this, but...
Later...
I'm not so sure taking your spaceship is such a great idea, Bor.
You know how hard it is to try to book a last-minute flight to Mosul on Priceline.com?

 

by Boritom
7-29-03
Uh oh... this isn't good.
What? What isn't good?
Well, I'm sufficiently cloaked from any electronic detection systems, but ground movement indicates that American forces have made visual contact.
Oh my God...
On the bright side, they couldn't possibly mistake my ship for a WMD.
That's little comfort, seeing as how this ship looks like a big, warp-powered GRAPE!

 

by Boritom
7-29-03
Just Outside Mosul
Hi... I'm James Carleson. I was supposed to meet someone named Muhshad here.
I am he. I will guide you to your destiny.
What is the matter?
I'm not sure I like the way you phrased that...

 

by Boritom
7-29-03
So... Have you worked for Mr. Morgan long?
He is not my employer, no Sir. We are simply, how you say, acquaintences.
Look, before I go any further with you, I need to know... what is it exactly that Morgan has on me?
That he has not told me. All I know is that, according to Mr. Morgan, you are very bad man.
Sweet Jesus...
Come, now...
we go!

 

by Boritom
7-29-03
*Crash!* *rumble-rumble*
Sorry about the bumpy ride... I'm doing my best to avoid the ground-to-air missiles
(Urp)...err, whatever it takes, buddy... Just so we save Linda...
Uh-Oh... HANG ON!
SHIIIITTTT!!!
KA-POOOWWW!!!!

 

by Boritom
7-29-03
Did you hear that? It sounded like an explosion!
We hear a lot of that kind of thing here. It is nothing to worry about.
You don't like me, do you.
Truthfully, I detest you. You Americans have brought my family much misery. That and Mr. Morgan has said you have done terrible, terrible things.
Plus the fact that that is the worst "Power Tie" I have ever seen. It's probably Faux silk!

 

by Boritom
7-29-03
I'm sorry we must detain you, miss. You must understand, an American civilian, who is not Press, wandering the streets of Mosul.
Look, I really don't have time to explain. Someone's life is in grave danger!
I understand perfectly. We live, day to day, with severe danger. Perhaps I could be persuaded to expidite your questioning, though.
That would be wonde... uhhh... what kind of persuasion are we talking about?
Ahkmed! Bring me the Barry White 8-tracks!
Holy shit... gotta think quick... what would that chick in Raiders of the Lost Ark do?

 

by Boritom
7-29-03
How could I have been so stupid. Flying all the way out to Mosul without telling anyone...
...that creep is about to rape me, and then he still won't let me go... I'll never see Adam or Boritom again... I'll never see my folks... never taste chocolate again...
*sniff* I'll miss the season premiere of Angel...

 

by Boritom
7-29-03
Well, from here, I guess we're a-foot!
How bad is the damage to your ship?
I'll be able to fix it... eventually. Right now, though, we need to worry about survival...
Any ideas?
A few... he he he!
I like the way you think, Boritom!

 

by Boritom
7-29-03
For you, I ask to wait here. I go get Morgan!
Okay...
This is just great... I don't even know why I'm here. I don't remember doing anything compromising that anyone would have pictures of...
At least, not since my first year in college... Wait... No... It couldn't be...

 

by Boritom
7-29-03
James... my old friend. How are things?
You're Bob Morgan? I'm sorry, but I don't remember...
Oh, we've never met, face to face... but I do remember you... Very Well!
Look, I've had enough of this! What is this all about? What do you want from me?
Your cooperation, friend... nothing more!
This guy looks like he should be hosting Goth night somewhere...

 

by Boritom
7-29-03
Look, Morgan, I'm not doing a God Damned thing for you until you tell me exactly what kind of photographs you have?
Ooohhh... they're plenty juicy, let me tell you.
We got pics of you touching an 8 year old girl!
I don't see how that's possible! I've honestly never done such a thing!
You might want to have a look for yourself...

 

by Boritom
7-29-03
You've got to be kidding me! Both of us were 8 years old. That's Suzy Wilkerson, from my 2nd grade class!
All the press needs to know is that she was 8 years old, and you had your hands on her.
First off, you're a sick son of a bitch for even having those pictures! You're the one who'll go down for peddling kiddie porn to the press. Forget it, I'm not helping you!
Well, there is the other alternative...
What other alternative?
You do have a tasty little wife back home. It'd be a shame for anything to happen to her!

 

by Boritom
7-29-03
Damn... This desert gets chilly at night. Maybe we should stop somewhere and make camp.
I wouldn't advise it. My scanner shows that patrols are moving through here on a regular interval. Inertia would be inadviseable,
Scanner? I though that thing was a gun!
It has many functions. Would you like it to read your Tarot?
Stop being funny!
I'm not!

 

by Boritom
7-29-03
Now, my dear, it is time for us to become, how you say, better acquainted?
Holy crap... he left the cell door open! What an asshat!
Come closer to me!
Uhhh... Okay, if you really want me to...
A couple swift kicks later...
Sorry about that... I don't like Barry White's music!
ooooooohhhhhh... my balls...

 

by Boritom
7-29-03
What are we stopping for...
I've locked on to Linda's bio signature... she's on the move!
Where?
About 1.14 kilometers due East of here... Uh oh... That can't be good...
What can't be good?
No time... we need to move NOW!

 

by Boritom
7-29-03
*gasp* Gotta... keep moving... find somewhere... safe!
Halt Infidel! Halt, or we SHOOT!
BLAM... BLAM...
There she is! LINDA!!!!
NO, ADAM... DON'T
Morgan, we have found the infidel woman, Linda... We believe we have her pinned down near the edge of the desert!
Which desert? This place is freakin' Full of 'em!

Showing page 6.

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