All comics by Cobb

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by Cobb
10-01-03
do you believe that karl rove has said anything about us?
we didn't chip him. he's not in our control. but does he even know we exist?
it's very difficult to know exactly what karl rove does or does not know.
and there are too many people watching for us to do and abduction. he'd be missed.
i've got a bad feeling about this.
maybe if we make the cubs win, everybody will forget.

 

by Cobb
10-02-03
the new subdivision is complete.
yes, they have already started selling houses there behind my back fence.
have you seen any of the people coming through?
i am not so familiar with americans, but i can tell you that they are not like us.
maybe we should start a neighborhood association.
actually, i could use a break on my property taxes.

 

by Cobb
10-02-03
so you think these new people will lower our property values?
yes, because they are mostly white.
that's not exactly how it goes, my brother.
but we are a racially diverse neighborhood. that's a big plus, isn't it?
college applications and mortgage applications are two different things.
(sigh). life in basra was so simple..

 

by Cobb
10-02-03
i heard you are starting a neighborhood association.
yeah. i'm thinking we need to do something to get to know the new folks.
you're right. it could be a bunch of weirdos.
well, those houses are about the same price as ours.
what if they don't speak english?
the middle class ain't what it used to be.

 

by Cobb
10-02-03
you must be from the new subdivision.
in da hizzouse!
welcome.
so whazzaaaaap?
i don't quite understand.
where da bitches at homie?

 

by Cobb
10-02-03
i think we're going to have a problem.
with the new neighbors you mean?
yeah. they have mice.
hopefully, it's just a few who were chased out of the field by the construction.
i heard you talkin' shit. am i goin' to have to punk you or what?
you'll have to punk my cat first.

 

by Cobb
10-02-03
i'm back in business.
600 million. i heard.
you know i might really find those weapons of mass destruction.
blix was only getting in your way.
so, do you want to come this time?
what? you couldn't afford chemical sniffers for 600 million?

 

by Cobb
10-03-03
i don't know what you're trying to prove, but this is a nice neighborhood and you just don't fit in.
ain't that a bitch? who you sposed to be?
i'm the head of the neighborhood association.
so the quota is filled, eh? can't have any real niggas around here?
it's not that. well... not really. uhm.
yeah i thought so. punk ass beyatch! i'm calling my lawyer.

 

by Cobb
10-03-03
i don't see why a little mouse has you so upset.
you haven't met him. he's a menace to society!
oh c'mon. it has been less than a week. what harm has he really done?
it's not what he's done, but what he might do.
that's a little pre-emptive wouldn't you say?
fine. fine. let's just go with sanctions.

 

by Cobb
10-03-03
what we need to do is show them who's boss.
you know, for once i agree with you.
hey, you were just soft momentarily 'cause your father was in jail. we knew you'd come around.
whatever. let's just put together an offensive strategy.
now you're talking. who should we bring in?
get me the clown.

 

by Cobb
10-03-03
i'm prepared to set up a protest march in favor of the new neighbors.
for once, i agree with you.
hey, you just got overexcited about the defeat of saddam. we knew you'd come back to your senses.
whatever, let's just put together a defensive strategy.
now you're talking. how should we start?
get me the choirboy.

 

by Cobb
10-03-03
yo dawg. you see the shizzle that's goin' down?
nope. what's happening?
the establishment don't wanna see peeps like you an me around here. it's straight out racist. i'm gonna need you to bite somebody.
that's harsh. what's in it for me?
your self-respect nigga!
but i've always been man's best friend. you're the only one who calls me nigga.

 

by Cobb
10-03-03
yo! have you noticed that there is no handicap parking in this new neighborhood?
not really, i don't drive.
this shit is out of compliance. they don't want you around here.
that's not fair. we have our rights.
i'm tellin' you man. you better get with the program.
yeah! are we men or are we... uhm, i'll start a letter writing campaign.

 

by Cobb
10-03-03
i don't like the way things are shaping up. have you met anyone from the other side?
hold on. let me hack into their chatroom.
is that really necessary? we could just walk a couple blocks and meet them.
hey, i'm just using the skills that the army taught me. you have to know your enemy.
i don't know.
crips. they have crips!

 

by Cobb
10-03-03
on behalf of the neighborhood association, i really appreciate you volunteering.
i've got the experience. somebody has got to do it.
just think. a couple weeks ago that was just a construction site. now it's populated with hostile strangers.
well, they won't contaminate us.
are you sure you're ready to go?
if i don't come back in 2 hours, you know what to do.

 

by Cobb
10-06-03
now israel has bombed syria. it just never stops.
good. scratch one more terrorist training camp.
this expands the scope of israeli military action destabilizes the region and destabilizes the region.
this expands the war on terrorism to its proper dimensions and sends a message that it will not be tolerated.
forgive us the breach of positive commands and negative commands, whether or not they involve an act, whether or not they are known to us.

 

by Cobb
10-06-03
it has been over three hours since we sent him over to the new neighbors.
yeah. this can't be good.
i think we need to initiate plan 'b'.
i wonder what he's doing over there.
i can't believe it. you're a gamer too?
i've got cheats gameshark doesn't even know about.

 

by Cobb
10-06-03
loaded with cash, you say?
i thought my dad had money.
hmm. do you think they would recognize me from my previous career?
there's only one way to find out...
hey, where is your dad by the way? i have this really great investment idea..
i'm sure you do but you've got to test it on the new neighbors first, then we'll talk.

 

by Cobb
10-06-03
they're just a bunch of lying liars!
the church cannot get directly involved of course, but we will be praying for tolerance.
can't we all just get along?
you've obviously learned a great number of moral lessons...
no justice! no peace!
..by rote, it would seem.

 

by Cobb
10-06-03
we're in support of integration right?
all the way!
and we want to everyone to live together in harmony right?
it doesn't matter who you are, we all have to live together.
have you actually met any of the new folks?
no. what's your point?

 

by Cobb
10-08-03
the results are in and arnold schwartzenegger is now the governor elect of california.
political experts around the country are completely at a loss to explain why. quite frankly we can't explain it either.
you da man!
no, you da man!

 

by Cobb
10-10-03
yo homie did you make a wrong turn? this ain't your neighborhood.
i know. i'm from right around the way, and i came here to do some business.
what you need to do is mind your business. you got no business around here.
excuse me, but i am a very successful entertainer and political candidate for governor of california.
yo! i thought you looked familiar. hey. do you really know any of those chicks?
step into my office.

 

by Cobb
10-10-03
i'm surprised that you are showing such intolerance.
those people are bringing rats into the neighborhood. we have to take a stand.
'those people?' tsk tsk tsk.
ok why don't you act as a go-between?
i can do that. what's your first message?
we reserve the right to pre-emptive action in order to assure our security.

 

by Cobb
10-10-03
i got your letter.
well we do need to fight for our standing as oppressed people.
well, i met one of the neighbors and they don't seem so bad.
why do you take their side over mine? don't you understand how hard it is to get respect?
no. i have absolutely no clue. duh!
oh, so you're halle berry now?

 

by Cobb
10-10-03
now what?
you've got to meet with the new people. this tension is no good.
you do it. i have to come with the hard line.
that's just so foolish. i'm going over there right now to make some friends. how weird can they be?
yonder comes one.
i see 'em. scoot over a bit so i can get a clear shot.

 

by Cobb
10-12-03
ok what is it?
what is what?
your wish. hurry up i'm on a tight schedule.
you're kidding me right?
i'm the liberal fairy. i never lie. your wildest dream is about to come true.
oh man this has got to go for more than just three panels.

 

by Cobb
10-13-03
what is a liberal fairy?
not 'a', 'the' liberal fairy. i am the being that daily proves that dreams can come true.
so you grant three wishes?
no. that's a genie. i make just one dream come true.
just noticing, you seem to have rather large breasts for such a small creature.
ha! you should see the conservative fairy.

 

by Cobb
10-13-03
so why did you pick me?
oh it's totally whimsical. i enter the space-time continuum and pop out randomly.
so there's just one liberal fairy for the whole universe?
pretty much.
you don't get to earth very often do you?
hmm. that's what robespierre said.

 

by Cobb
10-13-03
so you haven't made a dream come true on earth since 1794?
no. i was responsible for k.c. and the sunshine band.
so do you have a dream or not?

 

by Cobb
10-13-03
another car bombing in iraq. who's sorry now?
hey there are 86 out of 88 neighborhood councils now functioning in baghdad.
speaking of neighborhood councils..
no i haven't seen any of the new neighbors. so what?
how can we expect to lead iraq to freedom when we don't even speak to our neighbors?
this is america. we've got blogs.

 

by Cobb
10-14-03
you are the child of upper middle class black parents, correct?
some people would say we're wealthy. my dad made a killing in the stock market. he's a broker.
what was your sat score?
i didn't take the sat.
so how am i supposed to prove you're statistically inferior to white college-bound students?
you'd probably have to write an essay which is supported by logic.

 

by Cobb
10-14-03
so what about college?
i did for a couple years. boring. i quit.
aha! so even though your parents are educated, you don't value education. what kind of job can you get?
i just drive around and collect rent on the properties we own. wanna see my new lexus?
i hate you.
yeah. i get that a lot.

 

by Cobb
10-15-03
steve bartman. age 26. works in lincolnshire, illinois.
who's that?
the idiot fan who cost the cubs game six.
oh that guy. where'd you get the info?
bob novak. but i didn't really ask, he just kind of casually mentioned it.
bartman must be fair game. you get anything on his wife?

 

by Cobb
10-16-03
ok. i've decided. i dream that...
no. no. the liberal fairy already knows your dream.
there.
i think i should go find steve bartman.

 

by Cobb
10-16-03
man do i have news..
he's gone!
this fued between the state department, whitehouse, pentagon and cia has gone too far.

 

by Cobb
10-16-03
ok now we've got arnold in place in california. what's the next step in operation klamath?
don't play coy with me.
what do you mean?
the cubs, you idiot. you were supposed to make the cubs win.
bartman is all the focus. nobody cares about valerie plame any longer. they're not even saying 'plame'. rove has dodged the bullet. our identities are safe.
you know, i think inventing all these conspiracies has warped our understanding of causality.

 

by Cobb
10-18-03
..so i think you should stick to your guns, man.
and go back into the porno business?
look. you tried to go legit but they wasn't trying to hear that.
still. i'm tired of looking over my shoulder. there's a lot of shady people in porn.
that's where i come in. i gots muscle.
mouse based security?

 

by Cobb
10-18-03
easterbrook is anti-semitic. he should be fired!
yeah i blogged that last week.
1.3 billion muslims are trying to take over the world!
yeah i heard about that too. blogged it.
americans are complacent! they think that just having the right opinion is the same as righteousness.
look. i did something about that. don't you read my blog?

 

by Cobb
10-18-03
hold it right there missy. what're you doing over here?
hey. i er. was just visiting and trying to make friends.
i suppose you look harmless enough
i can't believe this is how you greet people.
why? don't you believe in the second amendment?

 

by Cobb
10-18-03
the way i see it is simple. greeting a person with a gun settles things quickly.
i don't get it.
if they are an enemy of the second amendment, they skedaddle.
and if they are a friend of the second amendment they admire your gun.
precisely. so which are you?
i don't know if you can trust any answer i might give from this position.

 

by Cobb
10-18-03
so rabbit, what's new?
oh stuff it. i know you're going to start bragging about some new deal at nasa.
actually, i think i'm taking a trip to beijing.
yes, of course the chinese space program. so if you've got the inside track, why am i only hearing it now?
i've been calling your house but you never answer.
oh yeah that. hey i've got some extra levitra we can sell over there. let's talk business.

 

by Cobb
10-18-03
how do you expect me to sell levitra over in china? don't you know what the government is like over there?
well, i figured you would stop in hongkong, not the manchurian provinces.
i don't really need the money.
i dare..
..i accept.
that's more like the chimp i know.

 

by Cobb
10-19-03
gregg easterbrook has been fired from his job for anti-semitic statements.
this is just another example of how far the liberal media has gone to restrict the truth.
but he apologized. he didn't really mean it. it was just a poor choice of words.
this is just another example of how the forces of political correctness are restricting free speech.
there's no job security if you open your mouth.
hey, maybe now we can hang out and fire up some columbian.

 

by Cobb
10-19-03
not only has easterbrook been fired but they erased everything he ever wrote. he's an un-person.
you're always going on about the 'blogosphere'. why not just have him blog?
but he's a good writer. doesn't he deserve to get paid?
they'll find somebody else. what's the difference?
sure, but the chilling effect is scary. you have to watch what you say or you'll lose your job.
oh you mean like if you work at a supermarket in california and say 'i want health benefits'?

 

by Cobb
10-19-03
do you think someone should be fired for a poor choice of words?
discretion of speech is more than eloquence; and to speak agreeably to him with whom we deal is more than to speak in good words or in good order.
do you think someone should be fired for a poor choice of words?
yeah. especially if they were hired because somebody thought they had a good choice of words.
do you think someone should be fired for a poor choice of words?
hell no. what kinda shit is that?

 

by Cobb
10-19-03
so is your human trippin' about this journalist who got fired?
yeah. what's anti-semitism anyway?
its the special kind of racism for jews, where people actually get punished, except for leonard jeffries.
we need to get some clout like that.
nobody takes peta seriously anymore.
not like they were doing much for creatures like you...

 

by Cobb
10-19-03
i've been thinking about business.
you've got a plan?
yes. i need you to represent the oppressed animals of the world. we need to rise up!
that's a very noble idea. i may not be up to the task...
in order for us to rise up. you have to do some shaking down.
i'm your man.

 

by Cobb
10-21-03
you set my bird free. bring him back!
your bird? how dare you presume...
look, i was the only human he ever trusted. we needed each other.
you must realize that i disapprove of everything you are.
and you call yourself a liberal fairy? how liberal are you? i have dreams too.
i don't think that the north koreans would appreciate your kinds of dreams.

 

by Cobb
10-21-03
leave the north koreans out of this. just give me back my damn bird, you unctious little twit!
aren't we huffy? i should remind you with whom you are dealing. i have supernatural powers.
yes, but you also have a bleeding heart, that is your weakness.
ha! do you think a person like you can get any sympathy from me?
pretty please, with sugar and cream?
oh my god, you have such big puppy eyes!

 

by Cobb
10-21-03
see? i'm just a scared little boy on the inside reacting to all the cruelty in the world.
wow. without your mask it's hard to believe that you're a contract killer for the cia.
i hate myself for the depths of evil i lower myself to. that bird helped me discover this about myself. you gotta help me by bringing him back.
well, now that you put it that way, and you have unmasked yourself..
yes! it's working!
i heard that.

Showing page 6.

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