All comics by DrMorton

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by DrMorton
1-05-11
I know what everybody´s thinking right now.
How could he? He made a new year´s resolution not to. And he sounded so earnest and determined this time...
But when Russell Brand showed up at my doorstep I just knew I had to decorate my christmas tree with a severed head one last time.

 

by DrMorton
1-08-11
And seeing a fig tree afar off having leaves, he came, if haply, he might find anything thereon. And when he came to it he found nothing but leaves; for the time of figs was not.
No man eat fruit of thee hereafter! [STOMP!]
Erm, Jesus ... I might not have studied biology but I doubt that that really was a fig tree.
Ok, which of you darn hippies killed off my award-winning orchids?

 

by DrMorton
1-09-11
... but now I´ve found out you´ve been screwing around with those other girls, you scumbag!
I´m leaving you and I´m taking all the furniture and our savings with me.
By the way, I´ve mailed this to all your lovers´ husbands too. I also enclosed your home address. Have fun!

 

by DrMorton
1-10-11
Oh, my god! What´s happened to your hand?
I´ve created a tiny wormhole and stuck my hand in it.
Where does it lead to?
I doubt we´ll ever find out.
Hey! Someone just grabbed my butt. But ... but there´s no one there?!
Hehe.

 

by DrMorton
1-13-11
"Dear future customer. Find enclosed a free sample of our finest product: An exclusive selection of 20 pounds of exquisite mouse feces for your personal unlimited use
They were personally fabricated by our specially skilled staff here at Rodent & Rodent Ltd. Don´t miss this unique opportunity and order your monthly delivery today.
By ordering our products you will also become a veritable social benefactor. One single order will garantee the jobs of 500 employees for a period of two months."

 

by DrMorton
7-01-12
Hey, don't use your claws! I'll lose my balance, I'll ... aaaaaargh!
Hey, don't use your claws! I'll lose my balance, I'll ... aaaaaargh!
Hm, I wonder if maybe the third of The Amazing Fratelli Triplets will realize that juggling cats to brush up their boring tight rope act is a stupid idea. Ok no, here he comes..
Hey, don't use your claws! I'll lose my balance, I'll ... aaaaaargh!

 

by DrMorton
7-11-14
When letting my eyes gaze over the wall/That hours before had looked oh so fine/I realized that fingerpainting the lot of it all/Was to be considered the most hideous crime.
Then I examined my fingers, the stains of red/Which sight made me think even more/If upon planning the art in my head/I Should have questioned the use of gore.
Gaining my last insight I trembled with fear / It drove me to deeply regret what I did / Killing the nanny had been a foolish idea / For my diapers just filled with shit.

 

by DrMorton
7-25-14
Ah, Jesus! Second coming already due?
Hey, listen to me! How am I supposed to tempt you if you don´t listen?
Whatever.
Hmm. The old man's marketing trick of having him come back as a hipster might just backfire. A Chvrches back stage pass should be enough to pull him over.
Will there be a tapas buffet?

 

by DrMorton
7-30-14
Oh my god, it´s Jesus! I´m taking a dump next to Jesus! How do you behave while taking a dump next to Jesus? I must not misbehave! I might end up in´hell!
Eww, that looks tacky. Turn around, Melvin, turn around!
Oh shit! That guy saw me taking a dump. That´s not good for my divine image. I have to ask him to keep quiet about this.
Ah, screw it! I´ll just send him to hell...

 

by DrMorton
7-31-14
Darling I have to come clean about something. Our marriage is based on a lie.
What?
I´m really Tor Torkildsen, Norwegian novelist and seaman. I faked my death in 2006, and took the false identity of Bruce Green, loving husband and accountant.
What are you talking about? It´s not possible! We´ve been married and living in this house for 27 years!
Now I remember. I´m really Bruce Green. I killed Torkildsen to steal his identity and escape this miserable marriage. After the killing I forgot to go ahead with it. I should quit drinking Akvavit.

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