All comics by JESUSSANDWICH

Profile

 

by JESUSSANDWICH
10-13-05
Without weed there be no Internet.

 

by JESUSSANDWICH
10-13-05
Hello what can I help you with?
I need a bunch of severed dicks for my mother, she loves severed dicks.
I might have some in the back for you.
Oh good mother will be so please maybe she wont make me put on the wig tonight and have me "service" her friends.

 

by JESUSSANDWICH
10-14-05
Without weed: Monkeys would be chased around cities by giant pencils.
AHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!

 

by JESUSSANDWICH
10-14-05
In fact without weed there would be no life at all. The planet would be as bare and deserted as a taping of the "Tony Danza show"

 

by JESUSSANDWICH
10-14-05
Well I could call this one guy, but its going to cost you extra.
Any thing except the chains mother anything except the chains
Hey Frank
Hey John.
Could you hook up this customer with some severed dicks.
Ok man but let me finish what I was in the middle of first

 

Say no to gays in the military everyone.
by JESUSSANDWICH, 10-14-05

 

Thats when the nuclear holocaust happened.
by JESUSSANDWICH, 10-14-05

 

by JESUSSANDWICH
10-19-05
Nah, I changed my mind.
Besides,
I will probably just run into another loser with a Used shirt and a faux hawk.

 

by JESUSSANDWICH
10-19-05
I know maybe the internet will settle my thirst for blood.
http://www.punktorrents.com
What the fuck is this Coheed and Cambira in the punk section fuck off.

 

by JESUSSANDWICH
10-20-05
So your first names Geddy.
Yeah.
Thats very odd.
Yeah.

 

by JESUSSANDWICH
10-22-05
Righto lets take over the world.
Here, here.

 

Care for a cup of tea and some light sodomy?
Spot-on
by JESUSSANDWICH, 10-22-05

 

by JESUSSANDWICH
10-22-05
So plant now that we rule the world what would you like to do?
I always wanted to teach a retarded child to calculate the area of a circle.
Why on earth would you want to do that?
To sell him to the mafia so I can slowly take over the world.

 

by JESUSSANDWICH
10-22-05
Leaving nothing left alive. Hold on were receiving a tranmission from the republic of China.
*chortling*
We are your rulers now pitiful earth residents.
Oh I am sorry that was not the republic of China. In other news doctors have been mystified by the exploding baby virus.

 

by JESUSSANDWICH
10-23-05
Our next demand is for inteligent design and Evolution to stop being taught at school's.
Yes thats not the way it happened anyways.
Yes everyone knows that Abe Vigoda shat out the first humans.
Just after he beat the dinosaurs to death.

 

by JESUSSANDWICH
10-23-05
Whos that over there?
WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON?
IS THIS THE END FOR OUR HERO?
OH SHIT! I DONT WANNA DIE!!

 

by JESUSSANDWICH
10-24-05
Alas another night of getting drunk alone at my fat girlfriends house.
I fear tonight I will die of alcohol poisoning. My greatest regret is never knowing my parents.
Holy fucking shit what the fuck is that!
I am the ghost of Fred Willard. Prepare to see what life is like without colonoscopies.

 

by JESUSSANDWICH
10-24-05
Wait youre not Lord Chumky, my bad sorry.
That was a very random occurence.
Hey, am I late?
Wait, who the fuck are you?
Oh I sorry, I am phantom Brad Pitt. I help people with their problems just like the real Brad Pitt.

 

by JESUSSANDWICH
10-24-05
Why didn't I get the real Brad Pitt?
Because he is busy making Troy 2: Electric Boogaloo.

 

by JESUSSANDWICH
10-24-05
So what exacltly do you do?
Basically I just stand around looking cool.

 

by JESUSSANDWICH
10-24-05
What abou-
Shhhhhhhh! You're messing up my concentration.

 

by JESUSSANDWICH
10-24-05
You done?
Just a bit longer.

 

by JESUSSANDWICH
10-24-05
Now I am done.
So why are you here?
To show you what it was like without toilet paper.
I dont think thats right.
WELL SHITHEAD I dont care what you think now do I?

 

by JESUSSANDWICH
10-24-05
Nope, I think you have got the wrong bathroom as well.
WELL YOU CAN JUS- wait, Is your name Jennifer Love Hewwit?
Do I look like I am Jennifer Love Hewwit?
You could just be a bit big for your age.

 

by JESUSSANDWICH
10-24-05
Yeah, no.
Ok sorry. bye.
Things just keep getting weirder and weirder around here tonight.
I am sorry I couldnt find the directions and my electric car died on me.

 

by JESUSSANDWICH
10-24-05
Let me take a guess.
Alrighty.
You're the best friend to Kirk Douglas who befriended a midget who told him to help all the people in the world so he can gain height. Something like that?
All wrong.
Then what?!
I am Ed Begley Jr's best friend.

 

by JESUSSANDWICH
10-24-05
Is it time to begin? Hold on let me get into character

 

by JESUSSANDWICH
10-24-05
Ahem!
YOU PARENTS IS STILL ALIVE, YOU GO FIND THEM MAKE BOOM-BOOM!
Is that all?
Yeah basically.

 

by JESUSSANDWICH
10-24-05
Wait my parents are ALIVE!
Yeah, thats what I just said.
Oh.
Wanna go get some chinese food or something?
Yeah sure, why not.

 

by JESUSSANDWICH
10-24-05
HEY WAITER COULD GET SOME MORE GENERAL TSAO OVER HERE? THANKS!
I am totally not tipping this guy.
So whats Ed like?
He's made of pure plutonium.
How does he not melt his family?
They're made of lead.

 

by JESUSSANDWICH
10-24-05
That sounds like bullshit.
Nuh-uh!
Uh-huh!
Nuh-uh!
Uh-huh!
Nuh-uh!

 

by JESUSSANDWICH
10-24-05
Yeah, were not gonna do this.
Ok, but I get some of your sweet and sour pork.
Deal.
Agreed.
What happened to my parents? Why did they leave me?
Oh yeah, they went to Alaska on a special mission for Ed and never came back.

 

by JESUSSANDWICH
10-24-05
What kind of mission were they involved in?
I can't say, its absolutely classified. But I can say it had nothing to do with Mr T.
We-
Not a damn thing.
Wha-
Not a thingy doodle doo.

 

by JESUSSANDWICH
10-25-05
So what should I go to Alaska?
Sure why not.
Oh where oh where can my parents be!
Santa this is Alaska not the north pole. Fuck off.
Ho ho hrrrrr.

 

by JESUSSANDWICH
10-25-05
Hey I think that's my parents over there.

 

by JESUSSANDWICH
10-25-05
So it turns out my parents had frozen to death years earlier and I just got a frost-bitten ass for nothing.
Wow
How anticlimatic.

 

by JESUSSANDWICH
11-01-05
Who is that behind me?
Are you my Executioner?
Yes, and my axe is radioactive!
Something has gone horribly wrong!
NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

 

Hooray! I am not gonna die alone.
This guy is gonna die alone.
by JESUSSANDWICH, 11-01-05

 

by JESUSSANDWICH
11-10-05
Hey Dad, am I really adopted?
Ehm... Tom, listen, ehm... You better ask your mom.
Hey Mom, am I really adopted?
Of course not, my dear!
I just got raped in Harlem.

 

by JESUSSANDWICH
11-10-05
Life is just like waiting for a bus
You wait and wait for your redemption.
And then you get sucked off behind the dumpster for four dollars.

 

by JESUSSANDWICH
11-10-05
Dear Saul, I got you this horse because you said you always wanted one.
PS: I hate you.

 

by JESUSSANDWICH
11-19-05
On the Titanic's lido deck the day before the night of the crash
I wonder what were eating for lunch tomorrow?
Probably some scallops and capers.
That souond delicious.
Yes, I have a slight bit of pity for the lower class cabins.
Why cause they have to suck our dicks for sustenance?
Quite right.

 

Assholes.
by JESUSSANDWICH, 12-12-05

 

by JESUSSANDWICH
1-01-06
Hey have you seen Hari_Nezumi's sig?
its a peice of " border=0>
Yeah I rather lick monkey " border=0>
HAHAHAHAH, " border=0> yeah!

 

by JESUSSANDWICH
1-03-06
Well thats the last one on the list tonight
Man I love being a hitman, I wish I could kill people forever!
FOR SOOTH I AM THE GHOST OF RACHEL GOTTI, I AM GONNA HAVE THE GHOST MAFIA ON YOUR ASS!

 

by JESUSSANDWICH
1-03-06
Waaaait wait wait, what the fuck?
Yeah seriously, I wanna speak with the author about this peice of ridiculous shit.
Ok you got me, what do you want?
First off, couldn't you give me anymore motivation than "ME LIKE KILL"
And where the FUCK did I come from am I the ghost of whoever he just killed? Or what? You need to work on your stories you stupid dipshit!
I can try again if you really want, just stop yelling at me. I dont want to have to silence you with the rubbing alcohol anymore.

 

by JESUSSANDWICH
1-03-06
Welcome to RoboJots home of the metal hotdog! May I please take your order.
Give me a MechDog with cheese and don't skimp on the zinc!
Hold the fuck on......
Ok.
How the fuck is this guy gonna end this?
Probably somthing involving ANAL BLEEDING

 

by JESUSSANDWICH
1-09-06
I am Jerry Orbach
Didn't you die?
Relax my son, this is the second comming
I thought you were Jerry Orbach, not Jesus what gives?
Jerry Orbach is Jesus simpleton!

 

by JESUSSANDWICH
1-10-06
I am the bug. I live in the hole in the wall, you may not see me but I see you and all of your actions.
I know all about you and you can never get rid of me, never. I will always be waiting and watching.
I am ruled by no man, my only god is myself.
Dude you dropped way too much acid.

 

by JESUSSANDWICH
1-27-06
So you are saying the indefinate possibility is that we could all be just puppets of a grand plan or scheme?
Hehehehe you have teeth.

Showing page 6.

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