All comics by NeoVid

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by NeoVid
2-18-03
For freeing me, I will give you one wish.
Just one? Ripoff.
Which would you rather have, one or zero?
Okay! I wish I was smarter and better looking.
Done.

 

by NeoVid
2-18-03
In exchange for your soul, I can grant any one wish.
All right, I wish that for as long as I want, I will be immortal, infinitely powerful, and have total knowledge of and control over my abilities.
Dammit.
I've been thinking about this for a long time.

 

by NeoVid
2-18-03
Your character has just found a wishing ring.
Seriously? All your other players say I'll abuse wishes like crazy.
No, I think it'll turn out all right. So, what does your character want to get?
He's getting that +10 vorpal sword he's always wanted! Now I'll show everyone what I've got.
Oh, by the way, if you didn't want the sword to appear point-down in the air over your character's head, you should have said so.
*sob*

 

by NeoVid
2-22-03
So you were the only one to show up for the last game this store ran? So you got all the prizes?
No, they canceled the tournament and didn't give out any prizes, even though the game company says prizes have to be given out.
Hey, if you don't like our policy, you can be BANNED from this store!
So... you're saying I'm in trouble for objecting to your breaking the rules?
Of course you are.

 

by NeoVid
2-28-03
This computer's power button is back here, the connector for the phone line is here, and the brightness control is here.
Where's the control to turn up the brightness of the people online?
...God, I wish someone would invent that.

 

There's only one bad thing about being half black and half white: I have no idea whether O.J. did it or not.
by NeoVid, 2-28-03

 

by NeoVid
3-11-03
Your application to adopt a child has been rejected.
The state decided that you are totally unsuited to raising a baby.
So you'll have to have one of your own.

 

by NeoVid
3-11-03
That was Fear Factor!
Coming up next, The True Face of Michael Jackson!
Aren't those the same show?

 

by NeoVid
3-15-03
Weirdo.

 

by NeoVid
3-25-03
Congratulations, you've just won the first annual Loser Award!
You got it for your record 77 comic contest long losing streak.
Thank you. I'll work hard to continue my streak in contest 178.

 

by NeoVid
4-01-03
Now are you going to stop and ask directions?
No! The LA-San Francisco route really does go through Assbite, Kentucky, Stompem Flats, Sasketchewan, and Burned Scrotum, Arizona!

 

by NeoVid
4-04-03
Do you see the cops busting all those guys?
Sure did. Reminded me of when I was a kid.
I used to get in trouble with the law all the time. Or "the fuzz" as we called 'em in my day.
Were you ever picked up by the fuzz?
Nah, but I've been swung around by the 'nads.

 

by NeoVid
4-05-03
Dr Pedantic made Tobor look like a fool again...
HEY, YOU!
Uh oh.
TELL DOCTOR PEDANTIC THAT TOBOR WANTS TO GIVE HIM A BIG FAT WET ONE. AND I DON'T MEAN A KISS!!

 

by NeoVid
4-12-03
Why aren't you wearing a costume? You're not showing any creativity!

 

by NeoVid
4-15-03
Plagarize from regular: go back to start.
We will have brutal vengeance on this pathetic fleshling.
Do not suck dick. Do not collect $200.
Asian Girl punchline. Lose a turn, you lazy bastard.

 

by NeoVid
4-16-03
FIND GREAT COMICS BY SOMEONE WHO ONLY USED THE SITE ONCE: Gain $100 for the discovery, but lose a turn from depression.
Why aren't any of the regs this good?
You're out of here like DH-01! Double your movement next turn.
KAUFMAN KROSSING: come up with a pun about clones.
You can't treat me like a dupe!

 

by NeoVid
4-24-03
You told me that I'd make a good impression here by doing the opposite of what you do, and posting a lot.
Yeah.
And everyone at SC despises me now.
Well, there's one thing you should know...
If you're dumb enough to listen to me, you deserve what you get.

 

by NeoVid
4-25-03
I'm telling you, you dumbass farmboy, you're adopted.
I don't believe it.
It's true. You might be too dumb to notice you don't look like your family, but everyone else has.
That can't be true, can it, Dad?!?

 

by NeoVid
4-29-03
I'M YOUR HOST, ED MCMAHONRAPE. WELCOME TO 'WHOSE STRIP IS IT ANYWAY,' THE SERIES WHERE EVERYTHING'S MADE UP AND THE POINTS DON'T MATTER.
THAT'S RIGHT, THE POINTS ARE LIKE WIRTHLING'S DIGNITY. LET'S MEET OUR CONTESTANTS.
'MS EXPRESSIVE' MAURA AND 'I COULDA BEEN A MAIN CHARACTUH' TYLER!
'I'M TOO PEDANTIC FOR MY SHIRT' SCIENTIST AND 'GET OFF OF ME, GABE' WIGUDONKEY!
You should not have been using single quotation marks during this setup.

 

by NeoVid
4-29-03
IN CASE YOU CAN'T TELL THIS IS A RIPOFF OF A POPULAR TV SHOW, I WILL EXPLAIN THE RULES. THIS GAME IS CALLED "SCENES FROM A HAT".
YOU'LL BE GIVEN VARIOUS RANDOM IDEAS AND WILL HAVE OUR ACTORS PLAY THEM OUT AS ENTERTAININGLY AS POSSIBLE.
WHAT IDEAS, YOU ASK? DO YOU DARE TO QUESTION THE CONTEST MAKER, SCUM? WELL, HERE THEY ARE...

 

by NeoVid
4-29-03
WORST PUN EVER
LITTLE-KNOWN SECRETS ABOUT THE SC REGULARS
Gabe Billings prefers mules. They're just too high-priced for him.
THINGS NOT TO SAY TO AN ASSASSIN
It took you this long?

 

by NeoVid
4-29-03
WORST THING TO HEAR FROM A DOCTOR
Congratulations, Mrs Billings. The results were positive.
HOBBIES FOR THE INVULNERABLE
Time for my cordless bungee jumping lesson...
REJECTED COMIC CONTEST IDEAS
Write your graduate thesis in the form of a comic series. Judging will be tomorrow.

 

by NeoVid
4-29-03
INSTANT IQ TEST
Hmm... should I turn around...
MOVIES YOU HOPE THEY'LL MAKE
"Foundation." I just like those books, OK?
UNPOPULAR HOBBIES
Time for my cordless bungee jumping class...

 

by NeoVid
5-08-03
And I know you've suggested getting some of the same interests as the other regs, but I don't think Buttonmen is worth playing.
Ook.
Why are you giving me that look?
No reason.

 

by NeoVid
5-08-03
I just have no clue-
We know.
I mean I have no idea why I'm about as popular as SARS.
Maybe you should be more like me.
You!? But you've said for years that you have a naturally repulsive personality!
Which means I fit in at Stripcreator.

 

by NeoVid
5-08-03
I'll just try to make a good impression.
Once I've given people a better idea what I'm really like, they'll change their minds.
...You think I'm bananas, don't you?
Nah.

 

by NeoVid
6-06-03
Back to "Need To Know" with Jon and Maura!
Our final question for today is an old one: "Does size really count?" From Shorty in Sacramento.
Yeah, every man asks himself that question.
But it's not something to worry about. It's skill that really counts. Your opinion, Maura?
Does size count? Yes. See you next week, folks.
Uh, wait a minute...

 

by NeoVid
6-06-03
Wait a second! You can't just say size DOES matter when that contradicts everything I've ever heard!
You know, when we're with a stubby man, that's what we tell them.
Buh... hey, that's what my girlfriend always...
You remember the times we've told you real beauty is on the inside? It's the same thing.
*sob*

 

by NeoVid
6-12-03
1: Subject finds place he/she greatly enjoys, and goes there often.
Hey, everyone.
grunt.
This unfortunately results in repeated exposure to subject's personality for authorities there.
Any of the other regulars here yet?
No, they're not always 30 minutes early.
2: Constant contact with subject's personality eventually concentrates to toxic levels.
Huh, hadn't noticed you were planning to repaint.
If you don't like it, you don't have to come here.

 

by NeoVid
6-12-03
3: Severe phase begins. Any action or lack of such on part of subject is interpreted negatively.
If you don't take some weight off that shelf, it looks like it'll fall any minute.
I was going to notice that, dammit!
4: Terminal phase. Subject attempts to stand up for self, making matters far worse.
You might not know, but you got the rules wrong when you were telling the other regulars how that game ran. I help out as much as I can, but...
If you don't like our policy, you don't have to come here!
End.
All I did was be who I am. That is my crime, and also my punishment.

 

by NeoVid
6-18-03
I keep a bunch of collectibles in my basement, and yesterday, a disaster happened.
I was looking through my vintage magazines, and most of my copies of Jet had this fuzzy mold growing all over them.
Now they're not worth nearly as much as the undamaged ones.
So your hairier Jets crashed?

 

by NeoVid
7-05-03
Mr President, I believe we have our campaign poster ready for 2004!
Let's see it!
SUPPORT THE MENTALLY CHALLENGED: VOTE BUSH IN 2004!
What do you think, sir?
Looks good! Hey, wait... uh... you're fired.

 

by NeoVid
7-15-03
Note to self: Don't fill in time while SC is down by going to macrophile.com on public net access.

 

by NeoVid
7-24-03
One day, at the ranch...
So I says, "Shoot, boy, them rotor turbines ain't gonna generate gravitons by themselves!"
Ha, ha!

 

by NeoVid
7-24-03
My blind date should be here any minute.
I hope "Has a good personality" means "thin and sexy."
Hey, where'd this gigantic shadow come from?

 

by NeoVid
7-30-03
Actual quotes from a guy I know who just graduated clown college:
It sucked that I was hired after my first audition, because I don't know any of the other people I'm working with yet.
My new job is going to be forcing me to go to the Caribbean all the time.
I'll be living on a cruise ship, so I won't have any opportunity to spend all the money I'll be making.

 

by NeoVid
8-03-03
Man, this show is making me horny. Or maybe it's the years without dating...
Hey! Turn that TV down up there! I'm planning to hit the sack!
So am I.

 

by NeoVid
8-08-03
We can't elect Arnie. Old movie actors should not have political power. Didn't the '80s teach us anything?

 

by NeoVid
8-08-03
109 degrees... if I get out of the shade, I'll vaporize. Why the hell did I wear a black jacket?
Hmm. Smells like someone's barbecuing. Where's that coming from?
Oh. Roasted pigeons.

 

by NeoVid
8-13-03
One of my major problems is that I have a dislikable personality.
I've spent several years trying to change myself.
Now I'm just as dislikable, but I don't feel bad about it.

 

by NeoVid
8-14-03
You just said that your life is screwed up. How can you look so happy?
I realized a long time ago that it's better to work to be positive than feel bad.
So you're sort of aggressively cheerful?
Yep, I'm militantly gay.

 

by NeoVid
8-14-03
Jerk! Did you fall on your head as a kid?!
Yes.

 

by NeoVid
8-14-03
Ah, Stripcreator. I'm glad there's one community I've been a part of that didn't end up despising me and kicking me out.
Hm. Just realized I haven't actually posted in a while.
"Hey, everyone. I'm still around."
"NEOVID?! Shit, I thought we banned that retard!"

 

by NeoVid
8-14-03
The fact that I have a grating personality really screws me over.
Mainly because I keep going to any place I like to be, which means the people there end up hating me faster than places I don't care about.
In all my life, there have been only three communities I've been a part of that haven't rejected me eventually.
But, recently I think I'm doing better, since most people I meet these days are indifferent to me.
In fact, there's only one type of person who still takes an instinctive dislike to me...
...Authorities who actually have the power to have me thrown out. Big improvement.

 

by NeoVid
8-15-03
Excuse me, do you validate?
You are beautiful, intelligent, and stylish.

 

Well, could be worse. I could have a good personality, and be unattractive.
by NeoVid, 8-15-03

 

by NeoVid
8-19-03
#67:
Nothing's foolproof if you have a big enough fool.
Hey!

 

by NeoVid
8-19-03
"The greatest man has the look of knowing nothing."
Hey!

 

by NeoVid
9-24-03
what appears to be the problem officer?
you were doing 90mph in a 40 zone, I'm gonna need to take your name sir.
my name? Why, I'm Saint Nicholas don't you know? good-old Chris Cringle? Santa_Claus?
very amusing sir, if you'd like to just get into the back of the car, we can sort this out down at the station.
I knew I shouldn't have used the sleigh to transport those 50 kilos of snow.

 

by NeoVid
9-24-03
I can't believe Finkelman is dead.
I know. It's such a shock.
Do you regret putting that "White Power" tattoo on his forehead while he was asleep the night before the NAACP meeting?
Not really.
Me either.
Let's go have a taco.

Showing page 6.

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